The Casebook of Sir Sherlock Holmes
Page 5
You were handling the case yourself, weren’t you? said Holmes.
Yes, said Roman. But a non-lawyer is no match for the manipulations of legal counsel and judges. Also, Angle was the one who heard our case against the Commonwealth and ignored the illegality of the federal police warrant application, not to mention a variety of other anomalies.
Yes, that’s a bit rough, said Hudson.
If I had realized beforehand, said Roman, I would have asked Angle to recuse himself.
Needless to say, I have absolutely no faith in our legal system. I have even proposed a new system, but no one has responded, including the Department of Justice.
*******
After King Roman left, Holmes said to Hudson Our legal system is utter crap, prone to prejudice and to manipulation. You see how it screwed King Roman and Lady Fele and prevented them from obtaining just compensation. If it were any good, it would not free the guilty and punish the innocent.
Surely you exaggerate! exclaimed Dr Hudson.
Not at all, said Holmes. The courts are stressful, play on prejudice, and the judge can roll the dice whichever way he wants. Again, look at our friends, where the judge ignored the falsely sworn warrant application for a start. Surely that made the subsequent actions of the federal police illegal, yet he ignored the facts because he was biassed for the police and against their victims. He apparently even said so.
When Jesus gave a warning to lawyers, I guess he meant judges too, said Dr Hudson. After all, judges are lawyers, aren’t they?
Birds of a feather, all tarred with the same brush, said Holmes. What we need is a new system, where judges don’t see or know the parties, and there is no collusion between lawyers. Roman proposed one, but received no reply.
I guess that would be because lawyers are satisfied with things the way they are, regardless of whether the system produces justice or injustice, said Hudson.
Exactly, said Holmes. They have a nice little gold mine, and they don’t want anyone to take it from them.
Would you like to see female lawyers, for example, in something flowing? said Hudson, as he browsed through a book he had picked up. Like a river? he laughed.
Holmes chuckled. Got any more? he said.
How about Why should you bury lawyers 10 feet under? said Hudson. Because deep down they’re not so bad.
To get away from that distasteful subject, said Holmes, here’s a switch on the philosophy I think, therefore I am... I think, therefore I’m single.
Sir Sherlock ruminated. Perhaps you remember, he said, when the Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd called people smugglers vermin?
Yes, I wondered about that, said Hudson.
And any decent person would too, said Holmes. He called vermin those who are prepared to risk their lives, their boats, and their freedom, in order to provide the only avenue of escape open to those asylum seekers! Far from being vermin, they are heroes. The real vermin are the stone-hearted bastards in Canberra. They have no compassion or humanity in them for their fellow humans in distress.
Want to hear some more jokes? asked Hudson.
Holmes nodded.
Here’s one from Rodney Dangerfield... My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate, so I got two girlfriends. And Benny Hill said Girls are like pianos, when they’re not upright, they’re grand.
Bit naughty that, Holmes remarked.
Here’s another from Bob Monkhouse, said Hudson. I bought my wife a sex manual but half the pages were missing. We went straight from foreplay to postnatal depression.
Holmes was smiling. Thank you for that, John. I have to leave now, unfortunately.
I’ll see you when I get back.
*******
Two weeks later, newspaper headlines read:
Sir Sherlock Holmes is Dead!
Sir Sherlock Holmes fell from the summit of Mount Fuji yesterday morning. One report says he was pushed.
A helicopter search of the slopes revealed no sign of the body, which is thought to be buried in the snow.
A friend of the detective, Dr John Hudson, said that Holmes was on the trail of a master forger.
Sir Sherlock Holmes has lived in Darwin for many years, and has no family.
He is the grandson of Sherlock Holmes, late of 221B Baker Street, London, England.
*******
Back at her Darwin home now, Terry wept unconsolably. Her love was gone. So soon.
*******
More Observations from the Original Sherlock Holmes
It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important - A Case of Identity
Eliminate all other factors, and the one which remains must be the truth - The Sign of Four
It is of the first importance... not to allow your judgment to be biased by - personal qualities... The emotional qualities are antagonistic to clear reasoning - The Sign of Four
It is my belief, Watson, founded upon my experience, that the lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling beautiful countryside... Think of the deeds of hellish cruelty, the hidden wickedness which may go on, year in, year out, in such places, and none the wiser - The Copper Beeches
My dear Watson, you as a medical man are continually gaining light as to the tendencies of a child by the study of the parents. Don’t you see that the converse is equally valid. I have frequently gained my first real insight into the character of parents by studying their children - The Copper Beeches
It is of the highest importance in the art of detection to be able to recognise out of a number of facts which are incidental and which vital. Otherwise your energy and attention must be dissipated instead of being concentrated - The Reigate Squires
You see, my dear Watson... it is not really difficult to construct a series of inferences, each dependent upon its predecessor and each simple in itself. If, after doing so, one simply knocks out all the central inferences and presents one’s audience with the starting-point and the conclusion, one may produce a startling, though possibly a meretricious, effect - The Dancing Men