Tinsel

by Perry, Devney

Damn the cost.

  My flight was a thousand dollars, my cab ride to Sofia’s building one hundred.

  The cab ride back to the airport had been the same.

  Timing was not on my side. I’d gotten out of the taxi, ready to beg Sofia’s doorman to help me track her down, just in time to see her get out of her town car with her hand in another man’s.

  I turned away from them, unable to watch, and walked three blocks while my head spun in circles. Then I flagged down another cab, went back to the airport and spent the day flying home.

  It was nearly dark out now, which was good. I was ready for this day to be over and to forget it had ever happened.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked Xavier.

  I wasn’t angry that he’d come over. He still had a key, since this had been his house not all that long ago. But I really didn’t want company. Not tonight.

  “Needed to borrow your shop floodlight. Mine quit on me while I was trying to finish up a project on Hazel’s garden. Saw your truck in the shop and came on over.”

  I nodded. “Did you find the light?”

  “I did.”

  He took a seat in a recliner, settling in like he was here to watch the game. Really, he was just waiting for me to tell him why my trip had been cut short.

  “I don’t want to talk about it. But do me a favor, don’t tell anyone I went to New York. Ask Hazel to keep it quiet too.”

  “Okay.”

  “Thanks.”

  It was embarrassing enough as it was without the whole town of Lark Cove knowing. Maybe if I was lucky, I could convince Thea to keep it under wraps too.

  Xavier leaned forward and took the remote off the coffee table, turned up the volume, then relaxed back in the chair.

  “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Who’s talking? I’m watching the game.”

  “Fine.” I pulled my arms tight across my chest.

  We sat for an inning, neither team scoring, until the commercials came on. Xavier shifted in his chair, chuckling at one of the ads.

  I loved my uncle, but I did not feel like listening to him laugh at the moment.

  “Did you need anything other than the light?” I asked.

  “No.”

  “I thought you were working on a project for Hazel.”

  He shrugged. “It’s not urgent.”

  “I’m sure she’s expecting you home.”

  “She knows where I’m at.”

  Fuck my life. He wasn’t leaving here until he got it all.

  I took a deep breath, rubbed my hands over my face, swung my legs down and sat up. “She was with another man.”

  “Thought you didn’t want to talk about it.”

  “I don’t. But you aren’t leaving here until I do, so we might as well get this over with.”

  Xavier muted the game then gave me his full attention. “Ready when you are.”

  “I went to New York. She was with another man.”

  My uncle nodded but stayed quiet. After years of working as a cop and listening to confessions, he knew when to press for more. He also knew when his subject would spill willingly.

  “I feel stupid. It was stupid to spend money I don’t have and go out there. It was stupid to think she’d want me there. It was stupid to think she wouldn’t eventually move on. We ended things. Parted ways. And now I feel fucking stupid.”

  “You’re not.”

  I scoffed. “Come on. It was stupid.”

  “Why’d you two end it?” Xavier had been wanting to ask that question for months, but I’d never given him a window. But now that the door was open, he wasn’t hesitating to walk right through it.

  “There’s no future there. We both know that. It was better to end things sooner than later.”

  “But you care about her.”

  “Obviously.” I wouldn’t have flown to New York City and back in twenty-four hours for anyone but Sofia.

  “Then why not give it a shot?”

  “Like I said, I don’t see a future there.” That black box had gotten bigger these past few months. “There’s too many obstacles.”

  “Is it the long-distance thing?”

  “That’s one of them.”

  Xavier leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he thought it over. “Is it her money?”

  “Yes and no. It sets us apart, for sure. I don’t want it. But I’m glad she has it.”

  “Then what is it? Gotta explain it to me, bud.”

  “I don’t know.” I sighed. “My head is so mixed up, it’s hard to untwist it all.”

  “Just start talking.”

  I took a deep breath, knowing if anyone could help me make sense of these feelings, it would be Xavier. He was the one person who held no judgment about my life choices.

  “Mom and Dad, they have this picture of what success looks like.” Live on the reservation. Work for our people. Marry the right woman and have as many babies as I could make.

  “But that’s not the life you want.”

  “No, it’s not. But it’s still there. It’s in here.” I put my palm up to my heart. “I left that behind but it doesn’t mean it hasn’t come with me. That future, the one they wanted for me, it’s bone-deep. It doesn’t just go away because I moved off the reservation. No matter what life I choose to live, even if it makes me happy, something other than the one I was taught to want feels like a constant betrayal.”

  It was an invisible weight that was impossible to shed.

  “I get it.” Xavier nodded. “It took me a lot of years to let that go. I wish I could tell you it was easy. It’s not. It’ll take time.”

  “Yeah. Maybe in time I won’t care anymore. But the fact is, right now, I do. I care that my parents see this life as a failure. That my sisters don’t look up to me like they used to. Maybe if I can show them I’m successful, prove that this was the right choice, they’ll see things differently.”

  “Bud.” Xavier stood from the chair and came over to the couch. He placed his hand over my knee. “They might not. No matter how successful you are, they might never come around.”

  He was speaking from experience. He’d done everything he’d set out to. Xavier had become a cop and moved to a predominately white town. He’d fought stereotypes and prejudice to become sheriff. He’d been a damn good one at that. But no matter how long he’d held office, no matter how many accolades he’d won from the Lark Cove populous, it had never been good enough for our family.

  None of them had even bothered to come and meet his wife.

  If Xavier was bothered, he hadn’t mentioned it. He’d lost hope in them ages ago.

  But I wasn’t ready to admit defeat. Not yet. I had faith that if I could convince Dad, everyone else would come around.

  “It’s worth a try.”

  “Then try.” Xavier patted my knee. “How does this roll back to Sofia?”

  “She has so much money. So much fucking money I can’t even wrap my head around it. And if I was with her, how would I prove to Dad that I am successful on my own?”

  The room went silent as Xavier let my words sink in. He thought on them for a few long minutes until, finally, he spoke.

  “You’re proud, Dakota.”

  “I am.”

  Xavier clapped me on the shoulder then stood from the couch. I thought maybe he’d go back to his chair, but he didn’t. He walked out of the living room and to the front door.

  “No advice?” I called.

  He paused in the entryway, looking at me from over his shoulder. “You know what you have to decide. Choose your path.”

  I dropped my eyes to the floor as he opened and closed the door behind him.

  Choose your path.

  He was right. I had to choose and live with the consequences.

  My family might not come around. They might not accept my lifestyle and choices, no matter how successful I became. But they might. There was still a slim chance they’d open their minds and come around.

/>   If I involved Sofia, that chance was gone.

  Why was I even stressing about this? It didn’t matter, not anymore. Sofia Kendrick was no longer a factor because she’d moved on and found another man.

  I’d seen it with my own two eyes this morning.

  So I’d continue down my path, toward the future I saw clear as day.

  I was going to work my ass off, do my best to get back in my family’s good graces while still living in Lark Cove, then travel the world.

  Sofia would someday be a distant memory. I couldn’t let a woman who I’d spent a collective two weeks with make me question the decisions I’d made years ago.

  I shot off the couch and ran a hand over my face. She’s gone. Moved on. Good for her.

  I swiped my phone off the coffee table and went to my contacts. I pulled up her name but couldn’t bring myself to erase it.

  Instead, I touched her number—the one I’d touched all through last night—and listened as it rang.

  “Hello?” she answered.

  “Hey.”

  She was quiet.

  “Sofia.”

  “I’m here.”

  Yes, she was. She was in New York and out of my grasp. She was probably in the arms of whoever the fuck that guy was. He probably wasn’t set on proving something to his family. He probably didn’t give a shit that Sofia was richer than sin.

  He probably didn’t know how lucky he was.

  “You okay?”

  “I got mugged,” she whispered.

  My heart cracked. “Are you okay?”

  “He took my purse and my phone and stuff.”

  “But are you okay?”

  “He kissed me.” Her voice shook. “On the temple. Where you kissed me. He—”

  “Sofia,” I cut her off. “Are. You. Okay?”

  I needed to hear the words. Just seeing her hadn’t been enough after all.

  “Yes, I’m okay.”

  My body sagged backward until my knees hit the couch, and I collapsed into the seat. I dropped my head into my free hand and pinched the bridge of my nose.

  Where the fuck was her guy when she’d been mugged? How could he let this happen to her? How could I let this happen to her?

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Why? Did you take my purse?” she teased.

  The corner of my mouth turned up. “What color was it? Your purse.”

  “Black.”

  “Next time take your pink one.”

  She giggled, the sound so magical it filled the empty hole in my chest. “How are you?”

  “Good.” Bullshit. “It’s been busy at the bar this summer so I’ve spent most of my time there.”

  “I’ve been working a lot too.”

  “How’s the studio?”

  “Great. We might expand.”

  I grinned. “See? You’re killing it. I knew you would.”

  “Thank you.” Her smile came through her voice. “How are your properties doing? How’s Arthur?”

  “They’re good. He’s good. Happy since I finally kicked out my other tenant. He’s been kicking my ass at chess lately. I’ve been distracted, so my game is shot.”

  “Distracted? Why?”

  Because of you. “Just a lot on my mind.”

  “Oh.”

  An uncomfortable silence stretched between us. I hated small talk. I wasn’t good at it with anyone, let alone her. We ran too deep. And all I really wanted from her was the truth. I wanted her to admit she’d met someone. To put me out of my misery.

  “Anything else new?” I was fishing.

  “Not really.”

  “Hmm.” Liar. The bright feeling her voice had given me dulled. The fog I’d been in for three months hadn’t lifted long.

  I waited a few more seconds, hoping she’d just spit it out. When she didn’t, I got angry.

  She couldn’t know I’d seen them together. How would she? But she could at least have the decency to tell me. We meant that much to each other, didn’t we? Enough for honesty?

  Maybe not.

  Maybe I’d gotten so drunk on her I’d seen everything wrong.

  “Are you still there?” she asked.

  “Yeah, but I gotta run. Take care, Sofia.”

  “Oh, oka—”

  I hung up and tossed the phone aside. Then I dropped my face into my hands.

  What was wrong with me?

  Before I could dive into that wormhole of a question, my phone rang. I picked it up. Sofia?

  “Hey,” I answered.

  “What the hell?”

  My spine straightened. “Huh?”

  “What the hell, Dakota?” she snapped. “Why did you just hang up on me?”

  “Sorry.”

  “Are you? We haven’t talked in months. You call to ask if I’m okay. Then hang up on me? After everything, we could at least be friends.”

  “Friends?” We were so past friends it wasn’t even a speck on the horizon.

  “Friendly. Or whatever. We could at least be honest with each other.”

  “Honest. You want to talk to me about honesty?” I huffed. “That’s hypocritical.”

  “Hypocritical? What are you talking about? I’ve always been honest with you.”

  “Really?” I stood and paced in front of the couch. “Then how about you be honest and say you’ve moved on?”

  “Moved on to what?”

  “Jesus fucking Christ. You’re really lecturing me about being honest, and you can’t even admit you’re seeing someone?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about you and a guy getting out of your car this morning, holding hands. I’m talking about you being honest with me or at least not lecturing me to be honest with you.”

  My voice carried across the room, echoing on the far wall. Then it got quiet. Too quiet.

  “You saw me,” she whispered.

  “Yeah.”

  “You saw me.”

  “Yes.”

  “It was you walking away this morning. I didn’t dream it up.”

  I stopped pacing. “You saw me?”

  “No, you saw me!” she yelled. “You were here! And you didn’t come to me. You were here, and you left me.”

  “You were with another man. What the hell did you think I’d do?”

  “Come to me!” Her shout made me wince. “I needed you. I needed you, Dakota. And you were here and you walked away. I’m not dating anyone. I’m so hung up on you I can barely see straight. That man was the cop who took my case. He was there after I got mugged. He talked me through it. He sat with me when my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. He brought me water when I felt like passing out. I needed someone to come with me into my apartment because I was terrified and alone.”

  Oh. Fucking. Hell. “Sofia—”

  “No. I needed you and you walked away. I thought I meant more to you than that. I really did. But this? We’re done. You were right. We don’t have a future.”

  “Sofia—”

  “Take care, Dakota.” She spat my own words back in my ear then hung up.

  “Shit.” I threw my phone onto the couch and raked my hands through my hair.

  I stalked to the kitchen, looked out the window over the sink to the yard. I needed to mow the grass today. I could prune one of the bushes along the driveway. I should refill my bird feeder with some seed.

  I had plenty of better shit to do here in my life than worry about a woman in New York City.

  But instead, I walked back into the living room, picked up my phone and hit send on her number.

  “What?” she answered.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You came here.”

  “I was worried. I heard what happened, took the first flight out.”

  “I needed you.” She sniffled and it cut me to the core.

  She was crying. I was sure of it. I’d made her cry. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

  “We can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this. If we don’t have a future, we h
ave to stop.”

  “I know.” It gutted me but she was right.

  “Maybe one day I’ll see you again.”

  “I’d like that.”

  The next three heartbeats felt like nails being driven into my chest.

  “Take care, Dakota.”

  “Same to you, Sofia.”

  I hung up, knowing that phone call would be the last. I’d let her down, broken her trust. Truthfully, I’d let myself down.

  I shoved my phone in my pocket and walked outside, where I spent the day busting my ass in my yard.

  Trying to forget Sofia Kendrick.

  Two months later . . .

  “So what are you going to be for Halloween?” Landon asked.

  I swallowed my bite of pasta and smiled. “A ballerina. A few of us are going to dress up at the studio that day.”

  “You’re really branching out with that one.”

  I giggled. “What about you?”

  “A firefighter.”

  “A cop dressing up as a firefighter. Yeah, you’re really stretching yourself too.”

  We both laughed, our smiles white in the dark booth at the Italian restaurant where he’d brought me for dinner.

  In the last two months, Landon McClellan had proved my first impression had been accurate. He was kind and caring. He was thoughtful. But his strongest characteristic by far was stubbornness.

  I’d called him on it a week ago. He’d just laughed it off, saying he preferred to be called persistent.

  Since the day I’d called and begged him to “sweep” my penthouse, he’d asked me out on countless dates. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. I’d declined all of his invitations except those to meet him for coffee on Sunday mornings.

  Still, no matter how many times I said no to a shared meal, he kept asking.

  At first, it hadn’t been hard at all to refuse Landon. I’d been so crushed by Dakota, so confused, I hadn’t wanted anything to do with men as a species. But Landon wouldn’t take no for an answer. He kept meeting me for coffee on Sundays, pretending like my last rejection had never happened.

  Sunday mornings had become a highlight of my week, because Landon had become one of my closest friends.

  We had coffee. He’d even stop by the studio on occasion just to say hello. Two of the instructors there had told me in no uncertain terms if I wasn’t going to date the officer, they’d be happy to accept his invitations on my behalf.