by Nikki Ash
He lets out a loud sigh. “I don’t know if I can...” He nods toward me.
“Don’t know if you can what?” I ask, confused. “You said you wanted to see where things go. Did you change your mind?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I do...I just don’t know if I can reciprocate.” He flinches.
“I didn’t expect you to. This wasn’t a tit for tat sort of thing. I know this is all new to you and you’re still trying to figure out how you feel. Hell, it’s new to me. The only difference is I’ve had a few years to think about how I feel.”
“I’ve thought about it too,” he admits. “I just...everything I learned when we were with Delilah was from you.”
“Cole.” I frame his face with my hands. “You’re my best friend. This isn’t about who’s better. It’s about being with each other. We’re both new to all of this, so I’m hoping we can learn together.”
I’m shocked when Cole doesn’t simply agree but instead leans in and kisses me. Our lips move against each other as we suck on each other’s tongues, and then Cole is backing me up against the stove and pulling my boxers down. He breaks our kiss as he drops to the ground in front of me. I’m about to tell him he doesn’t have to do this, but then I feel his hot, wet mouth wrap around my dick, and I’m a fucking goner. Delilah gave me head a few times, but this...this is like nothing I’ve ever felt. Whereas Delilah was gentle, Cole’s mouth is rough. I look down and the sight of Cole’s lips wrapped around my cock has me losing it. My fingers go to his hair, and I grip the strands as I start to thrust. I quickly stop when I realize what I’m doing, but then Cole glances up at me, his mouth no longer on my dick, and says, “Go ahead. Fuck my mouth.” His lips go back around the head of my cock, and his eyes stay trained on mine as he takes me all the way back in. And he sure as fuck doesn’t have to tell me twice. My hips start to buck as my cock fucks his mouth. I can feel the saliva from him dripping down my dick and balls, and I know I’m never going to last.
Slurp. Slurp. Slurp. Slurp.
The sound alone has me losing my resolve, and before I can even warn Cole, I’m coming. He doesn’t stop sucking until I’m completely soft, and when he backs up, I can see the drool dripping down his chin. Fuck! It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Pulling him up, my mouth crashes against his. I can taste myself on his tongue. Salty, the same way he tastes. We kiss for a few minutes before we break apart.
“If that’s you not knowing what you’re doing, I can’t wait to see what you do when you’re an expert.” I chuckle, and Cole laughs.
“You’re lucky there’s no pool near us or you’d be in it.”
“I’m pretty sure you’ve been in the water more times than I’ve been.” I wink and, pulling my boxers back up, grab a water from the fridge and head into the living room.
“Want to watch something?” I ask Cole.
“Sure.” He sits down next to me on the couch. We spend the next couple hours switching from a baseball game that’s on and some police show, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve gone from feeling alone to feeling like my heart is completely fucking full. I hate that Delilah isn’t here to see this, but I believe she’s watching over us and smiling brightly over her two best friends finally finding their way back to each other.
chapter forty-six
Cole
“Xander,” I say with a groan. “We should stop. Joanne is going to be here soon.” Xander ignores my words, which if I’m honest aren’t all that convincing, and continues to suck on my neck, his hand fisting my cock as he jacks me off on the couch. We were supposed to meet Joanne at the condo when we returned from our trip, but instead we ended up spending the last four days locked in the hotel room together. When Zoey is awake, we’re at her beck and call, but when she’s asleep, I swear Xander and I go at it like we’re two horny teenagers. With Joanne missing her granddaughter, she offered to meet us here for lunch before we head over to the condo together to get it situated.
“Shut up,” Xander murmurs against my neck as his lips move downward over my collarbone. “I can feel it, you’re close.” His lips wrap around my nipple, and he bites down hard. My cock jerks, and I come all over his hand. “See, told you, you were close.” He lifts up and gives me a chaste kiss before he goes to the bathroom to clean up. I follow behind him, stopping at my own bathroom to clean myself off and get dressed. Just as we’re both walking out of our rooms, fully clothed, there’s a knock on the door.
Xander grabs Zoey while I answer the door. I don’t even have it pulled open all the way when Joanne pulls me into her arms and hugs me tightly. It reminds me of the hugs my mom used to give me whenever I would visit my grandma for the weekend and return.
“It’s so good to have you back,” she murmurs into my ear, still hugging me.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell her, then pull back so I can look her in the eyes. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted, for the way I treated you, and for neglecting my daughter.”
“Thank you,” she says. “But your daughter wasn’t neglected. I was here and then Xander was, and you got through it.”
“I miss her so much,” I admit, tears stinging my eyes. “I just keep thinking if I would’ve come home earlier, or if I hadn’t left to take Zoey to the doctor.”
“No, don’t you dare do that to yourself. Do you hear me?” Her tiny hands frame my face as she looks up at me. “You loved my daughter until the day she died. You gave her a great life. Her body just couldn’t handle it anymore. It wasn’t your fault. Say it.”
“Joanne...”
“No, I want you to say the words.”
“It...wasn’t my fault.” My words come out choked as my chest heaves with silent sobs.
“Every time you even think about blaming yourself, you say those words, Cole. Promise me.”
“Yeah, okay.” I wipe the tears from my eyes and let her in the door. She immediately spots Xander and Zoey and runs over to them. She takes Zoey from Xander and hugs her tight, raining kisses all over her granddaughter.
“Oh, sweetheart, I missed you so much,” she coos, rocking her gently. “I swear you’ve grown six inches since I last saw you.”
“She has her four month checkup next week, so we’ll let you know how many inches she actually grew,” I say with a laugh.
After we have lunch downstairs in the hotel restaurant, Joanne follows us in her vehicle over to the condo. When we get inside, I see everything is gone from the apartment except for Delilah’s stuff. Even Zoey’s nursery furniture is gone.
“I had the mover’s pack up everything that’s yours and Zoey’s and bring it to my place. Your furniture is in my garage, so we can go through it all later and decide what we want to use or get rid of. I also have an interior decorator recreating an exact replica of Zoey’s nursery at my place.” Damn it, this man.
“Thank you.” I lean in about to kiss him when I remember we aren’t alone. Xander must notice my hesitation because he gives me a confused look but doesn’t say anything.
“You’re welcome. All that’s left to do is to go through Delilah’s stuff. Whatever you want to give away, they will be by tomorrow to pick it all up, and everything we’re taking, we can load up in my trunk.”
“Where’s my car?” I ask, realizing I didn’t see it outside in my parking spot.
“I had it delivered to Houston.”
“Thank you.”
I enter the master bedroom, and I’m immediately hit with the overwhelming scent of Delilah. I force myself to choke back a sob as I walk farther inside the room, looking around and seeing everything is the same way she left it before she died. Her cell phone and iPad are still sitting on her nightstand reminding me of every time she falls asleep while reading, and I have to remove the device from her hands to charge it. Her robe is laid out across her bed, where she always leaves it after she changes from her shower—then complains when the bed is damp. I walk into the bathroom and find her toothbrush in the shower, where she insists on leaving it. She swears it’s easier and
cleaner to just brush her teeth while showering. As I think about all of Delilah’s adorable quirks, I realize I’m referring to them in the present tense, like she’s going to do any of this again. Delilah is gone, which means everything she does is now in the past. She will never read her iPad again or leave her robe laying out. She’ll never brush her teeth or hug her daughter.
Suddenly overcome with more grief than I can handle at the moment, I feel myself dropping to the ground in the middle of her room, only I don’t hit the floor because Xander is there next to me, catching me. We both drop to the floor, and he holds me as I cry for Delilah. For the mother she’ll never get to be, the marriage she’ll never have, the life she’s done living. I don’t even know how long I cry for, but when my body aches and my heart feels like it can’t take the abuse any longer, Xander lifts my chin and kisses me. It’s not rough like his kisses usually are. This one is gentle, reminding me of how it was with Delilah, and in this moment I’m one hundred percent certain I’m in love with my best friend.
“I love you,” I tell him, not able to hold the words back because fuck if life is too damn short as it is.
“I love you too, Cole.”
We sit like this for a few more minutes, and once I’ve calmed down enough to speak again, I say, “I don’t know what to keep or get rid of. I don’t even know where to start.”
“We’ll do it together. I called Mallory, and she’s agreed to come and watch Zoey for a few hours, so Joanne can help. We’ll take it one drawer at a time and figure it out.”
And that’s exactly what we do. The three of us go through each of her drawers, separating the items we each would like to keep—whether for us or for Zoey—then we move on to her closet. We agree to donate all of her clothes, shoes, and purses to charity. As I’m grabbing a couple boxes down from the top shelf, several envelopes float to the ground. I set the boxes down and pick up the envelopes. In her handwriting are Xander’s and my name scrawled across the front of them.
“Those were the letters,” Joanne says. “The ones she wrote every time she went through chemo.”
“She kept them.” I count them. Two for me and two for Xander. I don’t bother to acknowledge that I know Joanne has my third letter. I know when the time is right, she’ll give it to me.
“I feel like we shouldn’t open these,” I say. “She beat the cancer each time which is why we never received them.” I hand Xander his two.
“I agree,” he says, “but let’s not throw them out yet. I don’t want you to change your mind and not have them.” He takes mine from me and hands them all to Joanne. “Can you hold onto these, please?”
“Absolutely.”
We finish going through everything, and by the time we’re done it’s late into the evening and everyone is exhausted. Xander offers a room in our hotel suite to Joanne, but she insists on driving home tonight. After we thank Mallory for watching Zoey, we say goodbye to Joanne with the promise of visiting soon. With us moving to Houston, we’ll only be about a two and a half hour drive away.
We get back to the hotel room and Xander orders room service for dinner while I give Zoey her bath and bottle. Sometimes when I look at her, the ache in my chest feels almost unbearable. I hate that she’ll never get to experience the brightness that was Delilah, but that just means I’m going to have to do everything in my power to ensure she knows all about her. Once she’s asleep in her crib and Xander and I have eaten dinner, I’m ready for bed. The day was just so fucking mentally draining.
“Do you think it’d be okay if we slept in your room tonight?” I ask Xander, and he grins, telling me he’s all for it.
“Yeah, that would definitely be okay.”
We shower, get dressed, and finally lay down in bed when we hear Zoey cry. We glance over at each other and chuckle.
“I’ll get her,” Xander insists, getting back up.
“Bring her in here,” I call out, and I vaguely hear him agree before my eyes close and I pass the hell out.
chapter forty-seven
Xander
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” I call out to Cole for the third time, who is in the living room with Zoey. We’ve spent the last few weeks together, getting all their stuff moved in and situated. I signed my player extension contract, which makes me extremely happy to know I’ll be with Houston another few years at least—plus there’s the increase in pay which is definitely an added bonus. I missed the charity function Ciara wanted to me attend because we were too busy dealing with everything else—and if I’m honest, I didn’t want to be away from Cole—but when I explained to her about him and Zoey moving in, she understood. Of course that also meant I would have to attend another function that I originally wasn’t planning to attend.
Zoey had her four-month-old doctor appointment last week. The shots sucked, but she’s healthy and perfect. We’ve found a nanny, who will be coming to work for us, although we haven’t figured out the hours yet. The truth is Cole and I enjoy our privacy, and we enjoy taking care of Zoey ourselves. We’ve gotten used to being in our own little bubble, but we know it can’t stay like that forever. The nanny’s name is Kacey, and once we hired her, she was required to sign an NDA. We told her we would be in touch with her hours once we’ve figured it out.
Tonight is the charity gala I’ve agreed to attend in place of the one I missed. Several players from my team attend it every year along with dozens of other players from different teams, as well as a variety of models and celebrities. I’ve asked Cole to join me, and while he won’t come out and say it, I know he’s not ready for anybody to know about us yet, which is why he keeps saying he’d rather stay home with Zoey.
“I’m sure,” he yells back for the third time. I finish tying my tie and walk out to the living room. He’s sitting on the floor with Zoey, who is shifting her body from side to side. “She’s going to roll over,” he says with a grin as she pushes up on her arm, but after only rolling halfway, falls back onto her belly, babbling like crazy.
“Come here, sweet girl.” I pick her up and lift her into the air, making her babble some more. I give her a kiss on her cheek and then her nose, before I hand her back to Cole.
“It’s not too—”
“Xander,” Cole says, cutting me off. “Go, donate some money and see your teammates. I’m going to spend the evening applying to the schools in the area. There are tons of high schools, and school is starting back up in the next month. I’ll be here when you get home.”
“Alright.” I kneel down and give him—what I planned to be—a quick kiss, however, it quickly turns into more, both of us groaning as I pull away, knowing I don’t have the time to finish what we’re about to start. “I won’t be too late.”
“Bye!”
I step outside my condominium complex and into the awaiting limo to take me to the charity function. It’s about a thirty minute drive, so I use the time to go through my emails and confirm any upcoming appointments. When I’m done, I check my various social media accounts. Ever since Cole told me about that fan site, I find myself wondering how often I’m really photographed and have no clue.
I’m not sure how long we’re driving for, but when we stop, I assume we’re at the gala, only before I can get out, Larissa Cofield steps in. She’s a country singer who resides here in Houston when she’s not in LA recording an album or on tour. Ciara hooked us up a couple years back for a function after Larissa’s boyfriend cheated on her and she needed a date to a function. We’ve become close friends and often times attend functions together when we’re both in the area. She’s also the only other person aside from Ciara that knows how I feel about Cole. One drunken night and my turning her down led to her thinking there’s something wrong with her, so I ended up telling her my secret to make her feel better.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” I say as I move over so she can sit down.
“It was last minute. I hope you don’t mind. Ciara said it wouldn’t be a problem.”
&n
bsp; “Of course not.” I give her a kiss on her cheek. “It’s been awhile.”
“I know! I’m actually seeing someone, but he’s out of town and I didn’t want to go alone.”
“Good for you, and you know I got your back.” I shoot her a playful wink, and she grins.
“I saw your picture the other day,” she mentions, giving me a side-eye.
“Oh yeah?” I try to recall what I might’ve been doing in this photo. Cole and I have barely left the condo.
“Yeah, you were coming out of the doctor’s office with your friend and a baby.” She grins. “Caption wants to know whose baby it is and where the mom is.”
Oh shit! I pull my phone out and dial Ciara. “Hey, did you know someone took a picture of Cole and me coming out of Zoey’s doctor’s appointment?”
“Well, hello to you too. Yes, I put a call in to the magazine who bought the image and paid them to take it down. I was actually planning to speak to you about this tomorrow during our lunch.” Shit! I completely forgot we have a lunch scheduled to go over everything.
“Alright, thanks.”
“Xander, you’re going to have to decide what you want to tell the media. You are living with another man who has a baby. We can spin it any way you want, but if you say you’re only friends and you’re seen out acting like more than friends, you’re going to get chewed up and spit out alive.”
“I know. I’ll talk to Cole when I get home.”
“Okay, we’ll discuss this further tomorrow. Have fun at the charity gala tonight.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I hang up with Ciara and look over at Larissa whose grin is even wider than a minute ago.
“Are you finally together?” She bounces in her seat, excitedly. “C’mon! I need to know.”
“Yes, we are. But it was a shitty situation. Remember I told you about our best friend, Delilah? Well, she died. She had cancer for the third time and her body couldn’t handle it.”
“Oh no! I’m so sorry, and that poor baby. At least she has you and Cole.”
