Silver Lining

by Diana Simmonds

  She hummed the tune after she ran out of words and finally Clancy’s tears subsided. She took in a gulping, trembling breath and settled against Amanda, leaning close, the strong back moving almost imperceptibly against her breasts and hips, snuggled so that their lower bodies were perfectly spooned. Amanda kept on humming and swallowed an unexpected ripple of pleasure; she made a mighty effort to ignore the heat and tingling in her crotch but it was difficult. Amanda took a deep breath and tried to think about the more pressing matters of the global economy, rather than the physical pressing that was beginning to matter to her body.

  “Obviously I don’t have all the answers,” she said, in a voice carefully neutral and not betraying the stirring inside. “In fact, I suspect you’d say I don’t have any.” She thought about their exchanges to this point and snorted on a giggle. “Given that according to you I’ve singlehandedly plunged the world into economic chaos, you’d be aware that I don’t have the answers. But I’m a creative thinker and if we could all talk about all this, maybe we could all figure out a way of navigating through. That’s what banks do all the time anyway. It’s what I do—in a different context—but I do it. And a bunch of heads is way better than one or two. What do you reckon?”

  Clancy said nothing but sniffed. Amanda dug down into her jeans pocket and found a handkerchief.

  “It’s clean,” she said and pushed it into Clancy’s hand. They stood silent for another long moment then Clancy’s shoulders lifted in a tremulous sigh and she vigorously blew her nose. “Thanks,” she muttered from deep within the handkerchief. “I think you’re the only person I’ve ever known—aside from my grandmother—who actually carries a real, clean white handkerchief!”

  Amanda grinned and gave Clancy a squeeze. “Then you obviously didn’t cry when you were visiting my mother,” she said and they both laughed. The moments ticked by and still they stood, Clancy clasped within the comfort of Amanda’s arms, as the Pacific rollers boomed and broke on the rocks far beneath them. Amanda breathed deeply of the sharp, salt-laden air and was thankful for the sound of the breakers, hoping it masked the pounding of her heart as she savored the ocean scent mixing with the honey-flower perfume of Clancy’s skin. Refusing to think or stop to consider her actions, she closed her eyes to the bright morning and rested her forehead against the back of Clancy’s head, surrendering to the twin sensations of peace and excitement that were coursing through her veins. She knew what she was doing was foolish and just asking for Clancy’s sharpest retort. But somehow the vulnerability she had been privy to had melted her caution and the underlying antagonism that always seemed to spark between them.

  They stood on the sandstone bluff, so still and serene that, right by their feet, a dozen needle-beaked honeyeaters went about their foraging business. Flitting among the stunted she-oaks, banksias and melaleucas that covered the cliff top around them, the birds highlighted the peace of the morning. Then, Clancy shifted within Amanda’s light clasp and began to turn within the circle of her arms. Amanda held her breath and loosened her grip, but Clancy did not pull away and Amanda did not step back. Then they were facing each other, so close Amanda could feel Clancy’s warm breath on her face; she stared into Clancy’s teary gray eyes as they searched her own. Her heart began to beat harder and faster while Clancy slowly took Amanda’s face tenderly between her hands. Amanda heard time stop and she watched Clancy’s eyes as, with extreme deliberation, her emotional hunger was revealed. She slowly inclined her head to kiss Amanda and whispered, “We’re both stone-cold sober this time. If you don’t want this to happen, now’s the time to say something.”

  Amanda swallowed her shock. She opened her mouth to say she knew not what and heard herself murmur, “I have nothing to say.”

  Clancy held her gaze for another moment then kissed her uncompromisingly hard. The sensation was unnerving even as Amanda anticipated it and in a heartbeat, the sensual softness of Clancy’s full, confident lips devouring hers sent fresh tremors coursing through her body. She heard, as if from afar, her own gasp of surprise as her lips opened further to Clancy’s insistence and yearning. She exclaimed at the strength of feeling that sparked between them and she clasped Clancy’s long body into her own until their breasts, their breath and their heartbeats melded. Without hesitation their tongues entwined and explored inner warmth and secret feelings. Amanda savored the heat that flowed into her through the touch of Clancy’s hands and lips. In turn she greedily feasted on the sweetness of Clancy’s mouth, the scent of her breathing, and delighted in the sudden freedom to caress the rippling flesh and muscles of her back. Amanda thrust her fingers through the silky thickness of Clancy’s hair, cradling her head with ferocious tenderness.

  “I’ve wanted this so long,” she heard herself sigh and even as the words startled her, she knew it to be true.

  “Oh I bet you have! Get your hands off her, you whore!”

  Clancy and Amanda tore apart from each other as the furious shout ripped the morning to shreds. Standing on the path between them and the way back to the house, fists on hips and her pretty face twisted with rage and jealousy, a short, dark-haired woman was an oddly menacing sight. Amanda knew she was staring at her, open-mouthed and wide-eyed in shock; at the same time the southerly breeze teased open her unbuttoned shirt and the furious eyes blazed hotter as they settled on Amanda’s breasts. “Oh cute,” she spat. “Put your tits away, you slut!”

  “For Pete’s sake, Jane, stop it.” Clancy stepped between Amanda and the angry woman, her voice hard and cold. “Just stop it. What are you doing here?”

  Amanda struggled to button her shirt with shaking fingers as the sexual craving that was still coursing through her veins rapidly curdled into the sourness of embarrassment and anger.

  “What am I doing here?” Jane’s words were spat from between clenched teeth. “You were supposed to meet me in town for coffee this morning. But I can see why you forgot. I came to see if you were okay—and Jessie very helpfully led me here. At least she knows where her loyalty lies.”

  At the sound of her name Jessie came bounding out of the undergrowth and snuffled at Clancy’s hand, whining and looking worried. Clancy rubbed her hand over the dog’s head, reassuring the worried brown eyes.

  “It’s okay, Jess,” she said quietly to the Labrador. “It’s okay.” She looked at Jane and Amanda and back again, shaking her head helplessly. “Jane, you’re being ridiculous. Amanda—I’m sorry—this is a mess.” She shrugged and couldn’t quite look Amanda in the eye.

  “A mess! Damn it, Clancy, I haven’t seen you since Malcolm got home and now I know why! When were you going to tell me, huh?”

  “Tell you what, Jane? Damn it, I will not…”

  “You will not what?” Jane yelled, arms akimbo and muscular legs aggressively spread. “Don’t come Lady High and Mighty with me, Ms. Darling!”

  Amanda put her hands to her ears and gulped down the beginnings of a treacherous sob. The rising bile in her throat was a harsh mixture of humiliation and disappointment—at herself, at Clancy and at this hideous turn of events. She pushed past Clancy and tried to sidestep around Jane whose sharp elbow jabbed her in the side and interrupted her progress.

  “Let me pass, please,” Amanda muttered. What is it that makes some women think they can bully me? But still Jane blocked her path, glowering up at her like a rabid pit bull.

  “Ooh! ‘Let me pass’? Who do you think you are, sweetheart?” Jane planted a fist on each hip. Her face was beet red and she peered up into Amanda’s face and growled, “And you can stop looking down your silly American nose at me.”

  Amanda’s mouth fell open and a small bomb went off in her head. “That’s rich!” she spat, fury suddenly taking over. “I can’t help it if you’re a midget. The only way I can’t look down at you is if I sit!”

  From behind her she heard a stifled snort and knew Clancy was trying to swallow a laugh, but she was too crushed by embarrassment to enjoy it even when Clancy moved quickly to her side
and took her arm. Amanda shook it off even as Clancy pleaded, “Amanda, wait, let me explain…” But Amanda didn’t want explanations or a moment more of this down market catfight. She shook off Clancy’s arm and shoved past Jane who looked as if she were about to explode. Without looking back Amanda fled along the track toward the farmhouse, leaving two strident voices floating in the breeze behind her, mocking the thrill and promise that still throbbed deep in her blood.

  Chapter Eleven

  Amanda’s thoughts wandered far and wide on the drive up to Sydney, but she tried hard to keep them away from Clancy. Malcolm sat beside her as she drove and proved his confidence in her ability to remember which side of the road to stay on by falling asleep before they had traveled twenty miles. On the hour she turned on the radio and punched the button for ABC news. “… a spokesman for the Rudd Government says they have moved decisively to cushion Australia from the worst impacts of the global recession,” said the newsreader. “The Treasurer, Wayne Swan, has announced a $42 billion Nation Building and Jobs Plan to invest in future long-term economic growth. Mr. Swan described the Plan as a temporary investment with lasting gains. Treasury estimates that the Plan will support up to 90,000 jobs in 2008–09 and 2009–10. Mr. Swan said that the initiatives will boost economic growth by about half a percent of GDP in 2008–09, and around three-quarters of a percent to one percent of GDP. The government is also guaranteeing $1200 billion of bank deposits with, and $200 billion of investments in, Australia's banks, building societies and credit unions…”

  “Sounds okay, doesn’t it?” Malcolm’s voice was sleepy but alert.

  Amanda glanced at him and nodded. “It does, I think they’ve really got a handle on the public confidence thing. Clancy was saying last night that she reckons Rudd and Swan have managed to tell people not to panic, that it’s going to be okay and—guess what?—they’re not panicking and it is okay. I’ve never really seen ‘consumer confidence’ working so clearly before. It’s amazing.”

  “Well, let’s hope.” Malcolm shifted in his seat and stretched his long legs. “You looking forward to seeing your mum?”

  Amanda’s smile was spontaneous and wide. “I am. I really am. And she’s so excited to be here. She’s never had a Christmas that hasn’t been snowy.”

  “True?”

  “That’s what she said.” Amanda rested her hand on Malcolm’s knee and gave it a friendly squeeze. “And thanks for coming up to meet her.”

  “No probs. I’m looking forward to seeing her. And I’ve got a couple of things to do for Jonny anyway, so it’s all good. I’ll stay over with a mate and pick you up from Margo’s in the morning.”

  “You won’t come to her party?”

  Malcolm’s snort and chuckle were a curious mix. “Nah, thanks but no thanks. I’m not mad about those mega-dyke gatherings. They’re a bit scary.”

  “They’re not that bad, surely?”

  “I’m just a simple gay guy; I can’t keep up with those girls. But you’ll enjoy them, for sure. And Margo is a killer party-giver, I’ll admit that.”

  Amanda digested this information for a few miles and managed to overtake a massive truck and trailer without mishap. She glanced at Malcolm. His eyes were closed but he didn’t look asleep.

  “Did Clancy tell you about my encounter with Jane?”

  Malcolm didn’t respond for another mile then he sighed and put his hand on Amanda’s shoulder. “She mentioned you’d met and it wasn’t friendly. But she didn’t go into detail.”

  Amanda shuddered at the memory and touched Malcolm’s hand gratefully.

  “It was horrible. We…um…we’d taken a walk along the cliff track to talk about the bank problems and…” She swallowed and hesitated then plunged on. “I don’t know how it happened but we’re either arguing or…” She sighed. “Or we’re not and we were kissing and suddenly this mini-banshee was there. And, oh God, it was awful. Stop laughing!”

  “I’m not!”

  “You are. I can feel it through your hand.” Despite herself Amanda grinned at Malcolm. After all, it was hideously ridiculous.

  “I’ve never known two people like you and my sister. You adore each other. Why can’t you just face up to the truth?”

  “That will be a steamy, tropical December in Maine before that happens, let me tell you,” Amanda said firmly and checked her mirrors before swinging out and around another big truck. “But why have you never told me she has a girlfriend? I thought she and Jane were history.”

  “They are. But Jane won’t accept it. They only ever got together because Clancy was on the rebound—and don’t ever tell her I said that—and Jane is a total pain in the arse in my opinion. And don’t share that either.”

  “Why didn’t Clancy tell me any of this?”

  “Did you give her a chance?”

  Amanda continued to stare at the highway ahead and didn’t look at her friend, knowing that he knew his question didn’t have a satisfactory answer. After a couple of minutes Malcolm lay back, sighed contentedly and was soon snoring again. Amanda was grateful that as usual he hadn’t pressed her to face an uncomfortable truth, but this time she faced it for herself.

  She had been painfully embarrassed by the fracas on the cliff top, but if she had thought further than the end of her own nose (her “American nose”) she would have realized that Clancy was just as mortified by it, perhaps even more so. An hour or more after Amanda had let herself back into the house and decided on a long, cool shower, Clancy had knocked on her bedroom door. Amanda set down her laptop on the bed and opened the door.

  “I must apologize for that dreadful scene.” Clancy shrugged and could not quite meet Amanda’s eyes. “I don’t want you to think…”

  Amanda held up her hand and shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault, Clancy. Really, you don’t have to apologize, but I do wish I’d known about Jane. I would never have kissed you—ever. I don’t do that kind of thing, whatever you may think of me.”

  Clancy shook her head. “No! I don’t think…I mean, look, Jane isn’t—we are not…” She sighed and ran her hands through her hair in obvious exasperation and chagrin, but Amanda was still smarting from the earlier episode and did not feel like being too forgiving. For once she felt more grown up than Clancy and she decided to make the most of it.

  She took a deep breath. “Clancy, we have got off to a number of bad starts, by my reckoning, and this is the latest. It’s also the worst. You might like to think you and Jane aren’t girlfriends but she sure as hell does, so I think you better clear that up properly before you start kissing other girls, especially me.”

  Clancy’s eyes rolled and Amanda saw a deep flush rise up her cheeks before she buried her face in her hands. It was beguiling, Amanda tried to resist, but felt a grin cracking her stern face. “I have to admit I like you. Malcolm is right—we could be good friends, I hope—but that’s it. I’d like to be friends, but I don’t want to kiss you ever again. I’m going to write a few e-mails now, after that I’ll come help you do lunch and we can talk some more about how to fix the town, okay?” And with that she had quietly closed the door in Clancy’s astounded face.

  The steady rhythm of Malcolm’s breathing was like a meditation and Amanda found her thoughts drifting back to the maddening woman she had temporarily left behind.

  After an awkward moment in the kitchen they had simultaneously got the giggles. After a few moments Clancy managed to speak. “You called her a midget. She will never forgive you.” And they had to sit down they were laughing so hard.

  Finally Amanda managed to squeak, “She said I have an American nose, damn it. I don’t care if she doesn’t forgive me.” They laughed some more and Amanda wiped tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.

  “Anyway, what the hell is an ‘American nose’? What’s wrong with my nose?”

  Clancy got up and tore off two sheets of kitchen paper from the dispenser, handed one to Amanda and blew her nose vigorously on the other. “I have no idea,” she fina
lly managed to say. “You have a beautiful nose, actually. But you were looking down it at her.” She fell into another fit of giggles. “Coke? Coffee?”

  Between her own hiccupping laughter Amanda was able to say, “Coke,” then she frowned. “Hang on a minute. I am two feet taller than damn Jane. And so are you. How are we supposed to look at her?”

  Clancy peered over the fridge door and, as she broke up into a fresh bout of laughter, she managed to say, “With respect. You’re supposed to look down at smaller people with respect.”

  Amanda almost laughed aloud again at the memory. It had been the beginning of a happy time between her and Clancy. They had not sparred again until the “Welcome Home Malcolm” party and her first meeting with Margo Durham. It had happened just weeks after the first awful encounter with Jane.

  * * *

  The entrance to the Two Moon Bay School of Arts was decked out in old-fashioned crepe paper streamers and bunches of balloons when Malcolm guided the Subaru into the crowded parking lot on a blustery October evening. The chapel-like cream-painted weatherboard building glowed in the radiance of a dramatic sunset and its multipaned, multicolored windows twinkled with welcome light.

  Clancy had left the farm early in the old truck with the back loaded up with cling-wrapped trays of sandwiches and cakes. She had refused Amanda’s offers of help and nothing would budge her.

  “You’re a guest of honor,” she said when Amanda asked for the sixth time. “Come in with Malcolm later.” She was still unable to fully look Amanda in the eye and, in her turn, Amanda found it painful to be reminded of her own humiliation.

  Amanda spent the rest of the day on her laptop, avoiding Malcolm’s curiosity and checking jobs and the general state of the union. None of it had been promising and she was pleased finally to shower, change into sharply pressed black linen pants and a slinky black tank top that she hoped would pass for smart casual.