Ember

by Rachel Van Dyken

  “Prove it.”

  “What?”

  I pushed him against the wall. “Prove it meant nothing. Let me kiss you now, and if it meant nothing it will be like… what? Kissing your sister.”

  “I’ve sworn off women.”

  “So this should be an easy test then, right?”

  “Bee…” Phoenix’s face was pained, as if I was holding a gun to his head rather than offering to kiss him. Was the idea so abhorrent? “Please…” His voice had a pleading tone I’d never heard before. “Don’t do this.”

  “One. Little. Test.” I rose up on my tip toes and kissed him full on the mouth.

  His lips refused to move against mine.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  He stiffened even more.

  Irritated, I bit his lower lip. He gasped, and I slid my tongue inside his mouth. He pushed me away with a curse then wiped his lips. “Done. Your little test is done. I didn’t respond. Happy now?”

  His eyes were furious; the blue flashed like lightning against his skin. His fingertips shook as he made a fist.

  “You like me.”

  “Bee…” Phoenix pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingertips. “…find someone your own age, someone who’s interested in you in the way you deserve, alright?” His tone was gentle, and maybe that was what hurt the most.

  It was like he was letting me down slowly, hoping I didn’t break.

  But the joke was on him.

  Because I was already broken.

  I didn’t want boys my age — I wanted him.

  “You’re a good liar.” My eyes narrowed. “And you’re lucky I’m patient.”

  “Lucky?” He sputtered out a laugh. “That you like toying with me?”

  “No, lucky that even though you constantly push me away…I keep coming back for more. But, Phoenix… everyone’s time eventually runs out.”

  “Go to breakfast, Bee.”

  “Go to Hell, Phoenix.”

  I stomped off, leaving him to his thoughts, and made my way into the dining room. Andi was already sitting next to Pike. I grabbed a plate, filled it with meat, and slammed it down onto the table.

  “Uh, could you not slam things?” Pike winced. “Still got a headache over here.”

  “Oh.” I stabbed the eggs with my fork. “Sorry.”

  “How’d it go last night after your knight in shining armor rescued you from my dangerous grasp?” He smirked and leaned forward.

  Something about Pike was seriously off; maybe it was the way he stared at me, as if I was naked, or maybe it was just his presence. He seemed too old to be in college — too old and too knowledgeable about everything.

  “Oh, you know, we had wild monkey sex in the woods, and then I woke up with a pinecone attached to my ass.” I grinned then shoved the eggs into my mouth and chewed.

  “Classy.” Pike whistled.

  “Always.”

  “Students!” The new dean, whose name I couldn’t remember, walked to the front of the room and clapped his hands. “Make sure to check your itinerary for the day. We have you split up into eight teams for the day’s activities. Enjoy!”

  “Yay.” I twirled my fork into the air.

  My lack of enthusiasm got worse when I was paired on Pike’s team, and we continued to lose every single activity, including beach volleyball.

  Apparently, he was competitive.

  And because I had no idea how to play any sport of any kind, I was the reason we kept losing. I apologized, but it did nothing to calm that stupid vein that kept twitching near his temple.

  The next day passed by in a blur.

  Phoenix rarely spoke to me, and when he did, it was only to bark orders and make sure I was always — and I do mean always — where I was supposed to be. If I didn’t check in on an hourly basis, he hunted me down.

  The fun was officially gone. I just wanted to go home. But I had no home to go to, not really.

  I had no place I felt comfortable.

  Except in his arms, or maybe in his room.

  But now there was this giant chasm between us, one I couldn’t jump across, because he didn’t want me to even try.

  I was the job. Nothing more.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Working for Tex officially sucks.

  Phoenix

  THANK GOD IT WAS the final day. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of Bee prancing around in her bikini while attempting to play beach volleyball. It was like the girl had the athleticism of a two year old, and what made it worse was that her body was that of a woman, so even when she missed the ball, things still… bounced.

  And I still watched.

  Like every other male within her vicinity.

  I wrote down the worst offenders, mentally begging them to do something stupid so I could have the chance to shoot them.

  We were leaving in an hour, and I still needed to get the final camera from Bee’s room.

  The door was closed. I knocked twice.

  Bee answered and rolled her eyes. “What do you want?”

  “Just checking in,” I said smoothly, my eyes locating the camera immediately. I’d have to come back when she was in the bathroom or something.

  “Well…” Bee turned around and lifted her hands into the air. “…care to strip search me, or are we done here?”

  I let out a sigh and sat on the bed. “Am I going to have to deal with this happy attitude the entire drive home?”

  Bee put her hair up into a tight ponytail, her movements jerky. “Probably. Is that going to be an issue?”

  “Not at all. I can wear headphones.”

  “I’ll scream.”

  “Try me.”

  “I’ll hit you so we run off a cliff.”

  “You hate heights.”

  “Agh!” She stomped her foot. “How can you always be so calm?”

  “You think I’m calm?” The idea was laughable, completely ridiculous. If she even knew how close I was to snapping — all the damn time.

  “I bet if I punched you in the face, you’d grunt, maybe shrug.”

  “Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

  “You’re like a freaking robot!”

  Ignoring her, I stood and grabbed her duffel bag. “This all packed?”

  “Yeah,” she said in a broken voice. “Oh wait.” She ran into the bathroom then ran out and stuffed her bikini into one of the side pockets.

  It was yellow.

  And I was obsessed with it.

  Not that I’d ever say it out loud, lest I lost the last of the control I possessed.

  “Hold on,” a voice whispered on the other side of the door. “Yeah, I’m alone.” It was Pike.

  I gave my head a shake.

  Bee didn’t move.

  “No, nothing. Do you think I’m stupid? No, I understand. I’ll get it done, I just need more time. I can’t just—” He swore under his breath. “I said I’d get the job done, and I mean it. Just keep your end of the deal.”

  Something slammed against the door, possibly his hand.

  “I don’t give two shits! We made a deal. I expect you to follow through on it. I’m giving you two heads. You damn well better give me one.”

  Bee’s cell phone chose that moment to buzz off the nearby desk and onto the hard wood floor.

  In three seconds, Pike was going to come barreling into a quiet room and know we’d heard.

  So I did the only logical thing I could think of. I tugged Bee against my chest and kissed her like I’d always wanted to.

  Hoping…

  Praying…

  She’d respond like her life depended on it — because it probably did.

  With a moan, she wrapped her arms around my neck.

  I ripped at her shirt, purposefully trying to make it look worse than it really was so that Pike would get the idea that we were more than just making out — ready to take it to the next level.

  The door burst open, but I pretended that I didn’t hear. I slammed
Bee into the nearest wall, causing a mirror to shatter against the floor. Her body was so tight beneath mine that I almost forgot we had an audience, almost forgot what the hell I was doing. And then the images, the ones I tried so hard to fight, pushed forward.

  I pulled back from Bee just as Pike swore under his breath. “Sorry, guys. Didn’t mean to… um… interrupt.” The door closed behind him.

  And I lunged away from Bee like I’d just been stung — repeatedly.

  She didn’t say anything; instead, she stared at me, her eyes searching, and, I hoped to God, not finding out why I was the way I was.

  We needed to leave.

  I needed to leave.

  Instead, she grabbed my hand and, because I was so damn weak, I went to her. Because I wanted to taste her again, I fell into her embrace and kissed her again, this time softly, like she deserved.

  The images tried to flash, but I concentrated on her taste instead of the evil, her lips, instead of the monster I was. I told myself to go slow. I told myself this was the last taste.

  I lied.

  Because I kept tasting.

  It was like I couldn’t stop.

  Just as I predicted, anything good, even food, would eventually cause me to stumble, and I was lost, tumbling down the rabbit hole and taking the most precious thing in the world with me.

  Bee reached for my shirt and tried to pull it over my head.

  I let her.

  I was so tired of fighting.

  So tired of saying no when all I wanted to do was say yes.

  Another image flashed, and I took a step back from her.

  “Stay with me,” she whispered across my mouth. “Just like this.”

  I focused on her voice and deepened the kiss.

  My phone rang in my pocket.

  I ignored it, paying attention to her neck instead, licking my way down her ear. My body soared at the fact that I was able to touch her and not feel pain.

  From the floor, Bee’s phone rang.

  She ignored it too.

  When my phone rang a second time, I knew it was important. Reluctantly, I stepped back, almost feeling like I’d been drugged, and answered with a gruff. “What?”

  “Well, you’re in some deep shit,” Chase said in a low voice. “That’s what.”

  “Chase… not now.”

  “Yes, now, you ass. I just saw you, and unfortunately Tex chose that inopportune moment to look over my shoulder.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Camera, in her room. I was monitoring her, checking in like I do every morning to help you out.”

  “Shit.” I glanced back at the camera. “Oh, shit!”

  “Yeah.” Chase sighed. “Drive straight here. Best to just let him shoot you then make it fun for him by running.”

  “Right.” I would have laughed, but it was anything but funny. The one time I’d done the wrong thing, taken one misstep in the past few months, and I just happened to do it right in front of the Cappo — with his little sister.

  I hung up and slid the phone back into my pocket.

  Bee reached for me.

  I backed up. “Tex….”

  “So what? He doesn’t have to know.”

  “Ha!” I licked my lips and threw on my shirt. “Too late, he already does.”

  “What do you…”

  Without a word I went behind the desk and pulled the tiny camera from the drawer.

  “You son of a bitch!” She lunged for me. “You were spying on me?”'

  “How else can I watch you while you sleep and make sure nobody breaks into your bedroom, Bee?” I yelled right back at her.

  “I don’t know! Maybe by actually admitting you have feelings for me, growing a pair of balls and sleeping in my room!”

  “You think I don’t sleep in your room because I can’t admit I have feelings?”

  She nodded, her lower lip quivering.

  “I have too many of them, that’s the damn problem. I feel hatred, anger, sadness, guilt… every single second of the day, and then you come barreling into my life making me remember the reason I feel all those things… I’m evil. I raped girls, did you know that? I raped them, Bee. I tortured them, all for family, all for blood. I almost killed my best friend’s wife because I couldn’t help myself! Is that what you want to hear? That I have those types of feelings? Well newsflash, I’m able to admit it all day long, I’ll scream it if you want me to, but don’t for one second think I’m running from things you have no business even knowing about! I hurt people. I hurt girls. I’ll eventually hurt you. Better you know that now, than later, when it actually happens.” I stormed toward the door and pulled it open just as Bee spoke.

  “You would never hurt me.”

  “The sick part, Bee…” I didn’t turn around. “Is as much as I wish that were true…” I hung my head in shame. “I can’t promise you that. I just…can’t.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Murder and Mayhem. Just don’t kill my only friend.

  Bee

  THE DRIVE TO TEX’S house wasn’t a happy one. Phoenix was pale and silent. And I had a sinking feeling it was because my brother was about to shoot his head off, all for touching me.

  I tried not to think about what Phoenix said. Raping girls? Hurting them? I couldn’t imagine him doing it, not that I didn’t think him capable, I just… the man I knew now, didn’t seem the type to be able to carry it out without having a serious problem with it.

  But the issue that made me sick to my stomach.

  Was I really the type of girl that would look past that type of darkness? All because I wanted to believe the lie? I was at war within myself, wanting to believe the best in him, yet sick that it was completely possible I didn’t know him at all, and never had.

  The man he was, the man he used to be, had carried it out… and from the sound of it, he’d been far too good at his job.

  “Let me do the talking.” Phoenix said gruffly as he turned off the car and slowly made his way into Tex’s compound.

  It was only a few miles from Nixon’s but had security like something you’d see around the White House. Men were everywhere, guarding, constantly watching.

  It was an old style colonial brick home that had been completely redone on the inside; it should look inviting. Instead, each step was like walking toward certain death.

  The large oak door opened. Chase shook his head from side to side, then reached out and took Phoenix’s hand. “It doesn’t look good. He nearly destroyed the entire kitchen. Mo’s pissed because it was her wedding china.” He released a breath then looked at me. “Hey, Bee, long time no see.”

  “Apparently not.” I crossed my arms while he winced. I used to think Chase was gorgeous, like a painting, but now, comparing him to Phoenix… he failed in so many ways. Where Chase was pretty, Phoenix was rough; everything about him spoke of a harshness that Chase didn’t possess.

  With a sigh, Chase opened the door wider. “Everyone’s inside.”

  “Everyone?” I gulped.

  “Yeah.” Chase nodded. “The wives and us.”

  “Great.”

  “Think of it as a family dinner.” Chase said in a much too hopeful voice. “Only this time someone will get shot.”

  Phoenix let out a curse as we walked into the living room.

  Tex was pacing back and forth across the carpet, itching the back of his neck with a gun. Not a good sign.

  Nixon was calmly sitting down with his hands folded across his thighs and Trace was standing next to him, rubbing his neck.

  Mil was drinking a glass of wine by the fireplace.

  And Mo was trying to get Tex to calm down, which clearly wasn’t working. She reached for his hand but he jerked away, continuing on with his pacing as if that would solve the problem altogether.

  Chase cleared his throat, announcing our arrival.

  Tex paused, his coppery brown hair brushing his forehead as he jerked up and glared at us. In an instant his gun was in the
air.

  Phoenix pushed me out of the way just as the gun went off…aiming for his chest.

  He fell to his knees with a grunt and swore.

  I screamed, or at least I think I did, before I saw blood start to pour from a wound on the right side of his chest near his shoulder.

  Another gun shot rang out.

  Are you freaking kidding me?

  Everything happened in slow motion, Phoenix’s eyes were shuttered, completely closed off from the rest of the world as he blinked, and then with a wince touched another wound on the same shoulder. Two bullet holes, two shots that went directly through him.

  Blood rapidly poured through the wounds staining the white T-shirt I’d been admiring while he was driving.

  Strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me back from his bloody body. I tried to puke but couldn’t even find the strength to do that. He needed me, didn’t gun shots kill people?

  My brother stood over Phoenix, the gun aimed for his head. “No!” I shouted elbowing whoever had me in their arms with all the strength I had. “Tex, stop!”

  Tex tilted his head, and pressed the gun against Phoenix’s temple.

  “Tex!” I sobbed, unable to even see the scene anymore because my tears were making it impossible to see anything other than the dark gun against Phoenix’s pale skin. “Stop now!”

  The arms holding me, released. I slumped to the ground and watched in slow motion as Nixon charged Tex and slammed him against the wall, punching him in the jaw and then in the stomach.

  Tex fought back, screaming at the top of his lungs.

  Nixon cursed, kneeing him in the stomach again and again.

  Tex knocked his head against Nixon’s.

  And then Chase was in the mix pushing both of them apart. A sucker punch to his face must have pissed him off, he roared “bastard” in Italian and kneed Tex in the balls.

  With a cry, Tex fell to the ground.

  Nixon slumped down next to him, and Chase bent over, heaving.

  Phoenix was still bleeding; I reached for him but didn’t make it as blackness overtook me.

  “BACK OFF!” THE VOICE grumbled.

  “The hell I will!” I think it was Phoenix’s voice. “You’re a bastard, you know that?”