by Bry Ann
He winks, taking a sip of water. Of course he and Collin aren’t drinking.
“Life is short. We die fast. So, if you’re in love, if you want a simple life, then there’s simply no other choice but to give your notice.” Of course, that’s the advice Kyle chimes in with, dark ass dude he is.
“Thanks, Kyle.”
“Thanks,” Landon laughs. “You sound like the fucking grim reaper, dude.”
We all laugh as Kyle glares over at Landon. The two are the best of friends, but are always teasing each other. Non-stop.
“Seriously, Iris is hot, funny as hell, and seriously nice. I’m jealous of you, asshole.”
Landon tries to make it sound like he’s clearly joking, but I’ve always suspected there’s an undercurrent of truth in his words. In his jokes. I think Landon is hella tired of being married to the bureau. Like me.
I turn to a nearly drunk Carson.
“Car?”
“What?”
“You alright?”
“Fine.”
He reaches for another drink, but Collin stops him with a fierce glare.“You’re done, Carson.”
He levels him with a glare that brooks no argument. It’s clear Carson’s not happy about being told to stop, but he can’t argue with his boss. Collin rarely plays the boss card outside of work, so when he does, we know he means it.
“Car, I’m coming back to visit,” I try to tell him.
“It’s fine, Derek.”
“You don’t seem fine.” “I’m not much of a talker, but I hate change. That’s all.”
He lets his eyes drift back to the drink he’s desperate to get lost in.
I nod, suspecting there’s more to it than that, but respecting his privacy. I take a look around the table. These five guys right here, these men I have gone to the depths of hell and rescued angels with. Men I have laughed, cried, raged, and smiled with, have been with for my entire life. Me leaving, leaving the bureau, leaving our town, starts a cycle of change I can tell not everyone is ready for. Especially Carson.
I wish I could stay for them, but Iris. There’s something about her I have to take the leap to discover. I’m moving to Burrows. She’ll always belong there, and frankly, I loved everything about being there. I’ve spent most of my adult life undercover. The idea of living as a small town cop sounds incredible. She’s worth it, and, you know what? I’m worth it too. I can’t keep living for the family I lost.
I hope to make them proud by being me, and not them.
“We’ll all be okay,” Collin finally chimes in. The unsaid words from him are, ‘I’ll make sure of it’.
“Derek, I’m so prou—”
His words are cut off by the ringing of his cell phone.
“Agent Collin Fox,” Collin answers immediately.
I hear unclear muffled words on the other end of the line, but I can’t make out anything. What is clear is the blood quickly draining from Collin’s face. How pale white his skin becomes. The shaking of his hands. This is so far from how Collin handles things, I know it’s bad. Not just bad. Awful. Life-alteringly terrible. And I can only really think of one person Collin would react like this for.
All four of us sit taller.
“I’m on my way,” Collin whispers into the phone, voice barely audible. Then he hangs up and stares into space like none of us are here. I know better than to talk. I have to wait on him. I have to wait for him to come to terms with what he just heard. The other men know this as well, just not as strongly as I do. So I place my hands on the table and signal for them to stay quiet.
“I have to go,” Collin says in a ghost-like voice.
“Do you need a ride?” I ask immediately.
“Ara-Arabella’s been in an accident. They suspect foul play. I… they… she’s not gonna make it. I have to go.” Arabella. His ex. The woman that broke his heart. That put the darkness in his eyes.
Collin pushes to his feet, stoically.
“I have to go.”
His eyes are still trained ahead, seeing ghosts that aren’t really there, his hands still shaking rapidly. We all push to our feet as well, unsure what to do.
“Well, I’m driving you,” I tell him.
“No, Derek,” Collin demands, meeting my eyes. It’s the most clear his voice has been since the call. “I’m doing this alone. Don’t change any of your plans over this. I won’t ever speak to you again if you do. I’ll call you when I know more.”
Then he’s gone like he was never here. Benefit of our job… we know how to disappear. Know how to put on a mask better than anyone, because frequently, our lives depend on it.
Now it’s just the four of us, completely unsure how to help our friend. And I’m left knowing Collin meant every word he said. I have to leave my best friend behind. At least for now.
I look to my left at Iris, who is still rambling on.
“Really, I’m fine. It’s fine. Like, I’m totally over it. Completely and totally okay. You know, it’s amazin’ how tough the mind is. The mind can overlook so much. It’s amazin’. Like—”
“Iris, hun, stop.”
I sigh and run my hands through my hair, letting a little smile slip through. Iris is something else. She can make me smile even when I feel completely drained inside. Since the news of Collin’s ex broke, I’ve been a mess. It’s one thing to leave the bureau, it’s another to temporarily move, but to leave behind my best friend at his demand is killing me.
“You don’t have to do this. Lacey is more than willing to meet with you elsewhere.”
Well, more than willing to face her demons and leave the house to try and help Iris, after what her husband did.
“It’s fine.”
“Why don’t you say fine one more time.”
“I’ll stop sayin’ fine when you stop tellin’ me you’re alright with all the changes goin’ on in your life. With me, your job, your friend. When you stop lyin’, I will.”
With pursed lips and a snippy tone, she spins on her heel and rings the glass-encased doorbell.
“Fair,” I mutter.
It doesn’t take long for the doorway to fill with a body. In that moment, our tension dissolves. Iris stumbles back a few steps, not really caring if I’m there to catch her or not. I have to sprint to the left to stop her from falling off the steps.
“Get out of the way, Sven!” I hear Lacey yell as she comes running outside to catch Iris.“I’m so sorry,” Lacey cries, hovering in front of Iris, not wanting to touch her. Knowing too well how terrifying that can be when you’re scared and traumatized. I know it from a distance. From my work in the bureau, but Lacey knows it firsthand.
Iris’s small body is shaking hard in my arms, but she’s okay. Her breathing is even, heart rate fairly steady; she’s just scared. Rightfully so. Luckily, Sven finds his tiny heart and backs away. Or maybe it was the tone of Lacey’s voice. Or Lacey herself. Who knows? You never know with Sven.
With Lacey in front, Iris takes a deep breath and wiggles a little to get out of my steady grip. I place my hand on her lower back, which, surprisingly, Iris doesn’t seem to like. She subtly steps out of my grasp. Iris is interesting. She doesn’t strike you as self-sufficient, but in practice, you find she very much is. Yes, she depends on others for love and connection, but Iris handles Iris. It’s how she operates. Not in an “I have something to prove” kind of way. She’s just strong. I suspect some of this is from her brothers being so overbearing.
“Are you okay?” Lacey asks timidly, staring at her feet and fidgeting. “This is weird. I’m sorry. I should have just… met you somewhere. I do these dumb dinners. I shouldn’t have been so selfish and asked you to come here. I’m so sorry.”
“Oh no! Don’t be sad. I’m fine. Really.”
I’m gonna make this girl a damn t-shirt that says “I’m fine”. Luckily, Lacey frowns, apparently sharing my train of thought.
“Let’s go outside. Let’s talk. Let’s… let’s get out of here. For a bit, at least. I’ll expl
ain everyone.”
For the first time, Iris looks to me. She slowly steps up to my side. Lacey watches the small motion with curious eyes. When Iris’s fingers lightly tap mine, begging for an opinion, Lacey’s eyes flicker up to me, full of joy.
“You know, Derek almost died for me. He’s one of my best friends,” Lacey says, winking at me. Oh geez, when did she become Mrs. Matchmaker?
Iris’s eyes flicker up. “Really? I obviously knew he was undercover here, but…”
Her gaze flickers between the two of us.
“I was her bodyguard most of my time here, actually. Before I got promoted to Underboss unexpectedly, it was my job to keep Lacey safe. We became really good friends.”
“Oh wow. This is all so complicated. Were you really, uh,” Iris shakes her head. “Sorry, I can’t ask that! Goodness, I’m so rude. Somethin’ is wrong with my filter. I’m so sorry.”
Lacey smiles. A rare full smile. “I love the way you talk. Not just your accent. I know I’ve said that, or I think I did, but you’re so great. I hate… I hate how we met.”
Iris frowns. “It’s not your fault. You helped. I felt a little safer when you came.”
I see Iris start to shake. My eyebrows pull in, but before I can reach for her, Iris is shaking her head.
“Look, I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m safe. I got what I came for. My brothers know where I am now.”
I smile, knowing the delicate innocence Iris carries. How she truly believes if her brothers know her location, she is totally and completely safe.
“Oh, you have brothers?” Lacey chimes in, brightly. “I have a brother. Jamie. He’s getting so big. He’s… oh, he’s so great. He’s in middle school now. I can’t believe it. I think he’s gonna be an engineer. I’ve already called it.”
I smile at the tiny fighter in front of me. Lacey comes to life when she talks about Jamie, in a way she does with no one else, except baby Rose. Iris smiles, too.
“Aww, you love him so much. All my brothers are older. I have Kingston, Hunter, and Jay. They’re all big and tough, but I had Carson and I have Jay. Jay’s strong, but he’s funny and kind, too.”
Iris scrunches her face.
“The other two, not so much.”
Lacey laughs, eyes glowing. Friendship. That word flares in my mind. It sucks that Iris lives so far away. Lacey is so damn isolated, it pisses me off. The hard part is that I don’t even know whose fault it is that she lives that way.
“They sound great. Sometimes ‘not so nice’ is a good thing. It feels sort of safe being around people like that.”
Lacey throws Iris a small smile from under her lashes.“Yes!” Iris screams. “I love that you get it. I swear, when Kingston is around, I feel gosh darn invincible!”
Lacey’s eyes crinkle in the corners. “I bet that’s a good feeling.”
My heart aches for her. “It is. I’m very lucky.” “Good, you deserve it. Wanna go outside and talk or…”
“Where will Derek go?” Iris asks.
“Well, I mean… wherever. He can go on inside.”I freeze. They are literally going to kill me. Does she not remember the undercover agent, getting them arrested piece of my life?
“Oh, that’s not a good idea,” Iris says immediately, making me love her a lot freakin’ more. “I’ll go inside. I can’t leave Derek alone with them.”
Lacey winces. Few would be able to notice the subtle watering of her eyes, but I do and it kills me. It’s hard not to run to her, but I have to stay by Iris and comfort from afar.
“You know he’d never really hurt you guys,” Lacey whispers, staring at her feet. “He… he wouldn’t.”I freeze, torn between placating Lacey and checking on Iris. So, despite all my training, I end up in a frozen, dumbstruck state. I don’t know what I expect Iris to do, but what she does isn’t it.
Iris pulls from my grip and walks over to Lacey. Her hand tentatively reaches out to stroke Lacey’s back.“I believe you.” She offers a small smile, and hides her other shaking hand behind her back, making me feel a rush of feelings I can’t explain or hinder. “If you say we won’t get hurt, then, I’ll trust you.” “You don’t have to.”
“You didn’t have to come in that cell and help me.”
Cell! My feet turn slightly on their own accord to hide my rage. Both of these incredible women have been locked in a cell by these men. I almost had them. I did have them. Fuck, I’m so pissed!
And confused.
Lacey’s fucking pregnant, and I know it’s from before they were locked up. She would have had to raise the child alone, and I hate to doubt her, but I don’t think she’d be able to do it. Not with a fully sane mind, anyway.
Using that to simmer me down, I hiss out a breath and turn back around. Lacey is looking at Iris with sad, fearful little eyes.
“Yes, I did.”
“Well, I appreciated it.” With a smile, Iris laces her fingers through Lacey’s. “Let’s do it. Just… keep ‘em away from me.”
Fierceness takes over Lacey’s gaze. “Trust me. I will. Just say the word.”
“Okay. Th-that helps.”
“Leave when you want. You don’t have to stay.”
Okay, I have to step in. These girls will comfort each other into the end of the evening. As I’m about to put an end to their banter, I see Iris’s eyes run over Lacey’s body. See, I’ve seen her body several times now, but every dinner Lacey hosts, she wears a dress. It’s one of the few times she lets her scars show. I remember the first time I saw them. The rage I felt. The anger. The awe that she keeps going. Then the understanding. The tenderness I saw Adam display for her. I understood why she loves him, and that was the beginning of me getting all fucked up regarding my stance on this case.Iris, on the other hand, is different than me. She looks devastated. Sad. Horrified. While still trying to be subtle and hide it.
“Hey,” Lacey whispers, trying to catch Iris’s eyes, which have now fallen to the floor.
“I’m fine. It was a long time ago now. It doesn’t always feel that way. It’s strange, but it’s the past. No one wants to hurt me anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” Iris whispers. “When you told me… uh…” She looks over at Lacey, unsure if she can speak her mind. “When you told me that you’ve been where I was… it was… it was hard to believe. I wa-was mad, and I’m sorry.”
“No. Don’t be. I’m so serious right now. I can’t believe someone from my family hurt you.” Lacey’s hand goes to her stomach subconsciously.
Iris’s head is already shaking back and forth. “No. Stop it right now. It’s neither of our faults.”
“Okay, you two, let’s stay out or go in, but while I appreciate the support you are offering each other, I don’t see this ending any time soon.”
Both women, women I care about so much, smile over at me. Lacey leans into Iris’s ear and whispers something to Iris that makes her nod quickly and blush. When she turns back to me, however, that slightly defiant purse of her lips is in place.
Lacey just blushes slightly and looks down, smiling. Our eyes meet for a second and the same sentiment reflects in them. I miss you.
“Well, if we’re planning on going in, we should get it over with,” I respond.
Lacey’s hand tightens on her stomach. I see Iris catch the motion this time with curious eyes.
“It’ll be great. It will. Just… don’t leave without saying goodbye.” Lacey looks over at me with sad, pleading eyes.
“Never again, Lacey.”
She nods. I know Lacey is trying to be strong for Iris and I, but she’s forgetting I was by her side for a long time. I know her, and this is no easier for her than it is for us.
I squeeze Iris’s hand, letting her know I’m hers, before going over to Lacey. Lacey stiffens when I get close, purposely avoiding my gaze.
“What do you want, Derek?” She tries to sound distant, but really she just sounds angry and scared.
“Are you okay?”
“This isn’t about me,�
� she says in a small voice.
I shake my head. “Just because Iris needs support doesn’t mean you don’t get any.”
“The man I love hurt her! I don’t deserve anything!” Lacey whisper-shouts as I pull her by the elbow away from Iris.
“It’s not your fault.”
“I… I can’t get over this,” Lacey cries as her breathing increases. “I don’t know how to make this right.”
Both hands wrap around her stomach.
“After you spoke with me, I went to talk to him.” My ears perk up. “He… I… I just yelled and cried and then slammed the door in his face and walked out. He didn’t come after me. He isn’t fighting my anger. It’s just nothing.”
Lacey wipes a tear and turns away.
“Gosh, I’m sorry. You don’t want to hear this.”
“Remember what I said last time? How I’ll always be your friend, fuck our titles?”
“Yes.”
“Well, good. ‘Cause I meant it. Being a friend means helping in moments like this.”
“Iris needs you more than me.”
“Iris does want my support, but she’s a tough girl. She has a minute to spare.”
“Derek, as a man, an agent, and a friend of ours,” Lacey sighs and takes a deep breath, “Should I leave him? Should I leave my husband? Should I leave Adam? Did he cross a line we can’t recover from?”
Woah. Oh my God. I didn’t even know she was considering that.
“Lacey, I…” “Be honest. I can take it.”
I look at the tiny woman, holding her stomach, putting herself in a fighting stance, hoping to lessen the blow of my words with her well-trained body.
“This is hard for me to say,” I confess, honestly. “I’m torn, especially because of Iris, but shoving aside her, shoving aside my job and going off my time with the two of you, I think you should stay with him. Try to make it work. But, and a big but, I think you need to lay down your rules. Really lay them down. You have the potential to make a difference in their dealings. Because, Lace, if I know Adam, and I think I do, he’d do anything for you. And seeing you so upset these past few months, sleeping away from him, unable to help you or change what he did, I’m betting he’s downright desperate to get you back. See what I’m saying?” I smirk.
