‘It’s the cake,’ she mouthed when she saw Jude looking, and he smiled and nodded then realised with another little shock that he enjoyed being part of the conspiracy. He wouldn’t have given a tinker’s curse in the past but now he was as keen as everyone else to spare Moses’ feelings. Was he completely changed and was it permanent? Or would he slip back into his old ways when he returned home to England?
His gaze went to Claire and he knew with a certainty that shook him that he wouldn’t go back to the way he had been, that he, Jude Tobias Slater, was and always would be a very different person because of meeting her.
* * *
Claire hadn’t been rostered to work in the clinic that day but when Kelly suddenly complained she was feeling sick, she immediately offered to swap places with her. While Kelly rushed off to the bathroom, Claire gathered together the notes for the dozen or so repeat appointments who would be seen first. Ten-year-old Jeremiah was the first on the list and he came hurrying over when she went to collect him from the waiting room.
‘So how are you today, Jeremiah?’ she asked, holding his hand as she led him to the screened-off area in the corner. She knew that Jude was duty doctor that day and steeled herself before pushing back the screen. No way was she going to react when she saw him, she told herself sternly. She was going to treat him the same as everyone else—politely and professionally. After last night, she would be mad to do anything else.
‘I’m good, Sister Claire,’ Jeremiah replied, his face breaking into a huge grin when he saw Jude sitting behind the makeshift desk. Letting go of her hand, he hurried straight over to him. ‘Did you see the pictures of my bones, Mr Doctor, and can you make my leg better?’
‘That’s what we need to talk about.’
Jude stood up and came around the table. He barely glanced at Claire as he bent to look at the little boy and for some perverse reason she took exception to his lack of attention. Did he have to make it quite so clear how easy it was to ignore her?
‘I’ve had a really good look at the pictures, Jeremiah, and I’m very sorry to say that there isn’t anything I can do that will make your leg any better.’
Claire set aside her own feelings when she heard what Jude had said. Hurrying forward, she put her arm around Jeremiah’s shoulders when he started to cry. She knew how devastated he must feel as he had been hoping that something could be done so that he would be able to play football—his passion—with the other boys.
‘Don’t cry, sweetheart. Maybe you can practise being goalkeeper. That way you won’t have to run around as much, will you? What do you think, Dr Slater?’
‘It’s an idea,’ Jude replied, although she heard the doubt in his voice. It was obvious that Jeremiah had heard it too because he pulled away from her.
‘No! I can’t be goalkeeper. I can’t be anything with this stupid leg!’
He spun round and hurried out of the cubicle. Claire ran after him, quickly explaining what had happened to Sister Anne. She bit her lip as she watched the elderly nun lead him away. It seemed so unfair that nothing could be done to help a child like Jeremiah, who had been through so much in his short life. Her heart was heavy as she made her way back to the cubicle. Jude was seated behind the table again and he looked up when she went in.
‘Is he OK?’
‘Not really. I think he was pinning his hopes on you being able to do something.’
‘I wish I could, but the fact is that I simply don’t have the expertise to undertake such a complex operation.’
He sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. Claire felt a ripple of sympathy run through her when she realised how upset he looked. Being the bearer of such unwelcome news had taken its toll on him.
‘It isn’t your fault, Jude,’ she said softly.
‘No? Then whose fault is it? I’m a surgeon and I’m supposed to help people. Maybe if I hadn’t wasted so many years then I might have been able to give that poor kid a better future to look forward to. But, no, instead of developing my skills, I’ve spent my time performing minor operations!’
Claire could hear the frustration in his voice. Jude may have had his own reasons for coming to Mwuranda but he genuinely wanted to help the people here. It made her wonder all of a sudden if he would feel the same about her if she told him what had happened, that she had been raped.
The thought was far too tempting. It was a relief when he asked her to call in their next patient. They worked their way through the repeat appointments then started on the newcomers. There were dozens of them as usual, so they were kept busy for the rest of the afternoon, but Claire was glad. It was better to be busy than allow herself to explore that dangerously tempting idea. Once she told Jude there would be no going back; she would have to face whatever happened. She sighed. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for that.
* * *
The day drew to a close but Jude was too restless to sleep. Claire had returned to the convent, so it wasn’t her presence that was unsettling him. It was the thought of Jeremiah and how devastated the boy had been that was causing the problem. He had brought the X-rays back with him and he spread them on the dining room table after everyone had gone upstairs. There were half a dozen in total and he held them up to the light in turn. The boy’s leg had been broken in several places and that was why it would be such a complex operation to repair it. Quite apart from his lack of expertise in this field, they simply didn’t have the facilities here to undertake this kind of surgery. However, if Jeremiah could be treated in the UK then it might be a different story; there was a strong chance that his leg could be repaired or, at least, improved.
A rush of renewed optimism filled him as he gathered up the films and took them upstairs. He hadn’t used his laptop since he had arrived and the battery was flat but he plugged it in, praying that they wouldn’t have a power cut. Maybe he couldn’t perform the surgery Jeremiah needed but he knew someone who could—if he would agree. And if he could obtain permission to take Jeremiah out of Mwuranda and into England.
Jude took a deep breath and made himself stop right there. He would take it one step at a time, face any problems as and when they arose. Just for a moment he found himself wondering what Claire would think if he managed to set everything in motion before he drove the thought from his head. He wasn’t doing this to improve her opinion of him. He was doing it for the sake of a ten-year-old boy who had been dealt a rotten hand. However, one thing was certain: he would never find himself in the position of being unable to help again!
* * *
Claire managed to get a lift to the hospital on the supply truck the following morning, so she arrived well before the others. Jeremiah had been inconsolable all the previous evening and she only hoped that the sisters could find a way to alleviate his disappointment, although it seemed unlikely that anything would help. She was feeling more than a little downhearted as she went into the office to sign in, only to stop in surprise when she found Jude bent over the computer.
‘I didn’t realise everyone had arrived,’ she said in surprise.
‘They haven’t. I came on ahead on the bike as I wanted to email these to London.’ He held up a wedge of X-rays and Claire frowned.
‘Aren’t they Jeremiah’s?’
‘Uh-huh.’ Jude made a final check then pressed the send key. ‘I’m emailing them to Professor Jackson, my old tutor. He’s agreed to take a look at them and see if there’s anything he can do for Jeremiah.’
‘Really? Oh, that’s wonderful!’ Claire exclaimed.
‘We’d better not count our chickens just yet,’ he warned her. ‘That leg is a mess and there’s no guarantee that even the Professor will be able to do anything with it.’
‘But you must think there’s a chance he can or you wouldn’t have contacted him,’ she pointed out.
‘Yes. If anyone can help Jeremiah, it’s him. He�
��s a brilliant surgeon—there’s no other way to describe him. Some of the work he’s done is staggering.’
‘A bit of a hero of yours, I take it?’ Claire said with a smile.
‘I suppose so.’ Jude frowned. ‘I’ve never really thought about it but you’re right. The Professor is definitely someone I look up to, even though he gave me a very hard time when I last saw him.’
‘Really? Why was that?’ she asked curiously.
‘Oh, because he didn’t think I was making full use of my training.’ He sighed. ‘It was the Professor who accused me of taking the easy option. The worst thing is that I agree with him. I might have been able to help Jeremiah myself if I’d not opted to work in the private sector for all this time.’
‘I doubt if you’ve had such an easy ride,’ Claire countered, hating to hear him berate himself. From what she had seen there was no question that Jude was a first-rate surgeon. ‘I know how hard you must have had to work to qualify as a surgeon—it’s one of the most exacting areas of medicine. The hours alone are crippling.’
‘True.’ He grinned. ‘You’re very good for my ego, Claire. Do you know that?’
Claire felt a little rush of pleasure and smiled at him. ‘I’m only telling the truth.’
‘Well, thank you anyway. I don’t feel half as guilty now for not being able to do anything for Jeremiah.’ His eyes met hers, dark and deep and filled with something that made a shiver run through her. When he took a step towards her, she didn’t move, held by the intensity of his gaze...
‘Hello! What’s going on in here?’
Lola bustled into the office and the moment passed. Claire took a quick breath, struggling to pull herself together. However, she knew that if they hadn’t been interrupted then she would have been in Jude’s arms right now.
‘I came in early to use your computer. I hope you don’t mind.’
There was a roughness to Jude’s voice that told her he was finding it as difficult as she was to behave normally. Claire shot a wary glance at him and felt her heart lurch when she saw how strained he looked. It was clear from his expression that he knew what would have happened if they hadn’t been interrupted and it didn’t make sense. He had explained that near-miss kiss by claiming he had been trying to comfort her and she had believed him. However, it didn’t explain what had happened just now. As she filled in the sheet, she found herself wondering how far it would have gone if they’d been somewhere private. Would the desire to be held have progressed to something more?
Claire shuddered as she realised how easily it could have done. But how would she cope with intimacy after what had happened to her? Would it be the life-affirming experience it should be or a horrendous ordeal? There was no way of knowing until she took that final step and she wasn’t sure if she could do that.
She glanced over at Jude, who was showing Lola the X-rays. Although she knew in her heart that he would never willingly hurt her, was it enough to overcome her fear and help her find the courage she needed?
* * *
Jude managed to hold on to his composure but it was a close call. Javid was coming along the corridor when he left the office and he made some joking remark about Jude earning himself extra brownie points for his early start. Jude responded and he must have made sense too because Javid laughed, but he had no idea what he had said. His mind was too full of what had happened. Claire had been about to step into his arms—he knew she had! And once she’d been in them then who knew where it would have led? Hell’s bells! That was enough to boggle any man’s mind!
He about-turned and headed outside, needing some air. The sun had risen now and the temperature was mounting but he wasn’t aware of the heat as he made his way to the pool. Although he had been invited to join the others for a swim on several occasions, he hadn’t been back there. For some reason the thought of cooling off in the deep green water hadn’t held any appeal. Now, as he gazed across the water, he understood why. He hadn’t felt tempted to return because Claire wouldn’t have been there. It was being with her that had made it so special.
Jude closed his eyes and let his mind wander, unsurprised when it started to conjure up a whole series of images. And every single one of them involved Claire: his first glimpse of her in that hideous old boiler suit; how slender her body had felt when he had put his arms around her yesterday; the look on her face as he had taken that single step towards her...
Jude opened his eyes and stared at the water. He needed to ask himself a question and it was such a momentous one that he needed every faculty in full working order. Was he falling in love with Claire or was it the fact that he was so far removed from everything he knew that he was misinterpreting his feelings?
He stood there for a long time, waiting for the answer to come to him, but it remained stubbornly out of reach. He sighed as he turned around and made his way back to the hospital. He would have to wait a while longer, it appeared, and in the meantime he would do what he’d said he would and stay away from Claire. Falling in love had never been on his agenda, and falling in love with a woman who could never love him in return would be a huge mistake. If there was any way to stop it happening then he would find it, so help him!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE TIME FLEW PAST, one day running into the next without a pause. They didn’t even stop at the weekends but worked straight through. It was a gruelling schedule which was why most people only remained in Mwuranda for three months at a time. Claire was the exception, although she knew that she would have to leave soon. She wasn’t surprised, therefore, when a letter arrived, informing her that she must leave the country in two weeks’ time when her visa expired.
She showed the letter to Lesley as they rode into town on the truck. She had stayed over at the college the night before as there had been no transport available to ferry her back to the convent. She had tried to avoid staying there since that morning in the office. The memory of what had so nearly happened between her and Jude was still very raw and it had seemed wiser to keep out of his way. However, she’d had no choice other than to stay, but as Jude had been rostered for the night shift, it had made it easier.
‘So that’s it, then. You must be looking forward to going back to England, Claire, even if it’s only for a rest.’ Lesley grimaced as she handed back the letter. ‘I have to admit that I’m more than ready to go home and I’ve only been here for a fraction of the time you have.’
‘I suppose so,’ Claire replied as she slipped the letter into her pocket.
‘Only suppose?’ Lesley frowned. ‘Aren’t you looking forward to seeing your family and friends again?’
‘Yes, of course I am.’ Claire dredged up a smile, although the thought of being back in London was making her feel rather anxious. She still wasn’t sure how she would cope if she saw Andrew again.
‘Hmm. Well, I have to say that it doesn’t sound like it,’ Lesley retorted. ‘Could it be the thought of leaving behind the handsome Dr Slater that’s taking the shine off the idea?’
‘No! Don’t be ridiculous!’ Claire exclaimed. She felt the colour run up her face when Lesley treated her to an old-fashioned look. ‘Jude has nothing to do with it—that’s the truth.’
‘Methinks the lady doth protest too much,’ Lesley misquoted with a grin. ‘Come on, love, you know you fancy him something rotten. It’s as plain as the nose on your face, as is the fact that he feels the same about you. What I don’t understand is why you’re so determined to keep him at arm’s length. You’re young, free and single, so why not do what comes naturally?’
‘You’re wrong. I don’t fancy him,’ Claire protested, although she knew that Lesley wouldn’t believe her.
Fortunately, they had reached the hospital and she was able to make her escape, but the thought plagued her for the rest of the day. Was she making a mistake by avoiding getting involved with Jude? As Lesley had
pointed out, there was nothing to stop her, so why didn’t she come clean, admit that she wasn’t a nun and have an affair with him?
Maybe it was what she needed to finally kill off the demons from her past. If she could prove to herself that she could cope with intimacy then what had happened would no longer rule her life. She didn’t have to tell Jude about the rape either. It could remain her secret. There was no law that said you had to tell someone every little detail about your life, was there?
Her thoughts whirled as though they were on a merry-go-round but she still couldn’t make up her mind what to do. The thought of withholding the truth from him if they did start a relationship didn’t sit easily with her and yet the alternative was equally unpalatable. If she knew how he would react if she told him, it would be easier to decide, but that was something she couldn’t foretell. She couldn’t bear it if he looked at her with disgust once he found out. It would break her heart.
* * *
Jude only found out that Claire was leaving by chance when he overheard Lesley and Amy talking at dinner that night. He bent over his plate, struggling to get a grip as his emotions ran riot. He knew that Claire had been avoiding him since that morning in the office but he couldn’t complain as he had been avoiding her too. Despite trying to pin down his feelings, he still wasn’t sure how he felt. Oh, he was attracted to her—there was no question about that. He wanted her more than he had wanted any woman and not just physically either. He wanted to spend time with her—talking, laughing or even sitting in silence—and he had never felt that way about anyone before. But was it love? Real love? The kind that lasted for ever and ever?
The nagging thought that his feelings were intensified by the fact he was so far removed from his natural habitat lingered at the back of his mind and he was afraid of making a mistake, especially when it wouldn’t make a scrap of difference to the outcome. He couldn’t have Claire and even if he was falling in love with her, nothing would change in that respect, so why torture himself by wishing for the impossible? By the time he went to his room after dinner had finished, Jude’s spirits were at an all-time low. He had come to Mwuranda to prove himself. What he had never expected was that it would turn his whole world upside down.
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