Texas on My Mind

by Delores Fossen

  “Me,” Ethan announced pointing to the picture.

  The next photo popped on the screen. Ethan, still a newborn, this time asleep in a bassinet. “Me,” Ethan said, and the me continued with each photo.

  Riley remembered Claire saying she took at least a photo a week of her son, and it was all here, scrolling for him to see. Ethan crawling. Ethan walking. Even Ethan playing with Crazy Dog at the ranch. Claire was in a few of the shots, Livvy, as well. There was even one of Riley in the background of the Crazy Dog picture. But there was definitely someone missing.

  Ethan’s father.

  Other than Riley, there wasn’t a man in any of the shots. Not even Daniel. Of course, Daniel had already said he wasn’t Ethan’s father, and Riley’s mind latched onto that now. Where was the man responsible for Ethan?

  And then Riley got a thought that turned his stomach far more than wolfing down the cookies had.

  Had the jerk abandoned Claire the way her own father had? That had to be it. No way would Claire want everyone to know she had a broken heart, but if Riley ever got his hands on the turd, he was going to have a word or two with him. Seriously, how could a man abandon a kid like Ethan and a woman like Claire?

  Except that was sort of what he was doing.

  But Riley’s situation was different. Ethan wasn’t his son. Claire wasn’t his lover. And he’d made a commitment to himself and the uniform.

  With those thoughts still stewing in his mind, Riley’s phone beeped, indicating he had a call, and he fished it from his pocket.

  Logan’s name popped up on the screen.

  Riley hadn’t had nearly enough coffee yet to deal with his big brother so he let it go to voice mail. That’s when he saw the other voice mails. Some from Anna and more from Logan. He’d missed those while in his tequila-induced stupor, but when Logan immediately called him back, Riley had a bad feeling. Had there been some kind of family emergency?

  “Are you okay?” Logan asked when he answered. “Della said you didn’t come home last night. She was worried about you.”

  All right, so no family emergency after all. Riley didn’t want to tell Logan that he was at Claire’s, though the news would probably reach the gossips before too long, depending on who the sitter was. The sitter would see Riley there and perhaps start blabbing. But Riley wasn’t interested in explaining to his big brother what had gone on the night before.

  “I was worried, too,” Logan added a moment later.

  There was something in Logan’s voice, something he wasn’t saying, but something that Riley heard loud and clear. “Lucky told you about what happened at the meeting at the base?”

  “No. I guessed something didn’t go your way. If it had, you would have cleared out by now.”

  True. Riley had left his packed duffel bag on the bed. “It’ll all work out,” Riley assured him. “I’ll make it work out.”

  Twenty-eighty was still a shot.

  Ethan must have gotten bored with the pictures of himself and saying “Me,” and went back to playing with his cars. Since Riley’s leg was now in the traffic pattern, Ethan used it as a hill.

  “By any chance have you heard from Lucky?” Logan asked.

  “No, not since last night. But he did mention something about registering for a rodeo in Lubbock that’s tomorrow and then he’d be going straight from there to the one in Abilene.”

  “Of course, he did.”

  There it was again, something in Logan’s voice, but Riley didn’t think this had to do with him. “Anything wrong?” Riley asked.

  “Yes. It’s the negotiation for some cutting horses I want to add to the program. Things aren’t going well. The owner is a retired military guy. Army, I think. And I thought maybe you could talk to him.”

  Sneaky for Logan to mention the Army part. He probably thought it would hook Riley’s attention. “I’ve got a lot of physical therapy—”

  “This wouldn’t take long. Maybe just a single phone conversation.”

  Yeah, or maybe sixteen conversations, some visits and formal mediation with lawyers. Riley huffed. Still, he needed to do something in between the physical therapy and this weight pressing down on his mind, and it was probably a safer alternative than lusting after Claire.

  Of course, he’d probably still lust after her, but this would give him something to distract him from the lust.

  “When do you want me to call him?” Riley asked.

  “Tomorrow if possible. I’ll email you the file with all the info. Thanks.” And Logan hung up.

  Riley didn’t have time to decide if he’d just made a mistake because there was a knock on the door, and a second later it opened. The sitter. One of the big-busted Starkley girls.

  “Riley,” she said, letting herself in. “Claire mentioned you’d be here. Sorry I missed you the night of your homecoming.”

  Well, Riley wasn’t sorry about that at all. He hadn’t been in much of a visiting mood that night. Still wasn’t. And he didn’t like that his time with Ethan was about to end.

  “Mind if I hang around a while longer and spend some time with Ethan?” Riley asked her.

  “Of course not.” She held up a thick book that prompted Ethan to say his version of “book” and then go running out of the living room. “I’ve got a chem test tomorrow and an art project due, and I need to study.”

  “Then, study away.”

  Riley got up, not easily, and with his coffee cup in his hand, he went in search of Ethan. He didn’t want the kid getting into those cookies, but Ethan wasn’t in the kitchen. He was in the room that Claire was using as a nursery, and the kid was pulling out a blue book from one of the boxes.

  “Book,” Ethan announced handing it to him. Maybe it was a homemade storybook that Claire had read to him.

  Except it wasn’t.

  According to the name inside, it was her mother’s journal. Riley didn’t mean to read the first page, but his attention went there anyway. Then to the next page.

  Ethan lost interest in the book, thank God. Even though he wasn’t anywhere close to being able to read, Riley didn’t want him near this piece of toxic shit. Too bad Livvy hadn’t been able to talk Claire into burning it or putting it in the trash.

  Riley sat back down on the floor, unable to stop himself from turning the page.

  Tomorrow, I’m getting rid of this kid.

  Mercy, it hurt to read that, and if Claire had read it, too, it must have crushed her. He went to the next page, then the next. When he was about ten pages in, something slipped out.

  Some kind of dried flower.

  And he could tell from the way the image was pressed into the page that it hadn’t been opened in a long time. That probably meant Claire hadn’t made it this far. Good. Livvy had said Claire was shaken up about it, so maybe she’d just quit reading.

  Riley, however, didn’t.

  Yeah, it was a violation of privacy, but Claire’s mother was long dead, and her privacy didn’t matter to Riley anyway. The only thing that mattered now was how this would affect Claire.

  He found a comment about the flower. It was just something she’d picked that reminded her of the prom corsage she’d always wanted. A prom she hadn’t been able to attend because she’d been pregnant with Claire.

  Her mom definitely wasn’t happy about that.

  Riley kept reading, wanting enough fodder to convince her to destroy this particular family heirloom.

  And he soon found it.

  Shit.

  Riley had to slam the journal shut. There was no way he was going to let Claire read that.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CLAIRE HATED THAT she was going to miss seeing Ethan before bedtime, but she was so late that there was no way he’d still be up. Or if he was, he’d be so grumpy that Claire would wish t
hat he was asleep. Still, she’d be able to sneak in a kiss or two before collapsing into her own bed.

  Most engagement shoots were fun, being with the happy couple and trying to capture that love and happiness in the photos. Not this one, though. Both sets of parents had been there. It had involved four different locations, including an abandoned drive-in movie theater where one set of the parents had met. Claire was sunburned and had a few fire-ant bites, and she knew without a doubt that she hadn’t captured much happiness in those shots.

  She definitely hadn’t made any fantasies come true today.

  Claire unlocked the front door and froze. No sitter. But Riley was still there. He was asleep on the floor, Ethan asleep next to him. There was a junkyard of cars and toys scattered all around them.

  What the heck had happened here?

  And where was Summer?

  There was a car parked in the back part of the driveway, and Claire had assumed it was Summer’s vehicle. Claire soon figured out what was going on when she saw the note on the table next to all the phone numbers she’d left.

  Riley said he’d stay with Ethan, so I cut out early to study. Riley paid me. Summer

  Claire didn’t groan, but that’s what she wanted to do. She wasn’t sure she had the energy to deal with Riley. But then his eyes opened, he lifted his head and he gave her a lazy, half-asleep smile that made her nether regions go warm.

  So maybe she did have the energy to deal with him after all. But that didn’t mean she should.

  She repeated that to herself.

  Riley stood, scooping up Ethan in his arms and tiptoeing—yes, tiptoeing because he was barefoot—to the nursery. He eased Ethan into his crib as if he’d done it a thousand times. After Claire kissed her son, whispered a good-night, Riley motioned for her to go back into the living room with him.

  “Why did you stay?” she asked, also in a whisper.

  He shrugged. “After I did my workout at home and showered, I decided to come back. Summer has a chemistry test and an art project due tomorrow.”

  All right, that was a good reason, she supposed, but then he dodged her gaze, and Claire knew something other than her nether regions were up to something funny.

  “Ethan brought me your mother’s journal.” Riley pointed to the blue book he’d put on the mantel.

  That was all he needed to say before it felt as if the world had dropped out beneath her feet. Riley was right there to take hold of her, and as gently as he’d handled Ethan, he had her sit on the sofa.

  “You read it?” she asked.

  “Some. How much did you read?”

  “Some,” Claire settled for saying. “But I want to read more. I want to know if it got any better for her.”

  “You don’t need to read more. There’s stuff in there that you don’t want to know, trust me.”

  “Stuff? What do you mean?” There were plenty of bad things on those pages, but Riley seemed to be referring to something specific.

  But he didn’t go the specific route. “Just crap stuff. You need to burn the damn thing and put this behind you.”

  She knew that. Knew now, too, that there was something worse than what she’d already read. God, something worse.

  The tears came. She cursed them, blinked them back, but they came anyway. “I can’t put it behind me. Maybe if I read it all, I’ll either be at peace or else be so fed up with all this old baggage that I’ll toss it once and for all.”

  Because the tears were already there, the razor-sharp emotions, too, Claire got up, snatched the journal from the mantel, and before he could stop her, she opened it to the page that she’d already read.

  Tomorrow, I’m getting rid of this kid.

  “Obviously, she changed her mind,” Claire said.

  “Yeah.” Riley didn’t look anywhere near tears, but the anger was there. He pulled her beside him, still treating her with kid gloves, and he turned the page. “If you’re going to do this, read with me here. Then I can hold you, kiss you, sleep with you or whatever hell else it takes to help you get through it.”

  Whatever was in there must be pretty bad for him to offer to sleep with her. Did that stop her? No. Neither did her tear-filled eyes. Claire read the page he’d opened.

  Didn’t go to the clinic after all. Call me chickenshit, but I guess I’ll carry this kid after all. Mom says she’ll help, of course, but she’s bat-shit on a good day. Besides, I know she doesn’t want to get stuck with another kid either.

  Riley stabbed the last sentence with his index finger. “That’s not true. Your grandmother loved you.”

  “I know.” Still, it made her breath so thin for her mother to say something so horrible. Her grandmother had indeed loved her, and she’d loved Claire’s mother, too.

  Riley cursed. “I didn’t want you to see that. I didn’t want it in your head.”

  She looked at him, met his gaze. “Everything on these pages is already in my head, Riley. I don’t have to read it to imagine it or even something much worse. After all, I know how this ends. My mother left me.”

  Claire doubted she’d convinced him, but she went to the next entry. It was dated a week after the last one.

  The kids at school know I’m knocked up. It’s all over town. Bitches spread gossip. Mom says I should go back, that I can graduate in just three months, but in three months I’ll be as big as a whale. Once this kid is out of me, I’m out of this shit town for good.

  “Sometimes I forget just how young she was,” Claire said.

  Too young. Claire had been twenty-nine when she was pregnant with Ethan, and she couldn’t have imagined doing that at eighteen. No wonder her mother had been so angry, and the anger was there all over the other pages.

  Especially the next one.

  A shit-hole of a day. I wish Mom and this kid was dead. I made a mistake keeping this brat.

  Dead. There it was. More of the little knives slicing away at her. Her mother was obviously on an emotional roller coaster, and now Claire was, too, because she was reliving this.

  “I didn’t want you to see that,” Riley said, his voice strained.

  She hadn’t wanted to see it, either, but she couldn’t stop herself from continuing, either. With Riley right next to her, Claire kept reading, and she prayed that it would get better.

  Rocky isn’t coming back. I know that now, and even if he did, I would kick his sorry excuse for an ass. What kind of man just knocks up a girl and then runs out on her?

  Yes, what kind of man did that?

  “Do you feel that way about Ethan’s father?” Riley asked, but he waved it off just as quickly as it left his mouth.

  “No,” she answered. It wasn’t a lie, but judging from his expression, Riley didn’t believe her.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  She wasn’t sure exactly what the apology was for. Claire wasn’t sure of much at the moment except that she was going to have to take him up on that kissing and holding he’d offered.

  But he beat her to it.

  Riley hauled her to him, pulling her onto his lap, and he kissed her first.

  * * *

  RILEY WAS CERTAIN he’d lost his mind. With all the energy zinging between them, the last thing he should be doing was kissing Claire. But it was the only thing that made sense to him right now.

  Not much sense, though.

  But enough that it didn’t stop him.

  He’d already known how she tasted, but this was even better than the kisses outside Calhoun’s Pub. Maybe because there wasn’t sweat and beer running down his face, and they weren’t plastered against a splintery wall. They were on a soft couch, behind closed doors.

  And Ethan was asleep.

  This was as dangerous of a situation as going into enemy territory, but knowing that still didn’t stop
him. He deepened the kiss, dragging Claire closer and closer.

  “Your shoulder,” she mumbled.

  At least that’s what he thought she said, but his shoulder wasn’t the problem here. The problem was that in just a matter of seconds, the kiss had already gotten hotter than wildfire and was spreading just as fast. This certainly wasn’t the holding/kissing comfort session she’d likely been expecting. Nor was it what she needed.

  That stopped him.

  Riley pulled back. “We might need to rethink this.”

  “I’m tired of thinking.” And she went right back into the kiss.

  Obviously, that meant she was no longer considering Daniel’s proposal. This was the part where a smart man might have made sure she was telling the truth, or that it wasn’t just the lust or hurt talking, but apparently he was no longer a smart man.

  Riley kept kissing her, and he added some more trouble to this brew by slipping his hand beneath her top. His fingers brushed across bare skin, and that was all it took for his body to go into serious overdrive.

  Man, he wanted her.

  And since wanting her would almost certainly involve getting naked, he scooped her up and headed to her bedroom. There was a baby monitor in there. He’d already spotted it earlier, and this way if Ethan woke up, they’d hear him. Yes, it was a miracle that he could consider such a thing at a time like this, but Riley was used to considering many factors when it came to a mission.

  And what a mission it was.

  He closed the bedroom door behind them and placed Claire on her bed; the feather mattress swelled around her, giving way to her weight when her body landed against it. Her top slid up a little, exposing the part of her he’d just touched.

  So, Riley touched some more.

  With his mouth this time.

  It was a much better experience, not just for him but apparently for Claire, too, because she lifted her hips and made that hot little sound of pleasure.

  Riley figured the grunt he made wasn’t nearly as sweet sounding, but he didn’t make it for long. He kept kissing her, sliding up the top to reveal more and more that he kissed, too. Soon though, that wasn’t enough, and he pulled the top off her and went after her bra.