Chase This Light

by Francis Gideon

  “What’s that?” Jason asked. “I thought I said you didn’t have to bring anything.”

  “I know. But it seemed like brownies would be a good idea.”

  “Yeah!” Micah cried out. He scrambled over to the kitchen and tried to jump up so he could see the brownies on the counter. Jason left the burned pan in the sink and picked up Micah so he’d stop being a “bag of jumping beans.” He and Micah both stared down at the brownies, faces etched with relief.

  “You’re a wonder. Thank you so much.” Jason stepped forward and pressed a kiss against Pete’s cheek.

  “Not at all. Do you need help with anything else?”

  “No, thankfully. It’s only cakes I burn because I forget to set timers. Our chili is good and ready to go. Vegetarian, of course. See for yourself.”

  Pete wandered over to the stove where the smell of burnt vanilla was now replaced by spices, tomatoes, and the savory richness of vegetarian chili. Pete gave the pot a tentative stir while Jason set the table with Micah. Red and white kidney beans replaced the standard ground beef in most chili, and it seemed like Jason had added a couple more types of vegetables to the mix. Pete spotted corn in amongst the red and green peppers, onions, and garlic. There was a loaf of french bread on the counter as well, cut up and ready to be served in a basket lined with napkins. Pete let out an impressed sigh. Everything looked and smelled great.

  “What do you think?” Jason said, slinking his arms around Pete. “I do well? For half of the dinner, anyway?”

  “Oh yeah. And the other half I have covered, so….”

  “I think we’re a good match.” Jason turned to kiss him on the lips, hard and fierce. Pete wanted to melt into the floor and allow Jason to devour him. Instead, before Micah cried out again, they all took their places at the table, ready for the meal.

  The sun had set over an hour ago, leaving it dark outside. For once, though, Micah didn’t seem afraid. Over the next two hours, they all ate their meal and made pleasant conversation. Micah interjected with a dozen stories about his day care at Miss Betsy’s, where apparently one of the girls from the scavenger hunts also went, and Pete listened to every last detail. He asked as many questions as he could, which seemed to impress Jason. Micah was an extremely verbal kid, though sometimes he butchered the pronunciation of certain words. As soon as Pete became used to the way he stressed certain vowels, understanding him was a breeze and Pete wanted to be sure Micah’s stories got as much attention as they deserved. By the time it came to have the brownies, Micah seemed so exhausted he was drooping at his seat.

  “Poor guy,” Jason said. He rose to take away the plate his brownie was on. Only a few crumbs remained. “Talking for hours will zap anyone’s energy. I know how he feels on presentation days.”

  “So what’s the next plan?” Pete asked. “Help clear away dishes and then…?”

  “Well, I have a telescope in the garage that I bought. And the other stuff is a surprise.”

  Pete beamed. “Sounds good. How about I clean the kitchen and you get that one in pajamas and a large blanket so we can all go outside and look.”

  “Outside?” Micah asked. His curls bounced as he rose to attention again. His voice was hitched with excitement as much as it seemed to be with fear.

  “Yes, outside. But it’s not scary, I promise. Daddy has a surprise for you.”

  Jason cleaned off Micah’s hands and face before lifting him out of his booster chair. Micah clung to Jason’s side, though this task seemed to be getting harder with each passing day. Jason rounded the table to give Pete another quick kiss on his cheek before disappearing upstairs. Pete managed to wipe down the counter, repackage the leftovers, and scrub most of the dishes by the time they returned. Micah was over Jason’s shoulder in blue SpongeBob pajamas. His dark curls seemed to go everywhere and his thumb hung out of his mouth. He squirmed when he realized they were headed outside, but Jason grabbed a flashlight from the kitchen drawer. He flicked it on and gave it to Micah, who held it as if it was a stuffed animal.

  “Okay, little man. Can I give you to Pete? Who did a great job cleaning our kitchen, by the way.” Jason gave an impressed stare. “Thank you.”

  “The only thing I didn’t get to was the cake pan,” Pete said. “But that seemed like a lost cause.”

  Jason rolled his eyes. “You ready, Micah?”

  “Yes!” Micah held out his arms as Pete took Micah into his. It wasn’t the first time he’d held Micah, but it was the first time Micah had clung to him in the same way he clung to his dad. A warm feeling spread through Pete. Micah liked him. Micah felt safe with him. As long as he had a flashlight for the dark, the kid was invincible.

  Jason lingered in the kitchen, watching the scene unfold between Pete and Micah. He seemed to realize the same thing that Pete did and smiled.

  “You two are my favorite people right now,” Jason said. “Grab a blanket from the couch and I’ll meet you outside.”

  Pete wanted to kiss Jason again. Harder and stronger than before—but he supposed, with how tired Micah already was, that time would come soon enough.

  There were lawn chairs waiting for them outside. Some snow crunched under Pete’s shoes, but nothing too heavy. It was a balmy night considering it was the first few days of November; the temperature hovered around the freezing mark. Pete sat on a lawn chair and Micah sat in his lap, wrapped up in the SpongeBob blanket and a hat. Micah held the flashlight out, illuminating the fence as his father pushed through it.

  Jason emerged with a large telescope with a tripod under his arm. Though out of the box, the piece was brand new, still shiny, and definitely expensive. Pete let out a low breath at the quality, more impressed than he realized he’d be. Back on the reserve, there had been one pair of binoculars that everyone passed between them. They were used more for staring into people’s houses than they were for staring at the sky (though that was what Pete and Adam had used them for). He realized now how much he would have killed for something like this when he was a kid.

  Micah squirmed. “What is it, Daddy?”

  “A telescope. Do you know what that means?”

  “Like a telephone?”

  “Kind of, that’s good. Tele comes from another word that means distant. When you put the word tele in front of something, it means you’re closing the distance in some way. When you call someone on a telephone, you’re connecting your voices. When you look through a telescope, you’re connecting with the sky. You’re chasing the stars, in a way.” Jason smiled as reached into his jeans pocket to pull out an envelope. “This is something very special for you, Micah. Will you let Pete open it with you?”

  “Yes!” Micah squirmed and held out his hands. Pete made sure to hold Micah’s waist so he didn’t bounce off his lap. The two of them worked open the envelope while Jason watched, a permanent smile plastered to his face. When Micah got to the letter, his face twisted as he tried to read the words.

  “What is this?”

  “Dear Micah Chariandry-Flores. This is to inform you the star listed on,” Pete said, listing off the coordinates, “now belongs to you. Congratulations! Use these coordinates so you can see it at night. Let us know as soon as you can what you’d like to name your star, and we will return a certificate with the name.” Pete squeezed Micah’s sides. “Doesn’t that sound great, Micah?”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “You have a star in the sky,” Jason said. “Now, whenever you look up at night you can see it. We’re going to use this telescope so you can see it up close. What do you say?”

  “I don’t know….”

  “Do you know what’s cool about the stars?” Pete said.

  Micah shook his head.

  “The stars are like giant night-lights. They’re always on and they don’t run out for a long, long time. When it gets really dark in the North, the stars will be out all the time. They stay in their places in the sky. They don’t move as the earth moves around them, so you can always find them. And this star wil
l always be there for you.”

  Micah nodded, still not quite grasping everything. Jason always told Micah everything, explaining every last nuance, even if he wouldn’t understand it, because he liked telling Micah things. Pete wanted to do the same and he fought the urge to simplify the language he’d just used. Instead, he waited—and Jason did too—until some of what they’d said sunk into Micah’s consciousness. He stared up at the sky, then back at the telescope.

  “Do you want to look?” Jason said.

  Micah nodded. With Pete’s help, he got off the lawn chair and went over to Jason. There were a lot of muttered statements of “I don’t see anything” before they finally caught the right angle for Micah to see through.

  Then he gasped. It was so simple and so sweet that Pete’s heart hurt. Micah’s mouth remained in a small O formation as he glanced through the telescope.

  “You see it?”

  “My star! I see my star!”

  “Yes! That’s all yours, Micah. Think of what you want to name it, so we can put it on the certificate. Then you can frame it or keep it with you. That’s your night-light in the sky.”

  “Night-light, night-light!”

  Pete wasn’t sure if that was a cry of joy or the name of the star. Jason didn’t seem sure either, so he merely tickled Micah. In a matter of moments, everyone had turned into a fit of giggles. Micah yawned after catching his breath and Jason checked his watch.

  “Whoa, now. It’s super late. I think it’s time for someone’s bed.” When Micah whined, Jason cut in again. “I want to take the telescope to your room so we can find your star there. Will you get ready for bed with me while Pete takes the telescope?”

  “Yeah!” Micah said. “But I want Pete to get me ready for bed.”

  Jason raised a brow to Pete. “It’s your call. Whatever you want to do.”

  Pete hadn’t gotten a kid ready for bed since his siblings. He knew what an honor that was to be asked. When a kid like Micah wanted someone like Pete to help brush his teeth, Pete knew he couldn’t say no.

  “Sure, I can help get you ready for bed,” Pete said, “but you have to let me look at your star before I do.”

  “Okay!” Micah walked over to Pete, grabbed his hand, and dragged him to the telescope. They had to readjust it for Pete’s height, but after a couple rounds of reworking from Jason, it was just right.

  “You see it?” Micah asked.

  “Yeah, I do.” The bright white orb seemed like any other in the sky, but it wasn’t. It was Micah’s. It was the present Pete had suggested and Jason actually listened to. Maybe the star would make it so Micah wasn’t afraid at night. Pete’s heart swelled knowing that he had some small part in that. “I see the star and it’s perfect, little man.”

  “Thank you,” Micah said.

  Jason’s hand dropped down on Pete’s shoulder, squeezing it once. “Yeah, thank you.”

  PETE GOT Micah ready for bed in record time. Since Micah was already in his PJs, all Pete really had to do was make sure he brushed his teeth (which, surprisingly, Micah seemed to love doing), and then make sure he went to the bathroom before bed. Some help was needed to wash his hands properly, but other than that, everything was easy. Micah took Pete’s hand and led him to his bedroom and started to show Pete all his toys, books, and his brand-new spaceship night-light by the time Jason arrived.

  “All right, Micah.” Jason set up the telescope by Micah’s window. “It’s past your bedtime, but we get an extra hour tonight, so it’s not too bad. You can look at your star once, then right into bed.”

  “No story? Pete’s not going to tell me one?”

  Again, Pete’s heart warmed. He shot a look to Jason to see if it was okay to say yes, because Pete really, really wanted to.

  “Okay, fine. But a short story.” Jason sighed as if this was a forlorn choice, but Pete saw the glimpses of a smile on his mouth.

  “Don’t worry, I know a good one.”

  Micah looked out the telescope with his dad’s help and found the star rather quickly. Jason tucked him into bed next, though he lingered and wanted extra kisses and assurances from Micah that he’d behave with Pete. As Jason walked by Pete, he touched the small of his back and whispered, “If you need help, I’ll be downstairs. Don’t be too long.”

  Pete shuddered at Jason’s touch but pushed the thought away. Pete found a stool by Micah’s toy chest and brought it to Micah’s bedside. Micah’s eyes were already closed, but he talked animatedly as if shutting his eyes was all he needed to do for sleep to come.

  “Okay,” Pete said. “I’m going to tell you a story my grandmother used to tell me before I went to bed. But you have to promise not to interrupt and keep your eyes closed.”

  “But… what if it’s scary?”

  “None of my stories are scary.”

  Micah peeked out from behind one of his eyelids and nodded.

  Pete cleared his throat. “A long time ago, there was a white bird, and the bird’s name was hope….”

  Chapter Nine

  JASON KNEW he shouldn’t, but he lingered by the foot of the stairs. He trusted Pete so much—more than he thought possible—but he was still curious about what their conversation contained. Did Micah say things to Pete he’d never tell to his dad? What about Pete—what would he say to Micah about him? A million questions swarmed in Jason’s mind, ultimately fixating on whether Micah liked Pete as much as Jason did. I hope he does. He has to. He let him get ready. If Micah didn’t like the person he dated, it was over. Plain and simple. But Jason didn’t think they had to worry about ultimatums yet, especially given the way Micah clung to Pete and devoured his brownie. At this rate, Pete was turning out to be the cool dad.

  But all Jason heard from upstairs were snippets of a beautiful story about a white bird and the light from the dawn. It made his heart seize up and wonder where on earth Pete had put together something so beautiful. As the story reached its ending, Jason remembered the bird he’d seen with Micah when they first moved in. Was that a sign, maybe, of hope to come?

  Jason certainly wanted to believe it. He hurried back over to the couch, where he had put out a couple cups of coffee for the both of them, and tried to act as if he wasn’t eavesdropping. When Pete came down the stairs, he shot him a nervous smile.

  “Everything go well?”

  “Oh yeah. Micah’s great. One of the most well-behaved kids I’ve seen.”

  “Even with all the fear of dark pomp and circumstance?”

  “Hey, that’s not a big deal. It happens.”

  “He’s a bit old for it, though,” Jason said.

  “Says who?”

  Jason laughed as he mumbled, “Um, mommy blogs.”

  “Mommy blogs? Really?”

  “Alison read them. I figured I may as well follow in her footsteps.”

  “Well, that makes sense. But those blogs aren’t written by people in the North who have to deal with the dark like us. And in my experience, kids always have a thing that worries them no matter what. From the dark to spiders to masked characters, sometimes kids are just afraid about something. His fear isn’t debilitating, and he’s still a very sweet and respectful kid in spite of it. Reminds me a lot of his dad, actually.”

  “Well, thank you,” Jason said, beaming under the praise. “I’m sure he’s learning a lot from you too. That story you told… I know I shouldn’t have listened, but it was really sweet. I didn’t hear all of it, but what I did was good.”

  “Thank you. It’s an old one.”

  “From your tribe?”

  “Sort of. It’s from my father mostly, but it’s a story he learned from his grandmother. So it’s from my tribe, but also my family, which becomes its own tribe. You know? Families are formed in all sorts of ways and they are big enough and strong enough to be considered something like a tribe. At least to me.”

  “Now that I can agree with. Do you want some coffee? I have it all set out, but I wasn’t sure how you took it.”

  Pete nodded
and took a seat along with Jason. Either Pete took coffee black or he didn’t want to leave the couch to get milk or sugar once he’d sat down. After a few sips, the space between their bodies disappeared. Their knees and shoulders brushed, and when they set down their mugs, their lips met in a short, chaste kiss. Pete pulled away to eye Jason’s expression, as if to ask for permission to continue.

  Jason licked his lips and nodded. His hands trembled with nerves as he gripped Pete’s knee, but he wanted to continue, even if Micah was upstairs. The thought of Micah waking up from a nightmare and coming down to see them ran through Jason’s mind a dozen times over before he finally let it go as Pete touched him again. Their lips crashed together, passion mixing with tenderness, as their breath became choppy. Pete parted Jason’s lips with his tongue, and Jason sunk into the action, allowing Pete to direct him wherever he wanted him. The kiss turned to making out as they both groped the other’s shoulders, thighs, and backs. When Jason slowed their kiss, it was only so he could stretch out this moment and make it take up the extra hour they had tonight. He’d been fantasizing and dreaming about being with Pete so much, he didn’t want it to end so soon. And after seeing Pete do so well with Micah, he wanted nothing more than to keep Pete with him for as long as possible.

  Pete brushed his hands along Jason’s collar. He undid a couple buttons from around Jason’s throat and kissed along Jason’s jaw until he reached the more sensitive spots around his neck and ear. He continued to kiss Jason so slowly, sucking the skin and exploring with his tongue, that Jason almost didn’t realize that Pete had also been undoing—and untucking—his shirt. Jason moaned when Pete cupped his growing erection. He bit his lip to cover the sounds.

  “Is this okay?” Pete asked. He removed his hand from Jason’s crotch and put it back on his thigh. “I can go slower.”

  “No, no, this is great.” Jason’s cock was hard. Achingly so. He and Pete had been waiting so long to do this. No moment would ever seem perfect, but Jason was more than happy to forgo perfection to feel Pete’s lips on his body again.