Human Hieroglyphix - Dex & Leila

by J. A. Hornbuckle

  So I set out to do more shopping

  I pulled out my envelope of money from underneath my mattress and took another $500.00 out. My stash of cash was dwindling but I couldn't deny that I was making great strides in changing, so I wasn't too worried about how much of my stash I had already used.

  I had showered and used my new products on my hair and after blow drying it with the round brush and Frank-Kay's instructions on how to do it, it came out pretty good, if I say so myself. Knowing that I was going back downtown, where I'd already spent more time in over the last couple of days than the whole time I'd been in Grantham, I chose to wear my yoga pants with button down shirt that had princess seams, which beat out my old boxy button downs by a mile.

  My butterfly was also starting to itch, just like Dex had warned me, so I rubbed on some lotion and stuck a smaller tube of it in my purse, just in case.

  My purse.

  My purse which was actually a messenger bag. I needed to invest in something that was actually a purse and not some kind of army green tote.

  When I went into the Electronics store, I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed and wandered the aisles until I recognized Hamid from one of my classes.

  "Hey, Hamid, how are you? Enjoying your Spring Break?"

  I watched as Hamid tilted his head. "Do I know you?"

  I was a little taken aback. He had spent time with both me and Carla, my T.A. last semester since he had a little bit of trouble in my Shakespeare class.

  "I'm Prof McCarthy, Hamid." I said softly and watched his face light up in recognition.

  "Oh my God! You look so hot..err…different!" Hamid said trying and failing to avoid a full body sweep. "You look good, though."

  "Thanks. Can you help me out? I'm trying to come into the 21st Century and need a music player."

  "Sure thing, Dr. McCarthy," Hamid said, his ear to ear smile still in place.

  I had even been ready to purchase a digital camera until Hamid showed me how to use the one on my phone.

  I got the same reaction when I went to the cosmetic counter at Meer's. Although, the department store didn't have just one counter, the cosmetic area took up probably a third of the first floor space and appeared to be arranged in two large connecting circles. Swear to God, I never even noticed this part of the store before although I was sure that I had walked by it on more than one occasion.

  I stopped at the counter marked 'Baroness Beauty' mainly because Patrice, one of my old students, was manning the section. Her reaction was just like Hamid's, so I was thinking that just changing to contacts and having my hair styled were two of my best investments.

  "So you need some make up?" Patrice asked after she had calmed down a bit. Her reaction may have been similar to Hamid's but was a lot more enthusiastic.

  I nodded looking at the large pallet in front of me that easily held thirty different little pots of colorful makeup.

  "Well, first, you need to learn how to take makeup off before you learn about putting it on," Patrice said. "Let's get you started with your skincare routine. What cleanser are you currently using?"

  "Uhm, hand soap?" I replied.

  And we were off and running. Patrice seemed very knowledgeable and never once made me feel uncomfortable with my severe ignorance in all things make up.

  "Okay, so we've got the skincare covered and we need to move on to foundation," she said pulling out a little wooden stir stick. "Let's match one of these to your skin so we know what color you need to buy." And after about four tries, she'd found the right color. Or, as she called it, the right shade.

  "Now, can I tell you a little secret?" Patrice asked leaning over the counter and lowering her voice.

  "Sure," I replied keeping my voice equally as soft.

  "You can get all the other stuff, like eyeliner, blush and mascara at the grocery store for a lot cheaper than here. So what we'll do now, is I'll put the colors on the back of your hand and you can match them yourself. You need to have good skincare and a good foundation, but all the rest of it can be the cheap stuff. Alright?"

  When we were done, I asked Patrice about buying accessories. She suggested 'Bling' which was in the mall, confiding that accessories at Meer's were overpriced.

  She also recommended searching the Internet, specifically mentioning You Tube for makeup application instructions.

  But far and away the best part of my shopping experience were the hugs I received from both Hamid and Patrice.

  Where had I been all these years to not notice the way other people responded to me? I didn't think that it was all about the changes in my appearance.

  I was pretty damn sure that a lot of it stemmed from my own reluctance to put myself 'out there'.

  I sat in my car and made notes so I could add it to my spreadsheet.

  I was smiling as I wrote.

  *.*.*.*.*

  I was so excited when I got home with my new purchases.

  I had stopped by the grocery store and picked up some mascara and a eyeliner pencil with new blush and lipstick, which Patrice had said I could wear under my lip gloss.

  I copied Marianne and cleaned out a drawer in the bathroom and laid my new make up inside. The cleansers, etc. I left out on the counter so I would remember to use them.

  I set up my new stereo although I'd never seen one so small. Opened my laptop and plugged in my new Nano as directed and signed up then clicked my way through the various windows until I came to the store to purchase music.

  That's when my lack of knowledge really hit me.

  I fussed around with it until I realized I was totally frustrated.

  'Help! Bought Nano. Don't know what music to get. Please email song list to leilamc@gmail.com. Thanks!' and sent the text to everyone on my phone list.

  I went and made my lunch before making my way upstairs.

  I pulled every piece of new clothing out of the drawers and closet along with my new shoes and laid them out on the bed. I put the few combination of outfits together that I remembered and took a picture of them with my phone.

  There were still so many clothes in my unknown pile, though and so I took a picture of them individually just so I'd have them. I was starting to think that I needed to get the girls together so they could help me remember what was supposed to go with what.

  Putting my clothes away, I couldn't get the idea of having the girls over out of my head.

  It's not something I'd ever done before or even participated in, but I liked the idea.

  Maybe a little wine, some canapés to nibble on and fashion advice. Sounded like a lot of fun to me.

  I went back downstairs and reopened my laptop to research canapé recipes and found I had left my Gmail account open. I had five replies. Five? I thought I'd only sent my text to the girls.

  Who were the extra two?

  I reached for my phone and did a scroll of my contact list.

  Holy crap!

  I had sent one to Tangles and another to Dex. I'd forgotten they were on there. I opened the emails and was so surprised to see that Dex was the first email received and also had the longest list.

  The other unknown email was from Frank-Kay at Tangles.

  At Frank-kay's email, I stopped and wondered if it would be inappropriate to include him in the little gathering I was planning. I thought about the girls and trying to determine if any of them would be offended if I included him. I didn't think so but I wanted to make sure. I mean, I felt I'd made friends with all of them, but I would feel awkward if they were uncomfortable and that was not what I was striving for my little 'get together'.

  While I was scrolling through my emails, I got a text from Dex. 'Was thinkg of bringg Chinese & helpg with new music. Yes? No? Let me know.'

  My reply was simple.

  'Yes. Please.'

  Chapter Fifteen

  I saw Dex's jeep pull in and moved to the front door on stocking feet. I could feel my smile coming up from someplace deep inside of me as I opened the door. I was looking forwar
d to seeing him. I was a little shocked by the thought but it was true.

  Okay, between me and you? I was almost breathless with anticipation of just being in the same room with him.

  Funny, but I don't remember ever having that feeling before, not even with Dan.

  Huh.

  Good to know.

  And it was something I was going to mull over later.

  "Hey, babe," Dex said moving through the door before setting the bags, festooned with a Red Dragon, on my dining room table. I closed the door and met him by the table, with my hands in my back pockets, unsure what to do or how to greet him. I knew how I wanted to greet him and words bubbled up within me.

  Words like, 'naked', 'wet', 'hard', 'writhing', 'thrust'.

  Well, you get my drift.

  Dex unloaded the two bags and leaned forward to give me a quick kiss before he started taking out all the different cartons and opening them.

  "Starving, babe," he said as I moved to get the plates and silverware. "Didn't get a break for lunch today. Need to realize that when I offer any kind of coupons, that the whole student body at Uni is going to come by. And since we do drop ins, we were up to our armpits all day."

  He was as comfortably dressed as I was, with his well-washed jeans (that showed off his ass) and a brown thermal Henley. After he did the heel-toe thing to get his boots off, he made his way to where I was standing by the bar. I felt his arms slide around my waist from behind as he dropped a kiss on the spot where my neck met my shoulder.

  I couldn't help it.

  I did a full body shudder.

  And felt grateful that I didn't moan out loud.

  "So how was your day?" He asked softly, his lips still on that wonderful, sensitive piece of skin and I had to bite my bottom lip and tense my hips and shoulders so I wouldn't moan or move. I was determined that I wouldn't embarrass myself tonight, but I had to keep a lockdown on my reactions or I would be moaning and making indecent thrusting motions with my hips.

  I opened my mouth to reply, because it is common courtesy to reply when someone asks you a question. But no sound came out because I knew, I just knew, I was going to make a noise that would tell him exactly how I was feeling.

  Or to use his answer from last night regarding what his favorite state was.

  Horny.

  I patted his hands at my waist and stepped to the side to create some kind of distance between us.

  "My day was good. Productive. Gosh, this smells wonderful. What all did you get?"

  There.

  I put together three complete sentences.

  Yay, me.

  I took a deep breath to help ease my tension.

  "Are you alright, Leila?"

  "Yes."

  "You sure, babe? 'Cause you don't sound like yourself," he said doing his eye roam. "But you look great."

  "Thanks." I was wearing almost the same clothes as him. Well worn jeans and a Henley only my thermal was light blue and, as yet, I didn't have a kickass belt buckle.

  "C'mere, Elle," He said softly as he snagged the back of my neck and pulled me closer.

  Oh God.

  I found myself gripping the sides of his thermal as our bodies collided.

  "I've been thinking about doing this all day." I watched as his head moved down to mine. He did a slow slide down my nose before his lips reached mine. Without thinking, I parted my lips and felt his head tilt as his tongue slid inside to move wetly against mine.

  The feelings that he evoked with just the way he kissed were almost overwhelming. I couldn't help it.

  I moaned.

  And my hips did a little thrust, which I hoped to God he didn't notice.

  We slowly broke apart and shared a moment of staring, me with my hands in my back pockets, Dex with his hands in his front pockets. But I still saw his erection outlined just to the side of his zipper.

  I didn't consciously look at it.

  I swear.

  Well, maybe a little.

  "Damn, Leila," he said softly still looking straight into my eyes.

  I swallowed thickly but kept my eyes on him.

  "We should probably eat first," I whispered.

  "Yeah," he whispered back but didn't move a muscle.

  I dropped my eyes and took a step to move around him, when he snaked out an arm and caught me around my waist again, bringing my back to press firmly against his front.

  "God, Elle. You smell so good," he whispered against my hair.

  I just stood there, not knowing what to do, what to say. But I wanted, dear God, how I wanted.

  I could feel my nipples pearling beneath my beautiful bra and, as usual when I was near him, my panties were already wet.

  I turned my head a bit and Dex caught my signal as he dropped his lips back to that sensitive spot on my neck.

  "You like this, Leila? When I lick you right here?"

  At the word 'lick', my body reacted and I felt my hips move.

  Dex moved one of his arms up to boldly capture one of my breasts.

  My hands slid down and behind me to hold onto him, to pull him in closer to me.

  My breathing was so deep and I could feel my whole body shake.

  "You are so hot," he breathed, pressing his hips, his hardness against me.

  "I'm hot for you, Dex," I whispered daringly.

  I felt his whole body go still at my words.

  His hand moved from my breast back down to my waist and I felt him move back a bit.

  Had I said something wrong?

  He loosened his hold on my waist and turned back to the dining room table to get the cartons.

  "So do you want to eat at the table or the bar?" He asked in a normal tone of voice.

  I could feel the heat of my blush and I moved back into the kitchen as I threw a "you choose" over my shoulder, my voice sounding a lot stronger than I felt.

  God, what had I done wrong?

  I must have done something, said something.

  But I couldn't think of what it could be and I felt a lump in my throat and prickling behind my eyes.

  "Bar's fine by me, babe," I heard him say.

  I walked out of the kitchen, my eyes on the floor as I excused myself and went upstairs to my bathroom and quietly closed the door. I stood there for a moment before I turned on the taps of both sinks and the tub before I grabbed a towel off the rack and buried my face in it. To catch my sobs. To catch my pain. As I slid down to the floor knowing from experience that it wouldn't last long, this bit of crying.

  I had learned the trick of crying alone in the bathroom when, in the early part of my marriage to Dan, I listened to him rip me to shreds about how I was sexless and not worth spending time on because I was frigid anyway, and that my lack of orgasms were my own problem, etc, etc.

  I was right.

  It only took a little while and my sobs trailed off to only hitches.

  I turned off the faucets one by one and spent a moment washing my face with my new products.

  I could do this, I told myself in the mirror.

  I moved to the door, my hand on the knob and took a deep breath.

  I could do this. I could share a meal with Dex of Chinese food and then plead tiredness so he could leave.

  I shook my hair to get it back in place and took another deep breath before turning the knob.

  I could do this.

  When I opened the door, I saw Dex was leaning back against my dresser.

  "What happened, Leila?" he asked quietly.

  I just looked at him, the beauty of him.

  Beauty that I had no right wanting.

  And had no words to say to him, to explain.

  I looked down at the floor and moved to the bedroom doorway.

  I could do this. Just get downstairs and smile and make nice and it will all be over soon.

  I was just about to the bottom when I heard him again.

  "What happened, Leila?"

  I raised an arm and waved my hand in a 'forget about it' gesture before
I moved the rest of the way downstairs and went to the bar and began to load my plate. It took just about all the willpower I could muster to tense my hand hard enough so the plate didn't shake.

  I heard him come the rest of the way downstairs, but he didn't come to the bar that separated the kitchen from the dining room. Dex went straight to his boots by the door and I heard him pull them on. There was a moment of silence and then I heard my front door open then close.

  I didn't turn my head to watch him leave.

  I was already dying inside and I knew, I freaking knew that if I watched him go, I would be shattered.

  *.*.*.*.*

  Dex made his way out to his Jeep sitting in her driveway. He had no understanding of what just happened but he knew at some level that he was responsible for her complete and total shut down.

  He stopped as he reached the car and turned back to look at the house. From this vantage point he could see her at the bar.

  See her at the bar with her hands over her face.

  Could see her at the bar with her hands over her face and her shoulders shaking.

  He had cut her.

  It was unintentional but he had cut her nonetheless.

  He had only tried to slow things down.

  He didn't want to push her too far, too fast and had taken a step back to give them both some breathing space. But as soon as he saw her going up the stairs, he knew that he had fucked up.

  And in rethinking his words and actions, he could see how someone, someone with little to no experience, might not understand what he was doing.

  Leila wasn't like any of the others he had been with.

  In a lot of respects she was an innocent, untried. And she reacted to him as innocent and untried.

  Not like the others.

  With a couple of the others, if he had pulled a stunt like that, he would have been physically thrown out the door, with the words, "Cunt Tease" echoing throughout the neighborhood.

  And he was very familiar with the turning on the taps to cover crying. His mother used to do it all the time.

  He focused again on the beauty sitting with her back to the window.

  And watched as she picked up her plate and threw it across the kitchen before dropping her head down to her arms, her shoulders visibly shaking.