Rapture

by Angelique Voisen

  Steering my gaze to Kade chatting with Jace, I lowered my voice to a whisper, “Cel, how much trouble is Kade in for not being able to find the mole?”

  I asked not because I desperately needed to know if we were all just living on borrowed time. I knew that already, since the beginning. Ever since Keith told Kade about the mole in the organization.

  Maybe even longer, when the walls between Kade and I dissolved for the first time and our roles became murky. Some part of me had always known a good thing could never really last, but I needed someone else to give me the hard facts. Cel knew it, too, I think, but she indulged me all the same.

  “The DEA closing in is one thing. Catching the attention of a U.S. Attorney willing to take up the case is another.”

  Remembering the ominous feeling I felt a few seconds ago, I nervously cracked my knuckles and stated the obvious. The truth Kade refused to acknowledge or accept.

  “So this is bound to go downhill, no matter what happens.”

  “Going to get messy and ugly,” Cel agreed. “No other way.”

  “And what? Are Grayson and you going to stick by Keith, even when the DEA comes bursting through the front doors?”

  Cel shrugged, her loyalties hard to tell. To Grayson certainly, but to Keith or the Brotherhood was a gray area. She didn’t seem to give a fuck as long as she got paid. Gave answers and confidential information away, not caring she gave them to the toy she’d been ordered to keep a close eye on.

  “It depends on the situation.” I thought she would say no more, but she went on, “How long Keith’s lawyers can drag out the case, the heat of the situation.”

  “You mean how long Keith can keep the cash flowing to keep everyone’s mouth shut?”

  Her lips quirked to what passed for a smile.

  If circumstances had been different, and we hadn’t been forced to the roles we played, I wondered if we could have been friends in the outside world. Probably not, but following that line of thought made me start wondering again. Wonder about my old life and the old me I willingly killed.

  Did I kill those bits and pieces of myself so I could live in Kade’s world? Find a place for myself even if that was at his feet? A real survivor resorted to desperate means to survive. A young man terrified of being lonely, who had little respect for his shattered self, would cling to anyone, the first person who showed him just a tiny bit of kindness, so he could feel worthy of love again.

  “In the end, it’s just about self-preservation, isn’t it?” I asked.

  Speaking those words felt like a trigger to a spell. Kade halted midway through his conversation to pick up his ringing phone, his hands beginning to shake only seconds later. With fear, rage, or both?

  “We adapt,” Cel said, standing to check her guns and knives under her jacket.

  I had a feeling by ‘we’ she meant both of us. Willing captives turned accomplices, submissives altered and heavily modified until we could no longer go back, just forward.

  No sense of panic or urgency resided inside me, only calmness and acceptance. I made my decisions, took a side, and if standing beside my man spelled my doom along with his, then fine with me. I had picked my battle and would submit with grace like the way Kade taught me.

  Kade stalked to us, hard expression softening when I reached out for his hand and kissed each of his scarred knuckles.

  “Is it time?” I asked, understanding he couldn’t afford to waste precious seconds explaining.

  He looked stricken, but determined. “It’s time.”

  Kade pressed his hand against my cheek, and I leaned into it like a needy kitten seeking heat, my chest tightening painfully. Made me wonder if the brief stolen moment we had a few minutes ago would be the last.

  What tiny bit of courage I managed to summon collapsed with the thought of the inevitable. With dawning horror and comprehension, I realized I possessed the power of altering the course of our future. Make a domineering and proud man like Kade bend. All I had to do was fall on my knees. Tell Kade. No, plead and beg him to abandon his selfless and futile sense of duty, his loyalty to his only family.

  Dizzying, drunk thoughts.

  Would Kade resent me after? Undoubtedly, but he’d forgive me eventually.

  “Chase,” Kade breathed, his expression conflicted and torn, looking unsure what he’d say next.

  Confusion didn’t sit well on him, and it bothered me immensely. Kade, my Master, never hesitated. He always took the reins of any situation and led me by the leash.

  The crucial moment had arrived. Kade was at his most vulnerable. Now or never to sway him, to take on the reversal of roles, but the expression on his handsome face didn’t wound me. It gutted me. Cradled in his arms in the dark not so long ago, his firm scared body pressed against mine, I recalled the words that undid me.

  “Beautiful boy, I desired you so badly, even when you were no longer whole or perfect.”

  Thinking of what ifs and what could have been wouldn’t help anyone, least of all Kade. He needed me strong in a time of weakness, so I’d be what he needed. Rising on tiptoe, I slid my arms around his neck. Crushed my lips against his, and shocked the both of us by my boldness and resolve. Hardest thing I did, keeping us intact like this.

  His chest rose and fell against mine, his gaze still seeking my understanding, perhaps hoping I’d tell him we should run. Abandon the empire they wasted sweat, blood, and soul for. Kade let out a frustrated curse, failing to hide his disappointment.

  “Do what you need to do. I’ll always stand by your side.” Brushing the new ink on my chest, I realized I meant every word. Privately, I’d hoped Kade marking me meant a promising future for us, but what kind of future did we really have?

  Wistful thoughts from a naïve young man who still believed in fairy tales. Ironic, given my own tale led me to twisted roads and dark desires. Some part of me badly believed, or wanted to believe, that love or what passed for it could still bloom in the most unlikely places.

  Could I really spend the rest of my life, sitting contently at his feet, until he decided he’d gotten sick of me? In all likelihood, it would never come to that. Kade had too many enemies, including his own brother, who wanted me gone even though Kade had been too blind to see it.

  Kade nodded. “Let’s go.”

  Chapter Nine

  Kade

  Chase’s actions and words told me just how much blind faith he put in a man who broke his promise in keeping him safe. He had surrendered his heart, body, and soul without reserve, and he would follow me to a war zone without hesitation.

  Fucking Chase in Jace’s chair should’ve confirmed the fact he truly belonged to me without question and brought me comfort. I didn’t need or want any more affirmation. Maybe what I really sought was courage. A shade, a shy echo of the bravery Chase displayed today when we erased chains of his past from his skin. The dose I needed to do what I had to, no matter how fucking hard it was.

  Gently, I squeezed the back of his neck, nodding to the back seat of my car. “Get in and lock the door. I’ll be sitting up front.”

  Chase obeyed without question, completely trusting, not seeing the secret look I traded with Cel.

  And Cel? The killer leveled the same expressionless gaze at me when I broke protocol, went off-script, and decided to take the terrible risk. Made her a proposal she couldn’t refuse while gambling all on the suspicion Grayson hadn’t completely obliterated all traces of humanity in her.

  “You understand what I’m asking, don’t you?”

  No further acknowledgement or reassurance came from Cel in response to the worry in my voice. Expected, but it did little to calm my nerves. Cel opened the driver’s door, looking completely at ease with the world falling apart.

  I stopped her. Clutched her arm in warning, aware the deceivingly small woman could take my life without leaving room for me to fight back. Not an exaggeration, just fact. That was saying something, considering I killed for a living.

  Cel started as a joke
. An unfeeling toy created solely to cure Grayson of his boredom, but he ended up outdoing himself. She might lack his mass and power, but she also lacked his sickness. Grayson’s psychotic sadism, his unquenchable thirst for inflicting pain became an addiction of sorts, a weakness that sometimes made him stray from his goal.

  Trusting her with Chase had never been an option until I caught her watching us with something close to interest. Everything from this point relied on the assumption Cel, in her own way, cared for Chase.

  “Kade? What’s going on?” Concern leaked for the first time in Chase’s voice.

  I ignored him, no matter how painful. Did my best to ignore the self-doubt battering at the walls of my determination to stand by my brother.

  Run away. Be with Chase, escape from everything. Let Keith and the Brotherhood fucking burn.

  So simple in theory but a lot harder in execution, and hell, even Chase knew I’d stay and choose to burn with the rest. Dragging Chase to hell with me, though? Inconceivable.

  I dug my fingers into Cel’s skin, hard enough to leave bruises, but I didn’t care. She didn’t flinch or make a single sound of pain. Only held my gaze steady with her empty one, not much of a comfort, but she was all I had.

  “Take fucking care of him. I’m entrusting the most important thing in the world to me. You understand?”

  I didn’t care how desperate I sounded, didn’t dare to look at Chase growing distressed. A second was all it took for him to shove open the car doors and fall into my arms, a single look for me to fall apart.

  “I understand.” A slight prickle of annoyance wormed into her voice.

  Cel pried her arm back from mine, and I understood why. My head snapped to the direction of the car door unlocking and opening, gaze greedily taking in the sight of Chase.

  I was about to reprimand my pup for his poor behavior. Coldly tell him off. Order him to do as he was told, but the sight of him stumbling, expression distressed and panicked, stopped me cold. Chase fell to his knees in front of me, not caring we stood on the sidewalk. Clutched my legs, pressed his head against it, and nuzzled my groin, knowing full well this position was my favorite. My fingers unfroze. I gripped his hair, forcing him to look up at me.

  “Liar. You’re a damn liar. You promised you wouldn’t leave me,” he accused, his words slicing in deep, carving chunks out of me. They left me breathless. Chase touched the gauze peeking underneath his shirt, my name across his heart, and I nearly fell apart. “What’s all this for, if you’re only going to send me away?

  “Do you think I want this, Chase, after coming so far with you? Do you fucking think it’s easy for me to let you go?”

  Chase bit his lip, and I silently berated myself for my explosion. Losing my control had been unacceptable. I was his Master. Chase needed me to keep my head.

  “Don’t send me away, Kade. Please.” Chase aimed his huge and lethal baby blue eyes at me, begging me for understanding, shamelessly keeping nothing of himself away. He reduced himself to a completely open book. It gutted me how I had to let him go just when we’d arrived at this final stage.

  I demanded the impossible, commanded him to give me everything of his free will. His complete trust, to love and want no one else but me. Leaving Chase with nothing but questions didn’t just feel wrong. It was a sin.

  “This isn’t a betrayal, Chase. I’m doing this to protect you because I’m not dragging you into this mess. Only I need to burn.”

  “But I want to stay with you,” he insisted, eyes wild, beginning to look agitated. “How can you expect me to live in a world without you, when that’s all you’ve been training me to do?”

  Hard to rebuke the accusation in his voice, and I couldn’t even summon enough energy to be mad at him. Chase’s words painfully reverberated through me, truth slapping me hard in the face with cold water.

  “Wasn’t that what you wanted? What we’ve been working towards? You can’t expect me to fly after putting me in a fucking cage.”

  “Death isn’t what you want, believe me,” I said dryly. “Go with Cel. She’ll keep you safe, help you make your way back to your former life. There’s also instructions, bank account numbers with more than enough for you to go back to school, buy a dozen cars or houses if you want—”

  “I don’t want your fucking money,” he cut in angrily, his eyes darkening to an angry shade of dark blue. “Or houses or cars, or go back to my old life. That stupid useless boy is dead, so is that reality. Can’t you understand all I want and need is you?”

  I let out a painful breath, knowing I needed to end this. Time wasn’t on my side, not because I was concerned about Keith or the Brotherhood, but because the longer I traded words with Chase, the more tempting it became to run away with him.

  “Who am I, Chase?”

  He blinked confusion and anger away, not missing a beat. “Master.”

  “And our first lesson about obedience?”

  Chase bit his bottom lip. “Master’s will always come first.”

  “Because?” I gently prodded.

  “Master knows what I need,” he said softly, his look one of pure sorrow.

  I stroked his hair, traced the bridge of his nose, and thumbed his cheekbone, lingered longest on his bottom lip. “Exactly. I know what’s best for you. Right now, this is it. Someday, you’ll understand why I sent you away.”

  Chase quieted, shut his eyes, and rested his forehead against my thigh, his trembling fingers moving up and down my left calf repeatedly, as if he wanted to imprint himself with my scent. A second later, I felt it. Wetness. The taste of his tears wasted on fabric. He sniffed when I took both his hands, looked alarmed when I knelt in front of him. Chase finally relaxed when I leaned in close and licked his tears and savored the salty taste of them.

  “Won’t you obey my orders one last time, Chase? Can’t you do this last task for me?”

  “Yes,” he said so faintly I barely caught the words.

  I looked up, saw Cel standing by Chase’s shoulder, and nodded. Chase didn’t resist when Cel helped him back on his feet. Chase swayed slightly, looking lost, tragically handsome. My beautiful boy.

  “Hey,” I called hoarsely. He looked up at me hopefully, lowering his gaze when he saw I hadn’t changed my mind. I took his hand, placed it right over the new ink. “When you feel lost, remember this, my name on your heart, even when it’s no longer there.”

  He looked horrified by the implication of my words. “It will always be there.”

  I sadly smiled at him, shaking my head. “You’ll need to move on, Chase. Not today or tomorrow, but someday, and all I’ll be is a hazy memory.”

  “We need to leave,” Cel interrupted.

  I wanted to strike her for interrupting, but she was right. We dragged this conversation far too long.

  “Goodbye, Chase. It’s time I set you free.”

  I kissed him hard, expected him to continue looking lost and suspended in disbelief, but that was all right. My Chase was tough, in some ways even stronger than me, even if he couldn’t see that yet.

  Chase looked at me one last time before returning to the backseat, his blue eyes clearer than I’ve ever seen them. Free of doubt and anger, he whispered the three words I never expected, let alone deserved.

  “I love you.”

  Stunned into silence, I watch Chase take his seat without fighting Cel or me. Cel slammed the driver seat and started the engine. My beat-up, old black Mercedes disappeared into the distance, until all I could see was the brief flash of the back of Chase’s golden head. Didn’t even pound his fists at the glass or turn his head to look at me one last time. Chase left me ruined, completely wrecked, with the three words flashing over and over in my head.

  I love you. I love you. I love you.

  God. What have I done?

  Chapter Ten

  Chase

  Free?

  The words refused to sink in. I sank my fingers into the cover of the car seat, gripping the fabric tight. Stared out the wind
ows and saw nothing. Muddy brown apartment buildings all lined up like a stack of dominoes, much too early for the dealers, pimps, and whores, the denizens of the underworld to ply their trade.

  The car smelled of old leather and smoke, of Master, of Kade. Made it damnably hard to think and sort through the roaring mess of confusion in my head. For a second, I thought it had all been one sick joke. One last test he needed me to pass to affirm his ownership.

  Kade hadn’t been that good of an actor. He’d never been. I touched my face and retraced the path where his lips and fingers had been. Recalled how each touch and kiss tasted of sorrow and reluctance.

  “We won. Shouldn’t you be happier?” spoke the smug and triumphant voice of Chase the cynic, the survivor. “Time to head back. Regain what we lost and move on.”

  “There is nothing to head back to. Nothing I’ve lost that I wanted back,” I screamed in frustration, nearly tearing out my hair from its roots, not caring when Cel threw me a concerned look from the mirror.

  “Kade took everything from you. Brainwashed you so thoroughly, he left you in pieces.”

  “Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Marco took everything. Kade rebuilt me. Made me better. He didn’t take anything I willingly offered.”

  “Do you need some air?” Cel asked. For the first time, I detected something close to compassion in the killer’s voice. “I can stop the car, but only for a few minutes.”

  “It fucking hurts to breathe,” I snapped. I realized on some level I shouldn’t be starting a fight with the one person who could lead me back to freedom. To the old life I’d lost, mourned, and buried.

  What awaited me there? College? Friends and family who would never look at me the same way? They’d never say it out loud, but they knew just as well as I. No matter how hard I tried walking in the same world as them, I no longer belonged there.