Between Darkness & Light

by Theresa Van Spankeren

  I had an odd thought. “Kali, are you one of those people? Ones without a destiny?”

  She smiled. “Maybe I am. Pay attention to your dreams, Julia. They may tell you something.”

  “Unfortunately, all my dreams have been of the past lately. None have had anything that could be the future. I haven’t had one of those dreams for years.”

  She shrugged and headed for the door. “It’s late; I need to go to bed.”

  “Wait. Is Lane one of those people?”

  Stopping, she looked back at me. “Why are you so curious about him? From what I know most vampires don’t care to know about him.”

  “The reason I’m curious is because he contradicts everything everyone else tells me about him. Therefore, I want to know. Is he one of those people?”

  Kali tilted her head, her gray eyes studying me thoughtfully. “What do you think, Julia?”

  “At the moment, I’m thinking you and Lane have an uncanny resemblance.” I paused a moment. “Actually, I think that would make the answer yes, he is one of you.”

  “I never said I was one.”

  “Now I’m thinking I rarely get a straight answer out of you,” I sighed. “Go to bed, Kali.”

  I was surprised to hear her laugh. “Good night, Julia,” she answered and left the room. I rejoined the others a moment later. Samuel and Mary Anne were talking in a corner. They glanced at me but never stopped their discussion.

  Jeffrey was taking the last of their supplies upstairs to the loft. He smiled as I passed him. “Matthew thought it was a good idea to continue letting you and Samuel have your own rooms down here. He’s giving up his tiny room so Kali can have her own room as well.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to crowd all of you upstairs,” I said.

  “The two rooms span almost the length of the downstairs. We won’t be crowded. Besides, I would rather be a little cramped than get in the way if you or Samuel have a fit.” I frowned and he added, “No offense meant, of course.”

  I sighed and headed over to where Matthew was showing Stephen one of the crossbows. “Be careful, Stephen. Matthew’s dangerous with that thing,” I joked.

  They turned to me. “Hello, Julia,” Stephen said with a smile. Again, I had to admire how the scrawny boy had developed into a robust young man over the last five years. The hollows in his cheekbones had filled out and he packed lean muscle onto both his arms and legs.

  “Good to see you, Stephen,” I replied. I embraced him as warmly as I had Kali. Both humans were like my adopted children.

  Matthew shook his head, then stuck out his tongue at me. “You can’t trust Julia with any weapons,” he said with a snicker.

  Stephen laughed. “I wouldn’t trust either of you.”

  Matthew pouted. “Fine then,” he replied putting down the crossbow. “Come on, Stephen, I’ll show you where you can sleep.”

  As soon as they left the room I was able to hear Mary Anne’s and Samuel’s discussion, which was more like an argument at the moment. “You didn’t have to come down,” Samuel said.

  “Yes, I did. I was worried about you,” Mary Anne answered.

  He shook his head. “You shouldn’t worry so much.”

  “I wish you would worry more. You haven’t been concerned about anything in years. Samuel, Matthew told me what you tried to do.”

  “It’s none of your business!”

  “It is when you try to kill yourself!”

  “Oh, Mary Anne, I wish you all had just left me alone.”

  “We’re only concerned about you.”

  “I’m better,” he stated and retreated to his room.

  Mary Anne looked at me. “How is he really, Julia?” she asked with surprising boldness. Her expression was clearly troubled.

  “He is better. Honestly. We talk and he’ll sit out with us.” I shrugged and continued, “The other day he almost called me Sunshine.”

  “He still seems withdrawn, almost as much as he was when he took off.”

  “He’s been like this for three days, since he almost called me Sunshine. I think he may be a little overwhelmed with the last few days’ events.”

  “Matthew would say I was crazy, but I’m actually looking forward to meeting Lane,” she said, changing the subject.

  Surprised, I asked, “Really?”

  She nodded. “I’m starting to think that the entire vampire community, Resistance included, had been too quick to judge. When you think about it, your encounter with him proves that. I’m surprised you weren’t terrified when you met him the second time.”

  “The second time I saw him he had just kept me from being staked. Being scared of him never crossed my mind. I was a little panicked, but not really frightened. I’ve been in hell. Not much scares me anymore.”

  “What does?”

  “Waking up to find I’m back in that hellhole I was in all those years ago.”

  “Do not worry about that,” she said. “I think I’m going to bed. I’m sure we’ll do some prowling around tomorrow night.”

  “Sleep well, Mary Anne.”

  She walked to the ladder. “You too, Julia.” She smiled. “Another thing to think about . . . as strange as Lane may seem to us, he’ll probably think we’re just as strange – if not odder. I mean, how many vampire groups have humans living with them?”

  “Only us, I think. Not living with humans is one of Valentino’s strictest rules.”

  “Exactly,” she said and headed upstairs.

  I shook my head and laughed. Only a certain few can sound so damn happy to say they were breaking rules and disobeying orders. I turned and retired to my bedroom.

  ***

  Gregory leaned against the wall of our room next to the bed. “You never were able to fight me, Juliana. Why do you think this time will be different?”

  I glared at him from the doorway. “It’ll be different this time. I’m stronger now. And I will never submit to you again.”

  Gregory chortled, the sound lewd. “But you already have. You’re weak, Juliana. You’ve proven you’re the same as I am.”

  “Like hell I am!” I shouted. “I’m nothing like you.”

  “Of course – that’s why you couldn’t save that brat I killed.”

  “You leave Marie out of this,” I growled.

  He laughed again. “And why you slept with the enemy of your lover and killed one of his friends.”

  “Be quiet!” I frowned. At first I had thought this was a nightmare, but now I realized this felt odd, more like the visions I had several years ago. It felt as if he was actually there, talking to me.

  “I’m looking forward to meeting you again. Your friends have hell to pay, Juliana.”

  I stepped toward him. “You leave them –” I started but he disappeared. I sighed in frustration.

  Seconds later, the landscape changed to a dense forest. “Are you still wondering what reincarnation and possession are?”

  I turned to look behind me. “Kali! This is my dream . . . isn’t it?”

  She laughed. “Yes. I’m only ‘visiting.’ Are you still curious?”

  I nodded. “If you’ll give me a direct answer.”

  She smiled. “Reincarnation means to be born again. A soul returns to another body.”

  “Why did you bring this up earlier?”

  “Everyone gets reincarnated. A soul gets at least one more chance to correct their mistakes.”

  I frowned. “Sorry. I don’t believe that. He went to Hell and that’s where he’s staying.”

  “Who? Your husband?”

  I nodded. “Exactly.”

  “He will eventually get another opportunity too. It is the nature of things. A soul is allowed a second chance to make things right or learn a lesson they were unable to in the previous one.”

  “He’s evil; he doesn’t deserve another chance.”

  Kali shrugged. “I didn’t make the rules.”

  “You also mentioned possession. Is that what I think it is? The Gospels fr
om the Bible describing possession are true?”

  “In essence, yes. The Bible discusses it in terms of demons, but any spirit is capable of possession.”

  “Spirits can possess the living any time they wish?” I asked uneasily.

  She shook her head. “They need permission to take over someone. Or they wear down a victim’s psychic defenses so much that they can take over that way.”

  I shivered at the creepy idea. “Could Gregory have been trying to take me over five years ago?”

  Running her hands down her dress, she replied, “I do not know. It is possible you were under psychic attack by him. Being able to manifest made the attack much more powerful.”

  “If that is true, is it possible that I simply sensed the psychic attack, and I don’t actually have the ability to see the dead?”

  Kali flashed a knowing smile. “I think you have that backward, Julia. Pay attention to one’s eyes. Every religion believes that the eyes are the windows to the soul.”

  “Kali –” I started but the dream disintegrated.

  ***

  I stood in front of my wardrobe, the images from last night replaying in my head. I was also relieved that Mary Anne had brought down four more dresses and another set of men’s clothes. I wasn’t sure what the night would bring, so it was hard to decide what to wear. If I knew we were going to be battling someone, I would choose the trousers and tunic shirt. I would choose a fancier dress if we were going to mingle with humans in the city. Finally, I compromised between the ideas and chose the simple black dress.

  Shortly after, I walked into the main room. Mary Anne was watching Stephen and Jeffrey playing chess at the table. Matthew and Kali were sitting in a corner of the room, talking. “Evening,” I greeted.

  “Hello, Julia,” Stephen said, glancing up from the board.

  I smiled at the chess players as I made my way toward the other two. “What are you discussing?”

  “You,” Matthew answered cheerfully.

  Kali looked up. “Tactful, Matthew,” she murmured and smiled at me. Her dress was similar to mine and her unbraided black hair fell in gentle waves around her shoulders.

  “You were in my dream again,” I said, somewhat exasperated.

  She nodded. “I hope I answered your question.”

  “Yes. Thank you. How do you manage to get into them?”

  “Telepathy,” she replied.

  I looked at Matthew. “I’m not sure what you are talking about regarding me, but you asked me to tell you about any odd dreams. Before Kali appeared, I was having a strange one.”

  “Tell us about it.”

  I described the surroundings and everything that was said. By the time I was done, Matthew looked confused and Kali appeared thoughtful. “Could it have been just a nightmare?” Matthew asked her.

  “I do not think so, but I am not sure what it means yet,” she said. “Thank you for telling us.”

  I fidgeted a moment before clearing my throat. “So, you were discussing me?”

  “I was consulting Matthew about what he knew. You were very thorough when explaining things to him.”

  “I only tried to follow your advice.” They exchanged a look. “What?”

  “After comparing what we knew, we have a couple more questions,” Matthew said.

  My stomach knotted up at the words. I was acutely aware of the three pairs of eyes suddenly on us from the other side of the room. Feeling light-headed, I closed my eyes and struggled to draw in a deep breath.

  “Julia, you look as if you are about to faint. Sit,” Kali said. I opened my eyes, but remained standing. “We aren’t interrogating you. We want to help, but I think you forgot to tell us something.”

  “Ask your questions.”

  “Why didn’t you stake Samuel? Why did you run away instead?” Matthew questioned. He pitched his voice so it did not carry past the room we were in. He must not have wanted Samuel to overhear the conversation.

  The memory hit me so hard; every sense was overwhelmed. The smell of spilt blood mixed with the earthy musk of the forest. I felt the smoothness of the stake in my hand as I stared at Samuel below me. The girl’s melodious voice talking. “Julia, what are you doing? This isn’t you. This is not true power you are seeking. You already had that strength. Julia, you’re taking blame that isn’t yours . . . until now.”

  “I realized I still loved him. It was her voice. It seemed to unlock memories I forgot,” I mumbled as the recalled memory engulfed me and the room around me faded completely.

  Chapter 10

  “That was intense,” Jeffrey’s voice pierced though the fog I was in. “Next time, I would prefer a little more warning before someone drags me along through their recollection.”

  “I do not believe she meant to take us along with her,” Mary Anne replied. “It was a telepathic accident.”

  I struggled to reorient myself. Although I heard their voices, all I seemed to see was trees. “Julia, can you hear me? Open your eyes.” A warm hand gently shook my shoulder.

  Seconds later, Matthew and Kali both came into focus, knelt down beside me. Befuddled, my gaze darted around the room. I didn’t remember closing my eyes, didn’t remember falling. Yet, here I was on the floor. “What happened? Why am I on the floor?” I whispered.

  “Your recollection was a little more vivid than we expected. You collapsed during it,” Kali explained.

  “I never answered your questions,” I said, panicked.

  “You did, in fact. You shared it with everyone in the room but Stephen. We saw, felt, and heard everything you did,” Matthew said, as he helped me into a sitting position on the floor.

  “Apparently, I have no telepathic abilities at all,” Stephen quipped with a small laugh.

  I flushed, embarrassed by the knowledge that they experienced that so intimately. “You must really think I’m daft after seeing that.”

  Mary Anne and Jeffrey were silent. I felt Matthew’s reassuring hand land on my left shoulder again. “Whose voice was that?” I looked at him in confusion. “The woman’s voice near the end of that memory?”

  “You could hear her?”

  “As Matthew said, it was your memory, Julia. We experienced it through you. What you saw, we saw. What you heard, we heard,” Kali added.

  “At the time, I thought it was my conscience. A few weeks ago, I discovered it was her. The young woman who’s been visiting. I think she somehow freed all those happy memories.”

  I sensed rather than saw the looks exchanged. I felt my cheeks grow even hotter under their stares. Abruptly, Matthew sat down in front of me. He looked very concerned and solemn. “Julia, do you understand what happened to you in regard to those memories?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not even sure I realized they were missing until they flooded over me that night.”

  “I am willing to guess Valentino did that. He erases memories.”

  “He removed entire decades of Samuel’s memory. Why would he erase just a few of Julia’s? And when would he have done it?” Jeffrey said from across the room.

  “I was with him for two nights. I guess he could have done it then without me knowing. I don’t know why he didn’t purge more.”

  “Valentino uses his power as a weapon, same as anyone else. It wouldn’t surprise me if reading his victims’ memories is also a facet of his power. Julia was already vulnerable due to other circumstances. He simply needed to figure out what to eliminate to get the result he wanted,” Kali replied.

  “There was the night you fought him alone. When you returned to us at Kali’s, you had serious physical injuries. Otherwise, you seemed fine. You knew where you were, who you were with, why we were

  there . . .” Mary Anne sighed. “Unlike with Samuel, there was no reason to suspect memory tampering.”

  “Let’s say he did tamper with your memories. Would that explain the dreams or voices?” Stephen asked.

  Kali shook her head. “It might have caused increased distress which may have m
ade those things worse, but there’s no direct correlation.”

  I looked toward her. “You still suspect I have the ability to communicate with the dead. And they were psychically attacking me.”

  She nodded as Jeffrey spoke again. “Should we be worried that she now believes she’s seeing the ‘spirit’ of that other voice?”

  Kali shrugged. “I do not think so, but I cannot be sure.” She got up and resumed her seat. Her gaze drifted to a candle on a table nearby.

  “From what I’ve been told and sensed through Julia’s memory, that girl may indeed be a spirit. If true, she appears to be a protective one. Hers wouldn’t be the voices or phantoms I would be concerned about,” Matthew stated.

  Jeffrey looked a little apprehensive but turned back to his game with Stephen. Mary Anne also turned away to tend to the fire. I felt exposed as I let Matthew help me up onto a seat between him and Kali. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for everyone to see that. I was only trying to answer your question.”

  “Do not be sorry. You gave us valuable information. Besides, that is simply a hazard of being telepathic. Trying to show or explain something to someone can get a little out of hand.”

  I tried to smile, but it seemed unnatural. I turned to watch Kali meditate, trying to focus on something else. It was fascinating to watch the human girl slip into a deep meditative state. Her breathing deepened and her eyes appeared to glaze over. She was still, other than the movement of her chest.

  I remembered what Matthew had told me about this technique and learning to control my emotions so I also focused on the candle. My anxiety faded and I felt calmer. I looked away when I saw him smirk. A moment later the flame began to flicker wildly.

  “Do you mind?” Kali asked, giving him an irritated look. “I believe Julia and I were both using this.”

  Matthew shrugged at us. “Sorry.” He started talking to Mary Anne and the candle stopped flickering. Kali and I both resumed our activity.

  Samuel finally came in a little later. He looked around and muttered, “Chess, meditation, and philosophy?”

  I glanced up to see the other vampires shrug. “If it keeps everyone busy, why not?” Jeffrey said.