by Bry Ann
Which is the only explanation for why I’m being so reckless.
But the smile that graces her face makes it completely worth it.
“Derek!” Collin comes over and pats me on the back. Kyle and Landon are right behind him. I have no clue where Carson is, but I’m guessing behind a computer. You know, just a wild guess.
“We’re glad you’re back,” Kyle says in that flat voice of his.
“Yeah, what he said, but with more enthusiasm,” Landon teases.
Collin laughs. “My office. We have a lot to discuss.”
Collin searches my eyes. I know he sees how lost I am. He gives me a nod, letting me know it’s acknowledged.
“Well, what’s everyone waiting for?”
With stern expressions, we all file into his office. I know my mind should be 100% on the group of mafia men, men I know well, men that just got released from prison. And yes, a part of me is focused on that. What will they do? What kind of danger am I in? Is Lacey happy? Is she better? Is Rose? Then there’s the other half of me. The half of me that’s back with Iris. With her silly words and even crazier, mismatched family. With the mystery that is King and Hunter that I never got to solve, lucky for them.
Collin takes a seat behind his desk, Landon the seat across, while Kyle and I stand in the back. Collin frowns at me, because usually I kick Landon out of that chair and demand the seat. I usually hate standing in the back. The tension in the room increases the longer I don’t demand the chair, since the guys know my routine so well. Where Collin noticed instantly that something was wrong, now everyone knows.
“Derek, you gonna acknowledge this, or we all gonna sit here being awkward?” Landon cuts in, not wasting a second.
“We’re gonna be awkward,” I say flatly.
“We have other things to discuss,” Collin jumps in, saving me from this. He narrows his eyes at me for a moment, letting me know we’re going to be discussing this later. Which is fine. I can speak with Collin. I’m just not ready to bring all this to the guys just yet.
“I wanna know how the fuck these men got out. Our charge was solid,” Kyle seethes in a rare moment of expressed emotion.
Collin’s jaw ticks, burying his fury. He’s the level one on our team, but I know him. Collin is perfectionist and extremely dedicated to this job, to the safety of everyone.
“We were outsmarted,” Collin states, eyes going cold. “Evidence went missing. I have no clue how, but if I had to guess, I’d say Ruston has connections we knew nothing about. Weren’t prepared for. Our case wouldn’t have held up in court without that evidence. Even with Derek’s testimony.”
That momentarily snaps me out of my fog. Of my thoughts of Lacey, Rose, Adam (the man I knew, not the criminal I fucking hate), and even Iris.
“That’s bullshit. I spent months undercover. How much evidence is missing?”
“Everything. Everything is wiped. Our records. Our data. All evidence is gone. Witnesses we planned to interview, with the exception of you and Ms. Shelby, will no longer speak. Our whole case is gone. Everything we spent years building, wiped.”
Collin makes direct eye contact with me.
“And Mr. Ruston had vital information that also helped with their release.”
“Which was?” Kyle snaps.
“What happened to Carson Shelby, Ms. Shelby’s younger brother.”
My heart stops. “What?”
Collin sighs. “It wasn’t Adam, Derek.”
“I… Are you… I mean it’s not like he would tell you if it was!”
“His story checks out.” “What. Happened.”
“Before I tell you, I feel I should say, I think it’s best if Ms. Shelby never finds out, Derek.”
I still. “I don’t know if I can make that promise.”
Landon and Kyle look between the both of us with curious looks on their faces.
“I won’t ask you to, but try to take my opinion into account when you hear the story. I think you’ll find you agree with me on this.”
I grit my jaw, but nod.
“You met her brothers, I assume: Kingston, Hunter, and Jay Shelby.”
Oh, fuck. “Yes.”
“I’m sure you won’t be surprised by this, but they aren’t straight laced.”
“No shit,” I mutter. “Especially Kingston, I’m assuming.”
“You would be correct.”
“What happened to Carson?” I whisper, feeling my heart break for Iris already.
Collin sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “The type of criminals the Shelby men are don’t typically generate enemies. The nature of their work involves low lives, not people willing to take on three strong men used to working on farms all day. Carson wasn’t really involved in their work. He was young. Unfortunately, Carson got wind of a threat made against Iris.”
My muscles stiffen.
“He didn’t know the threat was made by a low life piece of shit, really. No one that Kingston or Hunter would be truly worried about. So Carson went after the guy. Alone. I don’t know the reason for this, but I’m assuming he didn’t trust Kingston to handle it. I’m guessing maybe there was some animosity there. He was a boy growing into a man, wanting to make his own way. Anyway, the man who threatened Iris was looking to make a contract with Mr. Ruston, drugs, I’m assuming. The man was a low-life drug dealer, looking to expand his business. Carson tried to shoot him. The bastard shot first, headshot. Killed on sight. Adam witnessed the whole thing. Was able to give me dates, times, names. It all checked out. I’m sorry, Derek. For all of this. It’s all complete bullshit.”
That it is. I rub my temples.
“I need a moment.”
I don’t wait for a reply. I simply walk right of the room, ignoring the dead silence of my friends wondering if I’m okay.I just want to be back in that dumb Texas town where the biggest problem is what the weather will be for crop growing.
“Okay, talk.”
I sigh and try to nurse my beer. I don’t get anywhere with it. One sip in and I’m shoving it aside. My stomach’s in knots. My muscles are tense, and alcohol is the dead last thing I need right now.
“Off the clock?”
“Dude, we’re so far off the clock right now it’s not even funny.”
Collin’s deep blue eyes meet mine. He’s laid back in a white t-shirt and shorts, rare for him these days. He’s always working.
“I’m not your boss. Simply a friend,” he says with a nod.
“I don’t know where to begin.”
“Anywhere. I’m here as long as you need me.”I nod. Thank you.
“Maybe start with your time undercover and their freedom. Your real feelings. Work your way up from there.”I sigh and grab my beer. Fuck my tense stomach. I slam that sucker back.
“I’m torn. I’m pissed as hell that all my time was for nothing. That innocent people may suffer. I mean, holy hell, we have no clue how we even lost years worth of evidence.”
Collin’s eyes narrow with the same fury I feel.
“But then there’s the other side. I got to know them intimately, and I can safely say that that is the most complicated bunch of people I’ve ever met. Up until Iris came around, I genuinely wasn’t sure I could turn them in, Collin.”
I look to my best friend, and boss, for judgement and find none. Not one ounce of judgement. Even though he’s my boss and head of the department, he also understands what it’s like to be undercover. Not to mention, he’s my best friend first.
Always.
Bottom line.
We go way back, way before this job.
“But, no surprise to you, I think my biggest hold up is Lacey. Is she okay now? I’m glad he’s back for her, and I can’t stop myself from feeling that way.”
Collin takes another sip of his drink, not taking his eyes off me. He doesn’t say anything, but it’s not for any reason other than he wants me to get this all out.
“But I feel guilt over this, because these men do horrible things. Th
ings I am vehemently against. I mean, shit, my parents are probably turning in their graves over this.”
Collin snickers, knowing the line of pure, dedicated members of public service I come from.
“I feel like I’m betraying them because of how I feel. Then there’s Iris.”
I sigh and run my hand through my hair.
“That damn girl.” Collin smiles at that. “She’s adorable. I sure as heck didn’t think I’d get real feelings for her. She’s just so damn… refreshing. I don’t know how else to describe her. She’s like a fresh burst of air after suffocating for a long time.”
I grin.
“And it helps that she thinks I’m some kind of hero.”
Collin laughs and nurses his drink.
“And…” This is hardest to confess, “the life there, in bumfuck nowhere, Texas. I liked it, man. They had everything. What’s wrong with me? My family, man. They’d be so disappointed in me.”
Collin stares me down for a long moment before speaking.
“Nothing’s wrong with you. Not one thing. Your family were all public servants: military, law enforcement, politicians. This is true. But Derek, they were your family first. Like me. I’m your boss, but your brother first, man. It’s the same with them.”I fiddle with my glass, trying to shove aside the lingering pain in my heart when I think of them.
“As far as Adam, Sven, Lacey, and all them go… I can’t say I fully understand. I don’t, okay? I really don’t. I wasn’t there, but I know the nature of the job. We’re only human and as much as the world likes to tell us otherwise, most people run in the grey area. It’s not all black and white. That said, that’s where your feelings lie on this. Let them. Don’t try to sway them one way or the other. Feel it all and let it ride out, because remember, ultimately, most of this is out of our hands. I hate it, but I underestimated them. I didn’t think we’d hold ‘em forever, but I thought with all the work we put in, we had a few years at least. Jesus. So really,” he laughs bitterly, “feel whatever you want.”
That makes me laugh. Collin’s good at easing my tension. Maybe it’s the years he has on me, but really, I think it’s just him. He’s like a well of strength. I have no clue how the hell he does it.
I lift my empty glass. “Touché.”
“As for Iris…”
Pain crosses his features. Instantly, guilt swells in my heart for bringing that up. He had that breath of fresh air once.
“Collin, I… you don’t have to discuss this…”
He holds up a hand.
“You already know how I feel on this. If moving to that little town is where you find happiness, then do it. But Derek, make sure you know her. See if you can do long distance. Did you guys even discuss it?”
Kinda… no. I left soon after the kiss. Ugh, was that wrong? I don’t know. Relationship experience, I clearly don’t have.
“I don’t know.”
“Yeah well, start there and see where it goes.”
“Thank you, man.”
“I don’t care what the hell title they promote me to, I’m always here for you. For whatever.” He smirks. “Just tell me off the clock.”
We both laugh. Collin raises his hand for the waiter. He takes the liberty of ordering me a shot of tequila.“Drink,” he demands, sliding the shot across the table to me when it arrives. This is so unlike him, I swallow it immediately.
“I knew you’d need that for this next piece of news. I came out mainly to hear what’s on your mind, but I confess, I had another reason as well.”
Damn it.
“Derek, Mr. Ruston, Mr. Capello and Mr. Xander are stopping by the station tomorrow. I’m not sure, but word around is that Lacey’s coming. And I’m guessing, it’s to see you.”
The world around me spins.
I need another shot.
NOW.
“Derek, you with us?” Kyle asks, brows furrowed.
“Hmm, yeah. Sure.”
Sure. As in, I’ve been staring at the same spot on the wall for the past five minutes straight. My brain can’t function. I’ve had to flip through too many versions of myself these past few days to be any kind of clear headed on anything. Derek Johnson, FBI. Just Derek, friend, calm country boy, and potential lover. Now Enzio, ex-Underboss/undercover agent.
I’m flipping tired and quickly losing track of who Derek Enzio Johnson actually is anymore.
“It’s almost over, Derek. Just remember that.”
He slaps my back and walks off. See, here’s the thing, I’m not sure if that helps or hurts. The office is a madhouse today. I have no clue why these men are coming back. Collin wouldn’t tell me. He said for my benefit he’s leaving me out of the rest of the proceedings until it is absolutely necessary to tell me.
Apparently, this isn’t fucking necessary.
I hear the sound of the doors opening and closing, but it’s like my mind goes into overdrive. I don’t comprehend the familiar male voice asking for Agent Collin Fox. I don’t hear my best friend and boss make contact with the men I was in neck deep with. I don’t absorb anything.
Except for the feeling of a pair of intense grey eyes on my skin.
I can’t look at the person they belong to. I’m not ready. I’m not. So I choose to home in on the pair of eyes that hold the most fury. Somehow that feels easier.
Frances. I knew he’d be the most pissed. Adam would be furious, but hold a certain level of respect for me for pulling it off. Honestly, now that Sven’s free, I’m not sure the crazy bastard isn’t finding this completely amusing. Frances, on the other hand, has too big an ego to find this anything but infuriating. Not to mention whatever business he has with psycho cemetery girl.
“You fucking son of a bitch!”
Before I can blink, there’s a blur of black and white, and I’m stumbling backwards, then chaos. Voices. Yelling. Tugging.
Then the silent drip, drip, drip of blood down my chin.
“Stop! I can’t handle this. Everyone, just stop.”
I know that voice. Amidst the chaos, there’s the familiarity of her. The lapel of my coat is jerked forward.
“Damn it, just stop Frances!”
The crunch of a fist hitting someone’s face echoes through the room. My coat is released. I think it’s an agent hitting Frances in the face to get him off me until the room goes dead silent. I look up to the most amusing sight I’ll ever see in my whole flipping life.
Lacey is standing there with a dropped jaw and a fist held up in front of her heaving chest. Frances is back a few steps with a bruise forming on the left side of his cheek, jaw also dropped.
What the… did Lacey just punch Frances in the face? Frances!
Everyone in the room is literally staring, jaw dropped, not uttering a word. Adam is looking at his wife with a heated gaze and a small smirk. Under the intense scrutiny, Lacey starts to turn beet red. She shrugs timidly in her husband’s direction.
“I don’t like him,” she mumbles, staring at her shifting feet. “He had it coming.”
Adam laughs and I even see Collin smirk. I look back at Lacey, who has turned her withering gaze to me.
“We need to talk.”
I nod. “I know.”
“As much as I love being in the open, is there anywhere we can talk… in private?”
I immediately jump, snapping out of my fog. Holy shit, Lacey left the house. This is a big deal for her. She rarely leaves. Yes, she’s in literally ten layers of clothing, but she came!
“Yes! Of course, follow me.”
I know technically the interrogation rooms are open, but that doesn’t feel like the right place to take her. I look to Collin. He immediately knows where I’m headed and nods, letting me know he’ll keep everyone away. Benefits of working with your practical brother, not many words are needed.
As I start to head forward I notice Lacey is walking slower and slower. The girl who punched a capo in the face is slowly drifting away. The girl who once held a fist is now fidgeting, worse and
worse as time goes on.
“Um, where are we going, Enzio?” Enzio, that name. I look back at Lacey. She’s trying to hide it, but she’s scared. Really scared. I can’t imagine being in an FBI office after all she’s endured. After we did nothing to help her.
“Out back. Where people take their smoke breaks. Is that okay?”Her hand goes to her stomach, and she nods wordlessly. I home in on her hand. Is she… she can’t be, right? No.
I hold the door open for her, feeling the warmth of the sun hit our faces. I notice Lacey relax immediately when we’re outside. She finds the closest bench and curls up on it. I take a seat beside her. We’re both silent for a long time, just taking in the fresh air and sunshine. Lacey breaks the silence.
“So I guess your name is Derek, huh?”
“Yeah, Lacey, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I just… this is my job, you know? Our friendship, you should know, wasn’t fake to me.”
She curls up tighter and bites her lip, hard. Hard enough to draw blood.
“You uprooted my whole life. You hurt me,” she whispers. “I really trusted you.”
“I know.” My heart burns. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I was going to and then…”
“Iris.”
“Yeah, Lacey. Iris.”
“Other than the day he got out of prison, I haven’t been speaking to Adam,” Lacey confesses. “I sleep in a separate room. He must have been really amused with my punch back there, because that’s the lightest moment that’s been shared between us in a while.”
I take in the slight woman beside me. It’s then that I notice how pale she is. How deep her dark circles are.
“Lacey, I…” Don’t know what to say. Fuck Adam, why did he do that? “Yeah, I know,” she mutters in response to my wordlessness. “I guess that’s why I came to talk to you. I sorta get it. I’m still hurt, though.”
“I know.”
After a moment she looks to her feet. “How are you?”
“What’s it to you?” I tease, elbowing her side, going for a lighter mood.
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m just the girl who is gonna get my husband off your ass. We may not be speaking, but I’ll say a few words to make sure you don’t have any ‘accidents’.”
