by Bry Ann
A single Hershey’s kiss lays in my open palm. A tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it. I slowly close my fingers around it.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
I turn back to Wes, feeling a renewed sense of strength.
“I never talked to you about what you d-did.”
“I don’t think you can,” he smirks.
I grit my teeth. “Wh-what did I ever d-do,” I squeeze my eyes closed and breathe, focusing on getting my words out without a stutter. It’s not about embarrassing myself or not this time. It’s about saying what I want, no hesitation. “What did I ever do to you to deserve that? I was darn good to you, Wesley.”
“Geez, Iris Jane, I never frickin’ abused you or nothin’, okay? Yes, I let some of our private life slip, and I apologized to you for that.”
I try to ignore the burning in my heart. I deserve to say this!
“No, Wes! You got caught cheatin’ in a tiny town and-and you blamed me for what you did.”
“Iris, come on,” he laughs and gives me a condescending look. “You really think you fulfilled my needs?”
My cheeks heat, my heart hurts, but I press on.
“You never lasted during it! I’m not the smartest. I was… I was a virgin when I was with you, and-and I don’t know much, but you always finished first. I couldn’t have been that bad. That’s not how anatomy works.”
His eyes darken. “Anatomy? Listen to you. You’re describin’ fuckin’ as anatomy.”
In this moment, I get it. This was never about me. The thought literally makes me laugh out loud as I feel years of feeling unworthy and not good enough start to slip through my fingers. It won’t be healed in one conversation, but I finally want it to be.
“Fuck you, Wesley. Yeah. You know what? Sorry you feel so insecure that you decided to hurt me, but, yeah, as Blythe said. Fuck you, asshole.”
“You’re an idiot, Iris.”
“And you’re a piece of shit. I’m sorry I’m just realizin’ it. I’m done punishin’ myself for your mistakes. I have a man who wants me and I ain’t missin’ out on him because of your words. Now get out of my house.”
“I came here to get some suga—”
“Did you not hear me?” I say in a deceptively calm tone. “I said get out.”
“Come on, Iris, babe.”
I go into our side table and grab Pap’s gun, clicking the safety off. This is Texas, after all.
“You have ten seconds before I start shootin’. One. Two.”
“You crazy bitch.”
“Ten.”
I shoot way to the left, but it’s enough to scare him off. I’m a great shot, so obviously I wasn’t plannin’ on hurtin’ him. Hunter taught me to shoot early, mainly for huntin’ purposes. Came in handy now, though. With a big smile, I shut the door. I can’t wait to tell everyone about this…
A slow applause has me turnin’ around. King is standing there with probably the biggest, most mischievous smile I’ve ever seen on his face. I’m about to reprimand him for spyin’, even though I know he was doing it to protect me in case Wes got mean, when Blythe pops out from behind him, leather jacket gone, with a giant grin.
“I believe I said asshole fuckface, but you were very close.”
King snickers. “You are not the influence I was hoping for for my baby sister.”
“Did you just see that?!” Blythe yells in his face. “That was everything! Literally everything.”
“I have no argument for you there. I’m proud of you, Iris. What happened to not wanting revenge and all that?” He grins at me. Honestly, it’s probably the proudest I’ve seen King look, which makes me proud of myself in return.
“Hey, I didn’t shoot him.”
Blythe starts (fake) bowing. “You’re my queen.”
“Jesus Christ,” Kingston mumbles under his breath, “That’s my cue to go, but honestly, Iris, good for you.”
“Thank you, King.” I smile. I’m shaking with excitement and emotional release.
King nods and walks over to me, taking the gun from my hand and putting the safety back on.
“Oh right,” I mumble, blushing.
“Yeah, right.”
King leaves the room.
“Tell everyone!” I yell after him.
He pops his head back in. “Oh, I will.”
“Fuck yeah!” Blythe pumps her fist in the air. I smile at her. She grabs my cheeks and kisses me, the crazy nut she is.
“Marry me?” She teases.
“Hehe, sorry I’m hopin’ in twenty-four hours from now, I’m taken.”
She glows. “Well, I don’t have a dick or a badge so I approve of this better choice.”
I grab my best friend and pull her into me for a hug as everyone starts to usher in for their congrats and final goodbyes.
“I love you, B.”
“I love you, Iris. Go get everythin’ you deserve.”
I see him immediately. Shaggy black hair, nice suit, big smile. He’s smiling. He looks so happy to see me.
“Derek!” I wave my hand in the air like an idiot, even though I know he sees me. I sorta just don’t know what else to do.
He strolls over to me, all sexy and casual.
“Hi, Iris.”
He grabs my hand gently and kisses my cheek, making me blush and tingle everywhere.
“Hi,” I whisper.
He chuckles and leans over to grab my bags like a gentleman, placing every single one of them over his shoulders.
“Let’s get out of this airport. I hate crowds.”
“Do you?” I furrow my eyebrows and reach for my bags. He tilts his shoulder to stop me, so I let him do it. My cheeks heat slightly. For the first time in my life, I feel I may be worthy of being treated this way by a man. I’m not sure it’ll last, but I like feelin’ this confident. Even if it’s short lived.
“Yeah, I prefer a small group of people I care about over large crowds.” He shrugs. “Just how I am.”
“My family’s a crowd, so I’m kind of used to it. Plus, we invite anyone and everyone over. I’m used to people.” “Yeah, I noticed,” he laughs.
I blush and shrug. “If I like you, I invite you over. It’s how I operate.”
“You like me, huh?” He teases.
I point at my bags. “Clearly.”
A curious look appears on Derek’s face as he takes me in.
“You seem different.”
“I’m happy.”
“Good, but that’s not it.”
“I may have stood up to Wes before I left. I may be feelin’ really, really good about myself right now.”
Derek stops and spins on his heel with a big, proud smile on his face. “What? You did? You should have texted me!”
I blush and run my finger over his button down. “Yeah?”
He grabs my shoulders, only pausing a moment before kissing me.
“Yes, hun!” I giggle. “Well, I’m with you now, so…”
Derek’s face goes uncharacteristically serious. “I missed you. I haven’t known you long, but…”
He runs a hand through his hair.
“But… I didn’t like not having you around.”
I grab his hand and squeeze, sensin’ his anxiety. “Let’s get you out of these crowds, mister.”
Just like that, he smiles again. “Get me out of here, princess.”
I bow. “Yes, sir.”
He chuckles as I pull him through the airport, not really knowin’ where I’m goin’. That becomes apparent when he laughs and tells me I’m taking him back to the terminals.
Whoops.
“Uh, maybe I’ll let you take the lead on this?”
He chuckles and winks, going on ahead of me. Sorta where he belongs, right? I’m not much of a leader, which is totally fine by me. When we get in his car, he turns to me, tugging his seatbelt out of the way.
“I hope you’re not too tired. I have plans for us.”
Us? Ahh! “Never too tired for plans.”
<
br /> He beams. “Perfect, you’ll need your energy.”
I blush at the innuendo. I know he doesn’t literally mean we’re gonna have sex, but I doubt we’re gonna keep our hands to ourselves either.
“This is beautiful!” I scream, sprinting to the edge of the rooftop. I turn back to him. He’s beaming again.
“Really, I love it!”
“I’m so glad. I figured you get a whole lot of nature. A rooftop view of the city is probably new and different for you. No one comes up here, either. It’s a good place to talk. Just don’t fall off.”
“Maybe I’ll just stick by you, then.”
“Okay, you do that. Please don’t fall off. Too much paperwork.”
I laugh. “Well, in that case…”
I grab his arm jokingly tight. He throws his head back and laughs.
“You stay like that as long as you want.”
I swat his arm and step away, secretly flattered. He chuckles and reaches out for me, taking both of us to a stone step. The view is stunning. Perfect skies. Perfect buildings. Perfect little specks of people. Just beauty.
After a long silence, I turn to him.
“You know, you never told me what happened after your parents… uh, um, err…”“Died.” He throws me a sad smile. “It’s okay. I’ve come to terms with it. I prefer it when people come straight out with it versus being all weird. It only makes it worse.”
I nod, a little frantically. “I get that.”
He smirks slightly. “Alright.”
“I shouldn’t have asked that now, huh? That was a mood killer. I don’t know what I’m doing, Derek. I’m used to Blythe and my brothers. That’s really it. You met all them. Filters are kind of… not a thing.”He shakes his head. “Iris, I work for the FBI. I’m no pussy. I like that you don’t filter your thoughts. I always know what you’re thinking and where I stand.”
“I’m sorry. I just… you told me about what happened, and ever since, I’ve been wondering what happened to baby Derek. I’ve been worried.”
I give him a hesitant side smile. He smiles back, softly.
“Well, Derek was no baby. He was seventeen.”
“Oh. That’s almost worse.”
He throws his hands up in the air. “Thank you!” His hands crash back down into his lap.
“God, no one gets it! They think I’m lucky they were around for most of my childhood, but damn, as awful as this, I wish I didn’t know them so well because it only made it harder when they passed.”
I grab his hand and squeeze tight, feeling tears push to my eyes.
“Thank you,” he mouths. “Anyway, do you remember Agent Collin Fox?”
“The one in charge, right? Blond, tall, and, um, sort of bossy…” I wince.
He laughs. “Yep, that’d be Collin. Yeah, he’s my best friend. His family took me in. I only had six months until I turned eighteen. I had my scholarship set up and everything, so I just needed a transitional place to live while I waited to go to university.”
“Oh, that was nice,” I whisper. My heart hurts so bad for him. “Were you okay?”
“That’s complicated. I mean, I didn’t have a breakdown or an addiction or anything. Collin kept me focused. We both already knew we wanted to go into law enforcement. After my parents passed, our ambitions increased to FBI. I don’t know why, but it kept me from doing stupid things. Instead, I become a workaholic for a while to avoid the pain. When I finally faced it, well, it hurt like hell, but I survived.”
“I’m glad. I mean, well, you make me happy. I’m really glad you didn’t break or nothin’. So, basically, I’m sayin’ my life was touched by you. And I know lots of others were. I hope that helps a little. Your fight and your pain helped other people’s pain go away a little or a lot, depending.”
“Iris…” His eyes soften. He tenderly reaches out and strokes his finger down my cheek. “You are so special. Thank you.”
His eyes close.
“My whole family has been law enforcement, military, politicians, the works. I’ve never felt good enough for them, always felt I’ve let them down because I don’t live in black and white when it comes to people and morality. I’m a little… tainted, let’s say. What you just said means everything to me.”
“I’m so glad, Derek,” I say softly.
“Now!” He claps his hands. “Done with that. How are you with corny things?”
“Uh,” I giggle. “I don’t know. I’ve never been presented with corny.”
I feel my face scrunch. Derek laughs and smooths it out. I bristle at the contact.
“Don’t make that face. I love corny.”
“Okay,” I laugh as he reaches for his phone. He starts flipping through stuff on his phone. Finally, he finds what he’s looking for.
He stands. I simply stare at him. Uh, what am I supposed to? Sensing my unease, Derek stands and extends his hand. With shaking hands, I take his.
“Relax,” he whispers.
He goes back to his phone and grins at me before clicking a button. Instantly, an all-too-familiar tune echoes across the quiet rooftop.“No way! You are not.” Another giggle bursts out me before I can stop it. “This is the cheesiest! Are you jokin’? We aren’t even really datin’!”
“Fine, will you go out with me?”
He just waits, like this is a boring, obvious question.
“Uh, sure?”
“Good. Now that that’s out of the way. Dance with me?”
He extends his arm. When my hand goes around my waist, he softens.
“Don’t be shy. I promise to help you.”
“You’re gonna need to, like, lead me. I… I can’t dance.”
“Let me guess… Wes?” I grit my jaw and frown. “Let’s dance!”
I charge forward and grab his hand.
“Hun?”
“What?”
He cups my face softly. “I feel like I’m about to be attacked.”
He smirks, and I laugh, letting some of the anger fizzle out of me.
“Sorry. I’m mad at all the confidence he stole from me.”
“As you should be. Ready to dance?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
Derek nods and starts the song over. As soon as the music begins again, Derek takes my hand and spins me around. The motion whirls me right out of my head and into his arms. He slides his thumb over my lip and gently rocks me around the roof. I don’t fall, I don’t trip. I let him guide me in this, because I really don’t know what I’m doing. It’s all happening simultaneously too fast and too slow. I feel like I’ve known him for years versus weeks, yet it has only been weeks and I really need to remember that, because I want more from him.
Much more. I’ve never felt this way before. It scares me.I lean into him. It’s like he knows I’m scared because he pulls me in tight, almost like a hug, and rocks me back and forth to our song. It’s no longer just mine, because I will forever think of him when I hear it now.
“What don’t you think the world will understand about you, Iris?” He whispers in my ear, as the song “Iris” echoes around us.“There’s not just one thing.”
“I’m flexible.”
I hold him tighter. “One, I’m scared to be truly intimate with someone in a world where everyone kisses and fucks everyone.”
I feel him nod against me.
“And… I loved Carson more than my other brothers. I’m a terrible sister.”
I feel Derek go completely straight. He freezes, totally and completely.
“Iris, I know what happened to your brother. I’m not sure I should tell you. You may hate me, but I have to give you the option.”
His fingers dig into my back. He’s scared. I know he is. I’m so glad King told me the truth first. At least some of it. I don’t want to know the rest. It would have killed me to hear this from Derek first. Not to mention, I know he’d tell me it all, and I don’t want to know any more than I do. I can’t lose another brother. I just can’t. I can’t face the realit
y of Kingston’s role in Carson’s death. I’ll take that sin on my soul. It’d break me.
I pull away from Derek and stare at our now-intertwined hands.
“I already know. Well, most of it. Adam’s innocent. I… I blamed the wrong man.”
“Innocent isn’t the word I’d use, but no, he didn’t kill Carson. But if you recall, he did kidnap you.”
“I know.” I still have nightmares. “I didn’t say I felt bad. I was just statin’ a fact.”
“Alright, smartass. When did you get so mouthy, Iris?”
I blush, turning my cheek away from him. Although, I really don’t think I have a reason to be embarrassed. Based on the way Derek’s eyes are dancin’, I’d say he likes my more brazen personality.
“Uh, yeah, I’m kind of on a ‘defendin’ my honor’ kick right now.”
“I like that kick, babe. I hope you stay on it.”
“I wish I could, but I think it’s just a kick. If we ever do more than kiss, old Iris will come right back.”
Shit! I did not mean to say that. My cheeks heat. Literally, I feel them turn so red.
“More than kiss, huh? This seems to be something you’ve thought about.”His smug face is all I can see through my fingers, which are now covering my face. I force myself to move my hands since I’m in “strong, independent woman” mode right now after standing up to my ex.
“Slow down, no name. Not happening.” Not yet, anyway.
Derek smirks at the old nickname and walks forward, muscles glistening under the setting sun.
“Don’t worry, Iris,” he blows the hair away from my ear and starts to nibble on it, sending a jolt of desire through my body. “I won’t do anything before you’re ready.”
And well, I don’t know about you, but that is just about the most romantic thing someone could ever tell me.
I’ll wait for you.
I’ll wait.
Derek
Three Months Later
I glance over at Carson, who is quietly slamming back beers. That’s intriguing to me. Of all the people in this group, he’s not the one I thought would take the news this hard.
“I’m still doing law enforcement,” I say, feeling the need to justify myself, “I just… After this last case… I think…”“Derek,” Brad levels me with a stare, “man, you don’t gotta explain yourself to us. We’re happy for you. Think you’re kind of a pussy, yeah, but happy for you nonetheless.”
