Then & Now

by Karen A. Leppert

  Sarah understood. Even though she fell into bed exhausted most nights, sleep eluded her—Seth bombarded her thoughts.

  Hearing Katie talk about Kyle partying made her anxiety soar. Six weeks was a long time. Her parents wanted them to take a break. Had Seth done just that? Pondering whether they would be together again proved unbearable. Having to see Seth and not be with him would be torture. Before camp, Sarah would have sworn they would be together forever. Now, with Katie telling her about Kyle, doubts crept in.

  SETH

  The alarm clock jarred Seth from a deep, dreamless sleep. Thank God. Four weeks down, two more to go.

  “You look terrible,” Mom said while loading his plate with eggs.

  He groaned and pushed the plate away. “I feel terrible.”

  “This has got to stop, Seth. Sarah won’t recognize you when she comes home.” Mom tugged at his jeans and then pulled at his beard. “That hides your handsome face.”

  Seth shrugged and groaned again. Although he was touched by the concern of his friends and family, it didn’t make him feel better. Only one person could do that, and she was two hours away.

  Seth had known he loved Sarah, but he’d had no idea, until the past four weeks, how much. He ached for her and not the ache he felt when they were together. That ache was one of lust, passion, and desire. Now, without Sarah, he suffered from a deep-rooted ache, an emptiness.

  “Wait ’til your father sees you. I’m sure he’ll agree with me.”

  Dad had gone on a cross-country road trip. Seth didn’t know how his parents dealt with being apart for long stretches of time, and he had developed a new appreciation for the strength of their marriage.

  But Mom knows Dad’s coming back to her. Four weeks down, two to go.

  He pulled into the garage, eager to see Kyle. Katie had gone to camp too but had come home for the weekend to attend a wedding. Seth held hopes she would bring news of Sarah. Perhaps a letter.

  Just after eight, Kyle stormed into the shop, cursing with Katie’s name thrown in now and then.

  “Hey, Kyle, what’s wrong?”

  Before he had a chance to explain, the bell on the door rang.

  Katie stormed at Kyle. “I know you have them. Give them back to me, right now!”

  Kyle held up an envelope. “You are such a bitch, you know that?”

  “I don’t care what you think of me anymore. Give me those…”

  Kyle threw the envelope toward her. A flurry of pictures flew in the air and floated to the floor.

  “Real nice, Kyle. You’re such an ass.”

  Seth walked over to Katie. “Here, let me help you.”

  She glared at him and nodded. Seth looked at the pictures and understood Kyle’s outrage. Katie was posing with several boys, even kissing one of them.

  “See what I’m talking about, Seth!” Kyle shouted.

  Seth frantically picked up as many of the photos as he could, searching for Sarah. Her face looked back at him, along with some boys. One in particular alarmed him. A boy stood behind Sarah with his arm around her shoulder. He held a bottle of beer. Sarah had a red cup in her hand, but Seth couldn’t tell if she was drunk or not. In another picture, the boy kissed Sarah’s cheek, and she was laughing. Seth tucked this photo in his pocket and looked through the other pictures. Sarah appeared in the background of several, always with the same boy.

  Katie screamed at Kyle right in Seth’s ear. It snapped him out of his dazed state, and their eyes met.

  “I’m sorry, Seth.” Katie took the pictures out of his hand, got up, exchanged more harsh words with Kyle, and stormed out.

  Seth stood on shaky legs.

  Kyle didn’t seem to notice—he was too busy ranting. “Can you believe Katie’s been cheating on me this whole time. I’m sorry you got dragged into that, Seth.”

  The room tilted at an odd angle, twisting Seth’s stomach in a nauseous knot. A strong desire to be alone, to look at the picture again, overwhelmed him.

  “It’s okay. I’m sorry about you and Katie.”

  “I wish I hadn’t wasted the past four weeks waiting around for her, you know?”

  “Yeah,” he mumbled.

  “I guess you saw those pictures of Sarah with that guy. If it helps any, I know how you feel.”

  Seth took the picture out of his pocket and examined it. Kyle came over and looked at it too. “It doesn’t mean Sarah’s with him.”

  “It sure looks that way. Did Katie mention Sarah?”

  “No. We were too busy screaming about her fooling around on me.”

  “Sarah’s parents wanted us to take a break. It looks like she took their advice.”

  The outside bell rang. “I’ll take care of that,” Kyle said. “Will you be okay?”

  “Sure.” Seth stumbled to the repair shop, clutching the picture in his hand. His entire world had come crashing down in the past ten minutes. Maybe Kyle was right. Although the picture looked incriminating, it didn’t mean Sarah had cheated on him. But it wasn’t the only picture of Sarah and the boy, and they sure looked like they were together.

  Two weeks remained before Sarah came home. A lot could happen in two weeks. Apparently, a lot had happened in the past four weeks. Had Sarah really taken a “break” from their relationship?

  On his way home from work, he debated whether to show the picture to his mother, to get her opinion. He didn’t want her to think badly of Sarah, especially if there was nothing to think badly about, so he decided to keep it to himself for now.

  “How was work?” Mom asked when he came in the house.

  “Busy,” he answered, trying to keep his emotions in check.

  “Oh, Johnny called. He, Kyle, and Matt are going out tonight. He wants you to call him.”

  Seth nodded and dialed the phone.

  “What’s up?” Johnny asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “That’s not what I heard. Kyle told me about Katie…and Sarah. I’m sorry.”

  Seth forced a laugh. “Good news travels fast.”

  “Why don’t you go out with us tonight, get wasted.”

  “Sounds good to me. What time?”

  “How about nine?”

  Seth showered to rid himself of the grime from the day’s work and bask in the solitude. Standing under the hot water, he felt numb, as if a hazy film lay over him, protecting him from the pain. He waited for it to hit him, to slap him in his face. Nothing. He welcomed the denial and planned to escape further by drinking until he passed out. If that didn’t work, he would find a fight.

  FROM BAD TO WORSE

  SARAH

  Sarah fought to control her foot on the gas pedal, her mind battling with her body to obey the speed limit. Katie had gotten the weekend off to attend a wedding, which presented the perfect opportunity for Sarah to sneak home and meet Seth without anyone of consequence knowing.

  Will had offered his car. Katie had left Thursday afternoon, but Sarah couldn’t leave until after the dinner shift ended on Friday. The two-hour drive gave her time to think, time to worry. The events that had led to her present situation came rushing back, and with them came anxiety, prompting second thoughts about this surprise reunion. Her heart, however, held such an overwhelming desire to see Seth it pushed any trepidation to the side, and she continued on her way.

  The dashboard’s clock pointed to nine when she arrived on the outskirts of town. The fluttering of her heart and stomach peaked when she turned onto Seth’s street and dropped at the sight of an empty driveway. This didn’t deter her plans, and she headed for the lake.

  When she turned onto the gravel road leading to the lake, the lights from an oncoming car blinded her. As it passed, she recognized Seth’s truck, but not the driver. She drove to the end of the road and turned around to follow it. The truck sped down the highway. Sarah honked the horn, but the driver didn’t slow down. Instead, he flipped her the bird.

  Afraid of provoking him further or causing an accident, she followed the truck at a safe d
istance, but she lost sight of it when it turned onto another dirt road, leading to several farms.

  Maybe Seth and his friends are going to one of those parties after all.

  Sarah worked her way down the road, looking for Seth’s truck in each driveway until she hit a dead end. A grass plot filled with cars sat off to the right with several wooden buildings ahead.

  Please, let it not be the stables.

  Although Sarah had heard of the stables—there had been whispers among the kids for as long as she could remember—she had questioned whether they truly existed. Local gossip included stories of an abandoned horse stable used for wild parties that catered to the men in town.

  She drove along the line of parked cars, looking for Seth’s truck, and saw familiar faces; they were all men—not one girl or woman in sight. Her suspicions became a reality, and she started to cry. Those cries turned to sobs when she saw that Seth’s truck sat among the others.

  You stupid girl. It’s time you face the truth. It’s staring you right in the face. What more do you need? I need to know for sure.

  She parked Will’s car and, pulling the hood on her sweatshirt up to conceal her face and keeping her head down, she joined the others walking toward the buildings. Everyone around her was in high spirits, seemingly because they’d indulged in too many. Music blared from the direction they headed, and a pungent combination of sweat, cigarette smoke, and alcohol hung heavy in the air.

  At the top of the hill, the back of the stables came into view. Fearing someone might recognize her if she went around front, she walked behind the buildings to peek through the broken planks of wood.

  Trees and brush surrounded the dilapidated building. The moonlight provided a path, but the journey proved difficult. Her legs tangled in the vines and undergrowth, causing her to stumble and fall along the way. When she arrived at the first stall and peered through a broken plank, she reeled back and fell into the underbrush, horrified at what she had seen.

  A crude light hung from the ceiling of the stall, and hay covered the floor. A worn-out sheet was draped over a rope where a door had once hung. Sarah supposed it was for privacy. After all, what the man and woman were doing in that stall needed to be kept private. She recognized the man; Mr. Pendleton owned the funeral home in town and had come into her parents’ store with his wife on several occasions.

  Tears trickled down her cheeks to the underbrush below. She wiped them away and went to the next stall. Another woman and another man. They were in the process of exchanging money so the curtain still lay open. Sarah strained to look beyond the stall but didn’t see Seth or any of his friends. She wished she had. That would have meant Seth wasn’t in one of the other stalls, that maybe he was just there to party.

  Working her way from one stall to the next, she promised to forget the familiar faces on the other side of the wall. She had almost reached the end when she found Seth. This she would never forget.

  SETH

  Seth picked up his friends then headed to the liquor store. Not just any booze would do tonight; he wanted something strong. Whiskey. They loaded his truck with all the alcohol they could carry and headed for the lake.

  Kyle bashed Katie and Sarah the entire ride. Matt joined in, but Johnny remained silent. Seth did too, drinking to dull his anger and pain.

  “This is lame,” Johnny said after tossing the football around for a while. “Let’s find a real party.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Kyle replied. “I want to hook up with somebody so bad tonight. Fuck Katie. Who needs her?”

  You do.

  “Where to?” Johnny asked.

  “I know exactly where we should go.” Kyle grinned and whispered in Johnny’s ear.

  Johnny directed Seth to turn down a familiar dirt road. They had been to parties at an old farmhouse here, but they passed that driveway and headed farther down the road. This looked familiar too.

  It was the old Hanson Stables, which hadn’t been open for a while. Not as horse stables anyway. They served another purpose altogether now; a place men went to get laid and party.

  Kyle searched his wallet for cash. “I wonder what they charge.”

  “I’ll lend you money,” Matt said. “I’m off the market.”

  “That’s right. You’re dating Lisa.” Kyle punched Matt in the arm and raced ahead of them, jumping up and down like a kid rushing to a ride at an amusement park.

  Matt shook his head. “Man, he’s hyped.”

  Johnny nodded. “He’s got something to prove tonight.”

  They arrived at the top of the hill and joined a crowd of men loitering in front of the old stables.

  “Booze and women…what a great combination!” Kyle took a swig from his bottle and ventured inside the stables with Seth and the others in tow.

  The building looked as if local hunters had used it for target practice. Some of the stall doors were missing, replaced with old sheets or blankets for privacy. Seth laughed. It didn’t stop some perverts from watching, getting off on someone else getting off.

  A group of boys stood outside an open stall, pressuring each other to go in. Kyle pointed to the woman inside the stall. “Are you going, Seth?”

  “N-no.”

  “Oh, yes you are.” Kyle pushed him into the stall, threw money in the air, and closed the curtain. “Consider this an early birthday present.” A flurry of bills floated down from the ceiling onto the floor.

  “So, it’s your birthday, is it?” a woman asked from behind him.

  Seth struggled to find his footing. “No.”

  “That’s what your friend said.” She smiled and grabbed his crotch. “Let’s see what you have to offer a girl.”

  He leaned against the wall for support. “I told you, it’s not my birthday.”

  “I like your belt.” She unbuckled it and threw it against the wall.

  Seth watched his belt buckle, his Christmas present from Sarah, hit the clapboard and fall to the floor. The woman pulled down his pants and boxers, and then she dropped to her knees and put him in her mouth. He responded to her touch, moaning and grimacing at the same time.

  “Nice,” she whispered.

  His hands pressed on her shoulders in a weak attempt to push her away. A war waged inside his body, the strong desire for release battled with his conscience. She must have sensed as much and laid on the floor, exposing herself to him. Losing his balance, he fell to his knees, his jeans wrapped around his ankles, his shoes still on his feet.

  The woman placed a condom on him and thrust him inside her. She began moaning, joining the men and women in the other stalls. Seth turned his face away from her and released himself into her. He rolled off the woman, grabbed his belt off the floor, and managed to stand despite the room rocking and swaying.

  “Let me help you with that.” The woman’s hands were on him again, removing the condom and pulling at his underwear and jeans.

  The sooner I’m gone, the sooner she can be on to her next client.

  “That was good, birthday boy!”

  “I bet you say that to everyone.”

  She shrugged and opened the curtain. Greedy, needy eyes stared back at him. Their faces sickened him, and he imagined how he looked to them. His stomach lurched, thrusting bile and booze to the back of his mouth. He ran outside and vomited in the bushes.

  Johnny and Matt caught up to him.

  “Seth, are you all right?” Johnny asked.

  “No.” He moaned and threw up again. “I’m going to the truck. Go find Kyle and meet me there.”

  “Matt, you go with Seth,” Johnny said.

  Seth stopped him. “No, I want to be alone. Find Kyle and come back when you’re ready.”

  He didn’t give them time to question him. He took off, stumbling down the road to his truck. Once inside, he looked in the rearview mirror and saw a stranger: a dirty, cheating scoundrel. He buried his face in his hands, berating himself.

  How could I let this happen? What am I going to tell Sarah? Should I
tell her at all?

  Johnny, Matt, and Kyle returned to the truck, and Seth braced for their reaction, especially Johnny’s.

  “Are you feeling better?” Matt asked.

  “Not really.”

  “You really overdid it tonight.”

  “In more ways than one,” Johnny said.

  Seth fought back tears. “I know I fucked things up.”

  “What are you going to tell Sarah?” Johnny asked.

  “He doesn’t owe Sarah a damn thing,” Kyle snapped. “She’s been cheating on him at camp. Fuck her, right, Seth?”

  “No, Kyle. Just because Sarah may have cheated on me doesn’t mean I had to…”

  Johnny took pity on him to a point. “Let’s get you home, but you’ll make this right with Sarah. If you don’t…”

  “Johnny, I’m begging you, please let me be the one to tell Sarah.”

  Matt interjected. “Johnny, don’t be such an ass. Seth feels bad enough. If he says he’ll tell Sarah, he will.”

  “Okay, but you better tell Sarah as soon as she gets back. If I find out you led her on, even for a day, I’ll tell her.”

  Seth pointed at Johnny. “You know what I think, Johnny? I think you can’t wait for me to tell Sarah so you can step in and take her from me.”

  “You’re so fucked up.”

  Seth grabbed Johnny by the collar and shook him. “Am I? You’ve never liked us dating. Admit it.”

  Johnny tried to release Seth’s grip on him. “You’re in no condition to be fighting with me.”

  “Yeah, let’s see,” he challenged and fell out of the car.

  Johnny got out of the truck and lunged at Seth. They rolled on the ground, throwing punches and swearing. Johnny pinned him down and started punching him, but Seth didn’t put up a fight. He wanted someone to hurt him. He wanted to be punished.

  Matt and Kyle pulled Johnny off him.