One More Step

by Bonner Paddock

  “My wife and I want to help how we can,” Jabir said.

  Before leaving the Faraja School, I committed to helping them provide more therapy and medical care for their kids, as well as funds for once their charges left, whether it was to pursue secondary school or to learn a vocation.

  Then Jabir took me to the last stop of my mission in Tanzania, the Usa River School, where in many ways it had started. To my joy, I found Juliana had come there to learn dressmaking. It was incredible to know that this young girl, who had first approached me by ambling along on her knees, was now on the path to self-sufficiency and would likely serve as a shining star to others. One life helps another, then another—that was the idea.

  Afterward, I bid Jabir good-bye and flew to Zanzibar to decompress. Sitting on the beach, I thought of my time in Africa, why each trip left me with a better understanding of what was necessary and real in the world. Yes, the setting had an influence. The enormity of Kilimanjaro, the sight of elephants roaming the bush as they had for thousands of years, definitely put things into perspective. Most of all though, it was the people. Few were of any great means. Like Jabir or our guides on the mountain or the Masai warriors I met in Zanzibar (who wondered how many cattle I owned at home), most were simply trying to put food in their mouths and a roof over their heads, to care for and be with their families. It was life stripped of the things that I once thought would make me happy—the fancy car, the trendy clothes, the right friends, the big office, the lucrative career, the perfectly healthy body. Most of the Tanzanians I had met lived in the moment, the now, and they offered their community the best of what they had because, often, it meant the difference between survival or not for all of them.

  It was not utopia, of course. People starved, suffered, and died in ways they unlikely would have in the United States. Further, their bare existence left little room for the disabled, who many considered a burden to be at best pushed aside—at worst, purged. It was my mission in Tanzania to provide this room and counter the idea that children like Juliana did not have a positive mark to make on their community. This was my contribution, but it was returned many times over to me through the gift of understanding of what was essential and important in life.

  Only Jake had given me more. While in Tanzania, he was constantly with me. It was his story that truly gave impetus to my own. The Robert family, in their daily lives and annual run at the Orange County Marathon, kept his spirit alive as well. In 2014, my foundation joined with them to take on the mantle of Team Jake. Now we have volunteers sporting the team name who can raise funds by running a marathon, starting a lemonade stand, or even entering an amateur boxing ring for children with special needs. In 2016, the tenth anniversary of his passing, a huge crowd will gather to honor him at the Orange County Marathon again.

  Soon after returning from Africa, I visited the hillside cemetery, overlooking the Pacific Ocean, where Jake rested. It was a bright, perfectly sunny California afternoon as I made my way up to his burial site, thinking of how his brothers earlier that summer had included Jake on their roster for baseball as a pinch hitter, to be called on when needed.

  Dozens of marathon medals now hung from the branches of the willow tree over the gravestone, and someone had wrapped a wide bright multicolored ribbon around the tree’s trunk as well. Sitting on the stone bench beside it, I stared down at the portrait of Jake’s young face held within the stone, more grateful than ever at the journey of discovery his life had inspired in me.

  I narrowly came through summiting Kilimanjaro. In striving to earn the title of Kona Ironman, I discovered a fuel that burned so much brighter and purer than physical and emotional pain. By putting my faith in others, accepting my weaknesses, embracing my normal, and racing my race, I powered through a test of endurance and will that would have broken me before. And when this was still not enough, I focused on the reason I was there, a purpose greater than myself. When I had nothing left, my mission to help every child with disabilities push beyond their own limits drove me through to the finish.

  Looking out at the Pacific, the same ocean I’d learned to swim in, the same ocean I’d trained in, I was able to see clearly just how much he’d pushed me. None of this would have happened without Jake. He answered my call and from that I’d discovered a purpose I never thought possible. Walking back down the hill, I hoped my story, this one, would inspire the same kind of journey in others, so that ultimately they, too, would find the fight of their own lives.

  Afterword

  When I first met Bonner Paddock, he had just begun sharing his story with others, but in the years since, both Bonner and his story have grown by leaps and bounds. No longer the young man nervous to speak about his cerebral palsy, Bonner now embraces who he is. This book is a testament to how far he’s come since he began his journey.

  But there is another side to this story, one that is also important to share, because the impact of Bonner’s efforts—running a marathon, climbing a mountain, racing in the Kona Ironman, and launching a foundation—goes far beyond him. Those close to him, my family especially, have been forever changed as well. His effect on our family has long been a tough conversation, knowing that what first set Bonner on his path was the tragic death of our son Jake, but I know beyond any doubt that we are in a better, higher, more understanding place because of our friendship with Bonner.

  Ever since Bonner first began talking publicly about his story, I felt like our family was a part of it—even before we actually were. Ours was a friendship that formed without ever speaking a word. In many ways Bonner instantly became a safe place for many of my greatest fears. Once it was clear that our son Jake would struggle to take a step, hold his head up, or communicate to us in any way, I became paralyzed by the thoughts of all the things he would never do. Bonner, simply by standing up and saying he had cerebral palsy, changed the way I thought about my son and his own diagnosis. Jake did not change. He did not stand up and walk, talk, or care for himself after I met Bonner. His diagnosis remained the same. I don’t know why I needed a young man with CP to help me connect with my son, but I did. After meeting Bonner, I changed the way I thought about his CP, about what the future looked like in my head. My deepest fears subsided and my focus shifted from fear to one of celebration for the smallest things.

  In the painful aftermath of Jake’s death, Bonner offered our family something that all of us needed, but none of us knew how to ask for: a reason to keeping talking, to ourselves and to others, about the wonder that was Jake. Alison and I were told that if our boys continued to discuss Jake and keep his memory alive in the family, it would be a sign they were doing well after their loss. Talking about your brother who died is not “cool” or even acceptable at school, but Bonner, through his amazing accomplishments, has given our boys the context to keep talking about their brother Jake from a place of pride. Bonner carried our grief and turned it into a fuel that drives him, and our boys know that by extension Jake is running, climbing, and competing along with Bonner. Through this, he has been able to help them heal in ways that Alison and I struggled to, because we were still trying to recover ourselves. In this way, his efforts not only helped our kids, they helped our marriage.

  Sometimes real kinship comes more naturally when not bound by familial ties. I know that Jake’s brothers, all of them, feel a spirit with Bonner that they do not necessarily share with each other. Not better or worse, but born from a different place. My wife shares an understanding with Bonner and I have feelings of ease and gratitude and awe I do not have anywhere else. Bonner fills a space in our lives that we would not have the energy to pursue on our own.

  Sometimes when you don’t have the courage or the strength to capture all that someone means to you, it is easier to let someone else do the talking for you. Bonner has given us that—and so much more: keeping us a part of the special needs community; giving us a platform to support all the other “Jakeys” and their families; showing our boys that real men stand up front and take actio
n; and finally, most of all, taking Jake well beyond his limits by carrying our boy’s spirit with him in Orange County, Africa, Hawaii, and beyond.

  In his four and a half short years, Jake Ryan Lee Robert taught us all the only language we need to say thank you to a man who heals us every day: love.

  —Alison, Steven, Tyler, Zach, Brady, Cody, and

  Our Sweet Angel Jake Ryan Lee Robert

  Acknowledgments

  Steve: How can I possibly say a proper thank you to the first person who showed me that by telling my story I could give hope to someone? Still to this day, the most powerful and impactful email or conversation I have ever received. Our bond is for life and you have helped me more than any one person ever has. With the emotion and love you share all the time for Jakey and your family while still enjoying life to the fullest, you and Ali have demonstrated how a family truly stays together through the darkest hour any family could have.

  Ali: You have shown me how a mother truly loves their kids. So many would not have half the strength you display so often, and it has made a huge impact on how I have tried to work on me, to better reconnect with my family. Thank you for always including me as part of your family. You and Steve will always tell me how it is not what I want to hear and that and the love you show me are the greatest things I hope to share with those I love too.

  Tyler: The strength you have was evident even when you stood at the pulpit at Jakey’s funeral. I knew then you would be an amazing person and to watch you grow into exactly that is just awesome! I love you like a li’l bro and will always be there for whatever you need. Thank you for showing me the courage even at such a young age that we all have in us.

  Zach: Thank you for showing that calmness can show confidence and not have to always be bragging about our own talents and success! The gifts you hold are greater than most I have come across. The power you have will be immense to change this world for the better. You too are like a li’l bro to me and I love you and Tyler as part of my family.

  Brady & Cody: Your lives are such a gift to me. Thankful of our early mornings when your brothers and parents were still sleeping, telling me all the facts of Dodgers, MineSweeper, and everything that is going on in your lives. The way you see the world is so refreshing to me; thankful for the perspective I get to see through your eyes.

  Dad: Wow, what a roller coaster of a ride you and I have been on. From not talking to now one of my best friends . . . you were the first person to show me the path to forgiveness by your selfless acts in college when reconnecting with me. Even though the verbal is not always easy for you, your eyes and smile say it all. I am so proud to be your son and will continue to grow with you as an example of wisdom, strength, patience, and integrity. I am your #1 fan and honored that you are my dad! Love you, Pops!

  Mike: Thank you for being you. I am so proud of the man you are. You have worked tirelessly, seen darkness that most in life never will, and you still stand tall and strong. You are my best friend in the world, and we share a bond that will never be broken. Your selfless sacrifices through my Ironman journey and your commitment to me even at a moment’s notice were easily the highlight of those two years. I love you, bro!

  LaDonna: It’s never easy coming into the family of someone who has kids, and the strength and confidence you show is what I needed so bad to get from a female/mother figure. You have given me such great advice and never waver on your commitment to Dad and us. Couldn’t of dreamed up a better woman for Dad and our family. Love you!

  Welchy: My Australian brother from another mother! You threw yourself into this crazy World Record attempt and never backed off. You put your name on the line with your sponsors and that was the greatest honor given what you have accomplished. You have given me so much wisdom beyond just the Ironman training, teaching me that the true goal of any race in life is not the finish line but the journey there. As much as Ironman was the hardest physical challenge I have ever done by far, I loved so much of it because of you. Love your chicken legs, li’l brother!

  Wendy: Thank you to someone who understands me so well and for all your patience. It’s never easy coming into the situation you did at ADHC and you handled it with such class. We make a great team and you give me such balance in very intense situations. So grateful for all you have done for my foundation and the kids we serve. You and your family are such amazing people.

  Dr. Aminian: To describe how admirable a person you are and how much you have changed my life would take an entire book. From walking across the courtyard and saying “you have CP don’t you?” to the time you have spent in Africa for my foundation, you are so selfless. I have such respect for you and the countless things you have done to help these kids. You are nothing short of amazing, and the humility you show is unreal.

  Ashley and The Arambulas: If I had Ashley’s attitude with my lighter case of CP, I would have already climbed Everest, swam around the globe, and beat RedBull to jumping from space. Thank you for always knowing what’s important—from your visits to our office to your beautiful view of life. You may be in a wheelchair for now, but you will be walking full time soon. Your parents and brother Joe are so fantastic. I think of you all every day and work so hard to be a better person because of what all of you have shown me.

  Linda, The Beresfords and Disabled Community: I am so grateful for all the support the disabled community has shown me, especially the Beresfords. Linda, your dedication to Team Jake is paramount in the growth of OMF and will be the basis for how the foundation lives on. Thank you for including me in your beautiful family and showing me how challenges in your lives haven’t let them get the best of you.

  Matt: I can never thank you enough for including me in so much growing up when I wasn’t finding a lot of close friends. Some of my loneliest times you let me tag along and made me feel special. Love ya, bro!

  Mom: With some ups and many downs, I understand now why you are who you are. By Dad showing me the path to not holding grudges and to letting things go, it has led us to talking again. Thank you for trying your best when I was growing up to give us what you could. Life is a journey and sometimes very difficult, but you kept a smile and happy front as best you could. I love you xoxo

  Vern Underwood, Chris Underwood, and my Young’s Family: One of the most humble and generous families I have ever met or been a part of are the Underwoods and my Young’s family. Right away, you accepted me and always made me a part of the family. To Vern, a man who is a legend in our industry but has stayed so humble and caring; you have been the guide I’ve needed as this journey has moved at such a rapid rate. Your humor and outlook are such true representations of all you have achieved. Chris, I love you like a brother and so enjoy all our talks on the road and working for you. You push people to become better co-workers, but also better people. Thank you for everything you have done for me and my foundation. Young’s is my family and I will never work anywhere else as long as you and your dad are running it.

  The Samuelis and Anaheim Ducks Family: Thank you to Henry and Susan Samueli for showing me what generosity is. Your kindness has impacted so many people’s lives. Thank you for the support you always showed, from coming to my charity events like the documentary premiere to allowing me to follow my dreams. You made the very difficult decision to leave the Ducks as easy as it could be. To my Ducks family—from the players, coaches, and staff—you always were so helpful and friendly to me both on the personal and professional sides.

  Dane and my Oakley Family: Eternally grateful to Stan Chen for introducing us in 2008 and for you taking a risk to sponsor me. I’m honored to wear my Oakley gear with such pride. Dane, you were the initial person at Oakley who then introduced me to such exceptional people like Tanja, Postie, Pope, Cuan, and of course Postie going to talk to Welchy and asking him to be my coach for Ironman. With so many wonderful people in one place, I never could have dreamed of what having an endorsement deal with a brand like Oakley would do. Dane, you taught me we are all equals and that’s what
makes the Oakley family so special. We both knew I wasn’t Shaun White, but you exposed me to so many things that are now such a huge part of my life. We have changed the world together and helped my confidence so much that I am in the Oakley family.

  To OM Foundation Board: I admire you all so much, that you would give my foundation your valuable time. I can’t do it alone and you all have always put the kids over anything personal. You have so many other things you could be doing but you spend so much time on this foundation. All of us working together has resulted in our huge success in such a short time. You are the future of this foundation.

  Jesse Brewer: You are such a talented, caring, and hard worker, but most importantly a close friend. Many of the work things fall to you when I am gone at Young’s and you handle it flawlessly. You will be everything you could possibly want to be—there is nothing stopping you but the brightness of your future. From finding me in the pitch-black Queen K Highway at the end of Ironman to make sure I was still okay to the time you put into everything, being around you makes me a better person. I never will forget the big part that you and your sacrifices have played—thank you.

  Dilly and Iron Horse: Each of you stepped up to help me in my quest to climb Kili. Both of you are from such different upbringings, but I have learned so much from you. The fun we have when we all are together and the strength you have shown me is so empowering. I am eternally grateful for the sacrifices you have made for me and my foundation.

  Mitch, Kent, and Jeff: To three of the most talented filmmakers around. You took a huge gamble and risk on my journey to capture the Kili attempt. You captured the hardest thing at the time in my life when I was just beginning to scratch the surface of my own personal growth. You poured so much time, energy, and money into making that movie, but then to donate the rights and proceeds from the film to my foundation says it all about how much character you have. I have been so proud of the success you have earned since then and can’t wait to see all you do.