CHAPTER ELEVEN
CLAIRE CAST A final glance in the mirror. It was Bill’s sixty-fifth birthday and the team had decided to throw a party for him that night to celebrate. Moses had been enlisted to bake him a birthday cake and there was much speculation about how it would turn out. Birthday cakes weren’t something the Mwurandan people went in for but Matt had found a recipe online and printed it out. Amazingly, Matt had also managed to source the ingredients and everyone was looking forward to a taste of home, everyone apart from her. Although she had tried to make her excuses, the others had insisted that she must be there and in the end she had given in. After all, she didn’t have to talk to Jude if she didn’t want to.
Her heart gave a little lurch as it had kept on doing whenever Jude’s name had cropped up. They hadn’t spoken again after they had left Bebe’s room, not even to discuss their small patient’s progress. Jude had made the decision to operate on the child and had drafted in Kelly to assist him, with Matt acting as his anaesthetist. When Claire had heard that, she had decided not to stay at the hospital. She’d been far too tired to be of much use anyway, so she had returned to the college with the rest of the night staff. However, from what she had heard, the operation had been textbook perfect and Bebe was expected to make a full recovery. Jude hadn’t needed her help, which must have been a relief for him. He must be as eager as she was to keep his distance after what had happened that morning.
Her heart gave another jolt as she recalled how close he had come to kissing her. The worst thing was that she knew she wouldn’t have stopped him if he had. She would have let him kiss her—even kissed him back!—and she couldn’t help feeling guilty. Should she tell him the truth and admit that she wasn’t a nun? she wondered for the hundredth time. It might make him feel better but if she did that then she would have to explain why she had misled him. Was she really prepared to do that? To lay herself open to even more heartache? The old fears raced round and round inside her head, making it impossible to decide. Maybe it would be better to ignore what had happened and hope that Jude would do the same.
Claire’s heart was heavy as she made her way downstairs. Lesley had lent her the dress she had worn a few nights earlier as all the women had decided to dress up in Bill’s honour. Bill himself looked positively resplendent in a crisp white shirt and a tie, a world away from his usual slightly scruffy self.
‘I must say that you’re looking very smart tonight, Dr Arnold,’ Claire declared, kissing him on the cheek. She summoned a smile, not wanting anyone to suspect how downhearted she felt. ‘Having a birthday definitely suits you.’
‘Hmm, I don’t know about that,’ Bill grumbled, tugging at his tie. ‘I feel more like the Christmas turkey—all trussed up and ready for roasting!’
Claire laughed. She moved aside when someone came to join them, her laughter fading when she discovered it was Jude. He, too, had dressed up for the occasion and her breath caught as she took stock of the pale blue shirt he was wearing, a colour which provided the perfect foil for his midnight-dark hair. It took her all her time to drag her eyes away but she had to stop staring at him. It wouldn’t be fair to let him see how much he affected her after what had happened that morning. It was a relief when Lesley clapped her hands and called for order.
‘OK, guys. I think it’s time we drank a toast to our guest of honour.’ Lesley raised her glass aloft. ‘To Bill. Happy birthday. Here’s to the last sixty-five years and to many more to come!’
Everyone raised their glasses, apart from Claire, who hadn’t picked one up. She jumped when a glass suddenly appeared in front of her.
‘Here. Have mine.’
Jude pressed his glass into her hand and she automatically took a sip of the liquid, sneezing when the bubbles fizzed up her nose. Jude took the glass back off her and handed her his handkerchief instead, a look of mingled amusement and apology in his eyes.
‘Sorry. I should have warned you it was champagne, or something masquerading as champagne rather.’
‘No, no. It’s fine. Really.’ Claire sneezed again and hurriedly apologised. ‘Sorry. This always happens if I drink sparkling wine.’
‘Something to remember for future reference,’ Jude replied with a smile that disappeared abruptly when he realised the significance of that comment.
Claire gave him a tight little smile and turned away. Jude sighed as he watched her walk over to Lesley and the other nurses. It was obvious that she felt uncomfortable around him and who could blame her? Would it help if he apologised again? he wondered. He had never been in this position before and he had no idea what he should do. He could end up by making matters worse and that was the last thing he wanted. Maybe it would be better to say nothing than say the wrong thing.
The evening wore on. Everyone was in very high spirits and Jude did his best to join in with the jokes and the laughter, but he was very aware that it was merely a front. Inside, in those secret places he had discovered only recently, he wasn’t laughing or joking. He wasn’t really sure what was happening in there except that he felt sort of flat and empty, as though he had lost something vital, something he had no hope of recovering. When Moses brought in the cake and everyone cheered, he was hard-pressed to dredge up a smile. Was this how he would continue to feel or would he get back to normal once he returned to England? His gaze went to Claire and his heart sank because he already knew the answer to that question. His life would never be the same now that he had met her.
‘I don’t know what to say...’ There were tears in Bill’s eyes as he stared at the cake. True, the icing was a rather lurid shade of green and the top layer had a decided list to starboard, but for a first attempt it was a remarkably good effort. Bill stood up and pumped Moses’ hand. ‘First-rate job, Moses. I really can’t thank you enough for all your hard work. It’s brilliant!’
Moses looked thrilled when everyone applauded him. He hurried back to the kitchen as Bill set about slicing the cake. Jude accepted a slice although the last thing he felt like was eating cake. He bit into the sponge and gagged at the overpowering taste of salt that filled his mouth. Everyone was in the same boat, all coughing and spluttering as they spat it out. Lesley wiped her mouth with a tissue and shuddered.
‘Oh, yuck! I don’t know what happened but something definitely went wrong. It’s horrendous!’
‘Yuck is right.’ Amy grimaced as she pushed her plate away and turned to Matt. ‘Are you sure you printed out the right recipe?’
‘I think so. I mean it said all the usual things, flour, sugar, butter, eggs.’ Matt looked decidedly put out at being blamed. ‘I’m no cook but that’s what usually goes into a cake, isn’t it?’
‘Maybe there was a mix-up in the kitchen,’ Bill said soothingly. ‘Not to worry, hey? It’s the thought that counts and I really appreciate the effort you’ve all gone to tonight. The main thing now is to make sure that Moses doesn’t find out that his masterpiece was a disaster. We don’t want to hurt his feelings, do we?’
They all agreed that it was the last thing they wanted. Jude helped clear away the plates, scraping the uneaten cake into a paper bag that Kelly produced. The rest of the cake was carried upstairs to be disposed of discreetly the following morning at the hospital. Within a very short time the dining room was clear of any evidence and people were heading off to bed. Jude was the last to leave and he paused to switch off the lights.
It had been a strange night. He wasn’t used to dissembling, mainly because he rarely felt so strongly about anything. He had changed so much since he had come here and he wasn’t sure how he would cope when he returned home. Could he see himself going back to the work he had been doing, or would he find that he needed something more taxing that would not only stretch him but also make a real difference to people’s lives?
Oh, he wasn’t downplaying what he did in the private sector. Being rich wasn’t a guarantee that one would
n’t experience discomfort and his patients were suitably grateful for his interventions. However, he was very aware that he hadn’t pushed himself in the past few years, hadn’t tried to develop his skills as he could have done. Maybe he had needed a break from the pressure of working for the NHS but it wasn’t right that he continued to fritter away his talent. He didn’t want to reach a point where he looked back at his life and wished he had done things differently.
It was a moment of revelation and it shook him. Jude switched off the lights, plunging the room into darkness. He glanced round when he heard footsteps on the stairs but he couldn’t see who it was. It wasn’t until she stepped down from the last step that he realised it was Claire.
Jude held his breath as he watched her cross the hall. He knew that he should say something to warn her he was there but he couldn’t seem to speak. The words seemed to be jammed deep inside him and he couldn’t push them out. She reached the door and he realised that he had to do something or risk scaring her half to death. Stepping forward, he switched on the lights again and heard her gasp.
‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,’ he said hurriedly.
‘I thought everyone had gone to bed!’ she exclaimed, pressing her hand to her heart.
‘I was on my way, but ended up standing here, wool-gathering,’ he replied lightly. He dredged up a smile, aware that he was probably the last person Claire wanted to see. The thought was almost unbearably painful and he hurried on. ‘What brought you back downstairs? After another slice of birthday cake, were you?’
‘Don’t!’ She shuddered. ‘I still can’t get the taste of salt off my tongue. No, I came down to look for a button.’ She held out the skirt of her dress and showed him the gap in the row of tiny pearl buttons. ‘It must have fallen off and I don’t want to give it back to Lesley with a button missing after she was kind enough to lend it to me.’
‘Oh. I see.’ Jude peered under the table, deeming it safer than standing there and admiring how she looked in the borrowed dress. His pulse gave an appreciative little leap and he crouched down so he could no longer see her. ‘Ah, there it is. Under that chair. I’ll get it for you.’
Kneeling down, he quickly retrieved it. Claire smiled when he handed it to her. ‘Thank you. I would have felt awful if I’d lost it.’ She put it in her pocket and sighed. ‘Lesley is always so kind about lending me her things. I’m going to miss her when I return to England.’
‘I didn’t know you were going back!’ Jude exclaimed.
‘My visa expires soon,’ she explained. ‘I’ll have to leave then.’
‘Can’t you renew it while you’re here?’ he suggested, his mind racing. If she was returning to England then was it possible that he could arrange to see her again? Granted, they moved in very different circles but surely they could meet up? The thought buoyed him up even though he knew how pointless it was. After all, nothing would have changed. Claire would still be set on following a path that didn’t leave any room for him.
‘Unfortunately not. The Mwurandan government has tightened up the rules concerning foreign nationals. There’s been trouble recently about undesirable elements getting into the country, so they’ve decided that nobody can apply for a visa without undergoing a rigorous check first. I’ll have to return to England and contact their embassy if I want to come back here.’
‘And do you?’ Jude asked quietly.
‘I’m not sure. Maybe it’s time I went back home instead of hiding away here.’
Claire bit her lip as she realised what she had said. The comment had slipped out before she’d had time to think about it and it was obvious that it had aroused Jude’s curiosity.
‘What do you mean? How are you hiding away here? I thought you came here to help the people of this country,’ he said, frowning.
‘Of course I did!’ She drummed up a laugh but it was a poor effort. It certainly did nothing to convince Jude.
‘Are you sure about that?’ He stared at her. ‘Far be it from me to question your word, Claire, but I have to say that it doesn’t exactly ring true.’
‘No?’ She gave a little shrug as she turned to leave. ‘There’s not much I can do about that, I’m afraid.’
‘Oh, I disagree.’ He stopped her by dint of placing his hand on her arm. Although Claire knew that she could pull away any time she chose, for some reason she couldn’t move a muscle. It was as though the touch of his fingers on her skin had immobilised her. She could only stand there while he looked deep into her eyes.
‘You could try telling me the truth, Claire. The real truth, I mean, not the version you’ve told everyone else.’
Claire’s heart surged in alarm. That Jude had guessed she had been less than forthcoming with everyone came as a shock. She bit her lip, feeling fear unfurling in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t want to lie to him but the thought of confessing what had brought her to Mwuranda and had kept her here was more than she could bear. How could she tell him the truth and watch his curiosity turn to revulsion?
She pulled away, her whole body trembling. Maybe she was the innocent victim but could she really expect him to see beyond what had happened to her? She couldn’t bear to know that he would always think of her in future as a woman who had been raped—nothing more.
‘You make it sound as though I’m hiding some dark secret!’ She laughed, doing her best to feign amusement, not the easiest thing to do when her heart was aching. The thought of how Jude might react if he found out the truth made her feel sick. She knew instinctively that his reaction would affect her far more than anyone else’s. ‘I hate to disappoint you but there’s no mystery about it. I simply decided that working here was what I wanted to do.’
‘As simple as that, was it?’
The scepticism in his voice told her that he didn’t believe her but there was nothing she could do. And in a way it was true. She had come to Mwuranda because she had wanted the job. The reason why she had wanted it was another story, and she wasn’t prepared to go into that. However, the thought that it wasn’t a total lie helped to appease her conscience.
‘Yes. As simple as that.’ She dredged up a smile, wanting to deflect his interest away from her. ‘But what about you? Why did you decide to come here? It doesn’t strike me that this is your usual kind of environment.’
‘It isn’t. I’m way out of my comfort zone and I don’t mind admitting it.’ He gave a small shrug, drawing her attention to the impressive width of his shoulders.
Claire took a deep breath when she felt her pulse leap. There was no point thinking about how attractive he was. No point at all. ‘So what made you apply to work for Worlds Together?’ she asked, needing a distraction. ‘It seems a strange thing to do in the circumstances.’
‘Pride.’ He gave a rueful laugh. ‘Someone accused me of taking the easy option and I decided to prove they were wrong. However, I’m beginning to see that they may have had a point. Suffice to say that I plan to do something about it when I get back to England.’
‘I see.’ Claire was intrigued by what she had heard, so much so that she longed to ask him about his future plans, but was it wise to become even more involved in his life when she should be keeping her distance? ‘Well, I hope that everything works out the way you want it to,’ she said, deeming it safer to let the subject drop.
‘Thank you. I intend to give it my very best shot.’ He hesitated. ‘About this morning, Claire, I’d hate to think that you might feel awkward around me...’
‘I don’t,’ she said quickly, not wanting to get into a discussion. Something told her that it would be the wrong thing to do when her emotions were in such turmoil. ‘You were trying to comfort me and I understand that.’
‘I was.’
He didn’t say anything else apart from wishing her goodnight. Claire switched off the lights after he left and made her way upstairs. She knew
she should be relieved to know that Jude had merely been trying to comfort her yet she couldn’t deny that her heart was aching as she got into bed. Maybe it was foolish but she couldn’t help wishing that he had kissed her, kissed her because he had wanted her, because he had desired her; because he simply couldn’t help himself!
She pulled the sheet over her head, her cheeks burning. How crazy was that?
CHAPTER TWELVE
JUDE FELT VERY on edge the following morning and he knew it was his own fault. He never placed himself in the position of being vulnerable by revealing his feelings, yet he had done so with Claire. He had told her things he wouldn’t have dreamt of telling anyone else and he regretted it. He needed to get back on track, shove all these thoughts and feelings back in their box and close the lid. He’d already come far too close to making a terrible mistake by nearly kissing Claire and he couldn’t allow that to happen again.
It was all very unsettling. In the end, he decided to skip breakfast as he really couldn’t face seeing Claire again. Matt had made good on his promise to get him some coffee and had even found him a battered old kettle as well, so at least he was able to brew himself a mug of that. He drank it standing by the bedroom window. It was another misty morning, the sun floating in a sea of red and orange as it rose above the horizon. Jude had never had much time for nature; he preferred man-made wonders, if he was honest. However, the sheer beauty of the scene unfolding before him brought a lump to his throat. Nature at her most beautiful was truly awe-inspiring.
He turned away from the view, downing the rest of the coffee in a single gulp. The sudden upsurge of emotion was yet another indication of how much he had changed and he didn’t need any more reminders, thank you very much. He made his way downstairs and sat on the front steps to await the arrival of the truck, nodding as one by one the rest of the team joined him. Claire and Lesley were last to appear, Lesley giggling as she balanced a large cardboard box on her hip.
Reawakened by the Surgeon's Touch Page 11
