by S. M. Shade
It’s a Friday night, and the bar is crowded, but Landon knows the manager, who reserves us a large table in the back. Everyone shows up about half an hour before Justus is expected, and by the time he texts me that he’s on his way, everyone is laughing, drinking, and having a great time.
I step outside to meet him as he strides up, looking too damn good in a pair of dark jeans and a green button down shirt that makes his eyes shine. “Hey, old man. Happy birthday,” I cry, tugging him against me and pressing my mouth to his. I can’t help myself. He’s so sexy all I want to do is take him home and get him naked.
“Fuck, Sadist, you trying to kill me?” he growls. “That little skirt you have on is enough to keep me hard all night without your tongue in my mouth.”
“Sorry, won’t happen again!” I sing, walking away. I don’t get two steps before he grabs me and pulls me back, slamming his lips to mine and kissing me until my whole body is flushed and aching.
“If I checked I bet you’d be wet,” he murmurs in my ear, as I lead him inside.
“You’d be right.”
His groan makes me laugh. So does the way he secretly tries to adjust himself in his pants.
His jaw drops when we get to the back of the bar where all our friends are waiting. “Happy birthday!” they yell, holding up their drinks.
“Nice stiffy,” Jeremy adds, and Frannie throws an ice cube at him. I was kind of surprised Frannie showed up tonight. I know they’re in an off again cycle of their weird relationship.
“Fuck off! What are you all doing here?” Justus laughs, a slight blush filling his cheeks. Oh, he’s embarrassed. That’s adorable.
“Blame Sadie. This is her doing,” Landon says.
Justus grins down at me. “You sneak.”
Shrugging, I smile back. “I may have also brought you a present.”
I reach under the table where I stashed the gift bag, and place it on the table where he tears into it like a five year old at Christmas. The whole group hoots and laughs as he pulls out a box with Girl’s Night Out – Make Your Own Yummy Cocktails! stamped in bright pink across the label.
“It includes a book on how to make all your favorites at home,” I tell him, and I’m rewarded with a wide smile.
“Laugh all you want, bitches,” he tells the guys. “Tonight, I’m going to be kicked back at home, drinking a banana daiquiri while I’m getting a blowie.”
“Not if you keep telling people!” I slap him on the chest, and he pulls me into a hug as the waitress approaches.
“What are you drinking, Sweets?”
“Kamikaze,” I tell the waitress, and Justus adds, “Make it two. Ain’t no shame in my game.”
The night is so much fun. We laugh and drink, and I kick everyone’s ass in pool. I played a lot when I was young because my neighbors had a pool table. Justus is tossing back the drinks, and I have a feeling he isn’t going to be conscious for that birthday blow job he kept crowing about.
Zoe, Ayda, and Leah join me on the dance floor, and the guys alternate between dancing with us and watching us from the table. “Your ass looks so good in that skirt.” Justus’s hot breath tickles my ear as his hands land on my hips.
Zoe laughs and turns to dance with Ayda as Justus practically humps me from behind. Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon blares through the speakers as I match my movements to his. Damn, the man can dance. The two of us together draw an audience, hooting and cheering us on. I knew those dance lessons and nights at Lisa’s studio would come in handy.
We return to the table after the song ends, and Justus throws back a shot. “Whoa there, Lovely Locks,” Dare laughs. “That was straight vodka. Not one of your sissy drinks.”
“Tastes like water,” Justus slurs, swiping his sweaty curls out of his eyes.
“We should probably head home,” I suggest, knowing he probably won’t make the cab ride there without passing out.
He starts to protest, then the corner of his mouth leaps up, a lustful glint in his eyes. “Right. Birthday blowie. Sorry, guys, it’s been fun, but my girl has needs.”
His phone vibrates on the table and I get a quick glance at the screen as he picks it up. Westlawn Rehabilitation and Addiction Center. Fuck. It’s after midnight. No way is this good news. “Yeah?” Justus answers, walking out the nearest door so he can hear.
I give Zoe a look, and she and Landon follow me outside. “Fuck! How did she just walk away? Don’t you have security? You’re supposed to be the best!” Justus shouts into his phone. “I’ll be right there!”
“Mr. Alexander, there’s no reason to…” I hear the man’s voice on the other end before Justus disconnects the call.
“What happened?” I ask, as he darts past me and heads inside.
“Hannah’s missing. She walked away from the rehab center,” he replies, dropping his phone on the table and grabbing his jacket. He’s so preoccupied…and drunk that he forgets his phone, so I scoop it up and follow him.
“Justus, the place is over an hour away, you can’t….”
“It’s my sister. I have to.”
“You can’t drive.”
“I’ll get a cab. There are plenty out front. I’ll call you.” He tries to kiss me on the forehead, but I step back.
“You’re out of your damn mind if you think I’m letting you go anywhere alone.” I follow him out to the cab, trying to talk sense to him the whole time, trying to get him to wait until morning when he’s sober. It’s not like showing up at the rehab center shitfaced is going to do any good.
It’s useless. He gives the cab driver the address and settles back in the seat, murmuring to himself. It only takes about ten minutes for the movement of the car combined with the glut of alcohol he’s drank to put him out, and I tap on the cab’s partition.
“Sorry, but he’s passed out, so I need to take him home.” I give the driver Justus’s address and hope I can get him inside.
My phone beeps with a text from Ayda
-Everything okay?-
-We’re in a cab. Heading to his house. He’s passed out.-
A few seconds later another text from Ayda
-Tucker and Jeremy will meet you there.-
Thank fuck for our friends. I text her back and a few minutes later we pull up in front of Justus’s house. After I pay the cab driver, I try to wake Justus, but he isn’t budging. Tucker and Jeremy laugh as they pull him from the cab. “Wish my birthday ended like this,” Jeremy laughs. “His sister okay?”
“I don’t know. I’m going to call the center back when I get inside. All I know is she left.”
“I’ll stay the night, crash in the spare room in case you need help with him,” Tucker offers.
“Thanks,” I sigh. I don’t know Tucker very well, but from what Ayda tells me, no one really does. He was a soldier and he was homeless for a while when he came back, but he seems to be doing well now. It’s hard to tell because he doesn’t talk much.
I’m glad he’s here because I’ve not really had much experience with Justus when he’s drunk. He’s usually just a happier, hornier version of himself, but with all this going on with his sister, who knows? He could wake up in an hour furious I brought him home instead of the rehab center.
Jeremy takes off after dumping Justus onto his bed. Tucker waits in the living room while I strip off Justus’s clothes and shoes. He groans and winces in his sleep. Whatever he’s dreaming isn’t good.
The bed squeaks when I sit down beside him and run my fingers down his cheek. He looks so young when he’s asleep. Vulnerable and helpless, so unlike his usual cocky, exuberant self. I know him well enough now to know while some of that over-the-top behavior is his genuine personality, a lot of it is a smoke screen, hiding his insecurities and pain. The same way I tell myself that I don’t need anyone, that I’m strong enough to go it alone.
The truth is we all need someone to have our back. Someone to cry and complain to when the world crushes us, and to celebrate with when we’re thrown a rare reprieve from
the worry and heartache. He’s my someone. And I’m his.
His forehead is sweaty when I kiss it, but a small smile flashes across his face. I leave him a glass of water by the bed, and a bottle of ibuprofen. My heart goes out to him because I know he’s going to have a terrible day when he wakes up. Which means I should get some sleep, too, so I can help him.
A rattle from the front porch draws my attention to the window, where a human shaped shadow shifts. My heart races. It’s the middle of the night. Who the hell is creeping around the front porch? The front door handle turns, back and forth. I’m glad Tucker locked it. Tucker! He’s in the guest room.
“Tucker!” I hiss, easing open the guest room door. “Someone is trying to open the front door!” The soldier hiding in Tucker instantly jumps to the forefront.
“Go to the bedroom with Justus. Lock the door. If you hear anything, call 911.” I watch him make his way down the hall into the living room, turning off the lights as he goes. Glancing back at me, he points to Justus’s bedroom, so I reluctantly follow his orders.
The silence is so unsettling, but it isn’t long before I hear the front door open and voices murmuring. Tucker taps on the door. “Come on out, Sadie.”
The lights are back on and Tucker waits in the living room alongside a small woman with a pixie haircut. He doesn’t have to tell me who she is, the resemblance to Justus is obvious.
“Hannah?” I ask, tentatively.
Her lips press together in regret. “Yes, I’m sorry if I scared you. I didn’t know where else to go. You must be Sadie.”
“I am. Come in and sit down. Are you okay?”
She moves to the couch and gives a jerky nod. “Yeah, just...” She peeks up at me. “Justus is passed out?”
“Yeah, it’s his birthday. He overdid it a bit.” I’m not going to tell her he lost it over the phone call from rehab. Guilt isn’t going to help when she looks like she’s barely hanging on as it is.
She tugs on the ends of her hair. “His birthday…I forgot.” Her voice is hollow, forlorn.
“The rehab center called earlier.”
“I shouldn’t have left. It just…I was overwhelmed. I wanted to see Justus, make sure he wasn’t going to just leave me there, forget about me. I’ve already caused him so much pain I couldn’t blame him if he did.”
This woman has no idea. Sitting next to her, I look her in the eye. “Justus has searched for you for years. There is no one in the world he loves as much as you, and he doesn’t blame you for anything. None of this was your fault. The childhood you suffered, being taken and tortured by those horrible people, developing a dependence on the drugs they forced on you, none of it was your fault and he doesn’t blame you one bit. He just wants to help you get better. You need to go back.”
Tears spill down her face. “I want to go back, but I’m not sure they’ll let me.”
“I’ll call them. Why don’t you grab something to eat while I do? You must be starving.” She’s so thin a strong breeze could blow her away.
Nodding, she gives me a small smile. “Justus is lucky to have you.” Without waiting for me to reply, she heads to the kitchen.
Justus is snoring loud enough to wake the dead when I grab his phone from the dresser. I’m glad he doesn’t lock it, and the rehab center is his last incoming call, so it’s easy for me to call them back. When I explain the situation, the lady sounds relieved and asks if I can drive Hannah back.
Hannah is in the kitchen, nibbling on a peanut butter sandwich when I return. “I’ll drive you back after you’re done eating,” I tell her.
“They’ll let me back in?” she says, her voice a mixture of surprise and hope.
“Yes, they understand this is a unique situation. You didn’t run looking for drugs.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t ever want to take that shit again. I never did.”
“I know. Let’s get you back.”
Chapter Fourteen
Justus
Fuck. My mouth feels like someone shoved a wad of cotton in it and my head is full of wasps. What the hell did I do?
Hannah!
The room spins when I jerk upright and I barely make it to the bathroom before the alcohol from last night makes a reappearance. A bottle of water appears in front of me as I flush the toilet and sit back against the tub.
“Thanks,” I mumble, my voice full of gravel.
Sadie sits across from me and judging from the dark smears beneath her eyes, she didn’t get much sleep last night. “I’m all right. You don’t have to babysit.”
“Kind of late for that,” Tucker snorts from the doorway. “I’m going to go, Sadie. Ayda wants you to give her a call, let her know everything’s okay.”
“I will. Thanks for staying, Tucker.”
“Shit. I don’t even remember coming home,” I admit.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Getting the call about Hannah. Then we were in a cab?” I scramble to my feet and instantly regret it. My head throbs in time with my heart and the room shifts again. “I have to call them.”
“Relax, Jus, she’s fine. She went back last night,” Sadie says, grabbing my hand and leading me back to the bedroom.
My head jerks up. “Really?”
“Yes.” She throws a pair of my underwear at me. “Go take a shower. You smell like sugary sweat. Then I’ll tell you everything.”
“Way to sugarcoat it, Sweets,” I laugh, dragging my ass to the shower. I’m relieved that Hannah went back, but I want to know why she left in the first place. Was she looking for a fix? Are they mistreating her? Is she that miserable there?
Fuck. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy and she isn’t even out of rehab yet. What’s it going to be like when I have to watch her all the time? Between stripping and ISH, I don’t have a lot of time to spend with Sadie as it is. I could give up the stripping. I have more money saved than I’ll ever need, but it has become a part of me, of who I am. Who am I if I’m not the sexy stripper who can pick up any chick he wants?
But I don’t want anyone else. If that was the only thing standing between us, I’d give it up without a second thought, but it isn’t.
There’s Hannah. My sister has been through so much in her short, miserable life, and I’ve failed her over and over. I won’t let it happen again. Hannah has to come first, but it isn’t fair to Sadie. She shouldn’t have to deal with this after everything with her mom. She should be out having fun, hanging out with friends and enjoying herself, not tied down to a guy who can’t put her first. The thought of being without her sends a spike of panic through me, but I know it’s for the best.
Hot water rains over me, taking the stink of the night before down the drain, and I’m left feeling vaguely human again. After overcoming obstacles I thought were insurmountable, my relationship with Sadie is going to fail because of fucking timing. I got both things I’ve always wanted; my sister back and a woman who loves me for me. It just had to happen at the same damn time.
Hannah has to come first.
Sadie sits at the kitchen table and gestures to a plate of muffins. “I already ate. Figured you wouldn’t be able to eat much this morning.”
“Thanks,” I mumble, grabbing a muffin and taking a bite. It may as well be made of cardboard. I have absolutely no appetite. Sadie looks so beautiful sitting across from me, a little smile on her face. She has no idea I’m about to hurt her and destroy myself. “We can’t see each other anymore,” I blurt.
She jerks her head to look at me. “What?”
“I’m sorry, Sade. I love you. I do, but all this with Hannah…you don’t realize what you’re getting yourself into. It’ll be years of rehab and therapy and I don’t know how she’ll come out of it. I love you, hell, I need you, but she needs me, and I have to put her first. I can’t drag you into it. What you did for me last night…” I swallow the lump in my throat. “Getting all my friends together like that, surprising me for my birthday. No one has ever done anything l
ike that for me before. I’ll never forget it.
“But look how it ended. She ran off, and I got too damn drunk to do anything. I failed her again. I can’t drop the ball like that again. I can’t just go around doing what I want like I did before when she’s counting on me. You don’t deserve to come second. You don’t deserve this.”
Silence blankets the room and the tense seconds drag by while I wait for Sadie to respond. Her cheeks flare and her eyes narrow. I don’t know what I expected. Tears maybe, but she isn’t hurt. She’s furious. And she’d be more furious if she knew how fucking adorable she is when she’s mad, how much I want to bend her over this table right now.
“First,” she says, her jaw clenched. “You didn’t fail her. Your parents and the system did. None of this is your fault. There’s nothing wrong with getting drunk on your birthday. You had no way of knowing she would run away. You can’t put your life on hold just waiting for something to happen. And second.”
The table rattles as she stands and slams her palms down on it. Leaning over so her eyes are boring into mine she adds, “Fuck you, Justus. You’re right. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to get jerked around anymore. You think you just get to run in and play hero with my mom, pay for her physical therapy and as soon as you could use a little support, you get to just set me aside? Well, guess what, asshole?”
She leans over until I can feel her heated breath on my face. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Sadie—
“No!” She stands up and paces the floor. “I get it, Justus. You lost your mother and your sister, so you’re scared you’ll lose me too. It doesn’t take a shrink to see your abandonment issues; they’re probably visible from space. You claim no one ever wanted anything but your cock, but when did you ever give one a damn chance? I’m a grown woman and I don’t need you to protect me from anything.
