Begin Again (Saint Lakes #5): A M/M Fantasy Romance about Shifters and Vampires

by April Kelley

  Ramsey growled and moved off the wall.

  He heard someone say, "he's not the smell." That voice was the sweetest sound Ramsey had ever heard, and so was the giggle that came after.

  "We'll find him, buddy. Don't you worry." Vaughan's voice was closer than the stranger's had been.

  "I need him." The stranger’s desperation was palpable. Ramsey could almost feel it radiating through the air to him. He stalked from the room with one singular purpose.

  He didn't even get five steps into the kitchen when he saw the person who belonged to that wonderful cinnamon smell. The man had a halo of blond hair that surrounded his delicate features. His eyes were wide and had a blue glow to them that completely obscured their true color. He bared his teeth but not in a violent way. No, Ramsey’s little vampire mate was even more keyed up that he was, which amazed him.

  Vaughan put a hand on the little ball of Sexy's shoulder as if trying to hold him back which brought Ramsey's water monster even closer to the surface than it already was. Ramsey growled, letting all of his teeth drop, not just his canines. He tried to get himself under control, but Vaughan didn't take the hint. Instead, he stood in front of Ramsey's mate.

  Before Ramsey could say anything, his mate growled, pushing passed Vaughan. The vampire ran to him, and several people shouted, but Ramsey just braced himself to catch him.

  "Shit, Fane. Hold on, man." Vaughan chased after him.

  "Mine." Ramsey gnashed his teeth at Vaughan, needing him to back off or Ramsey would hurt him, which was the last thing his human mind wanted. Vaughan just tried to calm the situation so everyone could think clearly but Ramsey was a long way from that. His water monster took over by slow degrees. Ramsey fought against it but it was a losing battle and his human side knew that.

  Ramsey didn't even stumble when his mate launched himself into Ramsey's arms. Arms and legs wrapped around him. From a distance, his mate looked fragile. His shorter stature and thin frame were deceptive because Ramsey could feel hard muscles underneath his hands. He used his arms and legs to hold himself in place, not relying on Ramsey at all.

  Ramsey cock grew hard when he felt his mate’s hardness against his abdomen, and his mouth changed back so that just his canines were longer. When his mate moved his hips forward, clearly wanting friction, Ramsey grabbed his waist in an attempt to hold him in place. The last thing he needed was to cum in his pants in front of his whole family. They were already looking at him as if watching an action film where shit blows up. His mother even stood there with her mouth hanging open, frozen in place by what she witnessed.

  Ramsey had to admit that the Alpha of Saint Lakes getting molested by a cute little vampire who looked like he couldn't hurt a fly had to be quite a sight.

  What little control Ramsey had slipped away completely when his mate sank his teeth into his neck.

  "Oh, fuck." Ramsey stumbled back a few steps, the kitchen cabinets stopping him. He slumped against them, closing his eyes as the pleasure built up in white hot bursts.

  His mate grunted and then moaned. His hard cock pressed against Ramsey even more and then Ramsey felt a wetness through his t-shirt.

  "Mate." The bond was there already. He could feel it and his mate in his mind, although the link was weak and not yet complete.

  He didn't even know his name yet, and already they were partly mated.

  Ramsey moved his hands up his mate’s back trying to soothe him. His mate still had his teeth buried in his shoulder, although he didn't drink from him anymore. Fane's body relaxed against him, and he seemed to take comfort in rubbing his hand over Ramsey's head. Ramsey's hair was cut so short it was practically nonexistent. His mate must like the feel of it.

  Ramsey opened his eyes at the same time his water monster backed off, leaving his human brain to take over by slow degrees.

  As soon as he came back to himself, he sought out Forrest. "You have some explaining to do."

  Ramsey lifted off the wall, carrying his mate into the office. At least he'd get privacy then. "Lucas, Forrest, and Angel get in here."

  "Why am I in trouble?" Of course, Lucas would see it that way.

  Ramsey shook his head and didn't explain himself to any of them. Instead, he sat down on the couch and fought the urge to bite his mate with everything he had. He needed to calm the storm swirling around inside his mate's mind not make things more complicated by giving in to his baser instincts. So instead he kissed into that mess of curly hair, and he whispered, "You're safe, sweet."

  Forrest, Angel, and Lucas stood staring at him as if he were about to bite their heads off. It pissed Ramsey off because none of it was his fault and, based on the unsettled mind of his mate, Ramsey strongly suspected his mate wasn't at fault either.

  Ramsey narrowed his eyes at Angel and then Forrest. "Do you have something to tell me?"

  Forrest grinned. "Ramsey meet Fane. I think he's your mate."

  Ramsey growled. "I fucking know he's my mate, Forrest. I'd like to know why he just took the choice to mate away from me." Ramsey thought he already knew the answer and feared the truth of Forrest's words.

  The smile fell from Forrest's face. It told Ramsey everything he needed to know and ramped up his protective instincts. Ramsey tightened his hold on Fane, trying to protect him as best as he could. He rubbed a hand along the span of his back.

  "Fane isn't well, Ramsey. He's feral."

  Ramsey shut his eyes, laying his cheek against the side of Fane's head.

  Paranormals said that going feral meant a fracture of the mind and he supposed it probably felt like something broke inside. The memory centers of the brain were the first to go and were also the last to come back. It was possible that Fane remembered a little and if that was so then he wasn’t as broken as others who had experienced the same thing.

  Once they bonded fully, Ramsey might be able to get a better sense of Fane's memories and the depth of the brain injury. Since Ramsey didn’t intent to bond right away, he’d need Lucas to assess Fane.

  "Do you have anything else to share, Forrest." Ramsey just wanted it all out and said so he could concentrate on Fane's needs.

  "Angel and I work for the council now." Forrest grinned. Forrest wouldn't find anything funny if he knew just how badly Ramsey fought his more primitive nature. All he wanted was to protect his injured mate. The need built up in his chest the longer Fane left his teeth in Ramsey's shoulder because that alone screamed Fane's need for help. "Which means I outrank you, so you can tell mom I'm traveling the country with my mate for the unforeseeable future. Also, I need someone to take over the cabins for me. Do you know anyone?"

  Angel sucked in a breath. "Oh, shit. That's right. We do outrank everyone."

  "And I think Zad is staying here. He thinks his mate is a water shifter of some sort. You'll want someone to show him around because he can be a bit...pushy." Forrest gestured to Fane. "Not as pushy as that, but close."

  Ramsey had no idea who Zad was, and Ramsey couldn't care less about him. Whatever Alpha duties he might have took a backseat.

  Ramsey looked over at Lucas. "Help me fix him."

  "If I do he'll likely pass out for a while. And I can't fix everything." Despite his words, Lucas still took a step toward them. A ball of light came to his hand. "You'll have to get him to let go."

  Ramsey nodded and waved Forrest over. If anyone could help Fane come back to himself, it was Forrest. Ramsey had always suspected Forrest had some Omega tendencies. Ramsey counted on his persuasiveness. "Get him to let me go, and I'll do all the shit you just told me to do." Not that Ramsey paid attention to the list of things, but he'd deal with that later.

  Forrest closed the distance between them and began rubbing at Fane's back. Ramsey nearly bit out something about not touching his mate but swallowed the possessiveness down long enough to let Forrest help. Ramsey couldn’t keep the growl from coming out, though.

  "Fane. You should let Ramsey go so he can talk to you."

  Fane just sighed and moved into
Ramsey.

  "I won't leave you," Ramsey whispered against his hair.

  "You might be hurting your mate. Did you ever think of that?"

  Ramsey winced when Fane's teeth pulled out of him. They were sharp as needles, but Ramsey hadn't really felt them until they left his skin.

  Fane met his gaze and Ramsey could see that the wide-eyed stare was a symptom of being feral.

  Fane turned to Forrest and said, "I need to feel him inside me."

  Ramsey sucked in a breath, and he knew his teeth dropped down because they felt larger in his mouth.

  Why Fane told Forrest that and not Ramsey was anyone’s guess. Probably just another symptom of the bigger problem.

  Ramsey whispered in Fane's ear. "Let Lucas fix some of your problems, and then we'll talk."

  Fane nodded, meeting his gaze again. He giggled which made Ramsey smile. Ramsey leaned in and kissed Fane on the cheek. "Can you stand up, sweet?"

  Fane moved away from Ramsey and the second he did Lucas's light left his hand and entered Fane. Ramsey wanted the opportunity to explain to him what was about to happen, not surprise him with it.

  Fane cried out, holding his head as if he had a headache.

  Ramsey couldn't hold back any longer. He let his water monster get as close to the surface as it wanted. A part of him found some relief in not having to hold back any longer. He didn't feel contained within his human body the way he usually did.

  Fane grabbed his arms, and he frowned, pain marring his brow. Ramsey lifted him into his arms, and he turned away from the others, keeping Fane away from them.

  He turned and growled at Lucas, flashing his teeth. "You're causing him pain."

  Lucas opened his mouth and then closed it again. He shook his head and tears gathered in his eyes. "I-I'm sorry."

  "Fucking fix him. Now!"

  "Woah." Forrest stood in front of Lucas, blocking him. "Ramsey, Fane needs you to soothe him. Not yell."

  A part of what Forrest said sank in just enough for Ramsey to realize the yelling might just be ramping up Fane's stress just as Forrest words suggested. Then Forrest reached out to touch Fane. "Mine. Get out!"

  His heart ached when Fane went limp in his arms, his body sagging against Ramsey's as if he would never wake up again. "Oh gods."

  He sat down on the couch, holding Fane close. "Please. I'm gonna snap at one of you again. Just leave us alone." If anyone got near him, Ramsey would likely go after them, and he'd regret that in the long run. "Just get away from him."

  Chapter Five

  Someone put Fane's head in a vice grip and slowly turned the handle. He rolled to his side and lifted his hands to his forehead, feeling around for the vice, but nothing was there. No metal clamps surrounded his head which confused him. In fact, he felt nothing but his own hair.

  Why the headache?

  Someone made a sound that came out as if they were in pain and Fane wanted to help them, but he didn't know if he could even open his eyes not to mention get up from his prone position to help the poor person. The sound came again and finally registered that it came from him.

  Then pain so sharp it stabbed through the side of his skull came. He moved his hand to the spot but didn’t feel a wound on the outside of his body.

  A flash of pictures sat in his mind like a slide show. The first to come was a picture of a large room. The room had mirrors covering one wall from floor to ceiling, and he saw himself in it. He wore black flowing clothing with a belt wrapped around his waist. He had his arms raised in front of him as if getting ready to fight his image.

  His dark blond hair was longer on top but shorter around the bottom. That more than anything made Fane realize the flash was a memory.

  Through the mirror, he could see a large red bag hanging from the ceiling. It was the type a boxer would use and had a slight indent in it as if someone had recently kicked it. He could practically feel the hard leathery material of the bag against his knuckles as if even his skin remembered how the fabric felt.

  The familiarity of the room comforted him even if it didn't take away the pain.

  The entire room itself wasn't a memory he had ever had before, but he remembered elements of it.

  The second slide on his wheel of life was being locked in a police car watching his father hand an officer money. Fane knew the man was his father although he wasn't sure how.

  A part of him was glad for the memory. It meant he hadn't sprung to life with just one sip of blood from the human he drained.

  He wanted to remember more but didn’t all at the same time.

  He thought about the room with the mirrors again. He used to meditate in that room.

  He took a deep breath, concentrating on inflating and deflating his lungs, like filling a balloon with air and then letting it out again, pulling in through his nose and out through his mouth. He moved his hands away from his forehead. His palms met something so soft and silky he never wanted to stop touching it. He moved forward until he pressed his cheek against the softness too and that helped him relax the muscles in his face, although the whole process took several seconds of concentrated effort.

  The deliberateness of the breathing and calming of his muscles held a comforting familiarity.

  He pretended to redirect the pain in his mind, working it through his body, starting by putting it in his throat.

  He coughed, gagging on the bitterness of all that pain until he could work it down. His heart boomed in his chest, the sound so loud he could hear it in his brain. It made him tense up again which broke his concentration, and he had to start the meditation all over again.

  The smell of water and hot sand tickled his nose and enveloped him in a comforting cocoon, making it much easier to continue his meditation. A warm body covered him from behind, and arms held him close.

  "Mate," he whispered. An image of a big male with dark hair cut short entered his mind. He had the taste of his mate's blood in his mouth he realized all at once

  "I won't leave you."

  "Head hurts."

  A hand covered the top of his head, and a low rumbling growl rolled to his ear. It vibrated from his back through his body like a purr and quieted his mind even further.

  Fane covered the hand at his chest with his own, running his fingers over it until he memorized the strength underneath the smooth skin. "Meditate."

  "My name's Ramsey."

  "Meditation will help."

  "Do whatever makes you feel better."

  Fane sighed. "No. You meditate. Helps with your focus."

  "Meditate?"

  Fane made the mistake of nodding his head and groaned with the movement.

  "I'll get Lucas to fix your headache."

  "No. Don't want his magic anymore. Hurts."

  "It'll help heal the fracture."

  A fracture? He didn't understand what Ramsey's words meant. "No."

  "Please, let Lucas fix you again. Just a little bit more." Apparently, Ramsey took his negative answer to mean he didn't want the help. It was partially right. But Fane could fix his headache on his own if he could just concentrate enough to quiet his mind.

  "Shh." If Ramsey would just stop talking and relax than Fane could as well. He hadn't lost all that Sensei had taught him. He still knew how to be silent with himself.

  Even as the thought of Sensei entered his mind, he realized it was another memory assaulting him. He pictured Sensei in his mind quite clearly. The gray hair on his head that was so shocking it was nearly white and the man's blue eyes flashed at him as they sparred together. Fane smiled at the flash of pictures. Fane had more love coursing through him for the man who could best some of the strongest paranormals than he did his father.

  His chest tightened, and he wanted to curl in on itself when the next image came. He cried out when the bullet bit into Sensei temple.

  Ramsey tightened his hold, not letting him be alone in his grief the way he wanted. He fought against the hold, confusing Ramsey enough that he let go.

  Fane
moved from his prone position on a couch and looked around frantically for a place to be alone. He saw a desk sitting in the center of the room and ran to it. Pushing the chair out of his way, he crawled into the open space, his knees up to his chest as if they were the guards to his heart.

  The memory of the day his Sensei died burned in his eyes. The pain was a free flowing parasite in his blood, eating at every good thing he'd ever felt.

  "I want to go back."

  His mate drew closer. Fane could smell him, and he wanted to get away from his kindness. It would break him if he let it. He jerked away from the hand on his shoulder.

  "Let me help, Fane. Please."

  "Just take me back. I want to go back."

  The memory was a living thing, working through his body. It would attack anyone who got too close if Fane let it out of his mind, which was why he brought his hands up to his head in an attempt to hold it in.

  Gods, he could feel the cold metal of the gun at his temple, and he felt the familiarity of the rug on his knees when his father's henchmen forced him to kneel. Sensei's calm, loving expression had never wavered, not even when another henchman pressed a gun to his head the same way they had Fane. They mirrored each other, separated by only a yard and facing each other as they sometimes did when they meditated.

  Sensei's lips had moved, calling him son and saying he must remain strong through whatever torture his father's people would inflict. The words had held a finality that burned his heart.

  When the gun went off, Fane remembered holding his breath until his lungs hurt. His mind had gone numb and had stayed that way through needles and the doctors refusing him blood.

  The image of the blood and pieces of skull landing on the floor assaulted him. Sensei had swayed on his knees, the life leaving his eyes within seconds. They remained open, fixated on Fane and then his body fell to its side, his arms flopping on the padded floor in front of him.

  Sensei had on a white t-shirt because he had only been there to tell Fane breakfast was ready. They hadn't been in a session as it was too early in the day for that stop on the routine they had perfected.