Then & Now

by Karen A. Leppert

  “I know you can. DJ, that little angel. He was my downfall. The day at the park…you were supposed to be in meetings all day.”

  Seth grimaced. “Your downfall? I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

  She gulped. “I’ve hurt your feelings. I’m sorry.”

  “And so you ran that day.” He shook his head.

  “Yes. I ran and ran. I was scared. Pat looked scared.”

  “How did I look to you?”

  “Handsome as ever. I hated that, by the way.” She blushed.

  “That’s not what I meant, but thank you. Did I look scared?”

  “No, surprised—as if you weren’t sure what you were seeing.”

  “You’re dead on. Don’t you want to know what I thought of you?”

  “No.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  “Well, I’ll tell you anyway. You looked different, still pretty but no longer a girl.” He blushed. “I thought you were just visiting.”

  “I know. I hoped Pat wouldn’t blow it. Nothing would’ve had to change.”

  “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  “I don’t mean that now.”

  “Of course you don’t.”

  Sarah could tell he didn’t believe her. “I think we need to change the subject again.”

  “What do you want to talk about?” He laughed and leaned toward her. Of course, she reacted by moving away from him. “Oh, I forgot. You must keep a…what…two-foot distance from me at all times. Is that one of their rules?”

  “No, it’s mine. I don’t want the lines of friendship to blur. This relationship is still in its infancy. I want this to work, Seth.”

  “Me too.”

  Sarah looked at her watch. “I have to get home. Newton must still be at Sam’s, and I want to go for a run with him before I have to leave for class.”

  “You really love that dog.”

  “I do. He was another gift from above at a bad time.”

  “I’m happy you found him.”

  “He’s the main man in my life. He loves me and doesn’t expect anything from me; he’s loyal to a fault; he doesn’t fight with me; he’s perfect.”

  Seth laughed. “When I picked him up from the corner? He sat in the front seat of my car like he owned it. I could’ve sworn he smiled at me.”

  “I’m surprised he didn’t bite you.”

  “You sound disappointed.”

  “A little. You were ruining everything. I knew I had no right to feel that way. After all, I intruded in your life. You were here first.”

  “This town’s big enough for both of us.”

  “You would think so. I never would’ve believed I’d run into you so much. Especially at that party. Jeez!”

  “That was some night. You got to see the celebrity machine in action. I never asked what you thought of my agent, Nancy.”

  “She needs medication, but seems to have your best interests at heart.”

  “Of course she does. I’m her bread and butter.”

  “It’s more than that. You should be grateful to have her. I didn’t get the impression she thought much of me. I made a mess of things that night.”

  “No, I did. I should’ve known better, but I couldn’t let you walk to the car alone. If something had happened to you…”

  “Something did happen. Thank goodness for Nancy. You have to admire her quick thinking, and her plan worked so well. Even I believed Serafina and I were the same person, and that’s a real stretch.”

  “Serafina.” Seth smiled.

  Sarah could only imagine why. “Yeah, Serafina. Wow!”

  “She’s a piece of work.”

  “It looks like she’s had work done.” She regretted the comment the minute it left her lips. “I apologize. I suppose I’m jealous. It’s hard being around so many beautiful people. It makes us ordinary folk seem…well…ordinary. Oh, I didn’t mean you were ordinary. Of course, you know that.”

  He laughed. “I have trouble keeping up with you sometimes. I’d like to say something about your last comment.”

  “Don’t…”

  “Some other time, perhaps.”

  “Perhaps, but for now, I have to leave. Thanks for last night. I bet a lot of women have said that to you.” Sarah held up her hand instantly, scolding herself. “I’m sorry. My bad again. I’m going to leave before I get myself into more trouble.”

  Seth shook his head. “I’ll walk you out.”

  Sarah’s heart had been pounding the whole time, exhilarated by having Seth all to herself, talking one on one with him and, more importantly, getting along with him. His movie star status was still distracting. Would she ever think of him differently…not as her first love…not as this famous celebrity…just as a good friend? If not, what a fun cross to bear, looking at him and talking to him. She could live with that.

  TODAY

  SETH

  Once again, Seth found himself sitting on a plane waiting for takeoff. His hands shook as he dialed Sarah’s number. No answer.

  Despite his conscience’s warning to take things slow, Seth needed to talk to Sarah, and it had to be today. The little voice inside his head had been joined by another, less compassionate, voice screaming his objection to Seth’s friendship with Sarah.

  Seth and Derrick had almost come to blows while driving home from getting in one last basketball game before Seth headed to Colorado.

  “I don’t understand why you want anything to do with that bitch! She fucked another man…got pregnant by him? Damn, Seth. You were a wreck.” Derrick shook his head. “She’ll hurt you again; I’d bet money on it.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Then what is it? Do you want to fuck her? Then do it. It would serve her right. Fuck her and then dump her, just like she dumped you!”

  Derrick would never understand, and Seth knew why. His brother had no emotional attachment to Sarah, which made it easy to hate her. Seth, on the other hand, could forgive Sarah because he had loved her. His heartstrings had been pulled but not severed.

  “I just need to do this, for myself.”

  “This is bad. She doesn’t want you, she wants all you have.”

  “I don’t believe that’s true. I’m the one who sought Sarah out.”

  Derrick gasped. “I don’t want to hear this. I never dreamed you’d want her back in your life. It was bad enough when Pat got in touch with her.”

  “I can see I’m not going to change your mind. Can we at least come to a truce, agree not to discuss Sarah at all?”

  “I’ll try,” he conceded, half-heartedly.

  “That’s all I ask. Thank you.”

  They parted on good terms, but Seth knew it wouldn’t last. Derrick held grudges and had a hard time with forgiveness. Hence, another battle over Sarah hovered like a threatening storm. She was worth weathering that storm for, especially today.

  As soon as the flight attendant gave the passengers permission to unbuckle their seatbelts and move about the cabin, Seth dialed Sarah again. This time she answered.

  “H-hey, it’s me, Seth,” he stammered into the phone.

  “Is anything wrong?”

  “No, I’m on my way to Colorado.”

  “You’re on the plane now?”

  “Yeah. Sarah, I wanted to talk to you today.” He hoped she understood. The silence on the other end indicated she did.

  “I know,” she said.

  He sighed. “I’m glad you remembered. I don’t know why, but it means a lot to me.”

  “I don’t know what to say. This is the anniversary that never was.” She chuckled yet Seth heard pain in her voice.

  “Yes. Happy Un-anniversary.”

  “Happy Un-anniversary to you too.”

  A tear rolled down his cheek. “I know it’s too soon, we’re still working this friendship thing out, but I’m compelled to say something to you today.”

  “Go ahead. I’ll blame it on the air pressure.”

&nbs
p; After a deep breath, he whispered into the phone, “I can’t help but wonder what might have been today.”

  “Me too.”

  He looked out the window. “You tell me something now. I want to hear you humiliate yourself.”

  “Okay. I wish we had our time at the cabin, by the lake, in front of the fireplace.” Sarah blurted it out so quickly, it took a minute for the words to sink in.

  “Sarah, thank you for that.” Her words weighted down his heart.

  “It’s the truth, Seth.”

  “We would’ve been good together.” The phone made his admission easier to voice.

  “Yes, the old Seth and Sarah would have had their moment together. We, the new Seth and Sarah, will have moments too, just different ones. You’ll see.”

  But I’m still the old Seth. “I hope so.”

  “Let’s concentrate on our new relationship. I had a good time last Tuesday and Wednesday morning.”

  “I did too,” he admitted with a stronger voice.

  “And I make a great friend, much better than a girlfriend. I sucked at that.”

  Seth couldn’t allow such negative thoughts. “No, you didn’t.”

  “Seth, go with me on this. I’m trying to slant this in the right direction.”

  “Oh, I guess I’m not in the mood for looking ahead. Not today.”

  “Well, get in the mood. Hey, you should be looking forward to this trip. Horseback riding, the cattle ranch, the beautiful Colorado mountains. Need I say more? Oh! You might meet someone. How about that? You should check out their nightlife.”

  “You’re really something, for an ex-girlfriend.”

  “Who’s now your friend. Do you want to feel better? I’m going to dinner with Kathy and Molly. Talk about a good time.”

  Seth laughed. “You win.”

  “Thanks, I think.” She paused. “Are you okay? You sound like something else is wrong.”

  “I’m not looking forward to being away so long.”

  “When will you be back?”

  “I hope before Thanksgiving.”

  “That is a long time. Why don’t you have Johnny or Keith fly up?”

  “That’s a good idea.”

  “Well, I’m at my car. Do you want to talk more?”

  “I suppose not. Sarah, thanks.”

  “No, thank you. I’m touched you remembered and bothered to call. Most guys wouldn’t.”

  “I would’ve given anything to hear your voice over the past seven years on this day. I’m not going to let pride stand in my way.”

  “I can imagine it wasn’t easy.”

  “Thanks for understanding. I’ll let you go. Have a good day.”

  “You too. Be safe and take care. Goodbye.”

  The phone went dead and so did his heart. This is bad.

  SARAH

  Sarah sat in the car for a long time playing the game of “What Could Have Been” once again, though this year the pain had worsened. Melancholy set in, especially after Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning.

  Her feelings were getting out of hand, and she hoped the six weeks Seth was away in Colorado might provide a reality check on the situation. In the meantime, she concentrated on school, work, and dinner with her sisters. Ugh!

  Dinner went as well as expected, especially since Sarah and Seth’s relationship had prompted the gathering.

  Sarah felt like a sacrificial lamb brought to the slaughter. Kathy, plagued with her infertility problems, didn’t add much to the conversation. Molly, on the other hand, was on a mission. Keep Sarah away from Seth.

  “This is for your own good too. Derrick would have your head on a platter if he could get away with it. He and Seth argued over you before he left. Is this worth jeopardizing Seth’s relationship with his brother?”

  “Is what worth it? There’s nothing going on. We had dinner with Abby and your boyfriend. Ask Johnny. He’ll tell you it was completely platonic.”

  “Johnny.” Molly sneered. “I talked to him, or rather yelled at him.”

  “That’s not fair, Molly. You’re lucky to have Johnny. I wouldn’t push him. He might just get sick of your…”

  “Johnny and I are fine. It’s you and Seth…”

  “There is no me and Seth. We’re just friends.”

  “Why do you have to be friends with him?”

  “Ask him. He invited himself to our dinner and movie night. Maybe he likes Abby.”

  Kathy chimed in. “I think Sarah’s right. Why don’t you talk to Seth?”

  “It’s not Seth’s problem, though I just might if I can’t talk sense into Sarah.”

  Sarah huffed. “I’m not going to end my friendship with Seth. I walked away from him once before, and I won’t be the bad guy again. If he wants out, then fine. Otherwise, I’m here to stay.”

  “Is that so?” Molly challenged.

  “Yes.”

  “We’ll just see about that. This isn’t over.”

  “I’m sure it’s not.”

  LUNCH AND DINNER

  SARAH

  The past several weeks had been a whirlwind, and Sarah felt swept up in it. Thanksgiving came and went without too much drama, mostly because Sarah worked a catering job at a television executive’s estate.

  Sarah saw no end in sight until after the New Year. Work was crazy during the holidays. No one cooked, so Pizza Pizza was super busy. Sarah’s encounters with frazzled shoppers at Macy’s left her the same, and then she contended with drunken patrons at holiday parties she waitressed for Bon Appétit. Add in Christmas shopping, wrapping presents, decorating the tree, baking cookies…the list kept growing, and Sarah kept going, and going, and going, just like the Energizer Bunny.

  In fact, she had promised DJ a sleepover after working at Macy’s. He wanted to make ornaments for her Christmas tree.

  What was I thinking?

  To Sarah’s disdain, her sales manager relegated her to the perfume counter, where she spent an arduous hour trying to find a scent for an indecisive customer. Seth showed up and distracted the woman so much she bought a bottle of perfume Sarah hadn’t showed her.

  After handing the bag to the customer, she turned her attention to Seth. “And how may I help you?”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Have lunch with me?”

  She took a step back to clear her head. “Oh, I can’t go until one.”

  “I have more shopping to do.” He looked at his watch. “Where do you usually eat lunch?”

  “The Lunch Counter in the food court.”

  “I’ll meet you there, around one?” His eyes implored her, and Sarah knew exactly how the customer had felt.

  “I’d like that. I may be a little late, depending on when Maureen, the other sales associate, returns.”

  With a wink and a smile, Seth replied, “No problem. I’ll wait.”

  “Okay.”

  Luck was on her side. Maureen came back from her break early. Sarah had just sat down at a booth when Seth came out of a store opposite The Lunch Counter, followed by several autograph seekers. She sat back and enjoyed the opportunity to watch him with abandon.

  Moments passed before he slipped into the booth.

  Sarah motioned to the crowd dispersing. “Is it always like this?”

  “Not always,” he answered without conviction and looked at the menu. “I’m starving. What are you ordering?”

  “A banana split.”

  “For lunch?”

  “What? It has fruit, and the ice cream’s a great source of calcium.”

  With an amused chuckle, he shook his head and said, “I’m having a burger.” He closed the menu and looked at her.

  “Do you ever get used to the attention?” she asked.

  “No.”

  “How do you deal with it?”

  “I’m still learning. Most people are nice, but some can be aggressive, like they own a piece of me.”

  “I couldn’t stand it. I watched before. They touch you, all over.”

  Seth nodded. “I
n the beginning, I felt every hand on me. Now, nothing.”

  “Really!”

  “Really. This is when it’s most difficult. I just want to enjoy a quiet meal with a friend.”

  “How do your girlfriends handle it?”

  “I don’t date much,” he answered matter-of-factly. “Most women like the attention, having their picture in magazines. You know, someone may be taking our picture right now. They may think you’re my girlfriend.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not your type.”

  “Sarah, we dated. You are my type.”

  “That was a long time ago. I’ve seen pictures of the women you’ve dated since we broke up. I’m definitely not your type anymore.”

  The waitress approached, thankfully putting a halt to the conversation.

  “Are you ready to order?” She looked directly at Seth.

  Seth ignored the waitress’s unabashed awe. “Sarah?”

  “I’d like a banana split, please.”

  Seth handed over the menu. “I’ll have the bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke. Thank you.” He turned his attention back to Sarah. “So, are you going home for Christmas?”

  Sarah groaned. “No. I can’t afford it.”

  “You know, I could…”

  “Don’t even go there.”

  “For now. When was the last time you went home?”

  “I haven’t been home since I moved here.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  “Terribly.”

  “Will you stay here after graduation?”

  “No!”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t fit in. I hope Kathy and Jeff have a baby soon.” Sarah hesitated, having forgotten babies and her “pregnancy” were forbidden topics. Seth didn’t seem to notice. “I want to spend time with their baby instead of being a long-distance aunt. You can understand; you get to see DJ all the time.”

  He nodded. “It’s great having most of my family and friends here. It gives me a strong foundation to lean on.”

  “What about your mother?”

  “She’s content to visit. I miss her, but she finds it difficult dealing with my career.” He blushed.

  “I know how she feels. Do you have many friends outside of the business?”

  “Besides family and old friends, no.”

  “I guess it’s hard to form relationships when you’re away so much.”