The House on the Borderland
Page 29
Grief[17]
Fierce hunger reigns within my breast, I had not dreamt that this whole world, Crushed in the hand of God, could yieldSuch bitter essence of unrest, Such pain as Sorrow now hath hurled Out of its dreadful heart, unsealed!
Each sobbing breath is but a cry, My heart-strokes knells of agony, And my whole brain has but one thoughtThat nevermore through life shall I (Save in the ache of memory) Touch hands with thee, who now art naught!
Through the whole void of night I search, So dumbly crying out to thee; But thou are _not_; and night's vast throneBecomes an all stupendous church With star-bells knelling unto me Who in all space am most alone!
An hungered, to the shore I creep, Perchance some comfort waits on me From the old Sea's eternal heart;But lo! from all the solemn deep, Far voices out of mystery Seem questioning why we are apart!
"Where'er I go I am alone Who once, through thee, had all the world. My breast is one whole raging painFor that which _was_, and now is flown Into the Blank where life is hurled Where all is not, nor is again!"
FOOTNOTES:
[1] An apparently unmeaning interpolation. I can find no previousreference in the MS. to this matter. It becomes clearer, however, in thelight of succeeding incidents.--Ed.
[2] Here, the writing becomes undecipherable, owing to the damagedcondition of this part of the MS. Below I print such fragments as arelegible.--Ed.
[3] NOTE.--The severest scrutiny has not enabled me to decipher more ofthe damaged portion of the MS. It commences to be legible again with thechapter entitled "The Noise in the Night."--Ed.
[4] The Recluse uses this as an illustration, evidently in the sense ofthe popular conception of a comet.--Ed.
[5] Evidently referring to something set forth in the missing andmutilated pages. See _Fragments, Chapter 14_--Ed.
[6] No further mention is made of the moon. From what is said here, itis evident that our satellite had greatly increased its distance fromthe earth. Possibly, at a later age it may even have broken loose fromour attraction. I cannot but regret that no light is shed on thispoint.--Ed.
[7] Conceivably, frozen air.--Ed.
[8] See previous footnote. This would explain the snow (?) within theroom.--Ed.
[9] I am confounded that neither here, nor later on, does the Reclusemake any further mention of the continued north and south movement(apparent, of course,) of the sun from solstice to solstice.--Ed.
[10] At this time the sound-carrying atmosphere must have been eitherincredibly attenuated, or--more probably--nonexistent. In the light ofthis, it cannot be supposed that these, or any other, noises would havebeen apparent to living ears--to hearing, as we, in the material body,understand that sense.--Ed.
[11] I can only suppose that the time of the earth's yearly journey hadceased to bear its present _relative_ proportion to the period of thesun's rotation.--Ed.
[12] A careful reading of the MS. suggests that, either the sun istraveling on an orbit of great eccentricity, or else that it wasapproaching the green star on a lessening orbit. And at this moment, Iconceive it to be finally torn directly from its oblique course, by thegravitational pull of the immense star.--Ed.
[13] It will be noticed here that the earth was "_slowly_ traversing thetremendous face of the dead sun." No explanation is given of this, andwe must conclude, either that the speed of time had slowed, or else thatthe earth was actually progressing on its orbit at a rate, slow, whenmeasured by existing standards. A careful study of the MS. however,leads me to conclude that the speed of time had been steadily decreasingfor a very considerable period.--Ed.
[14] See _first footnote, Chapter 18_.
[15] Without doubt, the flame-edged mass of the Dead Central Sun, seenfrom another dimension.--Ed.
[16] NOTE.--From the unfinished word, it is possible, on the MS., totrace a faint line of ink, which suggests that the pen has trailed awayover the paper; possibly, through fright and weakness.--Ed.