Human Hieroglyphix - Dex & Leila

by J. A. Hornbuckle

  "What's with you tonight," Emily asked. "New drink, new food. I've never even seen you eat beef before. And, what's with the 'surprise me'? What if she brings something you don't like?"

  "Just needed a change I guess," I said my eyes roaming over the other diners and the staff. "If I don't like it, I don't have to eat it."

  Emily started on one of her more familiar tirades about the head of her department that she called, 'the Dragon'. Since it was a theme that I'd heard before, I tuned her out and studied the other female patrons and staff.

  I felt like I was seeing something for the first time even though I'm sure I'd seen other women dressed up before, but I hadn't really seen them, if you know what I mean. I didn't know if what they were wearing was in good taste or bad, all I knew is that it was different, very different than what I had on.

  I watched their mannerisms, their smiles and eyes as they talked, laughed and flirted--at least, I thought they must be flirting as their faces were pointed to the man seated with them.

  My eyes caught on a woman that had just walked into the bar area. Strike that, sauntered into the bar.

  I couldn't help it, I stared at her.

  She was everything that I wasn't, from the top of her shiny light brown, layered hair to her very high, red, platform heels. She was wearing a red, sequined tank top that showed off some major cleavage with a short, denim skirt. She wasn't petite or even slim, but she had curves and they worked for her in a big way.

  She walked right up to the bar, hips swinging and I saw that every man in both the restaurant and bar did a head swivel her direction when they heard her laugh as she traded high fives with the bartender. She said something in a lowered voice to him and then turned towards the restaurant and leaned back, her elbows on the bar thrusting her chest out as she surveyed the room.

  Her face wasn't so much pretty as striking and her makeup, which was a lot heavier on the eye stuff than Gloria's, seemed to make the most of her features.

  She had a beautiful smile, one that she aimed at no one in particular as she gazed around the room. Her lips were shiny like Gloria's but hers didn't seem to have any color and yet appeared to be just shiny.

  I moved my eyes back to Emily to gauge exactly where she was in her rant and took a sip of my drink, trying not to poke myself in the eye with the festooned toothpick that held two olives. The drink was smooth and ice cold, only giving the slightest 'bite' as it slipped down my throat. I noticed a warmth spreading as the liquor hit my stomach.

  Tuning back into Emily, I recognized I still had another five to ten minutes left before we could talk about something else.

  I heard a squeal and glanced up as the gorgeous woman in the bar begin to run. Began to run in her sky-high, red heels, her arms straight up while laughing as she moved. She even had a great laugh.

  I sighed and took another sip of my brand new, favorite drink.

  I heard a deep chuckle mix with the tinkling of her laughter and saw that her arms were now wrapped around the shoulders of a very tall man who was essentially carrying her back into the bar. I couldn't really see much of him except for a pair of well worn jeans, a light blue button down shirt and sun streaked, brown hair that looked about two months overdue for a trim.

  I watched as the man bent and settled the woman onto one of the bar stools before he straightened and did some kind of intricate handshake with the bartender before he turned back to the woman and placed a light kiss on her forehead.

  From the back, this man was gorgeous. Long legs that led into a round, clutchable ass, and shoulders wide enough to create the 'wonder vee', that ratio of shoulders to waist that sets some men up a pedestal just because of the sheer glory of that definition.

  And when he turned and his face was in profile, I held my breath. No one could be, should be, that good looking just in profile. Because if they looked that good from the side, they were going to be stunning when they offered you a full face view.

  I dropped my eyes and made a point of taking a couple of deep breaths. But even with my eyes closed, that gorgeous hunk was seared into my retinas.

  "So, then I told the Dragon…" Good. Emily was almost done and I could see Gloria coming over with Em's soup and my salad.

  I took the remaining sip of my martini and smiled to myself as I raised the olives, that garnished my drink, to my lips.

  "So how's it going on your side of the campus?" Emily asked and I was thankful that I had tuned into her before she had finished her dissertation. We talked shop through the remainder of our meal.

  My steak was unbelievably good and Gloria had surprised me with rice pilaf and perfectly cooked baby carrots, the entire meal completely different than any I had ever ordered. And wonderfully good, maybe just for the reason that it was different.

  "You going back to Ohio for spring break?"

  Every year since I'd moved to Grantham, which where I landed after my divorce, I'd go back to Ohio to see my mom for every holiday during the school year.

  "Yes, what about you?" Emily's large family like to meet up in different locations for holidays and other gatherings that required family attendance.

  "We're all going to Oregon over Easter break. Renting four-wheelers. Doing a wine tour," She waved her empty fork around to add emphasis. Emily was nothing if not emphatic.

  We divided up the check and left a healthy tip for Gloria as we shrugged back into our winter garb. I couldn't help but turn back and followed Gloria to the bar.

  "Excuse me," I said as I reached her. "Gloria, right?"

  "That's right, honey, what can I do for you?"

  "Uhm. I was wondering," I took a deep breath because I'd never asked this question, had never even had this kind of query to ask of anyone.

  "What color is your lipstick?"

  Chapter Three

  I had to make a stop at the grocery store before heading home and was thankful I was only a couple blocks away. I grabbed one of the small baskets and trudged to the milk section, my practical boots squeaking with every step. I grabbed the half and half creamer and begin to make my way to the check out when I redirected my steps to the aisle where they had the makeup.

  Or should I say, 'aisles', because, honest to God, there were four long rows devoted to it. How had I missed this section, this decidedly large section of a store I frequented at least once a week?

  I went up and down each row.

  Slowly.

  I was overwhelmed by the choices displayed, the foundations, the pencils, the colors. Every row seemed to have its own lipsticks, nail color and implements.

  How would you even begin to choose?

  I guess I should have asked Gloria what brand of lipstick rather than just the color.

  Oh, and the names of the colors! Kiss Me Pink , Mauve Meow and Cinnamon Blush. Even the names sounded exotic, enticing. I picked out a colorless 'lip gloss' who's packaging called it a 'glassine shine'.

  Huh.

  Good to know.

  There was only one cashier open at that time of night and I joined the five person queue in front of it. On the aisle across from me was a display of magazines.

  I know that they had been there all along and were, as I scanned the other cashier stalls, on every check out aisle but I had never seen them before.

  Only now did they call to me.

  I chose a variety of them, their glossy covers emblazoned with a picture of a gorgeous woman and little blurbs on what I'd find inside. "Lose Ten Pounds before Easter", "Choose the Perfect Jewelry for Spring', "Don't Let Him Get Away; Five Ways to Keep Him Forever". While I didn't have a man to keep, and that title didn't call to me, I was picking any and all magazines that had something to do with makeup, clothes or the 'inside me' whatever that was supposed to be.

  I looked down at my basket about halfway through my selection process and realized I had eight magazines sitting on top of the carton of half and half and my first ever makeup purchase.

  I tried not to blush as I put the contents of my ba
sket on the conveyor belt. But from the heat of my cheeks, I think I failed.

  I stored the half and half in the fridge and moved to my small bench next to the stairs to take off my boots before hanging up my coat and hat. All the while I did these routine tasks, my eyes kept darting to the plastic bag.

  The plastic bag that held the lip gloss and the magazines.

  To tell the truth, I was kind of scared of it. I had never bought anything, anything like what was in there before and in some way, the purchase of these items, on this day made a difference. I wasn't sure how or why, but I understood at a deep level that things were definitely going to be different going forward.

  I quickly changed into my flannel pj's and ran super quick through my nightly routine before plunking myself in the middle of my bed and spread the magazines out in a semi circle in front of me. I chose one and began flipping through its pages.

  It took me four hours to go through all eight magazines which I had done with only one break to go to the bathroom and then try on my new lip gloss with the 'glassine finish'. After staring at my lips from every available angle, I decided I liked it. It brought attention to my full mouth, giving them a definition that I hadn't had before.

  When I finally turned off the light, it was after two in the morning and I had a lot of food for thought as I closed my eyes.

  I took the magazines downstairs with me in the morning and flipped through them again as I waited for my coffee to brew. Where had I been all these years that I missed getting this information? Were these pictures even of real people, because they looked entirely too perfect to be genuine?

  I moved to my laptop on the counter that was the breakfast bar and began to search the internet.

  Whoa! There were millions, and I do mean millions, of sites dedicated to women's beauty.

  I could see this was going to take me a while and I had errands to run. So I reluctantly closed both my laptop and the magazines with a sigh.

  I got dressed and set out, heading in the direction of the bank since it was the farthest stop away from my cottage. I parked and made my way to the ATM but it was out of order. Crap! I had to go into the bank and from the line that winded its way around the waist high tables, I wasn't the only one that had business to do there.

  I occupied my time in line, shuffling a few steps every couple of minutes, with thoughts of what I seen and read in the magazines, comparing them with the women that I'd studied last night and especially the woman in the red sequined top.

  Okay, I admit that I thought about the man that was with her a heck of a lot more than I did her.

  Chapter Four

  I was wondering if I could ever look anything like the woman at the restaurant or even the girls in the magazines and, if I could, how much would it cost?

  So it shouldn't have been a surprise that when it was finally my turn at one of the busy tellers that I asked to take five thousand, in cash, from my savings. Have to admit it, even my jaw dropped after the words came out of my mouth with absolutely no forethought whatsoever.

  "It will take a few minutes to pull the cash from the vault. Would you mind waiting while we put that together?" the teller said carefully eyeing both me and my ID.

  As I waited, I pulled out a small notebook and began listing everything I could think of that I wanted to change about myself. I kept writing until I noticed that I was beginning to repeat myself and took a minute as I flipped through it. It was quite lengthy and I had almost used the entire notepad.

  As I read my notes and looked at my sketches, I saw that it wasn't just the outside I wanted to change, but my whole internal landscape as well. I didn't want to be the woman that took student's opinions to heart or hadn't had a date in a long, long time.

  I just wanted to be the best 'Me' I could be.

  I raised my head as I thought this through and as my eyes focused, I found myself gazing at my own reflection in the bank's large window.

  I wasn't a complete wash as a human being.

  I had a great credit score and was gainfully employed.

  I was very knowledgeable and loved teaching.

  I was tall and thanks to the ballet lessons my mom forced on me between the ages of nine and twelve, I carried myself well.

  I had a fair enough body, but it could definitely be improved on with a bit of exercise.

  I liked my eyes but thought they were too hidden by the thick frames of my glasses.

  I ran through my list and marked the key points I wanted to change with a star. Truthfully, there were very few items that didn't have a star next to it.

  It was official, I was going to do this.

  And if I was going to do this, I would need money although I wasn't sure how much.

  It wasn't too long, at least not long enough to change my mind, before the cash, packaged in a large brown envelope, was handed over to me in a separate little room. I was still kind of in shock at both my request and at how easily the cash had made it to my hands.

  I finished up my errands and grabbed a fast food burger on the way home. Not my normal chicken or fish kind of sandwich, but a huge, double patty with cheese, dripping fat as you bit it, burger with a large side of fries and a diet Dr P.

  It was not lost on me that the diet portion was kind of a moot point with the whole carb and fat ladened burger, but I didn't give a rip.

  Nighttime found me again on my bed with my magazines semi circled around me. I took the cash out of the plain brown envelop and arranged it, too, in a semi circle of green bills set directly in front of me.

  Was I doing the right thing?

  I really had no idea if I was or it wasn't.

  The five thousand was about a fifth of what I had in savings total, including the amount that I had safely untouchable in investments. And it would take me at least a couple of years of living on a tight budget to replace it but I was thinking that it should be enough to see me through my transformation.

  And that was exactly what I was planning.

  I was going to transform myself.

  Chapter Five

  My life went on routinely or as routinely as it could since my head was definitely not on what I was supposed to be doing, what I should be doing. Nope, my head was filled with lotions and potions, creams and dreams of a glamorous new me. I found myself buying even more magazines and noting the different beauty shops around town.

  Just like with the supermarket's wealth of beauty items, the shops had been there, I'm sure, for years but I never noticed them before.

  But I damn well noticed them now.

  My head became so full with ideas, some that overlapped and others that cancelled one another out that I bought a large spiral notebook to carry with me.

  I labeled it 'Chrysalis of Me'. And I made pages and pages of notes. Notes of what I read in my now well-thumbed magazines and internet searches but also of what I saw on other women that might work for me. I studied my students, other shoppers and clerks, women at the gas station and restaurants making notes of what I liked and sometimes adding little sketches.

  I didn't stop there.

  If I spotted something on another woman that I found attractive, I'd make a point of commenting on it and ask where she got it. I was careful to ask for the brand name as well, now knowing that 'Luscious Lilac' may be three separate shades by three completely different brands. And, it was funny, how just a simple, sincere compliment could turn into a full blown conversation with an unknown woman.

  Making friends had never been my strong suit, but I began to see that part of it, maybe most of it, was because I was never interested in having women friends.

  Sad, huh?

  It didn't take long for that spiral notebook to become filled.

  So I knew I had to weed through it, refine it into some semblance of order. I admit it, I think I have a little OCD. A place for everything and everything in its place, right?

  So I opened up an Excel spread sheet on my laptop and copied my notes separating and grouping my f
indings into different categories, etc. This made it easier for me to see, at a glance, what I wanted, thought or desired whether it was a hairstyle or a pair of shoes; cologne or lipstick.

  I even had a section on eyebrows after comparing my own with an article in 'Now, Woman' entitled, "Taming the Beasts".

  I was kind of stunned that mine were so much different than what they showed in the magazine.

  Forget the magazine, that my eyebrows were so much different than my students!

  In fact, the only ones like mine that I could find were on Emily. And I've got to admit, they were not attractive either one of us.

  But I had a much clearer idea of what I wanted to do, what changes I wanted to see in myself after my spreadsheet was done. I had even sorted it into a prioritized list.

  I just needed to find the time to make it happen.

  Since Spring Break was the following week, I thought that it would be the perfect time to put my plan into action.

  I had already called my mom and begged off from going back to Ohio and it was not a pleasant conversation.

  "But, sweetie, I don't understand why you can't come."

  I had given my mom a song and dance about having too much work to do, which wasn't a complete lie since I knew she would assume that it was work that I needed to do for my classes.

  "But can't you do your work while you’re here? Aunt Enid and I were so looking forward to seeing you." Which I was surprised that my mom actually said because my Aunt Enid, Mom's sister, couldn't stand me and made it abundantly clear that, since I was unmarried, I was worse than useless.

  I even heard her introduce me to some other lady at Midnight Mass last Christmas as a divorcee in such a tone that I knew was not a nice thing to say.

  I remember making a mental note that a widow trumped a spinster. And a spinster trumped a divorcee.

  Good to know.

  "Well, it's going to be a disappointing Easter without you." I heard my mom say and wondered what that meant. Preparing a massive menu and then eating until you couldn't walk could be done even if I wasn't coming. But I wasn't going to question it if she was finally going to let me stay in Colorado.