I Will Always Love You

by Kathryn Shay

  But it wouldn’t be screwing. It would be...

  “Ryder, do you have an opinion on the sex in this book?”

  He swallowed hard. Sometimes, the universe was cruel.

  * * *

  “This was a great idea, Mamá,” Lexy said honestly.

  She’d refused to talk about why she was upset yesterday, so Mamá was trying to distract her with a boat ride this morning and a Broadway play this afternoon. Lexy was glad, because she needed to escape thoughts of Ryder. She could still see his face during their discussion at the coffee shop. But his words had been more important. They wouldn’t have a romantic relationship.

  “Are you kidding, Sis? It’s freezing.” This from Frankie.

  Mamá looked down her nose at her daughter. “We can go into the cabin area if you’re too fragile to stay up here.”

  Frankie laughed. “Touché. You know the answer to that.”

  Since they were cruising the Hudson River, passing the New York Skyline, they had a perfect view of all its institutions.

  “There’s Wall Street,” Frankie commented. “I don’t understand why all those people spend their days buying and selling things that don’t exist.”

  And boom, there he was again. Ryder had been a stockbroker for years. She longed to know more about that job, know if he liked it, why he left.

  No! He wasn’t coming with them today. He wasn’t.

  Mamá hugged her black lambswool coat around her. “The United States is so different from Casarina. I can’t imagine living in their hustle and bustle.”

  They cruised farther down the river and Mamá frowned. “There’s One World Trade Center.”

  Frankie squeezed her arm. “I hope what happened to the Twin Towers doesn’t make you worry more about me. The loss in that event was unusual for both cops and firefighters.”

  Of course, Lexy couldn’t remember anything about the terrorists’ attacks, but she’d learned the details in school. What a horrible day filled, ironically, with unequivocal heroism. She’d been particularly interested in the firefighters who’d run in when everybody else was running out. She’d had a crush on the men in the profession ever since.

  As they continued the ride by the Statue of Liberty, Mamá remarked how Casarina had opened their doors to refugees, but America no longer accepted others as they once had due to politics.

  Lexy commented, “Calla says President Manwaring is working to curb those laws.”

  “Yes. Jim is a blessing to this country. And he certainly rose to the occasion when we needed him to help Calla.” The president, a friend of the king, had pushed through Calla’s request for asylum from her husband, then escorted her home on Air Force One.

  “Do you follow the politics of this country, Frankie?”

  “To some degree. After all, I’m a citizen. Besides, what happens in D.C. has a huge impact on law enforcement.”

  At the Empire State Building, Mamá told them this used to be the tallest building in the city. Now other skyscrapers towered over it.

  Lexy sighed. “I love that Casarina has no high buildings.”

  “As do I.”

  Frankie asked, “Are you going back to Casarina soon, Lexy?”

  “Yes.” She didn’t know she’d decided to until she blurted out the affirmation. “I have some commitments to pre-publicity, here, but as soon as I can return, I will. I’ll write the last two books there.”

  Mamá encircled her shoulders. “I’m so glad, darling. I’ve never lived without you.”

  “Me, too, Mamá. I’m glad.”

  Frankie’s expression was doubtful. “Somehow, I’m not sure you mean that, kiddo.”

  * * *

  “This is great, buddy.” Millie sat with Ryder in the waiting area of the floor where Annie had been transferred. His oldest sister was in a better mood now that her daughter was no longer in critical condition and had been moved to a private room.

  He said, “I hope Lisa can heat her meal up.” She’d stayed in Annie’s room. Not for one minute had the girl been alone.

  Mille studied Ryder. “You look like hell, Ry.”

  “This has been an ordeal.”

  “It’s more than that.”

  “Yeah, it is. But Millie, I don’t want to go into why.”

  “All right. Entertain me with some publishing details. I love hearing about your work.”

  “Hmm. We have a party coming up Friday for the authors whose books will be released this year. It’s usually held in January, but we were in London for the book fair.”

  “Where’s the party?”

  “The Cibar Lounge.”

  “Dinner?”

  “No, cocktails and heavy appetizers.”

  “Will Alexandra be there? By the way, she’s lovely.”

  “I don’t want to talk about that.”

  “So it is her.”

  “Of course it’s her.” He threw down the napkin. “Man, do I know how to blow things.”

  “I’m sorry for whatever you’re going through.”

  He watched Millie. “I want her and can’t have her.”

  “Does she feel the same?”

  “She says she does. And she wants to take our relationship further.”

  “You know you can’t do that, right?”

  “I know. So does she.”

  They ate in silence for a while. Finally, Millie asked, “What other new books does Reynolds Publishing have this year?”

  “We have a firefighter who wrote a fiction book. It details the life of a firefighter who gets caught up in a scandal and is forced to defend himself.”

  “Hmm. Firefighters are sexy.”

  “We have a new romance author who writes about teachers. Who knew what they had to go through?”

  “Especially with all the school shootings.”

  “That’s what her book is about. It was written last year before all the latest slaughter of high school kids.”

  Millie shivered. “It makes me sick thinking about Annie going to school every day when that could happen.”

  They discussed more authors until Millie’s text alert chimed. “Lisa says Annie’s awake and wants to see her favorite uncle.”

  “Ha. Her only uncle.”

  Ryder gathered the remains of the Stromboli and tossed them in the trash. Then he picked up Lisa’s dinner and they headed to the room. On the way, Millie put her arm around him. “I love you, buddy.”

  “Thanks, Millie. Back at you.”

  Chapter 10

  Lexy exited the limo, taken at the insistence of her mother, in front of the restaurant in Gramercy Park. “Thank you, Antonio.”

  “I’ll be waiting, Prin...Miss Marcello.”

  “No, you won’t. I’m perfectly capable of grabbing a cab myself.”

  “Your mother...”

  “You’re not driving my mother. I insist you take the night off.”

  He frowned at her suggestion, but she knew he had to listen to her. “Of course. Whatever you wish.”

  The Cibar Lounge was stunning. The Reynolds had rented out the entire space of more than 1300 square feet. Preferring to know what she was getting into, especially tonight, Lexy had gone to the website so she’d know the setup.

  Greeted at the door by a concierge, Lexy slipped out of the new white cashmere coat she’d selected to replace hers that got ruined by the incident with Ryder and the cab. She thanked the man and walked into the restaurant, which was one big room. She’d chosen to arrive a half hour late and planned to stay only a short while. She wanted to spend as little time as possible in Ryder’s presence because she knew how much she’d hurt when she saw him and not be with him.

  A waiter approached her. “Would you like some champagne, ma’am?”

  “Thank you, yes.” She took a glass and sipped. Cold and crisp, the bubbly went down her parched throat easily. From behind her she heard, “Tastes good, doesn’t it?”

  Turning, she saw a stranger had spoken to her. “Yes, and hello.” Surreptitiously
—she hoped—she took in his forest green sports coat and a starched beige shirt, open at the collar. The color accented his green eyes. His hair was dark and cut short. He held out his hand. “Adam Quinn.”

  “Alexandra Marcello.” Moving closer, she took his hand. Even in three-inch heels, Lexy had to look up at him.

  “Ah, the princess books. I can’t wait to buy one for my niece when it comes out.”

  A surge of pleasure took the edge off the evening. “And you? Are you an author or publishing personnel?”

  “Author. First time.”

  “Me, too. What’s your book about?”

  “Firefighters.”

  She sipped her drink. “One of America’s bravest. I’m not from this country, but I know how firefighters have become heroes.”

  “Where are you from?”

  “Europe.”

  Not giving him the opportunity to probe further, she made a point of scanning the room. The onyx bar curved around half the room. A fireplace, with silvery chairs in front of it, was framed by a tapestry of wallpaper.

  “First time here?” Adam asked.

  “Yes.”

  “It’s a great place to take dates.”

  “Alexandra?” The voice that haunted her midnights came from behind.

  She pivoted, causing the red sequins of her new dress to shimmer. “Hello, Ryder.”

  His demeanor relaxed, damn him, he addressed the firefighter. “We haven’t met.” He introduced himself.

  “Ah, a bigshot. I’m Adam Quinn.”

  Ryder gave him a big smile. “I’ve read your book. It’s superb.”

  “Wow. I hope the readers think so.”

  “It’s scheduled the same month as Alexandra’s.”

  “Hmm.” He winked at her. “Maybe we can double up on appearances and promo.”

  “We’ll see.” Now Ryder’s voice was strained, and he actually took her arm and edged her away from the man. “If you’ll excuse us, my father asked to talk to Alexandra.”

  “I hope I see you before I leave, Adam.”

  “I’ll make it happen.”

  Ryder held his hand at her back until they reached the other side of the room. Just his nearness made her face flush and her skin tingle. Adam had flirted with her, but she hadn’t participated.

  “Where’s your father?” Lexy asked.

  “He’s in consultation with an author who had to talk to him tonight.”

  “Why did you bring me over here? You said—”

  “I know what I said!” His jaw clenched. “I was trying to get you away from the firefighter.”

  “Because he was flirting with me?”

  “Yes. I couldn’t tell if you were flirting back.”

  She placed her hand on his arm. “I wouldn’t do that to you.” Leaning into him, she whispered, “Especially not here.”

  He sighed. “I should have known that.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “Because I’ve been a mess since we talked about...us.”

  “Things were bad with Annie. You had a lot to worry about. By the way, thanks for the text that she’s improving.”

  “Yeah, my family’s been on my mind, but I was upset about you and me, too.”

  “I know. I’ve been distressed, too.”

  “I’ve been going over and over this in mind. What if we said yes to our feelings? What would that be like? We’d sneak around? We couldn’t go out in public? We’d worry about being found out?”

  She tipped her chin. “It would be worth it to me.”

  “I can’t see that working. Our relationship would leak, sweetheart. Then we’d both be hurt by gossip and our professional ethics questioned.” He gestured to the other side of the room. “Hell, if it ever got out, which it would, no matter how careful we are, authors like that firefighter would be angry and think you’d be getting preference and access and a host of other things.”

  “I realize all that.”

  He ran his knuckles down her cheek. “I want to, but—”

  “Hello, darling.”

  Ryder jolted back from Alexandra at the arrival of a beautiful woman, who linked her arm with his and called him darling. Then she kissed him on the mouth.

  “Elena.” He edged back from her. “What are you doing here?”

  “You invited me as your escort. We put it on my calendar two weeks ago.” She glanced at Alexandra. “On our last date.”

  Alexandra's face blanched

  “You must be one of the authors here.”

  “I am. Alexandra Marcello.”

  “Ah, Pickles’ creator. Ryder regaled me with some of her escapades.”

  “If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”

  “Of course. Nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to meet you, too.” Lexy faced Ryder. “Goodbye, Ryder.”

  * * *

  For five days, Ryder had let Alexandra think the worst of him. He’d managed to avoid contact with her the two times she’d come to the offices: to plan the recording of the podcasts and for a cover consult. But he had to be in the photography studio for the filming. It would be a huge breach of his professional responsibility if he avoided supervising this, too.

  “How’s the setup, Ryder?”

  “Great, Michael. The frame is perfect.” Backdropped by the castle in the books, the garden setting also matched the one Alexandra had described and Ravenna had illustrated.

  When Michael went to consult with his assistant, Ryder busied himself by checking his email. Elena had contacted him. The night of the party had ended in a way he hadn’t expected....

  She’d pressed herself against him in the cab when he’d accompanied her home. “Are you coming up?”

  “I don’t think so. I have an early meeting and need to be to work by seven.”

  “Hmm, then walk me to the door.” Elena handed the cab driver a bill. “This should cover the wait time.”

  They reached the porch of her classy brownstone, and Ryder wondered if he had enough stamina to get through these next few minutes. He’d been reeling with how he’d hurt Alexandra just a few short hours ago.

  Elena said, “Tell me what’s going on.”

  Trying to formulate his answer, he leaned against the brick wall.

  “I know something’s going on with you and Alexandra. Spit it out.”

  “I can’t see you anymore.”

  “Why?”

  He was as shocked as she was by what came out of his mouth. Nonetheless, he continued. “Because of her. Because of how I feel about her.”

  “And you’ve known her how long?”

  “A month or so.”

  “Let me get this straight. You’ll stop seeing me after five years of our arrangement because of someone who’s planning to go back to her own country.” No response. “And to be honest, Ryder, she’s a little young for you.”

  He touched Elena’s arm. “You’re a gorgeous woman, an enthusiastic lover and a formidable business person. It’s not fair of me to see you, sleep with you when I’m thinking about another woman. Even if she does go back to God knows where.”

  “Shouldn’t that be my choice?”

  “No. It’s mine.”

  “I can’t say I’m not sorry. I’ve enjoyed having you in my life.” Standing on her toes, she kissed his lips. “Take care. I hope you don’t get hurt by all this....”

  He was distracted from the ugly memory when Alexandra walked through the door. Her lovely hair was pinned back at the temples exactly like the princess in the book and made her seem even younger. She wore a simple dress of emerald green. Her makeup was heavier for the camera. Ravenna trailed behind her, casually dressed in jeans and a leather jacket.

  Forced to greet them, he crossed to where they stopped. “Good morning, ladies.”

  Ravenna said, “’Morning.”

  Alexandra raised her chin. Her eyes were flat. “Hello, Ryder. When do we start?”

  “Let’s go ask Michael.” He led the way. “Michael, you�
��ve met Alexandra before. This is her sister and the illustrator, Ravenna.”

  Exchanges were made. Then Michael asked, “So, you ready?”

  “I am.” Alexandra answered after Ravenna nodded. “Do you think we can wrap this up today?”

  “I hope so. If not, we can add another session.”

  “I’m afraid that won’t be possible. I’m going home today.”

  “Home? Where?” Michael asked.

  “Europe.”

  Ryder blurted out, “You can’t do that. We have pre-publication appearances.”

  “Not for two months. The podcasts will be released in April. I’m booked on shows for May and then I’ll stay through the release of book one. I checked this all out, Ryder. I’m fully compliant with my contract.”

  Fuck the contract. But he said, “Yeah, let’s not breach the contract.”

  Michael looked at him, probably wondering about his sarcastic tone.

  Knowing he was losing her made the session excruciating. She sparkled in front of the camera, and Michael zoomed in on the glisten in her eyes as she introduced the characters. So what if he remembered their times together planning the short films? So what if every time she smiled, he wanted to rush to her and kiss those lips?

  The morning was interminable, but Alexandra never lost steam and performed beautifully. By lunch time, they’d shot three ten-minute podcasts.

  “Do you want to preview these before they go up?” he asked her.

  “No, I’m sure they’re fine.”

  Ravenna agreed and excused herself for another meeting.

  “I’ll look at them today,” he told Michael. “Put them online and contact marketing to let them know they’re from us. They have a publicity plan for getting the word out.”

  Ryder was in an emotional puddle of his own making. So he was shocked when the room cleared, and she approached him. “I need to talk to you a few minutes.”

  He remembered how sad she’d seemed when Elena had interrupted them. “Why? To tell me what a despicable cad I am?”

  “No, I’m past that. We need to set some ground rules for here on out.”

  “Our contract is the only ground rule we need.”