Ruined (The Hazed Series Book 3)

by Brittany Butler

  I sighed, not saying a word. He thought he got to me, so he walked off, leaving me to myself. For a reason I couldn’t understand, I felt like a dick for saying I’d slept with Taylor. I should set him straight; I don’t want him to see her like that, but I want him off my case about it.

  I don’t care what he thinks about her, she’s helping me. She doesn’t even know how much she’s helping me. I hope she never has to find out. One day, I’ll be the person I’m supposed to be with her help, and she’ll never know she had a hand in that.

  He walked back in the living room, and kicked my foot to get my attention. “Get up and drink or somethin’ they’re about to be here.”

  “I’m good,” I said, not looking away from the screen. I wasn’t even sure what I was watching, but I knew I didn’t want to give him my attention.

  “Stop being a bitch, dude, get up.”

  Annoyed, I walked in the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and sat back on the couch. I took a sip, as he watched me, confused.

  “Jay’s sendin’ someone tomorrow. Did you sell everything?” He asked.

  I pressed my lips together, shaking my head. “Nope, you can have my shit. I’m not sellin’ anymore.”

  He rubbed his forehead, sighing. “What in the actual fuck?”

  “I didn’t wanna sell in the first place. I’m over it.”

  “What are you gonna say next? You’re done usin’?”

  I shrugged, “I’m cutting back.”

  “Hayze…” He stared at me, amused.

  “You don’t have the history I do. I’m cuttin’ back, I’ll still do some, but I can’t keep on like I am.”

  He sighed, making a show of sitting on the couch and crosses his leg on his knee. “Hayze, this girl is probably off fuckin’ some guy right now. Pull your head out of your ass.”

  “Don’t talk about her like that,” I warned.

  “What the hell does it matter? Jenny’s probably been with other guys this week, I don’t care. I’m not gonna stop usin’ shit…She doesn’t ever have to find out about that.”

  “I’m glad you found someone special, Joel,” I said, sarcastically. I stood, walking to the kitchen. I needed to get away from him.

  “Don’t get like this over a girl, dude. You’ll regret it soon.”

  “It’s not just about her,” I said, annoyed that we were still having this conversation.

  He walked over, slapping my shoulder as he passed. “Good, I’m tellin’ you if you’ve been with her already, so has every other guy this campus.”

  “Dude, shut the hell up!”

  “Mind if I’m next? I saw her at the pool the other day…”

  He didn’t have time to get that thought out of his worthless mouth before I swung. My fist connected with his jaw, sending him stumbling back. A scream snapped me out of my hazy mind.

  Jenny and Kassi were standing at the door. Kassi’s hand was over her mouth, staring in horror. Jenny smirked; she was obviously used to this.

  Joel held his jaw, flexing it from side to side. “All of this over a fuckin’ girl,” he said, shaking his head. He stormed in his room and Jenny followed, winking at me.

  Kassi walked up, inspecting my hand. “You okay?” She asked.

  “Fine,” I said, my tone was clipped.

  Grabbing my face, she pressed her lips to mine, leading me back to the couch. I humored her for a minute, but it felt wrong. I had always hated kissing, but I kept imaging another girl being in her place.

  I broke free of her grip. “I’m not feelin’ it tonight,” I said.

  Her jaw hit the floor. “What am I supposed to do?”

  “I don’t give a fuck what any of you do as long it doesn’t involve bothering me,” I said, walking in my room.

  I slammed my door, walked over to my table, and dug through it. When I found the pill bottle, I dumped two out in my hand and chewed them up. This would drown out the sound.

  I laid on my bed, rubbing my temples. Better luck quitting tomorrow.

  14

  ALONE

  “How was the appointment with Dr. Moore?” My mother asked as soon as I answered the phone.

  “I’m tearing that waiver up next appointment,” I said, straightening the apartment.

  “He didn’t tell me what you discussed, Hayze. I always call to see if you go. I was getting worried; you weren’t going to your appointments or answering my calls.”

  I looked around, hopeless. Joel definitely had more than just Kassi and Jenny over last night. I tied the garbage bag together, and lifted it, balancing my phone on my shoulder.

  “I’m alive if that’s what you wondered,” I said, walking to the dumpster outside the complex.

  “How did your visit go?” She asked, probing.

  “Nothing new came up. Same shit.”

  “I’m just curious why you all of sudden went back…You can tell me anything.”

  I lifted the dumpster, tossing the trash out, then walked back to the apartment. The line was painfully silent for a few moments, and I knew she had to know something.

  “I talked to Lea today.”

  Sighing, I tossed the pillows around on my couch until it appeared to be straight. “Yeah, she’ll be by here later. We’re going out tonight. With one of her friends,” I said, rolling my eyes. She had to know.

  “Is she dating someone?”

  “Mom, no. Her friend is for me,” I said. That came out wrong. “I talked to Dr. Moore about her.”

  “I knew something was going on!” Her tone was chipper now, which only made my irritation grow. “Is she your girlfriend.”

  “No, she’s not. She’s not gonna be…it was stupid of me to bring it up.

  “No, honey, it wasn’t. Dr. Moore and I have been saying for months you should find someone. This is a good thing.”

  For fuck’s sake. “I only told you because I thought Lea did…Nothing’s coming of it.”

  “I can’t wait to meet her.”

  “No…No one’s meeting anyone, Mom,” I said, rubbing my temples. This has escalated. “I’m getting off the phone.”

  “I love you, honey,” she said and I hung up.

  A knock came from the door. I jogged over, opening it to reveal Lea doubled over, laughing. Taylor didn’t look amused as she walked past Lea.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Lea walked inside, throwing herself on the couch, but I watched Taylor. She walked around my living room, inspecting every angle. She walked by my kitchen bar, running a finger along the way. She lifted her finger, checking for dust.

  Next, she inspected my DVD collection, and walked around my living room, searching for something out of place. It was amusing to watch her. It was as if she was wanting to find out little things about me as I did her.

  “Did you do this?” She asked, eyeing me.

  “Yeah, don’t touch it,” I said.

  “That Corey guy from the bar asked me out today.” Her face twisted into disgust as she sat by Lea on the couch.

  “It was in public! And she shot him down, you should’ve seen his face,” Lea said, laughing.

  “You said no?” I asked, searching her face.

  “Of course I said no!”

  Lea’s phone rang, she patted her pockets until she found it. She brought it to her ear, rolling her eyes. “Its work, I’ve gotta take this,” she said, covering the speaker. She disappeared into the hallway, leaving me alone with Taylor.

  I watched her, waiting for her to elaborate. Part of me wanted to hunt the fucker down and kill him. I told him to stay away from, yet here he is, asking her out.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “Nothing, she’s making a huge deal out of it. He waited for me after class with his buddies and asked me out… I said no. No big deal.” She shrugged her shoulders, and played with the tips of her hair.

  “He wasn’t a douche?”

  “No.”

  I wanted to know why. Of course I was happy, I didn’t want her t
o go on a date with anyone else. But maybe that meant she wasn’t ready to date. Lea stumped down the hallway and threw her hands in the air.

  “Another no call, no show, I have to go in!” She groaned and pulled her black flats on each foot.

  “Oh, that sucks,” Taylor said, grabbing her purse.

  “Taylor, wait. I can take you home.” I said, standing. Nervously, I rubbed the back of my head. I was too vulnerable around this girl. “I mean, if you want to.”

  “Yeah, that could be fun,” she smiled.

  Lea watched our exchange, amused. Her lips pressed into hard line, and her eyes crinkled as she fought a smile. She pulled her side bag over her head and pulled her keys out before leaving.

  “This doesn’t mean we’re not going shopping! See ya later,” she said, pointing at Taylor.

  As soon as she left, I closed and locked the door. Exhaling a long breath, I shoved my hands in my pockets. It had been another long day of withdrawals. I was fighting like hell, but I had a feeling they would be back.

  “Want a drink?” I asked.

  “No, thanks,” she said.

  She tossed her purse down, falling back on the couch. I sat beside her, leaving only inches between us. I take a sip of water, wishing like hell it was something stouter.

  “How was the family dinner?” I asked.

  “As good as it could be…Lea fit in. My mom and brother loved her.”

  “I heard…You didn’t tell me what happened with that guy. He didn’t fuck with you again, did he?”

  She laughed, thinking I was playing. “No.”

  “Then why’d you turn him down?”

  She slipped her shoes off, tossing them on the floor. She tucked her legs under her and faced me. “I just didn’t want to date, I guess.”

  “You’re not against dating completely, just that guy?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound obvious. I acted like a fucking chick around her.

  “Just that guy, well, and pretty much every guy I went to high school with.”

  “But not all of them,” I said, and she nodded. I wanted to know about the ex, but she wouldn’t tell me. So, I dropped the idea. “Tell me, what was Taylor Thompson like in high school?”

  “Well, since, it was,” she said, squinting and making a point of counting with her fingers. “Just a few months ago, I would say I’m the same person.”

  “C’mon, no stories? You never snuck out?” I probed her with questions, and that made her face heat with embarrassment.

  “Absolutely not; all of my friends did but,” she sighed, “I guess I was waiting until my time.”

  “Gotcha, what time is your first class tomorrow?”

  “Nice try, but usually when you ask someone question after question, you have to cough up some answers, too.” She pointed her finger at me. I watched her without saying a word. “So, what about you, I’m sure one of the bar-flies wants more from you…”

  “You’re right, they probably do.” I smiled.

  Her jaw fell open. “You’re such an asshole!”

  “Never claimed to be anything else.”

  She narrowed her eyes, leaning in closer. “Why don’t you give them more?”

  “The girls in this town…” I shook my head. How did I say this without giving everything away? “When I look at myself I don’t see the person I am now. I see the person I’ll be in ten years, and no one measures up to that.”

  “Why in ten years? What’s wrong with who you are now?” She asked, frowning at me.

  “Never mind,” I said, not wanting to get into it. She wasn’t ready it yet.

  “No, I’m serious Hayze. You’re going to college full time, and you’re working…”

  I held my hand up, stopping her. “Those are surface things, Taylor. Not everything is so black and white.”

  “Is something bothering you?” She lifted her hand and reached out to me, almost touching me before she caught herself. She dropped her hand in her lap.

  “I asked for a simple story of you turning a guy down and we ended up here. This is some deep shit. I do have one more question for you.”

  She hesitated, as she should. Ever since Lea let her nickname slip, I’ve been waiting to pick on her. “Okay?”

  “Can I call you Tater Bug?”

  “I’m going to kill Lea!” Her jaw flew open.

  “I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ll settle for Tater,” I said, shrugging.

  “NO! You can call me Taylor! I need a new roommate!” Her face was beat red by this point.

  “I’ll be your roommate,” I said, only kind of joking.

  “Ugh, no.”

  “Never say never,” I said.

  “Never! I’m not sleeping with you if that’s what tonight was about,” she said, jumping from the couch. I walked after her, chuckling.

  “That’s not at all what this was about. I have to take you to the dorms, remember?” I asked, dangling the keys in front of her face.

  “Yeah, I just have an early class tomorrow,” she said, looking down. Her hair fell in front of her face, shielding her from me. Without thinking, I pushed it back and leaned into her.

  “Relax Tater, I won’t try anything. If you want to stay, I’ll take you home later? I won’t try anything.”

  Before she could respond, the front door burst open and Joel walked in. He stopped, making a show of looking her up and down. While she wasn’t looking, he pretended to grab the air, thrusting his hips forward and I flipped him off.

  “We’re about to have some company,” he said, clasping me on the shoulder. He walked in the kitchen, leaving us alone. I didn’t know who was coming, whether it was Jay or some girls he invited, I didn’t want Taylor around. I didn’t want her to see this side of me.

  “Oh, I’m taking her back to the dorms anyway. Joel this is Taylor,” I said, pointing to her. Her mood shifted when he walked in. She waved once.

  “I know who she is,” he laughed without looking back. He walked by, beer in hand and disappeared into his room.

  “Let’s go, don’t want you to be late for your company,” she said, shoving past me. I had jog to catch up with her.

  “You mad about something?” I asked, shoving the key in my car, I unlocked it. I reached over and switched the lock up to let her in.

  “No, just disgusted by your lifestyle,” she snapped.

  “You were just raving about what a great person I am,” I said, panicking. Could she have found something out? Did she see Joel or something in the apartment?

  “Yeah, you are smart, you have good work ethics, but I’m not a fan of the parade of women that fall into your bed every night,” she said.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. She didn’t find anything, she was jealous. Somehow a girl like her, cared about someone like me.

  “Parade of women? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re jealous,” I said, chuckling. I wanted to hear her say it. She huffed, crossing her arms across her chest. “For your peace of mind, some of the guys from the frat are coming over tonight.”

  “Okay,” she said, staring out the window.

  “The parade will resume tomorrow night,” I said just to get a rise out of her.

  Her mouth pressed into a hard line as my grin stretched wider. I pulled up to the dorms and she tore my door open. She couldn’t get out fast enough.

  I rolled my window down. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  “What?” She asked, turning around. I waved once and drove off.

  I didn’t know what was waiting for me back at the apartment. I should’ve taken her out to eat or something. Anything would’ve been better than what’s waiting for me at my place.

  When I got back to my place, I slung the door open, startling whoever might be inside. Jay was standing at our kitchen counter, talking to Joel. His face lit as if he was seeing an old friend for the first time in years.

  “Hayze,” he said, his voice was smooth as butter.

  “Jay,” I nodded.

  “I was just
stopping by to check in on my favorite employees,” he said, smiling at me. I looked away from him, weirded out. His eyes crinkled as he smiled, showing his age.

  “Did Joel tell you I’m out?” I asked, throwing my keys on the table. I was ready to walk in my room to get away from him.

  He shook his head, thinking. A look passed between the two, before Jay sighed and switched his footing. “He mentioned that. You aren’t finished yet,” he said, giving me a pointed look.

  I clenched my jaw, annoyed. I’d known this man my entire life. He hung around my house with my parents, and now he was pulling this shit.

  “When I sell it all, I’m out,” I said, walking toward my room.

  “Well, we’ll see,” he said, laughing. “Joel here just got promoted.”

  “That’s nice,” I said, bored with them.

  “He’s going to be my messenger for a while,” Jay said, clasping Joel on the shoulder. He was smiling like a proud father, although Joel had no idea what this meant for him.

  I nodded, shooting Joel a pointed look. I closed my door, locking it. I pulled my shirt off, kicked my jeans off, before collapsing in my bed. I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror beside my bed.

  It was odd, seeing myself like this. Each time I saw the tattoos, I was transported back to my past. They all had a purpose, and that purpose was my dad. Each time he’d fucked me over, I visited a shop. I knew one day I would have enough, that day happened when I ran out of arm space. The stray line on my peck would be the last I ever had.

  I heard the front door to the apartment shut. My shoulders relaxed instantly. Jay was gone, but he’d talked Joel into things while I wasn’t here. He probably did that on purpose. I would never know what all Joel agreed to, but it wouldn’t end pretty. I can’t help him anymore. He’s in over his head.

  15

  THE TEMPER

  I walked down the narrow hall, avoiding brushing into the girls that passed. Their smiles were knowing, as if I’d been in their presence before. It was awkward being me. It was like walking through life not knowing if I’d fucked a girl I was bumping into.

  When I got to her door, I knocked, and hoped like hell Lea told her about tonight. I mentioned it as I sped off last night, but she might not remember. It would be weird on my part to storm in her room and make her leave with me.