Broken

by Lisa Edward

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about Valentine’s until this mornin’. But you…you had all this planned already?”

  He grinned, looking very pleased with himself that he had pulled off this surprise without me having a clue. From the shape of the box I could tell it was jewelry, although what type I wasn’t sure. As soon as I opened it, I knew there was nothing else that I wanted more. Sitting on a black velour background was a gold oval locket, about an inch and a half long, with a diamond heart in its center.

  “Open it,” Adam said, leaning over to see.

  He’d had the candid photo of the two of us that Melanie had taken at the ice rink, printed and mounted into the locket. It was perfect.

  “It’s breathtakin’, Adam. I can’t believe you did all this without me knowin’.” It was stunning, and it brought a tear to my eyes to think that he had been so thoughtful, running around to buy the locket and then sneaking my camera’s SD card away to have the photo printed while I had been so focused on polishing my book.

  He smiled, his own eyes misting over. “I wanted to give you something special, something to help you remember our time here together.”

  “I’ll wear it every day,” I blubbered, before launching myself at Adam and nearly knocking him backward. He laughed at my sudden assault, hugging me tightly as I clung to him for dear life. Cupping his face, I kissed his lips quickly, then his forehead, cheeks, and nose, both of us chuckling in between the contact, but as I worked my way to his lips again, my kisses slowed. “Thank you,” I murmured, kissing him fully on the mouth to show just how thankful I was. The action was reciprocated as Adam held me securely against his body and our kiss deepened.

  I had to give him props—he was a smooth operator. While I focused on the feel of his tongue caressing mine, he lay me back down on the blankets and positioned himself between my legs.

  “My turn.” His whiskers tickled as they ran down my neck to my chest, his warm, wet tongue licking my nipple, then sucking it into his mouth. I moaned, arching my back as he continued down my stomach until he was situated between my thighs.

  “This is the best view in the world,” I said cheekily, taking in the sight before me.

  He kissed my thigh tenderly. “For me too.”

  I loved watching Adam, and the sounds he made added to the eroticism of the act. As his mouth and tongue sucked and licked at my sensitive area, heat generated through my body, and my back arched as I moaned unashamedly. Gripping his hair, I held his head in place, my body writhing as his pressure increased. Strong arms hooked around my hips, dragging me closer to him, his hands pushing my legs wider for even better access.

  “Oh God, Adam…” My body spasmed as my breath came out in short bursts, and my head dropped back, eyes closed.

  Then his fingers were inside me and I groaned, a long guttural sound generated from my belly until it ended in a breathless whisper.

  Adam was up and climbing over me as I opened my eyes. “Fuck, Evie, you can’t make that sound and not expect me to react.” He pushed inside me, the urgency back on his face as he pressed his forehead to mine. “I love…the sounds…you make,” he puffed with every thrust.

  Wrapping my legs around his waist so my ankles locked together, I ran my hands down his sides until they reached his ass. Beneath my hands his muscles clenched and I dug my nails in, making him groan into my neck.

  “Roll me over,” I panted.

  He scooped me up and effortlessly rolled so I was perched on top. That was better. I could control the pace and depth and give Adam time to calm down a little. His hands slid over my thighs, continuing up my body until they roughly cupped my breasts, squeezing and pinching at the nipples.

  Bracing myself, hands on his chest, I rocked back and forth, circling my hips at the same time. Adam’s shoulders lifted from the floor until he was sitting up, his mouth finding my chest and neck as I continued moving in his lap. My head dropped back as his tongue traced my jawline until our lips met once more.

  The kiss was slow and deep, filled with so much emotion, and I never wanted it to end. Adam’s hands held my cheeks tenderly, and we poured all our love for each other into that one connection.

  “I love you, Adam Walker,” I whispered against his lips.

  “I love you, Evie Rivers, with all my heart.”

  I picked up the pace as Adam leaned back on one hand for support, the other tracing the contours of my torso. The rubbing sensation was building as a weighted feeling radiated from my gut and into my legs.

  “Babe, I…”

  “I know, I can tell.” His eyes bore into me, watching my face as my body trembled before my movements became stilted, my breath catching in my throat until I was gasping and groaning.

  Before I could come down from my euphoric high, I was flipped over again with Adam driving into me, expelling a grunt with every thrust. It didn’t take long before his body jerked, and with one final grunt, he brought his body to rest on top of mine.

  After a few moments of lying wrapped around each other, Adam rolled off, then pulled me into his side, his arms safely around me. I couldn’t get into my head that that had been the last time we would be together for however long it was going to be. How could I go from toe-curling, leg-trembling sex every day with the love of my life, to nothing? No kisses and cuddles—no intimacy—nothing. I huddled in as close as I could to Adam, wishing I could melt into him. The finality of the situation ripped at my heart. I had met the man of my dreams and in a few short weeks, I had fallen more in love with Adam than I had ever been with Charles, and now he was leaving. I clutched his arms tighter around my waist. He was still here, but I couldn’t help the overwhelming sense of loss that engulfed me.

  It was freezing and I clutched at the covers for some warmth, but there weren’t any. Rubbing my eyes, I looked around, bewildered.

  Where the hell was I?

  The fire had died down some time during the night, but we hadn’t been awake to see it. We’d drifted off to sleep still curled around each other, on the floor in front of the hearth.

  Hot dog breath huffed in my face as Max’s head came into view above mine.

  “If ya drool on me, you’re a dead dog,” I grumbled. With the sound of my voice, Max’s ears pricked up and he raced to the door to go outside. “Okay, okay. I’m comin’.” Dragging myself from the floor, I quickly opened the door, just long enough to let him through. It was icy outside and there was enough of a draft coming through the cracks around the windows to make me shiver.

  By the time I turned around, Adam had stirred, and he, too, was looking around, slightly dazed.

  “We must have worn ourselves out last night,” he said, grinning. “But it’s fucking freezing out here.” Quickly, he grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders as he stood, then bundled me in with him.

  “Should we light the fire?” I asked, trying to snuggle closer.

  “No point, baby. We need to get going.”

  Pressing my cheek to Adam’s chest, I could hear his heart. “You have the strangest heartbeat. It’s so erratic.”

  “It must be because you’re so close. You make my heart skip.”

  “God, that was corny.” I slapped his chest. “But I love your corniness.”

  With arms still wrapped around Adam’s waist, I inhaled deeply. For some reason, at that moment, it seemed vitally important to remember his scent. Maybe it was because when we were lying in bed at night, in the dark and in the quiet, his touch and scent were what lulled me to sleep. How would I sleep without him beside me?

  Do I really have to?

  Why hadn’t I thought of this before? Adam would need to spend his days with his sick family member at the hospital, but in the evenings we could be together. It was the perfect solution.

  “Can I come to England with you?” I blurted out. “I won’t get in the way. I can stay in a hotel nearby and just see you whenever you get time.”

  God, that sounded so desperate, so needy. But I
was desperate and I was needy. I needed Adam. I’d only just found him and now I felt like I was losing him. Every time I thought about leaving this fantasy that we’d created, and going home to my tiny, cold, and empty apartment, with my one chair and plumbing that only gave me hot water every other day, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. There had to be another answer and this was it.

  “No, Evie. That’s not possible.”

  “But why?” I whined.

  “I’ll be tied up at the hospital.” He stroked my hair. “All my time will be spent there.”

  “But how do I contact you?”

  “You don’t.”

  “Not at all? Not even a phone call every now and then to hear your voice?” My heart palpitated wildly as panic set in. “I’ll need to hear your voice, Adam.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. You won’t be able to reach me. I have to switch my phone off when I leave the States.”

  “But you won’t be livin’ at the hospital. I mean, I know you want to be there for support, but you’ll need to change your clothes from time to time.”

  “Baby…”

  “So what if I need to talk to you? What…what if England gets invaded and I need to make sure you’re safe?”

  He scoffed.

  “Don’t laugh, it’s happened before.” I knew I was clutching at straws, but I didn’t care. “Or if my book gets made into a movie and I need a date to walk the red carpet. Who else can I ask to dress in a tux like James Bond?”

  “Evie.” He kissed my hair.

  “But you’re my James Bond,” I croaked, my voice catching in my throat.

  He led me to the sofa, where I perched on his lap, clinging to him with all my might.

  “I need you to understand, Evie. I said from the start that I couldn’t give you what you wanted, not yet.”

  “But that was before we fell in love. Doesn’t that change anythin’? If you love me, how can you leave me?”

  “It’s because I love you that I need to do what’s required. To fix the things that are stopping me from being everything you deserve and giving myself to you completely.” He wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. “I need you to trust me and to give me some space so I can focus on what’s ahead; then I can come back to you.”

  “But you can’t stop me from comin’ to England. You don’t own the place,” I said stubbornly.

  He shook his head, his eyes smiling. “No, you’re right. I don’t own the place.”

  My arms were crossed, eyes narrowed. “So just ’cause you don’t wanna see me, doesn’t mean I don’t wanna see you. If I want to find you, I will.”

  “I won’t see you, Evie.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I can’t,” he snapped.

  “You can’t or you don’t wanna? What are you doin’ that’s so secretive?” I pulled away to stand, but he dragged me back.

  “Don’t!”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t end it like this. Please, Evie.” The tears in his eyes matched the pain in his voice, stopping me in my tracks.

  Silence fell over us, the only sound, our ragged breathing.

  Then his voice, barely a whisper. “I need to know you’ll be here, waiting for me.” He sighed heavily. “It’s the only thing that will get me through, knowing that I’ll have you to come back to.”

  His face blurred as tears spilled over my lashes. This was one fight I couldn’t win.

  “How long do you need? A month, maybe two?”

  “I don’t know.” Looking out to the distance, he seemed to be calculating something in his head. “Let’s agree to meet back here, in this house.”

  I smiled through my tears. At least that was a step in the right direction.

  “Ten months’ time, on December first.”

  I swallowed, hard, my eyes widening. “Ten months? But that’s…that’s ten months!”

  He smiled sadly. “Ten months. Your divorce will be finalized and we’ll be able to move forward, together.”

  He cupped my cheeks, turning my face to look into his eyes, but I couldn’t meet his gaze. My eyes closed as grief for this love affair punched me in the gut. Ten months—might as well be ten years. No one could survive that amount of time apart after such a short time together, even if I did love him more than life itself.

  “Look at me, Evie, please.”

  The heaviness of his voice made me open my eyes. It was the muffled, anguished tone of a man who was trying to make sense of something that made no sense at all.

  “I am yours, baby, and I will be thinking of you every day. Missing you every day.” His words stuck in his throat as his tears fell freely. “But, please, do this one thing for me.”

  Nodding, I followed the track of one tear with my finger before softly kissing it away.

  “Promise you won’t do anything crazy, like jump on a plane and try to find me. Or even call me. If you can promise me that, then I will promise, on my last dying breath, to come home to you.” He stroked the back of his fingers down my cheek. “If you love me, you have to trust me.”

  With all my heart I didn’t want to promise anything of the sort, but if I did, then I knew Adam would keep his end.

  Our salty tears combined as our lips lightly met; then I rested my forehead to his. “I promise.”

  TEN MONTHS LATER

  ADAM WALKER—JOURNAL ENTRY

  Today’s the day. After ten months of hell, today I get my Buttercup back. I’d be jumping out of my skin with excitement if I weren’t so damn tired. I wonder if she’ll be there, waiting for me, or maybe I’ll arrive first. Maybe she won’t show at all. From all the posts and tweets I’ve been reading, her book has been a huge success, but no matter how much I searched the Internet for details on her personal life, I couldn’t find any. Other than releasing the book, giving interviews, and chatting with fans, the real Evie Rivers has become an enigma.

  EVIE RIVERS

  I’d been counting down the days until I would finally see Adam again, fantasizing about what he was doing and wondering if he ever thought of me. At first there were hundreds of days, but as time ticked over, painstakingly slowly, the hundreds became tens, until the count finally reached single digits. Now there were no more days to count; it was D-day, or should I say, A-day. If Adam didn’t come today, then I would have to face the reality that I had lost him forever.

  Busying myself by cleaning what didn’t require cleaning, and tidying what was already tidy, I wondered how our reunion would play out. Would it be awkward after not seeing each other for so long, or would it be as though we had never been apart? So much had happened in my life. Could I still be the person Adam had fallen in love with? Catching my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I straightened the already straight towels, I stopped to study what I was wearing. I looked different than I had ten months ago. My body had changed, and it made me nervous that Adam would take one look at me and get back in his car and drive away.

  Stop it, Evie.

  I wrung my hands together, then shook them out, trying to make myself relax and calm down, but my heart was pounding in my chest and he hadn’t even arrived yet.

  The fire in the living room was blazing, but I poked it with a stick anyway, just to give myself something to do. I needed to chill, so I took a seat on the sofa, and studied the painting that hung above the mantel as I had done every day since I’d moved back to this little haven. It was Adam’s painting of the lighthouse, or should I say, my painting that Adam had let me keep, and it was my most prized possession after the gold locket that hung around my neck.

  It was getting late, or at least later than I had expected him to arrive. I woke up at four a.m., and had been ready and waiting since then. Sure, I had plenty to occupy my time these days, but one eye had been firmly fixed on the clock for the better part of twelve hours. The light had shifted across the room, and my heart sank with the sunset.

  He wasn’t coming.

  I had broken my promise, an
d now he was going to break his. I had tried to call Adam after we’d been apart for only a few weeks, and only once, but that was one time too many. After finding out some wonderful, terrifying, life-altering news, the first person I thought to call was Adam. With tear-filled eyes, I’d found his number and held the phone to my ear with a tremble in my hand. The promise to not contact him forgotten, I was sure he would be thrilled to hear from me. But when the operator advised that the number I had called was no longer connected, it hit home that he really didn’t want to be contacted.

  Maybe that should have been a glaring neon sign to tell me that all ties had been broken for good, but I chose to hold on to his promise. He had given his word that he would come back to me, and I couldn’t let myself believe otherwise. Regardless of everything that had happened between us, he had always been true to his word, had never broken a promise.

  At last, a car with darkened windows pulled up, and I leapt from my seat. I recognized it immediately as Adam’s Audi. My stomach felt like a ferret was chasing a rabbit as it swooped and swirled, and I closed my eyes and took three long calming breaths.

  I should get changed. This top looks hideous. But it was too late to change, too late to lose the pounds I had gained, too late to fix my hair.

  As Adam climbed out from the driver’s side, he took a cursory glance up at the house before opening the back door of the vehicle to let an excited Max out of the car. Unable to wait any longer, I flung the door open and greeted a slobbering Max as he took the steps of the front porch two at a time.

  Beaming, I couldn’t help the tears that blurred my vision as Adam met my eyes. But he didn’t greet me with warmth, instead returning my enthusiasm with a cool nod. My smile faded; something was wrong. Adam was…different. Clean-shaven with short hair was one thing—I had seen him without his beard before—but this was something else entirely. He was shorter and slighter in build than I remembered, and his eyes didn’t sparkle. A foreboding crept under my skin, making the tiny hairs stand on end.