Ruined (The Hazed Series Book 3)

by Brittany Butler

  ****

  When I got home after work, our apartment was packed. I didn’t recognize half of the guests, the others I knew from the bar. I walked in my room, threw my keys on my bed, then locked the door on my way out.

  My father was standing in our kitchen, grinning at me. “Can’t tell your old man you’re having a party?” He asked, patting me on the back.

  “I wasn’t aware,” I said. It was a lie, but I wasn’t happy about the party to begin with. I didn’t like the idea of these people knowing where we lived. Joel put all of our shit on display. I was private, especially since I’d agree to sell. I knew the repercussions, and I’d do whatever it takes to stay out of trouble.

  “This is a nice place you got here,” he said, looking around the crowded room.

  “Yep,” I said, knowing where he was going with this.

  “Maybe I could crash on the couch sometime. I wouldn’t be a bother.”

  I didn’t look at him. I pushed past the crowd, pouring myself a drink. I needed something stronger to deal with his shit, but I didn’t want these people seeing me use.

  “What happened to that woman you were stayin’ with?” I asked.

  He shook his head, chuckling. “I’ve always said ‘don’t stay with them after one night.’”

  I shook my head. “I never have.”

  “She kicked me out.”

  I brought the rim to my mouth, chugging the stout drink. “So, she’s smart?”

  His eyes narrowed as he walked closer to me. “I’ve never cared for that smart mouth of yours.”

  I matched his glare. “And yet here you are, askin’ for my help.”

  “Watch your mouth, Boy,” he warned. He picked up a beer bottle, taking a sip.

  I didn’t want him in my house, and I sure as hell didn’t want him in here threatening me. I’d tried to distance myself from the whole family, but they always had a way of showing up and pushing their way into my life.

  “Why’d she kick you out?” I asked. I didn’t care, but I was curious.

  “Well, she found some stuff…” he said, looking around.

  “What’d she find?” I asked, my interest was piqued.

  He shook his head, waving me off. At that moment, I knew it was a big deal. “I always have my kick…I’ll get off when I’m ready.”

  I slammed my glass down, annoyed. I knew he wouldn’t give it up forever. If there was something I would never tough, it was heroine. I could do cocaine, pills, and alcohol every day for the rest of my life, but I’d never touch the shit that ruined our lives.

  “If you’re comin’ in my place asking for help, you better be ready. I’m not helping some druggie. I’m not going to school and work and wondering if you’re stealing my shit and inviting people over here.”

  His glossy eyes instantly turned angry. “I’ve always helped you.”

  I laughed without humor. “Name one time you’ve helped me.”

  He thought for a moment. He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it instead.

  “Exactly. You can’t. The only reason you talk to me is because I own you. Don’t ever forget that,” I said, walking past him. I was done with his bullshit. I wanted to grab a few beers and walked to my room. I didn’t need him and his shit storm following me around, ruining the life I was trying to build for myself.

  “You’re cocky now, but you’ll be in the same position I’m in; give it a few years.”

  I kept walking to my room, and ran into Joel. “I’m a lot smarter than you are. I know when to quit.”

  Joel looked at me then to my dad who was following me. “What’s goin’ on?” Joel asked.

  “My dad asking for handouts, as usual. It’s the only time he comes around.”

  “I didn’t raise you to speak to me like this,” he said.

  Every muscle in my body tensed as I turned to face him. I gripped the cup in my hand, refusing to hit him. I wouldn’t give him what he wanted. I never started a fight with him, but there had been times when I’d finished them.

  “You didn’t fucking raise me. You left me with my mom and some douchebag who beat the shit out of me and told me how worthless I was every day,” I said, more calm than I thought it would be.

  “You’re just being dramatic,” he laughed. “Give me a few days to find a place. You won’t even notice I’m here.”

  “You’re right, because you’re leaving. Get clean, come back in a few days and I’ll give you some money for a place,” I said, opening the door to my room.

  He grabbed my arm, stopping me. Every passing second was harder to keep my hands to myself.

  “Give it to me now and I’ll go.”

  “You’ll just go buy drugs. Go stay at the cabin for a few days.”

  Joel stepped between us. “Richard, maybe you should come back in a couple days.”

  My dad shoved Joel back and turned to me. “You think your something because your mom gave everything to you. I’ll get it back one way or another,” he said.

  “Get the fuck out of my house and don’t come back here again like this!”

  I jerked my arm from him and took a step backwards, watching him. Before I had time to react, he lifted his bottle and slammed it into my forehead.

  The blow jolted me. I tripped backwards, trying to stay conscious. Joel shoved him away from us and came back to me. He crouched down, but I closed my eyes. I would rather pretend he knocked me out than cry in front of him.

  I knew my dad was messed up. The rational part of me knew he probably wouldn’t have done that in his right mind. But every time he did this, it was a wound that would never be healed. He should’ve protected me from the world, instead, he continued to hurt me as he had since I was a child. Eventually I stopped fighting to consciousness, with warm blood trickling down my face, I slumped into the wall and everything went black.

  5

  HOPELESS

  The constant ringing finally pulled me from my drunken sleep. I cracked one eye open, letting my vision focus until I could see around me. I slapped to my side until I found the source of the sound.

  Without checking the screen, I answered. A belligerent female, crying into the phone greeted me. Usually I would hang up, but I just changed my number, so I knew it could only be one girl.

  “Lea?” I asked, my voice was raspy.

  “Yeah,” she said along with other things, but I couldn’t make out the words. This had my attention.

  “Calm the fuck down! I can’t understand you!”

  I threw the covers back, and planted my feet on the floor, waiting for an explanation. Middle of the night calls are never good, especially when your sister wakes you up crying hysterically in the phone. At this point I’m wondering whose ass I’m about to kick; just say his name Lea.

  The floor is hard, cold, and…not mine. I twist around the strange room, finding a pillow of blonde hair behind me. I guess I passed out, because that's a rule I never break: no sleepovers.

  A cluster of incoherent words tumbled from Lea’s mouth, followed by, “He thought it was you.”

  “Who thought it was me?” I asked, instantly pissed. If Lea was around my friend’s, there would be enough anger to go around.

  “Dad!”

  Sighing, I ran my free hand over my face. “What did that fucker do now?”

  “H-h-he went into Grandma’s after a few days of being gone,” she said and my blood runs cold.

  My little brothers are visiting; I clenched the phone in my hands, bracing for whatever she tells me. I’m not afraid to fight him, I’ve won some and I’ve lost some, but I’m positive if he did something to my brothers, I wouldn’t lose that fight.

  She fell quite, and I heard a sob escape from her mouth. “Go on.”

  “I was down the hall, I kept hearing him yell for you and it got quiet. I locked my door like you told me to, but I busted out when I heard Chance scream. He thought Chance was you and he…He stabbed him.”

  I switched the lamp on beside the bed and rest
with my face in my hands. I’m afraid to know the answer, but I have to ask. If I lost him, I would have to live the rest of my life knowing it was my fault. I could’ve defended myself from him, but Chance is helpless. I haven’t left a fight without a battle scar, but I wouldn’t let the dick get near me with a knife.

  “Where’s Chance?” I ask, hoping it sounds better than what I’m really asking.

  “He’s fine. I brought him to the hospital. They’re stitching him up right now. They’re gonna keep him over night, but he’s going to be okay.”

  He’s fine; I rubbed my temples, thinking. I could’ve lived without knowing this, especially every detail.

  I spot my jeans across the room. I kicked them off close to the door, and yet I can still see the clear bag sticking straight out of my front pocket. I grew irritated with Lea; she called me, made it sound like someone was dying, then said it was my fault.

  “That's all? He's fine? You woke me up in the middle of the night for this?” I snapped at her.

  “I thought you would want to know,” she sniffles.

  “Well, I didn't! And I really didn't want to hear over and over he thought it was me! It was my damn fault, got it, let me know if anything changes.”

  “You know I didn't mean it like that, Hayze! I'm worried... He ran off... I just wanted you to know.”

  I know I've hurt her feelings. It's the last thing I wanted to do, but she's always at the brunt of my anger.

  "I'm not anywhere he'll find me, Lea."

  “Don't do anything stupid,” she said.

  I hung up, laughing at her words. She says that constantly. Others may say I love you, but Lea tells me not to do anything stupid. As if it will be her last conversation with me and she can say I warned him.

  I glanced over at the blonde asleep to my right. I didn't know I hooked up with anyone tonight. I don't even know her name.

  I clutched my phone in my hands, staring at the clock in front of me. It's passed two. I consider going after the worthless fucker. It's one thing for me to deal with his shit, but he brought it on my brothers and sister.

  Chance. My head fell in my waiting hands. He’s lying in a hospital bed right now; probably dealing with the worst physical pain he's ever been in. And the shitty thing about it is, it has nothing on the mental pain that’s about to hit.

  I'm sure the family is by his side. They're probably wondering where I am, I bet half of them think it's my fault. I should be with him. I should go there. I should look for my dad. I'm the only one that knows what Chance is going through. Involuntarily, the tip of my finger traces over the scar on my brow.

  I switched the lamp off, jumped up and fumbled around the strange room for my jeans. I reached the denim in the dark. Feeling like I just hit the lottery, I emptied the pockets and take my bag over to the table. With my phone as a flashlight, I used my debit card to make the white line straight. I leaned in, close my left nostril with my thumb and inhale.

  With a sigh of relief, I slump into the bed, waiting for it to come. It hasn't hit yet, but the anxiety floods from my body, knowing the feelings I almost had are leaving. I looked at the blonde again and shrugged, since I’m here…I tapped the girl’s thighs until her eyelids flutter.

  "Wake up," I demanded.

  She blinked rapidly until her eyes focus on me. My eyes fall on her lips, I remember her now, and I remember what she did with those dick sucking lips tonight.

  “Again?”

  My lips smashed into hers, but only to shut her up. Truth is I hate kissing, apparently its necessary. Something about the contact is personal to chicks, I give them my lips for a minute and they’ll give me anything I want for the night.

  When I pulled back, she groaned in protest. I tugged the white tank over her head and grabbed one her fake tits. They’re the only thing I’ve found likable about this chick. She lifted her hips from the bed, then shimmied out of her thong.

  “I told you I shouldn’t drink tequila. It makes my clothes fall off,” she giggled.

  “Baby, the wind blows and your clothes fall off.”

  She thinks it’s a joke, and laughs harder. Whatever she needs to do to lie to herself.

  She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me back to her mouth. “I love it when you call me that.”

  You’re the fourth ‘baby’ I’ve had this week. I don’t remember your name, still love it?

  She rolled her hips under me. Biting her lip, her hands traveled down my back and landed on my boxers. I smirked, not like this.

  “Up,” I said, jumping from the bed.

  With a smile, she rose to her knees and scooted in from of me. I’m standing beside the bed, waiting to bend her over and she still leans in to kiss me.

  What’s up with this chick wanting to be in my face?

  She obviously needs help, so I twisted her hips and pushed on the small of her back. Finally, her ass is stuck in the air. I rolled on the condom and slide in. I don’t take my time; I have one goal in mind, release, then I’m getting the hell out of this place.

  Her moans are low and haunting; as my pace speeded, her hips buck wildly, and her yelps start to resemble a pornstar. Her walls tense around me with each thrust.

  “Almost there,” she yelped, breathlessly.

  I tuned her forced cries out, focusing on the pleasure building up. My head is foggy, I only see clips from the night, but I recall her rehearsed strip tease when we stumbled through the door. I was cooperative then, alcohol pounded through my veins, I fed into her game, now I’m counting the thrusts I have left.

  Just a few more.

  When she cried out, her elbows gave out, collapsing her body on the bed. I didn’t know it was possible, but she became more useless than she was moments before. Finally, I pumped out of her for the last time, slowing my pace as the last of me flows into the latex.

  She crawled over to the far side of the bed, with a grin she giggled and whispered something to me. At this point, I’ve stopped listening to her. That might make me an asshole; she might get pissed, but we’re both consensual adults. She knew what she was getting into.

  Her breathing evened out, and I rolled the condom off, stuck it in the wrapper and shoved in my pocket. It’s fucking disgusting, I know, but some girls are so damn crazy you have to protect yourself from the whole bunch. I gathered my clothes and threw them on. I opened the door and almost make it out before I heard her sit up.

  “You were just going to leave without saying anything?”

  I slowly ease from the room. Leave without saying anything? I chuckled, what the hell would I say?

  “Well?” She urged.

  “Thanks for the blow job.”

  I slammed the door as something crashed into it and shattered. Luckily, I’ve been in the house before. It was her roommate last weekend. With the front door in sight, I jogged to it before her wrath got the best of me. My mustang was parked on the curb, I slid in and sped away from her house.

  I wish everything was as simple as girls. There’s no gray area for me; we’re either friends or fucking. Black or white.

  I stomped the accelerator as the last of the stars are engulfed by a dark, menacing cloud. I barely slowed down when I approach the road, I turned last minute, sending gravel flying. The drive to the cabin becomes damn near impossible during the rain, but it won’t stop me tonight. The rain drops slapped into the dirt, turning the desolate road into mud.

  I saw the back bedroom light was on as I ripped my car in park. Despite the rain slamming onto the tin roof, the night is eerily quiet. The animals that usually taunt the forest near the cabin are speechless, the spectators know tonight’s the night I’ll end his life. I trek up the front stairs and the room light shuts off.

  The door handle won’t budge. I laugh without humor; does he think that will stop me? I look around the porch, only finding a small flower pot. I tossed it through the window of the door, glass shards explode, leaving the perfect way for me to get in. I reached in, avoiding the glass, unl
ocked the door, and stomped in.

  Surprisingly, the worthless fuck is walking down the hall toward me with his hands held in the air. He looks terrified as he approaches me, his eyes beg for mercy. My, how the roles have reversed. The sadistic side of me smiles as I imagine him begging me to stop, as I’m sure Chance did with him.

  “I swear to God, I didn’t mean it,” he said. He stops, keeping a safe distance from me.

  “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t tie your worthless ass to a brick and throw you in the fucking lake!”

  “I thought it was you!”

  I laughed once, “Is that anyway to talk to someone that wants to kill you?”

  He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut, looking for an explanation. I hated seeing him. It was like looking into my future. Not only did we look like twins, our faults were starting to match up.

  “I know you were in my stash,” he finally answered.

  “So, what? You’re gonna kill your own son for borrowing from you?”

  I pulled a twenty from my pocket, crumbled it up, and threw it at him. He looked at me as if I’d just insulted him.

  “Ungrateful bastard,” he murmured. “Sorry about the boy, I know he means a lot to you. It’ll do him some good, though. Needs to toughen up anyway.”

  I shook my head with anger. “That’s your son! Your sixteen-year-old son,” I said, stressing each word, hoping it’d bring empathy to him.

  He shrugged. “Maybe. Kid doesn’t really look like me.”

  He’d lashed out on me all my life, but I couldn’t take this. I’d heard I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t his, he’d regretted me, but hearing it about my brother was different.

  With my fist balled at my side, I walked closer to him, but the wailing sirens approaching snapped me back to reality. There’s my reason: I don’t have time to properly dispose of him and he isn’t worth a felony.

  I flexed my right fist and shook it to the side, thinking. He looked at me then back to the door, and I knew what he was thinking. Before he could bolt, I slammed my fist into his jaw. The blow jolted him, and he hunched over, cradling his face.

  The red and blue flashing lights lit through the windows. I grabbed the half-empty bottle of whiskey and ran out the back door. I twisted the top off and chugged it. I walked to the tree line and then found an angle I could see them without being seen. I stopped in front of a tree, slowly dropping down to the ground. As I brought the rim to my mouth, they drug his worthless ass out of the house.