No Going Back

by Ainsley Kincade

  “Paperwork required any time two employees get into a relationship. It clears the company of liability.”

  “Oh god,” Reagan whispered.

  Grabbing her arms gently, I turned Reagan to face me. She’d lost almost all her color, but I still had a hard time not chuckling at her reaction. “Reagan, relax. You’re panicking for no reason.”

  “I just…” She breathed out slowly as she pressed a hand to her stomach. “This is happening a lot faster than I expected.”

  “No,” I said, no longer able to hold back my laugh, “we spent a year getting to this point. Now we’re just catching up on lost time.”

  Finally, that brought a timid smile to her mouth. It was fleeting and I knew she was still worried. She did at least seem a little calmer. Feeling guilty for throwing so much at her all at once, I pulled her closer. “You worry about what everyone will think, but do you remember what Emily said about me not dating for a long time?” When she nodded, her curiosity piquing, I forced myself to continue. “This isn’t really the time to explain all of that, but please do trust me when I say no one is going to think we’re dating for any other reason than I enjoy being with you. Aside from that, your colleagues respect you too much to think badly of you, so quit worrying so much, all right?”

  She was still pretty far from trusting me on this, but the fight had gone out of her at least. Moving from scared and angry to wary was a start. Smiling, I kissed her once more. It was brief, and her lips turned down into a small frown when I pulled back. She seemed to catch herself and forced her expression back to neutral a moment later.

  “Can I take you to lunch?” I asked.

  Reagan sighed, but the corner of her mouth twitched upward. “Fine.”

  “Don’t sound so excited.”

  “I’m just a little concerned about what you might have planned. At the rate you to move, you’ll be proposing by dinner.” She rolled her eyes, then seemed to realize what she’d just said. Her eyes went wide and she stumbled over backtracking. “I didn’t mean to…I was just kidding…oh my god, I can’t believe I…”

  Yanking her back into my arms, I didn’t just kiss her, I devoured her. The whimper that escaped her control as my tongue rolled across hers made me hard in an instant. Her hands pressed against my chest as if she couldn’t decide whether she was trying to push me away or pull me in. I pulled back enough to catch her lip between my teeth and suck. Her knees faltered and she pressed against me even more.

  “I want to fuck you right now, so badly I can barely stand it,” I said against her mouth as I continued to kiss her.

  “Yes,” she moaned then pulled back. “No.” She shook her head quickly, eyes wide. “Not here. Oh god. I want to, though.” She gnawed on her lip and stared at me. “What are you doing to me?” Her labored breathing and flushed cheeks said she didn’t mind it, whatever it was.

  “I think it’s the other way around,” I said as I kissed her one more time, lightly, even though it still made my cock pulse with need. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to get any work done now.”

  When her expression clouded with worry, especially after what Marie had said, I laughed. “Trust me, this is still better than before. At least now I know I’ll be able to get you alone later.” I grinned wickedly at her when her cheeks flushed with desire and embarrassment. Lunch was sounding more and more appetizing by the minute.

  ***

  Darting out of his office with what I hoped was a perfectly average expression on my face, I forced myself to walk sedately. As much as I wanted to peek at the people around me, I couldn’t bear the idea. What if one of them said something, or gave me one of those looks I knew all too well? I wanted to strangle Mr. Gabriel for announcing our relationship the way he had. Shockingly, he seemed to have judged his employees pretty accurately. Everyone in the room, as much as I had dared to look around, actually seemed pleased.

  That made me curious.

  When I arrived at my office, Emily was parked beside it. She was grinning maniacally. Sighing, I was having serious doubts about actually getting any work done today. I unlocked my door and gestured for her to go in ahead of me. This was not going to be a discussion about wardrobe or model selection. As soon as she sat down in the chair, she was off and running.

  “Oh my god, Reagan, I am just dying to know what happened last night!” She scooted her chair closer. “You didn’t even think he was going to follow through on dinner and this morning when I got to work your car was still here, and you didn’t even text me to tell you he did take you to dinner! You totally owe me twenty bucks, by the way. Where did he take you and how did you end up back at his place? Please don’t hold out on me. I want every single detail. I’ve totally been in a slump lately and have no choice but to live vicariously through you. Spill.”

  Still grinning, she waited impatiently for me to tell her everything. I didn’t even know where to start, or if I should. I knew she was never going to leave if I didn’t give her at least something. “We went for pizza and beers. I’ll pay up on the bet tomorrow. Or take you out this weekend? I have a feeling I’m going to need it. Your choice, though.”

  “Oh, we are definitely going out.” She propped her elbow on my desk, practically lying on top of it now. “I want the rest. What happened after dinner?”

  “Brandon sent Mr. Gabriel the other pictures he took. The ones for his show.” I left the rest to her imagination.

  Emily sat back. “Holy shit. No wonder Mr. G took you back to his place. Those picture were hot. I mean, artistic and absolutely gorgeous, but even I was getting a little turned on,” she laughed.

  I knew she was joking about that last part, though she’d confessed that she’d experimented with girls a little in college. Her evaluation of my boss’s reaction was spot on. “I thought he was going to be mad, and I think he kind of was—at Brandon—but mostly, I’d never seen a man so turned on. It might have been scary if I hadn’t been about to jump out of my skin being so close to him.”

  “It was amazing, right? It had to be.”

  Feeling warm just thinking about it, I nodded slowly. “Even if this ends badly, I already know no other man ever has a chance at living up to that.”

  Emily flopped back against the chair. “If I wasn’t so happy for you, I’d be insanely jealous.”

  Personally, I wasn’t so sure about that. On an emotional level, I didn’t know how I felt about Mr. Gabriel. Sexually, he’d had me from day one. Somehow he’d managed to live up to my fantasies in that department. Everything else, I was completely lost. His fast-tracking from hormone-driven thoughts to sex up against his kitchen wall and announcing to the entire office that we were now in a relationship, according to him, scared me…a lot.

  I didn’t move fast. Not when it came to relationships. Work, career, school, I never lacked motivation and pushed myself to excel. Growing up, it had been me and my dad. He didn’t date, never even flirted with a cute waitress or made a comment that led me to believe he was interested in a woman. He didn’t talk about my mom. Or love, outside of how much he loved me. Or sex. Or relationships. Thank God for sex ed in school and friends who weren’t shy and were willing to fill me in. My dad certainly wasn’t going to.

  He was all I knew when it came to loving someone, and I thought he was an amazing father then and now. Growing up like that hadn’t prepared me for handling relationships as an adult. In high school, I’d dated casually and gone on a lot of group activities. My dad had never forbidden me to have a steady boyfriend, but it seemed to be something understood between us. It was supposed to be just the two of us, at least until I left home and he didn’t have to directly deal with me getting involved with anyone.

  On my own at college, I’d blundered through relationships, making so many mistakes until I made one big enough to ruin everything and used keeping my grades up as an excuse to turn everyone down. Since then, I’d been on a handful of dates, usually set up by a friend. What did I think I was doing getting involved with Mr.
Gabriel? It was bound to be a disaster, on more than one level, yet there was no going back. Not with him.

  Emily eventually got called away, but she wasn’t the last to stop by my office. Every time someone came by to ask a question or give an update, there were happy responses in regards to the announcement. It made my curiosity even worse, but I didn’t ask. What right did I have to dig into his past? He didn’t press me about mine, and I had certainly given him reason to wonder. Even after last night, I felt it was his place to fill me in. I kept telling myself that, at least. By the time lunch rolled around, I was practically itching with all the well wishes.

  “Thoughts on where to eat?” Mr. Gabriel asked after appearing at my office door. “As much as I’d like to say let’s grab something and take it back to my place, I have a meeting right after lunch and can’t be late.”

  Honestly, I was relieved to hear that. I needed to think before another encounter like last night. “How about Carmelli Bros? It’s close and a pastrami sandwich sounds really good right now.”

  And it was quiet enough to talk even during the lunch hour.

  “Sounds perfect,” Mr. Gabriel said. “Ready now?”

  “Sure.” I pushed aside a few mockups and pens, searching my desk for my purse.

  A sound meant to get my attention brought my gaze up. Mr. Gabriel held out my clutch, smiling and shaking his head. “Maybe I should get you a hook or one of those electronic buttons that link to your phone and tell you where your things are.”

  Taking the clutch from him, I said, “I always find it eventually. No need to swoop in and save me from something that isn’t really a problem.”

  He heard the slight edge to my voice and tilted his head to the side. “Is everything okay?”

  Barely halfway through my day, and I was exhausted. “Let’s just go to lunch, okay?”

  I didn’t need to say that we had a few things to talk about. My tone implied what my words didn’t explicitly say. He nodded and stepped out of the doorway. He waited patiently for me to lock my door, then slid his hand onto my back as I stepped toward him, Pedro smiling as he walked by. As much as I wanted to pull away, I didn’t want to make a scene and end up with more people in my office. Plus, I loved being touched by him, even if I was mad. Just his hand on my back turned me on. Heat built in my core, but I forced myself to ignore it and focus on my frustration. Biting back my irritation made for a quiet walk to the sandwich shop. Mr. Gabriel waited until we were seated in a back corner with our lunches before broaching the tension.

  “So, I take it you’re still mad at me about this morning.”

  His tone said he understood, but at the same time seemed absolutely unrepentant. His refusal to apologize for his attraction was sexy as hell, but aggravating to no end. “On several levels.”

  “Okay. Which ones.”

  I didn’t answer right away. Hungry as well as frustrated and confused, and struggling not to give in to the desire get out of there and find somewhere more private, I took several bites of my sandwich. After the salty goodness of my favorite comfort food brought my irritation and hormones down a few notches, I laid it out for him.

  “Before you announce to an entire office that we’re dating, it would have been nice if you’d asked me whether or not I was okay with being your girlfriend. For all you knew, I just wanted sex and not to be anyone’s girlfriend.” He opened his mouth to argue with me, but I kept talking. “You didn’t think this through at all, did you? We’ll get to why the office is being so weird about this in a minute. Did you even consider how this was going to affect my interaction with the people under me? All morning I’ve been fielding questions and congratulations, and getting absolutely nothing done. Frankly, it’s freaking me out. Regardless of the fact that I’ve lost two bets, thanks to you, I’m at a complete loss on how to deal with this. We had one night of amazing sex, and now suddenly I’m someone’s girlfriend and somehow responsible for your happiness? Do I get a say in any of this?”

  Mr. Gabriel set down his sandwich and dusted the crumbs off his hands. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and I couldn’t stop my attention from going to his lips. It was unfair that he was still so tempting when I wanted to shake him. Seemingly unaffected by either the conversation or my internal struggles, he said, “I’m sorry if I got ahead of myself this morning. In part, I knew after last night I’d never be able to get through today without doing something that would give me away. You’d expressed concerns over rumors, so I thought getting it all out in the open was the best offense to that.”

  “Without asking me?”

  His expression scrunched. “Last night wasn’t a one night stand. We both know that. Unless I severely misread your reaction to me, you’re having as hard of a time not thinking about the next time as I am.”

  I squirmed, just a little, giving away how right he was. The corner of his mouth twitched, but he kept his serious air. “Reagan, I don’t have any questions about whether or not I want to be with you. I want you. I make no secret of how much I want to pull you somewhere private and fuck you right now. You get under my skin like I’ve never experienced before. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all morning,” he admitted. “But there’s a lot more to it than that. I’ve worked with you for over a year, and I enjoy being around you on a nonsexual level as well. You’re intelligent and kind without letting people walk all over you. I don’t want to push you away with my inability to rein myself in. If you’re not on the same page with me about having a relationship beyond unrestrained sex, I need to know that.”

  Words stuck in my throat. How did I respond to that? This man had just confessed he was ready to jump into the deep end of a relationship with me, based on not just sex, but how much he valued me as a person. I knew him well enough to know when he wanted something, he pretty much always got it. Not in an abusive way, though. He had a powerful personality, but he didn’t bully people. The people around him simply liked and respected him so much he never had to ask twice for something.

  That worked fantastically for him in business. In a relationship?

  “It’s not that we’re on different pages,” I said quietly. “You are absolutely addictive, in so many ways. This is what I’ve spent the last year wishing for. It all becoming a reality in the span on two days? My head is spinning, Mr. Gabriel. I’m terrified of getting swallowed up in this and spit out before I even know what’s happening.”

  His eyes narrowed. “First of all, if you call me Mr. Gabriel again, I’m going to ignore you.” He chuckled when I rolled my eyes. “Secondly, you aren’t going to get spit out. No matter what happens between us, I will not allow you to be negatively affected.”

  “I’m not talking about my job,” I said, my voice rising in frustration.

  Leaning back against the seat, he folded his arms across his chest and studied me. “What do you mean?”

  My breathing hitched as I realized I would have to explain myself, for real. “Have you ever wanted something so badly you almost became obsessed with it?”

  He arched one eyebrow, staring at me pointedly.

  Fighting back a blush, I forced myself to keep going. “Have you finally gotten what you wanted and it didn’t live up to the hype?”

  When I paused, worry flitted across his features.

  “That’s not what happened with you,” I said. “Last night was beyond anything I could have expected.”

  “And that scared you? Why?”

  “Because I’m afraid this will end badly and I’ll be the one most ruined by it.”

  “Why would it end badly?” He honestly seemed confused. “I have every intention of not only satisfying you sexually until I’m the only thought in your mind, but of making you happy as well. I’m not going to hurt you, ever. Why would you think I would?”

  Somewhat stunned by that profession, it took me a moment to collect my thoughts. “I’m not good in relationships. I’ve pretty much mangled every one I’ve ever had. It’s pretty clear to me you’ll
live up to every fantasy I’ve ever had about you, but I’m equally sure I won’t.”

  He shook his head, more than a little confused.

  “Everyone in the office,” I began, “they adore you. They’re weirdly thrilled to see you dating and happy. I’m lost as to what exactly is behind that, but what happens when things end and they all blame me? How do I stay at the magazine after that?”

  Silence fell between us. I could tell he didn’t understand my fears, but he was trying to process them. For him, everything seemed so cut and dry. He wanted me. I wanted him. Everything would work out. That struck me as strange, because he’d always seemed to be a very practical person. He understood the intricacies of people and what made them tick. It was why he was such a great boss. Why didn’t he get what I was trying to tell him?

  “Well, if it isn’t Brandon’s new muse,” an unfamiliar voice said from right next to me.

  Startled by the sound and what he’d said, I snapped my gaze up to his. Confusion wrinkled my brow. I had no idea who he was, or why he would know about Brandon or the photos. I heard Mr. Gabriel adjust his position. Tension filled the space around us. I could practically feel the electric current running between him and the new arrival.

  “What are you doing here?” Mr. Gabriel growled.

  Shocked by his anger, I turned to look at him. Shoulders squared, he looked ready for a fight. His expression wasn’t outright threatening, but there was an edge to his features and fury in his eyes. Having never seen my boss get more than justifiably annoyed at someone for screwing up, I was taken aback.

  “Stopping in for lunch,” whoever the man was said. “Pure serendipity I ran into you two, though it was the lovely Reagan who drew my attention. Not you.”

  The hostility pouring off my boss was palpable. “How could I forget Brandon’s next show is at your gallery?”

  The man laughed mirthlessly. “Imagine my surprise to have been pouring over printing details with him this morning and then find the woman who inspired such amazing art here with a man who doesn’t deserve her.” The man’s expression darkened to one filled with as much barely-restrained rage as my boss’s. “Please, at least ease my fears and tell me you aren’t planning to get back into the game with her.”