Broken Lives

by Brenda Kennedy

  “Hi, Alec,” James says, a little too happily.

  “Hi, James. Hello, Emma,” Alec says.

  “Alec.” That is all I say as I unlock the door. I place the groceries on the table and look at James.

  “I’m going,” he says, walking to his room.

  “James, it’s just for a few minutes and then we’ll fix dinner.”

  “Yay, tacos,” he says, excitedly. “Can Raelynn and Alec stay?”

  “We’ll see.” I walk to the porch and look at Alec who is standing holding Rae. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

  “We need to talk.”

  “Really? About what?” I ask, walking off the porch to get the rest of the groceries.

  I look behind me and he is in the house. I continue to walk to my car and I soon hear footsteps behind me. When I look back, Alec is running to catch up to me.

  “I laid Raelynn down on the couch — we need to talk.”

  “Look, Alec…”

  “Baby, I’m not leaving here until we talk.”

  I open the trunk of my car and he reaches in and grabs the rest of the groceries. My heart breaks a little when he called me ‘Baby.’ I have never had a pet name before. Max used to call me Em, and I thought that was sweet enough. I close the trunk of the car and stand there.

  Alec walks towards the house and looks behind him, “We’re not talking out here.” He holds the door open and waits for me.

  I know him well enough to know that if he wants something, he’ll get it. We walk in the house and I look in on Raelynn; she is sound asleep. I also check on James. He is sitting on the bed, coloring.

  “Are you doing all right?” I ask.

  “I’m hungry, momma.”

  “Just let me put the groceries away, and I’ll start dinner.”

  I walk into the bedroom to get a throw blanket to cover Raelynn up with. As I walk past the kitchen, I see Alec is putting the groceries away. Once I cover Raelynn up, I brush her hair away from her face and just look at her. A tear falls onto my cheek as I think of how much I will miss her. I bend over and kiss her before going into the kitchen.

  Alec is putting the rest of the items away when I get in there. “Leave the hamburger out; we are having tacos for dinner.”

  “Emma, we need to talk, but I need to have your undivided attention. This may take a while for me to say everything I should have already said.”

  “I honestly don’t think we have anything to talk about. I have a son who is hungry and you have a wife waiting for you to return home with her daughter,” I say as I walk over to wash my hands.

  “Ouch, I deserve that.”

  He reaches down and gets a pan out for the hamburger. “Emma, look at me.” I open the pack of hamburger and ignore his statement.

  “Baby, I said to look at me.”

  I turn around and look at the wall behind him. He slowly walks over to me. “Emma, I said to look at me.”

  He is wearing jeans and a blue button up with a gray zip-up hooded sweatshirt. His hair is messy, he is unshaven, and his dark circles under his eyes are even darker than before. He has stress lines in the middle of his forehead that I seldom see. He stands in front of me and lifts my chin so I am looking up at him. I am wearing sandals and I curse myself for not wearing heels. I hate when there is so much of a height difference between us. It makes me feel inferior to him. I always wear heels when we are together, but today, I was with James.

  “God, you’re beautiful,” he says, looking from one eye to the other.

  “Alec, don’t.”

  “Emma, do you honestly think for one minute that I could hurt you?”

  “Alec, you have a wife and…”

  “Answer me, Emma. Do you honestly feel in your heart that I would ever hurt you? If you can honestly answer yes to that, I will walk out that door and never return, I give you my word on that. Do you really believe that I could ever hurt you?”

  I think about what he says and he has never hurt me before. What did Max say to me in my dream? “Sometimes you have to listen with your heart and sometimes you just have to just listen.” My heart tells me Alec would never hurt me, but I know what I saw. He’s married, for God’s sake.

  “Emma?”

  I look at him and he looks so sad. I have to look away from him. “No, but you’re married. Alec, and that changes everything. And that is what hurts.”

  “I understand that, and Emma, I never meant to hurt you or to mislead you. We’ll have dinner and then we’ll talk. Maybe then you’ll be able to understand where I am coming from.”

  “Momma, are the tacos done?” James asks.

  Alec backs away and I look at my hungry boy. “Momma’s cooking now; do you want to help?” And just like that, my first and main priority in my life comes into view.

  “No, thank you. I want to play with Raelynn.”

  “James, let’s go and see if Rae’s awake.” Alec puts his hand on James’ shoulder and leads him into the living room.

  I watch as they both leave the room. I start cooking the hamburger and get the tomatoes, cheese, and lettuce cut. Alec walks into the room; although I don’t see him, I can feel his presence. As I continue to chop the tomatoes, I say, “I really don’t think there is anything you can say that will change anything.”

  “If you still feel that way after we talk, then I’ll leave. My life has many gray areas, Emma. What is black and white for others isn’t like that for me. If you can’t understand that after we talk, you’ll never have to see Raelynn and me again.”

  I can’t say anything and I can’t imagine my life without either of them. Just the thought of never seeing either of them again brings tears to my eyes. I hear giggling as James and Raelynn run down the hallway towards his bedroom. “Would you turn the hamburger over for me?” I ask.

  After a dinner of tacos with two giggling children, I am grateful that they are able to lighten my somber mood. Dinner is carefree and light with the kids at the table. We have ninja cupcakes and milk for dessert. When Alec looks at his watch, I wonder whether he needs to get home to his wife. The thought of that make me sick to my stomach as I stand up and begin to clear the dishes from the table.

  “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Alec says, and then he walks out the door.

  I continue to clean up the table. I want to look to see where he is going, but I don’t. James and Raelynn skip down the hallway towards his bedroom. I wipe off the table and put the food away before Alec re-enters the house.

  “Emma, let’s go for a walk,” Alec says.

  I look up and Brooke is standing beside him. “I’ll watch the kids,” Brooke says as she walks down the hallway towards James’ bedroom.

  “Ok.”

  He reaches for my hand, and like a fool, I take it. I always take his hand. We have been a perfect couple for months and this has been the norm for us. We walk and we hold hands; today is no different. We walk to the beach and he leads me to the empty bench. The sun is low on the horizon and there is a chill in the air; I shiver. He wraps his arm around me and asks, “Are you cold?”

  “No,” I lie. I don’t want him holding me. He’s married and he belongs to someone else.

  He turns to face me and with a sad smile he says, “I am married. I should have told you before, but Emma, my marriage isn’t like everyone else’s.”

  I just look at him. I can’t speak, but I want to. God knows there is plenty I want to say, but the lump in my throat won’t allow me to speak.

  “I met Molly while working at the hospital. I was doing my internship and she was an R.N. on the medical/surgical floor. We had an immediate attraction and started dating shortly after. She was beautiful, fun, and smart.”

  “Alec, I’m done listening to this.” I start to stand and he reaches for my hand.

  “Emma, wait and listen to the rest and you’ll understand.”

  I sit down, although I want to run.

  “We dated and got married shortly after. Life was great. After a year, w
e had Raelynn and my life was right where I wanted it. A great career, a job, a beautiful wife, and a beautiful daughter.”

  “Alec?”

  “Wait, I’m getting to the good part. After Rae was born, Molly changed. She became irritable, moody, she would be happy, extremely happy, and then she would be low, so sad that she would just cry for no reason. She would call in sick at work, or just not show up at all. It got so bad that I would have to hire childcare for Raelynn, even when Molly was home. I couldn’t trust my wife to care for our daughter. Do you have any idea how that feels?”

  I stare at him and shake my head. I hear what he is saying, but I can’t believe it. He cracks his knuckles before speaking again.

  “Molly was letting herself go, she stopped eating, bathing, and caring. I had no idea what was wrong with her. The Molly I loved and knew was gone.” Alec cracks his knuckles before speaking again. “Her long brown shiny hair was matted and dirty, her flawless skin was bruised and covered in sores, she was so thin, and I remember seeing her hip bones when she stood up. I honestly had no idea what was wrong with her. I thought she was sick. She refused to go to the doctors. I tried everything to help her. I honestly did.”

  He takes a deep breath and wipes a tear from his eye before saying, “I was at work doing rounds one day when I got called into a meeting. I walked into the conference room and was shocked to see Molly was there with upper management. That is when I learned that Molly was caught stealing and taking prescription painkillers from the hospital. It wasn’t a meeting; it was an intervention.”

  “Oh, Alec.” That is all I can say.

  “The hospital pressed charges. They immediately initiated a drug intervention. Molly had to do 28 days in a drug rehabilitation and treatment center. Molly went straight from the hospital to an in-house drug-rehab program.”

  I look at him and for the first time since we met, I see tears in his eyes. I hold his hand and offer what little support I can.

  “Anyway, to make a long story short, she signed herself out of the treatment center after a few days and has since upgraded her drug of choice from prescription drugs to intravenous heroin, cocaine, and even crack.” He looks at me and says, “I swear to you I haven’t seen Molly in almost a year. She had ran off with some guy last year and I haven’t seen her since. I went to a divorce attorney before I met you and my divorce is going to be final in two weeks.”

  “And last night?”

  “Last night was the first time I saw her in ten months. Emma, I swear to you. I had no idea she was still around. I should have told you my sad and pathetic story from the beginning. But you are so innocent that I didn’t want to taint you with my life.”

  I look at him and I can see the pain evident on his face. He has dark circles under his eyes and stress lines on his forehead.

  “Baby, look at me.” I look at him and he gives me a sad smile. “I want you to know, I will never hurt you. Please tell me you know that.”

  “I know that. But when she was on your bed dressed like that and she said she was your wife, what was I supposed to do, to think?”

  “Honestly, I would have done and believed the same thing.”

  “Where is she now?” I ask.

  “She’s in the hospital. She overdosed last night at the house, after you left. We got into a huge fight and she went into the restroom. I later found her on the bathroom floor, unconscious. She still had the needle stuck in her arm. I called her mom and dad and they met us at the hospital.”

  “Oh, my God, I had no idea. I am so sorry.”

  “The doctor said she’ll be fine. As soon as she is well enough, she’ll sign herself out against medical advice. This is my guess anyway. This is the routine and sadly, I don’t see that changing.”

  “She’s done this before?”

  “Many times. She is in search of that ultimate high.”

  “Ultimate high? What do you mean?”

  “It’s the best high of your life or you die trying to find it.”

  I shiver before saying, “What are you going to do?” I hold his hands in both of mine. The ultimate high. I shiver again just thinking about it.

  “Well, I have work tonight. I’ll take Raelynn to my parents’ house and I’ll check in on Molly throughout the night on my breaks, assuming she is still there. I have a meeting in the morning with my attorney and will see if this changes anything concerning my divorce.”

  “The house is in both of your names, correct?”

  “No, it’s in my name. I’ll offer her a large sum of money and she’ll be excited to have it.”

  “This is what I think we should do.”

  “I’m listening,” he says.

  “I’ll keep Raelynn while you work. I can drop her and James off at school on my way to work in the morning. You go to work and don’t worry about Rae. Call me on my cell phone after you see your attorney in the morning.”

  “Are you sure?” he asks. “I don’t want to put you out.”

  “Alec, I love you. You are not putting me out; I love Raelynn and I want to help anyway I can.”

  He stands up and pulls me up with him. “God, I love you.” He holds me close to him. We walk home holding hands, and we decide we won’t do anything drastic until after we talk tomorrow evening. We need to at least wait to hear what the attorney says.

  Alec

  I walk in to work and the first thing I do after getting report is to see if Molly is still admitted. I know she should be, but I am not surprised to see that she isn’t. I work well with the charge nurse on night shift and text Emma in the middle of the night to check on things. It is the first time she has kept Raelynn, and I just need to make sure everything is all right. I am more than surprised when she texts me back in the middle of the night. As I knew it would be, everything is fine.

  I meet with the attorney first thing in the morning after I complete my shift. I go over with him that Molly is back and I have no idea for how long or where she is. I still have a court date in two weeks and unless Molly shows up to contest it, everything will be fine. Sadly, I can’t imagine Molly staying sober long enough to show up for court. The attorney said they will need to attempt to get ahold of Molly to let her know about the court date for the divorce. Although they have made many unsuccessful attempts, they’ll need to try again.

  Once I am home and showered, I text Emma.

  Alec: Hi, Baby, I’m home. Everything went well with the attorney.

  Emma: That’s good. I was beginning to worry.

  Alec: I’m sorry. It took longer than I thought. I just showered and I’m going to lie down until I have to get Rae from school.

  Emma: I should have given you the house key. You could have slept at my house.

  Alec: That would be nice, but I would rather sleep there when you are there with me.

  Emma: I doubt that we would sleep at all.

  Alec: I’m sure you’re right.

  Emma: I have to go. I have a customer. Sweet dreams. xoxo

  Alec: See you soon, Baby. x

  I go to sleep, but I am startled awake by a pair of arms wrapped around me. I jump out of bed and see that Molly is in bed with me.

  “Jesus, Molly!” I look down and I am forever grateful I have my boxers on.

  “What’s the matter with you?” she asks. She is covered with a sheet to her chest, but it looks like she is naked beneath the sheet.

  “You! That’s what’s wrong with me.”

  “This is still our house and our bed, and you are still my husband. Don’t you remember the good times we had?”

  “Really, Molly? How long have you been gone? You think you still have rights to me? And no, I don’t remember the good times.” I pull out a pair of sweat pants from my dresser and quickly put them on along with a tee shirt.

  She sits up in bed and the sheet falls to her waist, exposing her bare breasts. I quickly look away. I grab my wallet, phone, and car keys from the nightstand and walk towards the bedroom door.

  “You’r
e leaving? I just got back.”

  “What is it you want? The house, everything in it, the car?”

  “Some money would be good, for starters.” I watch her and she starts to scratch her arms; this is a classic sign of detox. While coming off drugs, drug addicts often complain of feeling that things are crawling on them.

  “I’m not giving you money to support your habit. You need help. If you want help, I’ll help you.”

  “Screw you and your help. How about that?”

  I walk out the house and slam the door shut behind me. I text Emma and ask her if I can go to her house for awhile. I also tell her about the uninvited guest at my house. I stop by her work to get the house keys from her. Brea is in there with a Pack ’n Play set up with a sleeping baby in it and Sara is at her desk on the phone. Emma stands as soon as she sees me and smiles. Her smile is very welcoming.

  “Hi,” she smiles.

  “Hi, Baby, sorry about having to come over here. I don’t have a key.”

  She reaches into her desk drawer and pulls out a single key. “Now you do. I had one made for you this morning.”

  I smile at her, take the key from her, and pull her closer to me. “That is why I love you.”

  “Because I give you house keys?” She giggles.

  “Well, that, too. But mostly because you are always on top of things. You know what needs done before I even know there’s a problem.” I kiss her and I can feel her smile.

  “You better go, I still have work to do.”

  “Emma, if you want to call it a day, you can go,” Brea says, standing at the coffee maker. “As soon as Arturo wakes up, we’ll be leaving, too. Maybe you guys can have lunch together before you pick up the kids.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind staying while you both leave.”

  Sara hangs up the phone and smiles. “Go on and enjoy the sunshine. Business is slow, and there isn’t any need for all of us to stay. ”

  Emma smiles at me and gets her purse from under the desk. “Do you have everything?” I ask.

  “I do, Alec, and thank you, guys. I’ll see you both tomorrow,” Emma says, waving goodbye.