One Dead Seagull

by Scot Gardner

  Kerry flopped in the sand next to me and explained that her mum’s nose got itchy before a thunderstorm. Without fail. I would have put money on a clear night.

  Den and Hendo kept walking when they got to the top, kicking sand at us as they went past.

  ‘Come on, Hendo,’ Den said. ‘Let’s go find a quiet spot and leave these lovebirds alone.’

  He looked straight at me then danced off down the dune holding Hendo’s hand. Their long shadows were soon fighting and rolling. Part of me wanted to rumble with them. Part of me wanted other things.

  ‘Want an ice cream?’ Baz asked. ‘Mum ... Gracie and I are going to whip over to the shop—I forgot to grab a paper—you guys want to come?’

  I shrugged. Sounded like a good idea. Kez just sat and squinted at the sun.

  ‘Kez?’

  ‘Oh, I’m okay here Mum. You go if you want to, Wayne.’

  I didn’t want an ice cream. Right then I realised that there was something going on. Something weird. Something warm.

  ‘I think I’ll just sit here for a bit.’

  The feelings washing over me as we talked—almost in whispers—were both alien and welcome. Every time I did something stupid or said something awkward Kez would just smile and reach out or laugh to take the edge off it. Suddenly everything Kez said was interesting—even the stuff about how she missed Jesus the cat and all that—I could understand what she was talking about. There were a few times when everything about her was golden and I wanted to touch her but I was shitting bricks. What if she pulled away? Worse, what if she actually liked it and wanted more, what would I do then? The thought of resting my hand on her shoulder gave me a fat. I was thankful for my baggy T-shirt and the birds that winged into our vision—hundreds of white birds cruising along the edge of the dunes. Den would know what they were for sure. I heard magic in Kez’s words. She looked like a model or something in the final glow of the sun. This kid I’d known since before she went to school was a woman and ambulance sirens were going off in my head. Somehow the silly little caterpillar of Kerry Hume got all squashed up into a cocoon while I wasn’t watching. Then pop! She’s this gorgeous butterfly that I want to cradle and kiss. Kiss? Yeah, I wanted to kiss her. Is that sick or what? My best mate’s sister. I was past the point of caring.

  I said some things to her that I hadn’t even said to myself. I told her that I missed my dad and that I hated his guts sometimes. I told her that I thought my mum and

  dad were getting back together again and that made me want to chuck. Move out. Something. I told her I’d never had a pet. Not even a guinea pig in a goldfish bowl. She sat there open-mouthed and nodded. At some point during my story she’d picked up my hand but I didn’t notice until I’d run out of words and was left breathless by the look in her eyes.

  ‘I do love you, Wayne.’ I melted inside.

  ‘I think this place is our sacred site,’ I said, and squeezed her hand. I was going to tell her that I loved her, too, but my mouth was paralysed. Kerry’s lips were pressed against mine and their softness and the sweet taste of her breath pulled me into a trance that will hold me forever. Something clicked inside me with that kiss: I finally understood what all the fuss was about.

  When Den and Hendo came racing up the dune a few minutes later, Kez and I pretended that there was nothing going on but Den’s not an idiot. He started scuffling around on the sand between us like a hungry kelpie.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Kez asked.

  ‘Nothing.’

  He was pushing us around and feeling in my shirt pocket.

  ‘Get off! What are you looking for?’

  He pulled my ear to his mouth and whispered, ‘Used condoms.’

  ‘Piss off.’ I grabbed him and we rolled down the track together. We were both laughing but some of the fake punches weren’t so fake and the one that landed in my bruised gut made me wince and push him off. He pranced off down the track with Hendo. Bastard.

  •

  Barry was buried in his paper under the gaslight. Gracie had been to the showers and was fishing around in her bag for some clothes. I’d seen her naked body so many times during the day, on the beach and in the water, but she seemed more naked inside the tent. Hendo had taken off again with Den; his eyes would have popped out of his head if he had seen Gracie’s heavy boobs swaying in the gaslight.

  ‘Hey Kerry, what are we up to tomorrow? Going to the waterfall or floating the boat?’ Barry asked.

  We’d had the conversation over burgers but Den had wanted to go to the waterfall and Kerry had wanted to float the boat so nothing was resolved. Gracie emerged from the tent in a dress with Aboriginal designs printed on it. She was rubbing her nose with the palm of her hand.

  ‘If we’re going to get a thunderstorm, I think we should go to the waterfall. Ungh. I hope it’ll all be over by the morning,’ Gracie said.

  I scoffed to myself. The sky was a shower of bright stars. I saw that mob of stars that we call ‘The Pot’—don’t know its proper name but you know the one I mean. At home, on a really clear night, I can see three stars in the handle, three on the bottom and one little star that completes the pot shape. There are four bright stars around it that make a wonky frame. All up—eleven stars. Tonight, this night before the so-called thunderstorm from hell, I could barely make out the pot: one of the cosmic landscapers had tipped over a wheelbarrow full of glitter and every dark patch of sky had been sprinkled. Mate, it was awesome. I would have bet my entire one

  hundred and four thousand dollars on it being clear and hot when the sun came up the next day.

  Kez seemed distant now that we were back at the camp. I wanted to kiss her more than anything but she was cool—until Gracie asked us to roll down the brown canvas windows of the tent. We were in the dark and she grabbed me by the shirt. Planted a frantic kiss on my cheek and lips. Her breath and the heat of her body made me burn inside, want more. Feel more. She pulled away and dragged me further from the tent.

  ‘Mum, me and Wayne are going to the beach.’

  ‘Wayne and I . . .’ Gracie corrected.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Can I come?’ Gracie asked.

  Kerry’s shoulders dropped. ‘Yeah, sure,’ she chirped. I thought I would burst.

  When we reached the end of the beach and the wild rocks, Gracie suggested we go for a dip. I thought, yeah, I could, I’ve got my shorts on, and Kerry and Gracie were already naked and in the water. I took my shorts and jocks off, scanning the beach for people, then splashed in after them. The cold water didn’t work or maybe it was the fact that Kez kept diving under the water and running her silky hands over my skin till I felt like exploding. She’d thrash her feet and disappear in the dark water only to resurface at a safe distance from me. Gracie just sighed and floated. I’d never been so turned on in my whole life, then I bumped my leg against something rough and I squealed like a baby and crashed to the shore.

  ‘Shark! Something just bumped me . . . Arghhh!’

  Kez and Gracie came screaming out behind me. Kerry

  let out a crazy laugh. I guess it could have been weed. Could have been a lump of sponge or something. But in my mind, in that dark water, it could only have been a shark with teeth poking out everywhere. It took me a few minutes to get hold of my breath and forgive Kerry for laughing. Gracie pulled her dress over her wet body and said she was going back to camp. After she’d walked a few hundred metres she called back, ‘Don’t be too long or you’ll get drowned.’

  In the southwest, a storm flashed. I couldn’t see a cloud but the light show was wicked. I thought the storm would probably die out before it got to us. I found Kerry backed against a rock, drawing its warmth into her wet body. We cuddled forever, feeling our cool, wet bodies get hotter and drier with each breath. I held her face in my hands. When we kissed, the sky rumbled. Salty, soft lips. We tasted each other and a cosmic flashbulb burst on the horizon. Growl. Sexy, sweet surprises. I kissed my way down until I was on my knees. I prayed for the first
time in my life, gave thanks for the curvy bits and straight bits of bodies. Musk and sea. Waves of pleasure. Oh God. Flash! I saw her standing above me, head to one side, mouth slightly open and eyes tightly closed. Her fingers locked in my hair. Pulled me close. Shudder. Tight.

  The wind was picking up and she knelt at my feet with such soft fingers and warm breath. Flash! I saw her wet hair hanging on her shoulder. Against my thigh. A bark of thunder made us both jump. I didn’t know how much more I could ... tumbling wet bliss again and again. My body slumped against the rough rock and we kissed again, tasting ourselves and each other mixed in passion soup. More. I wanted it all.

  There was a flash along the beach and Kerry spoke loudly to be heard. The wind stole her words. Gracie was right.

  ‘There’s a torch, someone is coming.’

  We got dressed in a rude hurry and stumbled through the sand towards the trees.

  Flash! Crack.

  I shouted in fright and one of the people carrying the torch squealed. Kerry grabbed me, squeezed my hand hard. I dragged her along the beach. We ran. Then it rained. Big bucket-drops of sweet rain that soaked us to our pubes again in ten seconds. The wind just kept getting stronger, lashing in off the ocean, breaking branches and driving the rain so it hurt. Kerry was trying to hide. I was shitting bricks—I can admit that now—and dragging Kez along. Had to get back to camp.

  Flash, flash! The sky ripped open. The hair prickled on my neck and back, and I bent low as we ran.

  The tent was buckling and flapping like a torn sail. The roof of the eating area had been ripped from its pegs and lay bunched over the stove stand. Baz and Gracie were shouting instructions to each other. I could hear a little kid crying in the next camp and the howling gale sent the rain drumming against the roof of the car. Den and Hendo were inside. I ripped open the door and dived into the back seat pulling Kerry in with me.

  ‘Close the door, bonehead!’ Den shouted. The car rocked as it was buffeted by surges of wind. The windows of the car were fogged and I cleaned the one closest to me with the palm of my hand. No-one said a thing. Kerry held my hand. I held my breath.

  As quickly as it arrived, the storm disappeared, flashing and rumbling inland. Probably going to trash a few houses on the way through. Probably going to send a few lovers scurrying to the car. Den turned the interior light on and laughed.

  ‘Wha?’

  ‘Dickhead. You look like you fell overboard.’

  ‘Hope it didn’t spoil your root,’ Hendo grumbled, and

  Den thumped him in the arm.

  Kez popped the door and went out to find Barry and

  Gracie. I followed her.

  The power in the camping ground had failed. The only light of any value flashed on the horizon. I found Kerry’s hand. She led me inside the tent where her mum and dad were drying their naked bodies by fading torchlight. They had saved the tent and I think they were charged by the experience. I heard their camp bed rhythmically hitting the canvas wall later that night. I crept to Kerry’s bed and I think I woke her up. She kissed me and told me to go back to bed. I did what I was told.

  Kerry and I held hands in the car on the way to the falls. I got aroused by that. Den just wriggled in his seat. The sandy track was carpeted with green and yellowing leaves. Every so often Baz would stop the car and Den would jump out to pull a branch off the road. Baz drove over most of the little ones but a few were big enough to need Den and I both out and on the job. After a stop–start hour on the road we pulled up in a circular car park lined with ferns as big as trees. Behind the ferns towered smooth barked gums that stretched into the blue. Den packed ropes and Kerry packed lunch into a red backpack that I foolishly volunteered to carry. The track to the falls twisted and rambled up a decent hill and I had to stop to get my breath when it finally flattened out.

  ‘I can carry it if you like, Wayne,’ Gracie offered.

  ‘Nah, I’ll be okay. How far to go now?’

  ‘We’re nearly halfway,’ Barry said.

  I took the pack off and handed it to Gracie. Smiling, she pulled a plastic water bottle from one of the side pockets and handed it around.

  ‘Hang on, Mum,’ Den said, and fished into the pack. He pulled out a blue plastic bag with something like a loaf of bread inside. Yeah, I could go some more food ... or a rock. The bastard had made me carry a rock that he couldn’t lift with one hand all the way up that friggin’ hill. He smiled at me. I felt like dropping it on his head. As it was, it broke out of the flimsy bag and landed on his foot. Suck eggs.

  Along the ridge the landscape changed. The ferns had disappeared and in their place grew a spiky yellow-flowered bush. The trees weren’t nearly as tall as they were on the hillside and their bark was brown and scraggy like old carpet. I managed to walk behind Kerry most of the way, watching her bum through her thin shorts. She was walking and talking like nothing had happened between us. Baz walked in front and he held his hand up for us to stop. I walked into Kez and she grunted.

  ‘What is it?’

  Baz shushed me with a finger and pointed. Sauntering along the track was the scariest looking animal I’ve seen in the wild. An enormous black lizard flecked with gold. His toes—I guessed it was a boy, looked too brutal to be anything else—ended in shiny black claws that could rip a man apart. Every step looked like a huge effort.

  Kerry grabbed my hand.

  ‘Oh my God. Isn’t it beautiful?’ Gracie whispered. That’s not the word I would have used, maybe some thing like ‘savage’ or that handy word ‘awesome’ that describes anything that pounds the senses. Griz would probably have this monster as a pet—they say some pets look like their owners.

  It showed no sign of having seen us. It just kept getting closer. Den yelped and jumped on his dad’s back and the movement scared the lizard. It bolted into the scrub and straight up one of the scruffy-barked trees. It stopped just above head height, flattening its body and moulding itself to the curve of the trunk. Den got off Barry’s back and confidently picked his way to the tree.

  ‘What is it?’ Kez asked squeezing my hand. I squeezed back.

  ‘Der, it’s a lizard,’ Den said. At the sound of a voice so close, the monster puffed itself full of air and exhaled like a steam engine. Den toppled over and scrambled behind his dad. Barry smiled.

  ‘It’s all right. He won’t hurt you, as long as you don’t get too close. Lace monitor. Type of goanna. Big one, too.’

  Lace monitor. What a stupid name for a big lizard. Sounds like someone who cleans up at the end of sewing class. Should be called ‘Dragon’ at least. Yeah. ‘Grisly Dragon.’

  A ten-minute walk along the ridge took us to a spot where the track branched and Baz had us stop again and listen.

  ‘What? I can’t hear anything,’ Den complained.

  ‘Wind in the trees?’

  ‘Close . . .’

  ‘It’s water! We’re nearly there,’ Kerry said.

  Baz loped off down the narrow track that vanished behind a pile of motley lichen-covered rocks.

  ‘I thought you guys had been here before?’

  ‘Yeah. We have, but we always come in another way. A shorter way,’ Den said.

  ‘There’s a shorter way?’

  Kez nodded and pushed me along the track mumbling, ‘It’s my turn now.’

  I looked at the rocks and trees and even saw a few birds darting amongst the shrubs that surrounded the track but I only noticed a burning lump in my shorts.

  Kapunda Falls. They put the fire out. We picked our way through rocks until we came to a ledge about six metres wide and as flat as a road. The ledge looked hand-carved, like some ancient Dreamtime spirit had cut it with a gigantic brick saw. Some old one-handed Dreamtime spirit, my guess. Standing close to the edge, I felt like I was falling but from a few paces back I could see that the cliff face would look like a weathered skyscraper from across the valley. I could imagine the skeletons of windows and balconies way below me, all softened by the wind and rain. The river that fe
d the falls thundered down a gully and leapt out from the cliff face. Roaring and sparkling, it fell against the cliff sixty metres below then came together amongst the rocks to become a river again flashing through the ferns and out of sight. It was—am I allowed to say it? Awesome. Well, beautiful.

  We ate lunch on the edge. Den dangled his feet over. I sat with Kez and Gracie and shouted conversation about how magnificent the view was. Barry had picked his way up onto a boulder that overlooked the falls and us. When I’d finished my sandwich I crept up behind Den and grabbed him on the shoulders.

  ‘Saved you!’

  In reflex his hands shot out behind him sending half his cheese sandwich tumbling down the cliff face.

  ‘Fuck off,’ he spat, his eyes black. He got to his feet and pushed me hard. Too hard. ‘Sister rooter.’

  ‘Take it easy, Den.’

  ‘Arsehole.’

  He pushed me again and I fell onto my bum. He puffed up as though he was going to pound me and I could feel myself pulling back, glazing over, staring into nothingness. Waiting for him to hit me. From the corner of my eye I could see his cheeks pulled tight and teeth bared.

  He didn’t hit me. I wish he had. Would have been all over in a flash-of-where’s-your-grandmother and he wouldn’t stew over it. Instead, he picked up the pack of ropes and walked towards the falls, to a tree that had perched itself in the crevice between a couple of huge boulders. As thick as my waist at the ground, it towered over the rubble of prickly shrubs and rock. He took a short, thick rope from the pack and looped it around the base of the tree, feeding a metal clip through the loop on either end. I walked over.

  ‘I’ll get you back. Here, hold this crab,’ he shouted.

  He handed me a metal clip like the one on the tree rope. His eyes were still black and pinched.

  ‘Doesn’t look anything like a crab,’ I said.

  ‘Carabiner. Crab for short,’ he shouted, as he climbed into a web of blue seatbelt material. It pulled up tight around his bum and thighs to be a neat harness that made the front of his shorts bulge. He hoisted his balls from left to right until he was comfortable then asked for the crab. He untied a big coil of tartan rope and threw it over the edge while holding the end so tight his knuckles went white. I watched it flick and wriggle down to the next ledge, maybe thirty metres below. A warm breeze tumbled up the valley and prickled my face with mist from the falls so softly it felt like the kisses of angels I closed my eyes and lifted my arms. I was flying.