Turning A Page: A Student Professor Romance

by Hazel Keys

  My chest was on fire and his hands were lingering on my side, on my shoulders, my arms—all over me where he wasn’t supposed to touch. But I couldn’t say no.

  My heart was racing and my voice was cracking from excitement. I felt self-conscious, ashamed, and yet my selfish desires wanted more. Wanted him to please me…I was longing for him. I couldn’t say no.

  It took everything in me to finally wake up and come to my senses. I put my shirt back on and cried, almost fighting off a pre-orgasmic shudder…

  “WE HAVE TO STOP!”

  He listened and backed away. I was just as guilty as he was, wanting more, letting him do obscene, terrible, and very naughty things. God, I could barely look him in the face. I was blushing and flinching. He was also shocked.

  We couldn’t even think of a word to say.

  “Friends?! Friends?!”

  “Sorry.”

  “I have to get home,” I said, quickly standing up and tucking my clothes back in. “You’re drunk!”

  “Actually…I don’t feel it anymore. The alcohol wore off.”

  He stared at me. I waited for another comment. He was speechless too. He wanted to say something. I wanted to say something. Nothing came out. It was this erotically charged, awkward silence where the longer we waited to say something…the less we were able to think of. All I knew is that I had to get home! Get away from him!

  Before…before…

  Yeah.

  We didn’t really say anything after that. I saw myself out and shook my head in agony all the way home. Oh God, what I showed him. What I let him do to me. This was wrong. So wrong.

  And yet…it’s all I could think about. Maybe…it was all I’ve been thinking about for a long time.

  Chapter 9:David

  I haven’t heard from Amelia in a while. Not since our out of nowhere make out session that felt like a hurricane…but in a very hot and humid and clothes flying off sort of way!

  I won’t lie…I felt a little dirty for it, but it was the most erotic moment of my life. Undressing my friend, making out with a woman who was marked as “off limits” for so long.

  And I know she wouldn’t agree, but I honestly had no idea that was going to happen. Sure, I knew I wanted to talk to her and in my imagination, I was imagining some sort of kiss or handholding. But we went from zero to sixty miles per hour in a hurry. Just thinking about the way she looked…her naturally big breasts and my lips exploring her body…and the way she breathed in little excited sighs.

  It was more than I anticipated. She was everything I wanted in a woman. If there was ever any doubt in my mind, it was eradicated that night—that amazing night.

  But I fear I’ve done the unthinkable. Amelia’s panic has caused her to avoid me. Maybe she feels ashamed. Or thinks I took advantage of her.

  Or…I don’t know. But since she hasn’t spoken to me or returned my call, I can only assume she’s infuriated.

  Probably because she liked it, but can’t admit it to herself. Could I admit it to myself? Was I ready for Amelia? Was this a childhood fantasy or was I really in love? I knew what I felt, I felt it in my mind and heart. But her doubts did challenge me. Did I ever feel like this towards Crystal and maybe the thrill just wore off?

  I took the hint and decided to go away for a while. Crystal still wasn’t talking to me so I took a long drive south. I stayed in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and took my time walking through the woods, seeing the small businesses of a small town, and making small talk with people I would probably never see again.

  Maybe I needed my soul repaired. Maybe I needed to repent for the way I treated Amelia. Maybe I was in the wrong.

  No, I thought to myself.I’m tired of apologizing for the way I feel, for the way I always felt. I’ve never not been in love with Amelia. I’ve never grown tired of desiring her, desiring her friendship, her love, her lust, her entire being. Maybe we’re all allowed to do something selfish in our lives. Maybe one thing, and this is it. This is what I want. This is what I want most of all.

  What I found out was that for every grand romantic gesture that a person feels in life, someone else has to suffer in that moment. Breaking someone’s heart never feels right, you never forget it or forgive yourself for it.

  When I told Crystal what I decided, I didn’t do it for me, or to be honest or other motivation…except that I just knew she deserved better. She didn’t deserve to be treated this way and I had to tell her such.

  “I’m sorry,” I told her over a very expensive dinner at Olive Garden. She did drink a lot of wine and ordered four dishes which she never finished—probably out of spite. Oh well. “I wish I could have seen this coming. My heart is stupid. My mind is immature. My…”

  “Your dick is out of control.”

  “Well that goes without saying.”

  By now Crystal was over the shouting and the crying—although she made it clear she never cried over losing me, at least not where I could see her.

  “You are an asshole, David Brown,” she said with a cocky attitude. “But I’ve decided to let you move on.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, because I think you’re going to find that someone like Amelia is not going to make you happy. Guys like you, you think you can just find your true love every thirty seconds. You never take the time to appreciate a woman’s uniqueness.”

  I wasn’t about to argue with the woman who was finally letting me go on benevolent terms and surprisingly without throwing any breadsticks, or breaking any glasses or singing to the ceiling about what a dick I was. All in all, it was a fairly quiet affair.

  “I think you’re going to be sorry you lost me.”

  “Jesus, Crystal,” I said, always a bit too honest. “I’m doing this because I respect you. If I were a selfish man, I would want you and her. I would be a louse, a cheat and a sneak. But I won’t do that to someone who deserves my utmost respect. I don’t regret our time together. It was everything I thought I wanted. But in the end, you just deserve better than me. And you know you do.”

  “Yeah well,” she said with a cold shrug…but at least half a smile on her face. “Just so you know, I already got a few offers from some very big guys. Real athletes you know, not the ones that just sell vitamins. One’s a linebacker. The other’s a boxer. And the other…a Tantric Sex Guru.”

  I laughed heartily. “That is a hard deal to pass up.”

  “But okay, here’s what I have to say to you,” she said finally looking me straight in the eye and losing her stare. “I’m glad you just told me rather than made me some kind of fool. I take my wedding day very seriously.”

  “I know, Crystal. I would never do that to you.”

  “I hope…” she said before a pause. “I hope Amelia appreciates you.”

  “I hope so too. I’m going to miss you.”

  “Oh yeah you will. You’ll be kicking yourself two years from now when Little Miss Perfect just lays there, and you realize that I was the one who gave you the best sex of your life!”

  I laughed in surrender. I was just glad Crystal wasn’t kicking my ass. Let her have her bragging rights. I was just relieved to be honest again. Free to pursue the woman I wanted most of all, more than life itself!

  And this is the part where I would go to Amelia and tell her how much I love her and she would say yes to my proposal and we’d live happily ever after.

  Right?

  Well no, ironically it didn’t happen that way…

  Chapter 10:Amelia

  I ran into Jake, David’s friend at the local jeweler. I was there to pick up some stones and Jake was paying for his crass necklace. I admit that I never thought highly of Jake and did meet him a few times when David was out and about with his other girlfriends.

  “Hey gorgeous,” he said in that tough talking alpha male voice that gets me so…bored. I really hate those types of guys.

  “Oh hey. Jake, was it?”

  “Yeah, don’t forget that name. It’s worth money.”

&
nbsp; “Ahh,” I said with a fake laugh. “Well, it was nice seeing you again. Sort of.”

  “Hey wait up. I kind of wanted to talk to you.”

  “I kinda sort of don’t.”

  “You mad, bro? What’s wrong? Why are you so touchy, woman?”

  “Actually, David and I are not talking at the moment. So you’re probably just guilty by association. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

  “No hard feelings, babe”, he said with an unctuous smile.

  “Actually, it’s not David. I just don’t like you.”

  “What?! Oh now the truth comes out! Why don’t you like me, anyway?”

  “I dunno. You remind me of a guy that bets on horse races. Just sleazy. Scummy.”

  “Man, you are a tough broad, you know that?”

  “Yeah I am. And why are you a man wearing a necklace anyway?” I said, noticing he was holding a rather flashy necklace in his hand. “Are you trying to bring the 1980s car dealer look back into fashion?”

  He laughed. Should I feel bad about busting a guy’s chops so bad if he enjoys it?

  “Hey,” he said with a pointing finger. “You asked if there were no hard feelings? There are now. In my pants.”

  “Screw you,” I said with a sarcastic smile.

  “Hey, for real,” he said touching my forearm and earning a scowl. “Why are you and David not talking? I heard he broke up with Crystal. You really mean to tell me after he went through all that shit, you’re still friend-zoning him? That’s cold, man.”

  I sent him daggers and shook my head. “You know nothing about us. Our history.”

  “Well I know you two have been friends forever, even before I knew him.”

  “Well for your information, even though it’s none of your business, David is acting irrational. He needs to grow up before he pursues a relationship with anybody.”

  Jake laughed boisterously. “Gimme a break. You know why he’s being irrational, Amelia. He’s in love with you. He’s been in love with you for like twenty years. He left a cheerleader for you.”

  “I know.”

  “I mean a really good cheerleader…” Jake said, wide eyed and making “boob” gestures to emphasize the point. “She was hot.”

  “I’m sure she was.”

  “Look, you know David is just weird about talking over his feelings. He says stupid things. He does stupid things. But how can you deny that he loves you?”

  “I do love David,” I said cautiously. “I always will. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.”

  “This is like the first time you’ve been single in a long time. You should give him a chance. Let him apologize, make it up to you.”

  “I don’t know why I’m talking to you about this,” I said. “But for your information, I’ve already met someone else. David has to learn that his ‘whims’ are not what a loving relationship is built on.”

  “What are you talking about?!”

  “Look!” I shouted. “You obviously have only heard David’s side of everything. You DON’T know what happened in our history. You don’t. All you know is that we’ve been friends for a long time. That’s all. So what gives you the right to judge me?”

  “Ah well, call me a sucker. I just like romance. I like love stories to end happy.”

  “Yeah well,” I sneered back at him. “Not all love stories end happily ever after. Sometimes life is just cruel.”

  Jake shrugged it off, by now figuring since I already disliked him, he had nothing to lose at this point.

  “Hey Amelia, you can still give me a happy ending.”

  “Go to Hell, smart-ass.”

  I know Jake, David and all sorts of other jock guys will never understand. But there’s something very sacred about a woman’s trust and David violated my trust. When I finished things with Pete, I swore I would never be put in that position again. David did do things to me, he made me feel desire, of course he did. I’m not denying that.

  But he put a very important friendship at risk and so brazenly. That’s why I backed off. And now, neither of us have anything anymore. We lost the friendship and the relationship. And that’s what people just don’t fucking get about turning friendship into romance. There’s too much at risk…and like that it’s all gone.

  Chapter 11:David

  I found out the name of Amelia’s new boyfriend. Victor. He sounds European, probably a big mustache, a round face, and wearing flannel suits and a top hat or something. Not sure why Victor looks like the Monopoly guy in my head, but it’s what I see at the moment. A billionaire celebrity, a man that she deserves.

  I suppose her ideal man would be someone who didn’t care about timing—someone who just took what he wanted. Someone who didn’t care about his fiancée, or her boyfriend or have any sense of propriety—someone who just kisses first and thinks about it later.

  Well, whatever. I’m not exactly sure why Amelia is mad, probably because in her logic, I broke some sacred trust. Some vow that I would never bed my best friend, because that would be wrong. Sure, suffering abuse, infidelity and psychoses from her other boyfriends—THAT was something forgivable, something human, something that just sucks but a girl can take it. But heaven forbid I actually follow my heart and make a move on the woman I’ve loved for the past twenty something years.

  I threatened the friendship. That’s worse than everything else.

  But no matter. I don’t regret breaking up with Crystal. It was the right thing to do, to set her free, so she could, you know, yell and scream at another guy who loves her to pieces. I regret that my experimentation with Amelia failed, but it’s one of those things where you just have to try. You just have to give it your all and be satisfied with the chase. The adventure. The romance, even if it’s partly in your head.

  This is as good as life gets. Be happy, you idiot. Everybody gets what they want in the end, except you.

  **

  Last night, as I was feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in self-pity, I must have dozed off heavily and entered a portal of subconscious thought. A channel to my own mind, my ageless mind, neither the past or present or future. No limits except my own wandering mind and endless stream of consciousness.

  I know for a fact that during this dream I woke up in the future. I can’t say for sure if it was my certain future, as in a portent, or if it was just my modern frame of mind creating a hypothetical future.

  But in the dream I had grown into an older man, probably in my sixties. I was content in life. I had traveled down a long road, one that I was sure of. A path I chose long ago, and one I never stopped following.

  When I looked to my side, there I saw a most peculiar sight. I saw Amelia, aged and graceful. She had grown older with me, and we were both retired living our golden years in peace.

  I knew it was her within an instant. It was all in the eyes. Trusting eyes. She leaned over and looked at me, her heart pure, her soul unscathed. No one would ever hurt her again. I was there, I protected her. The best years of my youth left me, but they were years spent with her. I gave her everything of me and in return she gave me,told me everything, we shared everything.

  We talked just like old times, even so many years later.

  “What is the first song you ever remember hearing?”

  “Hmmm, I think it was that All Over Spaghetti song. You?”

  “Probably When The Ants Came Marching In.”

  “Oh I loved that one. ‘Oh when the ants, come marching in, oh Lord I want to be in that number when the ants come marching in.”

  “Umm…I think you’re confusing it with When the Saints Come Marching In. The ant song is based on When Johnny’s Coming Marching Home, a Civil War song.”

  “Oh. Well, both equally morbid.”

  “Yeah our parents managed to sing us horribly depressing songs. So we have them to thank for our therapy.”

  Then, as the moment passed, she turned to me and looked at me with the same eyes I fell in love with. Her body had grown older, as had mine
, but her eyes were exactly the same. And her soul was universally and timelessly connected to mine.

  “Do you have any regrets?” she asked me, her face caught between a moment of adoration and panic.

  “How could I? I got everything I wanted. All I ever wanted was you. Since the time I was 14, that’s all I ever imagined for myself. Being with you. And however, bizarrely or perversely, or inexplicably, I saw us like this. Growing up hand in hand. How could I ever regret living out a dream?”

  “Do you?” I asked her, just as she turned her face away, before giving me a coy look.

  And then I woke up.

  The morning light came to me and I realized in that moment that I would always and have always loved Amelia. If she thinks I took advantage of her or risked anything, she was mistaken. It was the culmination of my love story.

  And this, I will make damn sure that she hears the dramatic conclusion.

  I have to talk to her. I have to find her, before it’s too late!

  I found out through a mutual friend, she went to Galveston with her mother. Maybe she even took her new beau Victor, since he probably has a leer jet and a limo to take her everywhere she wants to go. Yeah, maybe Victor is a better man than I…maybe he can give her the world.

  But I know he couldn’t possibly love her anymore than I do. Everything I have ever been or ever done has been shaped by Amelia, whether subconsciously or knowingly. To be with her—to be the kind of man she could love.

  I have to go find her and tell her. I owe her, and I owe myself, one more conversation. She has to hear it from me…and I have to make things right.

  Chapter 12: Amelia

  Galveston is such a calm place, even in spite of all the hurricane damage that still haunts the atmosphere from years back. People come here to get away from city life, to rejuvenate. To grieve, to think, to mourn…sometimes just to feel something different. I lay on the beach and shut my eyes, wondering if I went to sleep now…if I would ever wake up? If time didn’t really exist, would I wake up in just a moment and be seventy years old? Or would I blink again and be twenty?