Then & Now

by Karen A. Leppert

  “Sarah, may I?” Mrs. Holcomb asked.

  Sarah nodded, and Mrs. Holcomb opened the note. The tickets fell to the floor and Sarah bent down to pick them up.

  Just kill me now.

  Mrs. Holcomb read his poem, folded the note, and handed it to Sarah without saying a word.

  This is her chance.

  “Mr. Mathis. I underestimated you…again,” she said. “Sarah, you’re a lucky girl.”

  Seth breathed a sigh of relief and turned to face Sarah, expecting a quarrel. Instead, she met him with a deep kiss.

  “I am lucky.”

  “I’ll take that as a yes?”

  Sarah beamed. “Do you have to ask?”

  “I guess not. Let’s go.”

  The needle on his truck’s gas gauge pointed near empty, so Seth stopped at the garage for a fill-up. “I might as well go inside to check my schedule for next week. I’ll be right back.”

  “Hurry,” she said. “We have lots to talk about.”

  Upon his return, Sarah looked upset.

  “Are you okay?” he asked after several minutes of silence.

  “No. I didn’t mean to snoop, but I dropped your poem on the floor of the truck. When I went to pick it up, I bumped the button to the glove compartment.” Sarah hit the button on the glove compartment to show how easily it opened. Seth immediately knew what had upset Sarah so much. The glove compartment fell open, and a box of condoms fell to the floor.

  SARAH

  “I know it’s none of my business, but I counted them. Three are missing. So that means you’ve done it three times, or this may not be your only box,” she continued, afraid if she stopped, she would lose her nerve and start crying. “I don’t understand why you won’t be with me when you’ve been with other girls.”

  This topic had been threatening to come up for some time. Most of the time, Sarah thought of Seth in the present tense, with her. Nevertheless, there were moments when his past plagued her every thought, especially when they pushed their passions too far and stopped short of following through with their desires.

  “Seth, the way I see it, we both want to be together.”

  He nodded.

  “And you’ve already done it with girls you liked less than me, right?”

  When no response came, Sarah took that as a yes and her stomach fell.

  “Then why would you hesitate to have sex with me…someone you care about…when you’ve had sex with girls you hardly knew?”

  An awkward silence filled the car.

  “Seth, you promised me an answer.”

  “I know, Sarah, and I’m going to give you one.” Seth turned to her and sighed. “First of all, you’re right. I would love nothing more than to be with you, but the second part of your argument is wrong. I don’t know how to talk about this without hurting your feelings. But because you refuse to let this go…because my past has you questioning my reasons for not being with you…well, I have no choice but to talk about it. It’s against my better judgment. I feel my past is just that…my past.

  “You have to understand it was different with them. I’m a different person now, a better person, I think. Yeah, I’ve hooked up with girls. I’m not proud of that, but there are a lot of things I didn’t do with them. I didn’t drive by their house to catch a glimpse of them. I didn’t ask them out. I didn’t call them on the phone. I didn’t dream about them. I didn’t change for them. I didn’t look forward to seeing them every day. I didn’t stop cutting classes for them. I didn’t buy tickets to the Snowflake Ball. I didn’t want them so bad I can’t concentrate half the time.” He leaned down and whispered his last thought in her ear. “And…most important…I didn’t love them.”

  Sarah blinked, unsure she’d heard him correctly.

  “Yes, Sarah, I said I love you. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times, but I wanted it to be romantic. Perhaps at the Snowflake Ball—definitely not this way—but I guess you can’t plan these things, huh?”

  “I love you too.”

  Seth pulled her to him and held her in his arms.

  “Say it again,” she asked, almost pleaded.

  “I love you, Sarah.”

  “I love you, Seth,” she said again then paused. “But I still don’t understand why you want to wait, especially if you love me.”

  “It’s because I love you that I want to wait. I want it to be right, and I want you to be ready. I don’t want you to regret losing your virginity to me. Once you do it, you can never go back. Hell, I’ve never made love to anyone.” He took her face in his hands. “Does that make any sense?”

  “Yes, but don’t I have a say in the decision?”

  “Of course you do. I hope you’ll wait for me, but if you decide you can’t…well, that’s a decision you have to make. As hard as it would be to lose you, I’d rather live with that than do something that would hurt you more in the long run.”

  Hearing Seth’s fears, Sarah felt even more confused. How could they both feel insecure with each other yet be clear about their desire for one another and their eagerness to spend every waking minute with each other and please each other?

  “Why are we doing this to each other? It’s a ridiculous waste of time. Time we could have spent kissing, holding each other, just being together. It makes me mad I ruined this afternoon.”

  “Sarah, I’m the one who’s sorry. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, and knowing my past causes you pain is unbearable for me. I don’t know how I’d feel if our roles were reversed, so I don’t want to hear any apologies from you. You’re right, though. We do have a choice to make. All I know is that I love you, I want to be with you, and I’ll do everything possible to make that happen.”

  “Me too.”

  Lying in bed that night, Sarah pondered how the word love provoked such a feeling of calmness, sureness, and security within her. She knew her jealousy over Seth’s past would never fully disappear but accepted it as just that: his past. She hoped Seth would have done the same for her, after all.

  Instead, she decided to focus on the present and Seth’s choice to be with her. She saw their love like a roller coaster that she would ride at full speed, taking the hills with her hands in the air and screaming at the top of her lungs. She would take the dips and corkscrews too, holding Seth tightly, knowing he wouldn’t let her fall. She just hoped the ride would never end, and they would never have to get off.

  SNOWFLAKE BALL

  SETH

  Seth stood in Sarah’s foyer in a new black suit, shoes, shirt, tie, even socks. Everything was new because he hadn’t owned anything this dressy. He’d even gone as far as to get a swatch from Sarah’s gown (What the hell is a swatch? He knew now.) to match his shirt and tie. Another milestone.

  Kyle and Katie stood with him, equally dressed up.

  “Katie, you look pretty,” he said.

  “Thanks. My feet are already killing me. You look handsome yourself.”

  “Hey, what about me?” Kyle asked.

  “I already told you that you look handsome.” Katie scowled then gave Kyle a peck on the cheek. She looked at the stairs and her expression changed. “We were beginning to wonder if you were standing Seth up.”

  Seth turned from Katie to the stairs. Sarah came down and he took a step back, blown away by how stunning she looked in a silvery-blue strapless dress. Those shoulders!

  He offered his hand. “You look beautiful.”

  “Thanks. You’re even more handsome than usual…if that’s possible. Well, how’s my hair? I know you wanted me to wear it long.”

  He fondled the soft tendrils falling down her back. “Perfect.”

  Kyle cleared his throat. “Parents.”

  Mrs. Matthews walked in, camera in hand, with Mr. Matthews in tow. “Well, isn’t this an attractive group. Let’s get a few pictures in here.”

  Her definition of a few didn’t match Seth’s, and there was more to come with his parents. Seth couldn’t resist the temptation to pull over and share a moment
with Sarah beforehand.

  He kissed along her neck to her shoulders. How many times had they done this? Yet each time it felt as if it were the first. His insatiable need to tell her his innermost desires always took him by surprise. He whispered them over her lips, his breath coming in gasps.

  “I love you, Sarah.”

  “Seth, I love you too.” She caressed his neck just the way he liked, sending tingling sensations down his spine to his groin.

  He entertained the idea of staying there all night, but a car’s horn broke through his reverie. He looked up; Kyle snickered as he drove by.

  Seth groaned and started the engine. “Damn it, this is just too much sometimes. I don’t want to ruin this evening, but I don’t like having to share you so much. I would love nothing more than to take that dress off you right now.” He couldn’t hold back. If he couldn’t do what he wanted, he would tell her.

  “Then we’d miss the dance.” She took his hand off the steering wheel and kissed it.

  “That wouldn’t be so bad.”

  “Yes, it would. I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks, but it looks like you need convincing.” Sarah found a slow song on the radio, got out of the car, opened his door, and offered her hand. “Can I have this dance?”

  “Of course.”

  Seth left the warmth of the car for the wintery night and Sarah. Her gaze did not move from his, her eyes sparkling in the frosty night and her breath evident in the chilly air.

  Smiling, she asked, “This isn’t too bad, is it?”

  “That’s the problem, it’s too good.”

  “I have a crazy idea,” she said.

  “We skip the dance and…”

  “Afraid not, but it is about our first time together.”

  “You’ve got my undivided attention.”

  “I was thinking maybe we should set a date to be together? I know it sounds crazy, but it might take the pressure off if we set a date…to look forward to…to plan. What do you think? Have I lost my mind?”

  “I guess it makes sense. But when?”

  “Our anniversary.”

  “September 30; that’s seven months.”

  She couldn’t tell by his tone if that was too long to wait. “We could always change our minds.”

  Seth nodded. “Let’s give it a try.” He twirled her around and brought her back into his arms.

  Sarah giggled. “You remembered I love to twirl!”

  “I did.”

  She kissed him tenderly on the lips. “Now, take me to your parents’ so we can get to the dance. I want to show you off.”

  Mom and Dad were eagerly awaiting their arrival, along with Derrick and Pat.

  “Sarah, you look absolutely beautiful,” Dad said, winking his approval at Seth.

  Seth winked back. “She does.”

  Finally, they were inside the school. The decorating committee had done a decent job at making the gymnasium look like a “winter wonderland.” Snowflakes hung from the ceiling, and sparkly dust blanketed the floor. Artificial trees outfitted with white lights completed the look.

  Seth pulled Sarah to the dance floor. “Are you having a good time?”

  “Yes. Everyone and everything looks wonderful. I can’t believe we’re here. Thank you.”

  “I should be thanking you.”

  Kyle bumped Seth’s back and whispered, “Johnny and Matt are here.”

  Johnny, slightly buzzed, grabbed Sarah for a dance. Seth relented and walked to the edge of the dance floor. Mrs. Holcomb stood with the other chaperones, and they exchanged smiles.

  He crossed the floor. “Mrs. Holcomb, would you give me the pleasure of a dance?”

  “Seth Mathis, I would like that very much.”

  Seth offered his arm and led Mrs. Holcomb to the dance floor. “I guess this isn’t much fun for you. I don’t see Mr. Holcomb.”

  “Mr. Holcomb isn’t much for school functions.”

  Seth laughed. “I can relate.”

  Mrs. Holcomb looked over at Sarah, who grinned foolishly at them. “Sarah looks lovely.”

  “Beautiful! I’m the luckiest guy here.”

  “Sarah’s one lucky girl too.”

  “I bet there are a lot of people who’d disagree with you. Unfortunately, they’re right.” The admission surprised him.

  “Don’t sell yourself short. I see the way you treat Sarah, and would be pleased if my daughter dated someone like you.”

  “Thank you, but you don’t know me that well.”

  “I’ve heard about you. Gossip doesn’t stop with the student body. I’m only going by what I see, and I’ve seen a lot of you and Sarah this past semester.”

  Her candor overwhelmed him. “I appreciate your faith in me and hope I live up to it. Thanks for the dance. It was one of the highlights of my evening.”

  “Let’s not push it, Seth.” She laughed. “Thank you. Have fun.”

  He returned to Sarah who jumped into his arms. “That was sweet.” Brownie points!

  “Sarah, please, you’re embarrassing me.” He groaned and carried her to the dance floor.

  SARAH

  The dance ended too quickly, like most good times.

  Seth parked at the curb instead of in her driveway. “Maybe we can steal a moment now.” He kissed her. “I hope you had a good time tonight.”

  “I did,” she whispered between kisses. “Thank you. I know this isn’t your idea of a good time, but it meant a lot to me.”

  “Sarah, I have a good time wherever and whenever I’m with you. There are two things I would like to do…if you don’t mind.” He ran his fingers through her hair, sighing happily. “Yes,” he moaned and pulled her lips to his, kissing her deeply until he found her tongue.

  “I can’t wait to see what’s next.”

  With a lusty laugh, Seth laid his hand on Sarah’s shoulders. “Do you know how sexy your shoulders are to me?” He planted kisses along the tops of her breasts. “I’m starting to rethink that September date.”

  A soft moan escaped her lips. “It’s only seven months away. Just think how much fun it’s going to be planning our first time together. We’ll make it perfect. The right time, the right place…together.”

  “I can’t wait, but I will.” Seth kissed his way to the other shoulder and gave it as much attention as the first before working his way up her neck and to her lips again. “One last kiss and then it’s time to go.”

  They exchanged one final, deep kiss before they walked to the door. Sarah went inside and watched him leave. The perfect end to a perfect evening.

  BIRTHDAY GIRL

  SETH

  Seth couldn’t believe he was wearing his suit for the second time in two months. That he didn’t mind amazed him even more.

  Sarah had remarked how handsome he looked in it at the Snowflake Ball, and tonight was another milestone in their relationship. Mr. and Mrs. Matthews had begrudgingly given him permission to give Sarah a friendship ring.

  Some friend.

  Sarah’s other present—her aunt’s old bicycle, which he had refurbished—was still at his house. Dad would drop it off after he and Sarah left for their dinner date.

  Sarah greeted him at the front door with a kiss.

  “Happy Birthday.” He looked around for her parents.

  “Don’t worry. They’re still at the store.” She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him again.

  Seth shook his head ever so slightly. “Your parents may not be here, but your little sister is.” He directed Sarah’s attention upstairs. “Hello, Molly.”

  “Hi, Seth.” Molly bounded down the steps. “You look nice.”

  “Thank you.”

  Sarah motioned to the door. “We better get going. Our reservations are for six thirty.”

  Seth followed dutifully until footsteps sounded from behind. “Sarah’s older sister, Kathy, greeted him nonchalantly. “Hey, Seth.” She pointed to his tie. “You’ve got something on your tie. Sarah, will you get a wet cloth?”

 
Seth looked down at his tie and couldn’t find a spot. He was about to call Sarah back when Kathy pulled him to the living room.

  “Where’s the ring?” she asked.

  “Oh, yeah. I completely forgot.” He reached in his pocket. “Here it is. You know what to do, right?”

  Kathy rolled her eyes. “Yes. We’ve been over this how many times? Trust me.”

  He smiled. “Kathy, I appreciate your help.”

  Kathy returned his smile with a reassuring one of her own. While planning his surprise for Sarah, Seth had gotten to know Kathy better and liked her a lot; she possessed a gentleness about her. Molly, on the other hand, acted like Sarah’s mother: too involved in other people’s business and too concerned with what everyone else thought.

  “No problem. Let’s get in the foyer before Sarah gets suspicious.”

  They were back before Sarah came from the kitchen, wet rag in hand.

  Kathy took it and pretended to dab at a spot on Seth’s tie. “There, that’s better.” She winked. “You two should be going. Have a good time.”

  Seth had requested a table by the fireplace.

  “This seems grown up,” Sarah said when he pulled the chair out for her.

  “It does. By the way, you look beautiful tonight.” Sarah wore a blouse that complemented her blue eyes, a black skirt, and black boots. “A skirt!?!” He groaned, his eyebrows raised. “That’s dangerous.”

  Sarah peered over the menu. “I know, but this is a special occasion. Anyway, nothing’s going to happen tonight. We won’t let it. Remember…September 30.”

  “That doesn’t mean I won’t be tempted. Why risk it?”

  “I want to look pretty for you.”

  “You always look pretty to me. That’s the problem. I’ll leave it to you to keep me in line.”

  “I’m up to the task.”

  They placed their orders. Sarah gazed at the fireplace, and Seth wished he had the ring with him. The restaurant’s romantic setting seemed a better place to give her such an important token of his affection.

  Sarah took his hand in hers. “You seem lost in your thoughts.”