The Fear of Falling

by Amanda Cowen

  Ryan glances down at me for backup, but I just shrug. Liam may be a newcomer, but no one here will argue he’s incorrect about Drunk Ryan’s behavior.

  “Are you going to tell us the story? Yes or no?” Kale asks.

  Liam glances over at Ryan, who is giving him the stink eye. “Nah, I better not,” he says. “What happens Down Under stays Down Under.”

  “Let’s just say I had a good time.” Ryan adds.

  Liam surprises me by touching his thumb and forefinger to my chin, sweetly gazing down at me. “Can I make you another cocktail, Ella?”

  Before I can even respond with a firm ‘no, thank you’, Maisie pipes up. “Can you make one for me too?”

  “Sure,” Liam smiles. He rolls up his shirt’s sleeves and stands. “Come with me to the kitchen?”

  Maisie wiggles her eyebrows at me with a knowing smile. I don’t even bother to look over at Ryan. I can feel the pressure of his stare on the back of my head. Liam whips together some concoction by combining a few different types of alcohol and pineapple juice. Maisie eventually comes into the kitchen too, takes her drink, and chats with us for a while before rejoining the guys in the living room to watch a baseball game.

  Liam talks my ear off about his life back in Australia and how he loves to surf. When I tell him I’ve never been on a surfboard, he insists he needs to teach me. Next thing I know, we’re making a beach/surf date for next weekend, followed by a casual lunch. I can’t help myself from hanging on to his every word, listening to the way his accent seems to run through his lips and graze my ears so beautifully.

  As we talk, Ryan wanders back into the kitchen, digging through the fridge and listening to the tail end of our discussion.

  He peeks over his shoulder. “Next weekend, huh? Do you really think learning how to surf under the sun all day is a good idea before we go to a concert at night?”

  Liam shakes his glass, looking at the liquid sloshing over the ice. “What concert?”

  “Ryan has four tickets to an Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros concert,” I look over at Ryan, eyes wide and innocent – not at all trying to have him extend the invitation for one of those extra tickets to Liam.

  “Why didn’t you say so, man? I love them,” Liam smiles. “You got an extra ticket for me?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Don’t worry about asking Maisie,” I say. “She likes that weirdo house music. If Liam likes them and wants to come, there is no reason why he can’t have her ticket.” I know Maisie would gladly give up her ticket if it meant helping me score extra time with Liam.

  Ryan throws me a dirty look over his shoulder. “We should probably ask her first – “

  “Why?” I ask. “I know her better than you do. And I know she won’t care to come. Offer Liam her ticket.”

  Ryan chooses this moment to slam the fridge door and turns to face me, looking a little stunned, his eyes wide and unreadable in his silence. His speechless reaction makes my cheeks flush, and irritation sizzles in my bloodstream. I don’t get it: Liam is his friend and he obviously wants to come, so why is Ryan being so protective over these tickets?

  “That’s fine. Liam can come. I’ll bring Alodie,” he says matter-of-factly, then returns to silence. It takes several moments for me to recognize he’s suggesting we double-date.

  “Awesome,” Liam gushes. “This will be fun. Why don’t you two come to the beach in the daytime with us? Do some surfing, have some lunch.”

  “Yeah, sure,” he says flatly, cracking open another beer. Ryan’s eyebrows twitch – a sign that he’s mildly annoyed – and he lifts his drink up to his lips. The only thing charming about his reaction is the way he seems to find the energy to smile politely at Liam before exiting the kitchen.

  Liam scratches his head and asks, “Was it just me, or was Ryan a little cold about the whole concert thing?”

  I swallow hard. “Nah, that’s just Ryan,” I lie.

  Liam laughs. “That’s just Ryan, huh? He was never like that in Australia. We partied nonstop and did everything together.”

  “He was in vacation mode. And anything goes in vacation mode,” I suggest.

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. He must still be jetlagged.”

  I nod in agreement.

  “I’m looking forward to next weekend,” Liam says, giving me another wink.

  “Me, too,” I reply. Inexplicably, I’m suddenly feeling uneasy about this double date. Ryan and I have never double-dated with each other before. This is a first, and one I’m not sure I’m comfortable with. “We should join everyone in the living room. I’m pretty sure the San Francisco Giants are about to win.”

  “Sounds good to me,” he smiles.

  Well, I guess I got what I wanted. Not only did Ryan surprise me with Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros tickets, Liam’s unexpectedly sparked my interest, and now he’s coming to the concert too.

  And yet… something about the way it’s all gone down stings a little. All I can hope is that this double date isn’t a complete disaster, and Alodie doesn’t drive me completely insane.

  Chapter 5

  It’s a long morning. The four of us meet down at the beach around quarter to ten, just as the first set of waves start coming in. Alodie greets me pleasantly, but appears to be uninterested and scrolls mindlessly through her phone. Liam welcomes me with a kiss on my cheek and tells me how nice I look, which I think is sweet. Ryan, on the other hand, greets me with a smug smile and a few squirts from a water bottle. I want to rip the water bottle from his hand and dump it over his head as payback, but instead I play it cool in front of Liam. I think Ryan is a little shocked I don’t react, but there is no way in hell I am going to let Liam see my short temper this early on.

  By the time ten thirty rolls around, we are inside a watersports rental shop browsing for surfboards. I decide Ryan and Alodie are abnormally affectionate: they are constantly touching, and she laughs at everything he says. I can’t remember the last time they seemed so smitten with each other. Maybe distance really does make the heart grow fonder?

  Alodie’s arm is hooked around Ryan’s bicep as they walk around the shop. And when she pinches his butt, Ryan laughs and kisses her cheek. She’s all over him and he’s playing along with her giggly affections. Nothing is more irritating on a Saturday morning than the sound of her giggles rising above the reggae music in the shop.

  I decide Liam must be a morning person. He’s extra chatty, very smiley and loves to ramble on about the proper way to choose a surfboard. Unfortunately, it’s hard to focus on what he’s saying when Alodie and Ryan are putting on the performance of a lifetime. And when her head is thrown back from another giggle, Ryan’s eyes meet mine across the crowded shop at the same time Liam places his hand on the small of my back. Ryan’s dark brows pull together as he watches us. When he realizes I’ve caught him staring, his mischievous brown eyes roll as Liam’s hand moves up my back and slowly drapes around my shoulders. And when Liam tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear, I see Ryan in my peripheral vision, pretending to gag. He’s really starting to get under my skin, and it isn’t even close to noon.

  As Liam busies himself with some surf gear on the wall, I glare over my shoulder at Ryan to let him know I’m not impressed. He doesn’t even look mildly sorry. If anything, his smile becomes bigger.

  At the checkout, Liam insists he pay for my surfboard rental. I don’t expect him to pay and I assure him he doesn’t have to, but when he gives me a soft, promising smile, I can’t argue. I don’t want to be that girl who relies on a guy to pay for her, but Liam is really convincing – and I like to think chivalry isn’t dead.

  The four of us head outside, into the breezy ocean air and over to the waves crashing against the sand. Without a second thought, Alodie pulls off her skimpy cover-up and playfully tosses it in Ryan’s face. He laughs, watching her as she prances into the water, her fantastic boobs bouncing with every step until she is ankle-deep in the ocean. Ryan throws her cover-up asid
e and jogs over to meet her. When he is close enough, she bends down and splashes him, giggling, of course.

  Liam looks over at me with a smile, like he is telepathically trying to get me ankle-deep in the ocean, too. Stripping down to a bikini is way out of my comfort zone, so instead I pretend to busy myself with attaching the leash of my surfboard to my ankle. There is no way I am about to take off a layer of clothing if it isn’t necessary.

  Thirty minutes later, Liam has given us a full rundown on surfing basics from the comfort of the sand. We practice getting up, or ‘popping off’, as Liam calls it. We practice how to properly stand on a board, and when I struggle Liam takes the initiative to hold my hips and press up against me from behind to show me a proper stance.

  We are ocean-bound in no time, paddling on our bellies as our boards’ plane across the water. Even though the ocean is fairly calm and the waves are quite mild, I can’t seem to ever fully stand up on my board. I lose count of how many times my board tips, and I swallow a mouth full of salt water. Of course, this amuses Ryan to no end. Unlike my pitiful attempts, he’s able to get the hang of surfing, and even rides a few solid waves. Beginners luck, I suppose.

  Naturally, Liam is a pro. I could watch him and his blonde hair ride waves all day.

  To little or no surprise, Alodie gives up within ten minutes of paddling around on her surfboard. I look back to the shore to see her spread out on a towel and soaking up the sun.

  Noon passes the same way: straddling my surfboard a few feet away from shore, exhausted from paddling, standing, and getting nowhere.

  “I give you an A for effort and a F for bikini choice.”

  I turn my head left to see Ryan, his legs hung over either side of his surfboard as he bobs beside me on the water. I narrow my eyes, forcing them up to his face. It's not easy. His chest is smooth and tan, dripping water droplets onto his surfboard. Compared to my average build, Ryan looks like he should be modeling underwear in a GQ ad.

  “Sorry I decided to wear a normal-fitting two-piece instead of a skanky triangle top and thong bottom like your girlfriend,” I say. “She might as well be laying on a nude beach.”

  His smile grows, the dimple on his chin taking center stage. He nudges me with his elbow. “Aw. Relax, Jonesy. You have a great body too, which is exactly why you shouldn’t wear a two-piece my mother would wear to a family reunion,” he smiles down at me. “Nothing wrong with showing a little cleavage every now and then, especially on a first date.”

  “This isn’t a first date,” I say, fighting a smile despite my better judgment. “It would have been had you not agreed to tag along.”

  His brown eyes twinkle. “Does that mean you’re not interested in Liam?”

  “Why do you care?” I ask. “You’ve never cared who I was interested in dating before.” I glance over at him watching me with his curious eyes. “Are you worried Liam will sweep me off my feet and take me back to Australia with him?”

  Ryan’s eyes narrow. “You wouldn’t follow a guy anywhere.” His voice becomes gravelly, a hint of his confidence in his claim. “He’d be the one to follow you.”

  My pulse is frantic as I glance over at Ryan, blushing. Sometimes I hate how he knows me so well. I’ve always been adamant about what I want for myself post-graduation, and modifying my goals for a boyfriend isn’t on the list. I want to take my love for illustrating, painting and my soon-to-be graphic design degree to work in animated films. My goal is to get an internship with Disney Animation in Burbank, California, post-graduation. I am going to do what I intend to do, and nothing or nobody will veer me off-course. This includes any potential boyfriends.

  We sit for a few beats of silence in the warmth of our familiarity, just floating on our surfboards, skin sizzling under the hot afternoon sun before Alodie’s voice shouts from the shore: “Ryan! What are you doing?”

  He cups his hands around his mouth and shouts back, “Taking a break.”

  “Can you take a break on shore?” she asks. “I need you to rub suntan lotion on my back.”

  He glances over at me. The liveliness that was in his eyes moments ago is now gone. He lets out a small sigh, and twists his lips in thought. His eyes trip down my face and stall at my lips. It’s precisely the same look he gave me when I forced his hand to offer Liam a ticket to the concert tonight.

  “Wow,” I say under my breath, but loud enough so he can hear me. “The whip has been cracked.”

  He stops, brows lifting and seeming to only now hear what I said. He leans back a bit, saying in a low voice, “I don’t think so.”

  “Ryan!” she shouts again. “Lotion!”

  I sputter out a laugh and cover my mouth with the back of my hand. He jerks his head in my direction. “Don’t even,” he warns.

  As he paddles his way over to her, I glance over my shoulder to see Liam in the distance ride another wave before crashing into the ocean. When I turn back to the shore, I watch Ryan flop down behind Alodie. She tosses him a bottle of lotion and then leans backward and stretches out her hand, placing her palm on his cheek and pulling him in for a quick kiss. She then pulls away and lifts up her long and dark hair, signaling Ryan to lotion up her back. I watch as he runs his hands along her shoulders, down her spine and across her back; a tight, weird sensation seizes my chest.

  “Did you have fun today?” Liam’s voice comes from my right. I jump, a little taken aback, and look down to see him with half of his body under water. I let out my first real breath. His elbows and forearms are resting on his board as he gazes up at me with a smile, eyes squinting in the direct sunlight.

  “Geez, Liam. You scared me.” I swallow under the pressure of his unwavering attention. “I did have fun. But I think I’m all surfed out, and perhaps a little hungry.”

  “You looked pretty good out there for a first-timer,” he says before following my gaze to Ryan and Alodie on the beach. “Did Ryan at least have a good time? Because Alodie doesn’t seem to be much of a surfer,” he laughs.

  “Yeah, she’s just a tad high-maintenance.”

  He laughs again. “Come on, let's get you back to shore.” He gives his most charming smile before climbing onto his board. “Anything in particular you desire for lunch?”

  “Surprise me,” I tell him.

  He runs a hand absentmindedly through his hair and gives me a wink. “I like your easy-going attitude, Ella. I think me and you are going to get along just fine.”

  ___________

  The afternoon quickly passes by. The four of us eat lunch at a food truck parked along the beach before we head back to our respective apartments. After a quick shower and watching a mindless sitcom alone in my bedroom to pass the time, I find myself staring at my reflection in the mirror, applying makeup and selecting an outfit to wear to the concert.

  I meet Ryan, Liam and Alodie outside my building, and we all climb into a cab.

  We arrive twenty minutes later, and Ryan distributes our tickets before leading the way into an outdoor amphitheater. We join a long line up, pass through a security check – where Alodie’s oversized purse gets ransacked and holds up the line – then we finally pass through the gates and into a swarm of people moving in various directions.

  I am hit with a small wave of nostalgia as we make our way toward the front of the stage.

  Last summer, Ryan came to Oregon and visited my hometown, Yachats. While he was there, we attended an outdoor Folk Music Festival and spent the weekend living in a tent, drinking beer, and moving from stage to stage to try and catch every act. The artsy vibe combined with the smell of freshly baked pretzels and malt liquor brings me right back to the awesome time we had together. I can only hope tonight will be as memorable.

  When we are in front of a merchandise table, Ryan stops, turns, reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “Come with me. Let’s grab drinks,” he says.

  I meet his eyes and give him a scolding look. “Alodie might want to go with you.”

  “Or I can come with you, mate.” Liam suggest
s.

  Ryan continues to stare at me for several long beats, his expression unclear. “Nah, man. I can handle it alone. You guys wait here.”

  Alodie looks up from her phone. “Wait. What? Where are you going?”

  “To get a drink for everyone.”

  “Oh.” She shrugs, and then turns her attention back to her phone’s screen.

  Ryan steps away from our group, hands in his jeans’ front pockets as he heads toward the line. As he stalks away, shoulders hunched, I do everything in my power to avoid watching him.

  “So Alodie, what’s your favorite Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros song?” Liam asks.

  She looks up from her phone, unimpressed. “Umm, none.”

  Laughing, he drapes an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close enough against his side for me to smell the intoxicating cologne on his skin. “Come on, not even Simplest Love?”

  “No.” Her gaze switches between us two. “I hate folk music.”

  “Alodie isn’t a fan.” I murmur.

  “This folk music crap is Ryan and Ella’s thing,” she tells him.

  “Why did you come, then?” he asks.

  She shrugs. “Usually, Ella will do all the ridiculous things I hate doing with Ryan, including stupid folk music concerts,” she pauses, her face as unreadable as Ryan’s was earlier. “But for some reason, he insisted I come this time. So annoying.” With that, she turns her attention back to her phone.

  “Hey, who wants a beer?” Ryan reappears, balancing four beers in his two hands like a pro.

  “Thanks, mate. I’ll take one,” Liam passes one to me first, and keeps one for himself.

  Alodie looks up from her phone with a scowl. “I didn’t want a beer. I wanted a vodka water.”

  “We are at an outdoor concert,” Ryan gestures to the crowd. “They probably don’t serve vodka water.”

  “Of course they do,” Liam interjects, laughing. “Go and get your lady a vodka water already. I’ll take the girls to find our seats.”