by T. W. Brown
“If you will all excuse me,” I said as I pushed away from the table.
“William?” Dr. Zahn stepped towards me, but I held my hands out to keep her back.
“I just want to get some sleep.” I stepped past her and climbed the stairs.
Glancing back on my way up, I saw everybody sitting around the living room, hands folded or in their lap. They had obviously heard it all. For some, like Sunshine, Melissa and maybe even Cheryl, this shed new light on things that I know I had wrestled with and had to assume that the others did as well—at least to some degree.
My entire body hurt. They’d taped up my ribs at the medical center, and I had not been able to take a full breath ever since. Having suffered through my share of rib injuries from the days as a high school football lineman, this was probably (as strange as it may seem) the most welcome injury that I had received.
Damn you, Jake, I thought as I undressed and climbed into bed. Why all the secrets? If any of us would have known that he had a son, and that his son might be a prisoner, didn’t he think we would all step up to help? Or was that part of the problem? He was not sure of the situation, so he left us out of it in order to keep us safe? Had he tried to give me the Old Yeller treatment? Acting all mean, doing everything he could think of to push those he cared about away to shield us from potential danger.
A million thoughts swirled through my head as I drifted into an uneasy sleep full of horrid nightmares involving kids being blown to bits; sometimes it was the faces of those children from the camp we’d hit. However, slipped in there every so often, I would toe the body at my feet and find Thalia staring up at me with dead eyes. But every time, they ended the same. Emily would walk up and reach out her hand, the tiny body would stir, and then it would take her hand and walk away, leaving me standing there alone atop a pile of corpses.
***
I do not believe that I will ever get used to waking up in the middle of the night. My eyes opened to such complete blackness that I could not actually be certain that I’d opened them. Feeling around, I was relieved to discover Katrina’s body close by; her soft breathing slow and steady.
I very carefully extricated myself from her and the covers and got dressed. I was aware enough of my own body to know that I was done sleeping. It did not matter that I felt almost as tired now as I had before. I was awake for the duration.
I made my way down the stairs and paused when I reached the landing. Just enough light was drifting through the living room window for me to make out a human-shaped shadow sitting on the sofa.
“It’s me, Billy,” I heard Darla whisper. Her voice was thick, and it took me a few seconds to actually remember the terrible injury that she had suffered.
“When did you get back?” I asked. I felt a flash of guilt for not looking in on her or seeing if she was close to done with her checkup after we’d arrived and been taken to the medical center.
“A few hours ago,” she answered as she got up and walked to the front door. I took that as meaning she wanted to talk, so I followed.
“I am having a problem with what we did,” Darla finally said after a long silence. “I mean, I get that we had a mission and that we were trying to secure our borders, but was that really the answer?”
“I have been asking myself the same thing.”
We both plopped down on the top step and took in the cool night air. It might be rolling deep into spring, but clear nights out here in Eastern Oregon were some chilly mothers. The sky was clear, but there was no moon.
“You think we did the right thing?” Darla finally asked.
“I honestly don’t know.” I let my answer hang for a few seconds before I changed the tack of the conversation. “I am of the mind that maybe we are just not supposed to be gathering in such large groups. As soon as a bunch of people come together, it just feels like they try to go right back to the old ways of doing things. People who assume the control shift right into acting almost like freaking stereotypes of what we think of when we think about government leaders. All the secrets and dirty dealing…it’s crazy.”
“So it’s not just me?” Darla asked with an uncomfortable laugh.
“I used to love this show called 24,” I said with a wistful laugh. “It was so over the top and crazy. Everybody had a secret and nobody was really who they seemed. As soon as you thought you knew who the bad guy was, somebody worse would pop up. And through it all, Jack Bauer was this badass who walked the line between hero and villain. I used to think there was no way that shit could happen with real people…but lately, I think all the folks in charge must have watched the same show and think that is how leaders are supposed to act.” I rubbed my hands against the cold and felt a thought start to break free in my head. I was sure now more than ever that this was the way to go.
“I won’t be here tomorrow,” Darla finally broke the long and thought-filled silence. I jerked my head to face her. “I just wanted you to know and hear it from me so that you did not think I was one of the shady people.”
“Why…where…?” I had questions, but apparently my mouth was not up to the task of forming them properly.
“A few of the people that we rescued, they are heading out. None of them found any of their loved ones. Can you believe it?” She let loose with a bitter laugh. “Anyways, I was talking with a few of them at the medical center and they just don’t feel that this is where they want to stay. We don’t have any place specific in mind in case that is one of the questions you want to throw at me. I just wanted you to do me a favor and give my best to Dr. Zahn. I can’t explain it, but I really like her.”
I nodded and she stood up. “Wait…now…you’re leaving now?” I blurted.
Darla gave me a hug and then stepped back. “Like I said, I just don’t have a good feeling about this place. I think it would be best if we slipped out at night.”
I watched her as she made her way across the street. A moment later, she was joined by a handful of shadows. I heard a little bit of a commotion, and then what looked like a trio of the shadows peeled away from the group and came my way.
“Darla said that you were up…that’s good,” Gable whispered as he reached the bottom step and looked up at me. His mom was on one side, Paul was on the other.
“You’re going, too?” I asked, although it was a pretty stupid question.
“I think it is best,” Gable said with a nod. “But I wanted to thank you for everything that you did. And knowing that you knew my dad really meant a lot. I am glad that we don’t have to wonder.”
That makes one of us, I thought.
“Well…” I stepped down and shook the guy’s hand and then turned to Sylvia and reached out to do the same. I ended up in a big hug with the woman. When she let go, I stepped back and gave a polite nod of the head. “I wish you guys the best.”
“You too, Billy,” Gable said as he and his mom melted back into the darkness and rejoined their little group.
“I wish that I could have been more help,” Paul said apologetically as he shook my hand. “I guess nobody can know what is really going on inside a man’s head…much less a man like Jake. I do know that he thought the world of you. I’d heard all about you from him when you were in that hospital bed. He said that if there was one person who could survive this thing…it was you.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
I really did not know what to say. I guess I would have to wonder for the rest of my life as to what really happened with Jake; what had caused him to make a choice that led not only to his death, but the death of all those who had followed him. If he’d just gone on some damn commando raid on his own, maybe I could reconcile that and find some peace.
I watched as they disappeared into the black. I understood their choice, and I sincerely wished them all the very best. I took my seat back on the top step and watched as the sun slowly began to cast its glow over the scene. Birds chirped and flitted past as they began their day, bringing me from my reverie.
Sou
nds of activity within the house brought my attention and I rose to go inside. It was time that I make my decision known to everybody.
***
“That is the smartest thing that I have heard come out of your mouth, William,” Dr. Zahn finally spoke to break the agonizing silence.
“I’m in,” Grady chirped.
I was stunned. This was the exact opposite of the reaction that I had expected. Not that I was upset; truth be told, I was elated. I had absolutely expected Katrina to join me, and maybe even Cheryl. She was sort of a loner now that her husband was gone. Sunshine had clung to Dr. Zahn and Melissa had her baby and Thalia. Cheryl was sort of the forgotten soldier in all of this. Heck, I doubted that she and I had shared more than ten words since we had come to Island City.
I had been a little surprised that Melissa agreed to come along. I truly believed that she would have made the choice to stay behind with her baby. Again, there was a tinge of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. I guess I secretly hoped that she would not join us. However, the upside was that it meant Thalia would be coming along. For whatever reason, I had a strong affinity for that little girl.
“The thing is,” I leaned forward and placed both my hands firmly on the table, “I just don’t feel like these people will let us go like that. They will want to talk and chip away at our resolve. Hell, they might even lock us up for all we know.”
“You seemed to have a good relationship with Carol,” Sunshine offered. “Maybe if you spoke to her alone.”
“Nope,” I answered with a shake of my head. “That is part of the problem here. We don’t really know any of these people. She has already proved adept at keeping secrets from us. We have been spied on at every turn. I think it would be in our best interest to just leave. If we push hard, we might make it to the old place and get set up with enough time to be able to set defenses in place that will allow us to hold off any sort of attack. Honestly, I doubt that they would send that big of a force after us if they sent one at all.”
Nods came from around the table. The die had been cast. Now we just had to hope that I had one more plan up my sleeve that would go off without a hitch. My luck surplus had to be just about empty by now.
“Everybody go about your normal routine,” Dr. Zahn announced. “Those of you with work details today, attend to them and do nothing to draw attention to yourself.”
The room emptied and Dr. Zahn had Thalia, Rabia, and Levent pulled aside. She crouched down in front of them and looked them all in the eye.
“You all understand what a secret is, correct?” she asked. Three heads bobbed furiously in unison. “It is very important that you go to school today and behave like normal. You can’t say a word to anybody about us leaving. Not even to another kid, even if that boy or girl is your best friend.”
“Can we hug them goodbye at the end of school?” Rabia asked.
“Do you normally hug your friends goodbye when school lets out?” the doc said in a voice that was much more grandmother and almost nothing of Dr. Zahn.
Little Rabia seemed to give the question serious consideration before finally shaking her head and dropping chin to chest with a sigh. I felt sorry for her, but now I was feeling a bit of concern. We were asking a lot from these children. Life had already dealt them a crappy hand with the zombie apocalypse stealing any chance of a normal childhood from them. And now they were faced with having to learn what seemed like standard adult procedure: the art of deception.
“Then, as much as I know it might not seem fair, I need you to act like nothing is happening.” Dr. Zahn stood and patted the child gently on the head. “Now you three go get ready for school.”
As soon as they were gone, Dr. Zahn headed for the living room where Melissa was feeding the baby. She stopped before the woman and in a whisper that I barely caught, she said, “Keep an eye on Rabia today if you can.” The woman nodded and then Dr. Zahn motioned me to follow her outside.
I hurried to catch up, and we went out back to the patio table and sat down. She folded her hands in front of her and gave me her steely stare for a few seconds.
“So…you say that you have some information I might be interested in?”
I nodded and wasted no time telling her the things that I had witnessed from the child zombies. When I revealed the information about Emily, I saw her face crack just a bit. I didn’t know if that reaction was for Steve, Emily, or just her version of shock. When it was all out, I sat silently and waited.
“I think this is as close to a confirmation as I will ever get on my theory that the child zombie operates differently due to the fact that the mind of a child is still in such a highly developmental state. Honestly, I doubt we could gather such poignant information in a lab.” Dr. Zahn leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes for a moment. Then, sitting back up, she fixed her gaze on me. “You are to never say anything about Emily to anybody. Do you understand?”
Honestly, I didn’t, but I nodded my head in the affirmative. Whatever the reasons, Dr. Zahn had hers, and I respected her brain a lot more than I did my own.
“Now,” the doc stood with an evil glint in her eye, “I am supposed to attend some sort of meeting about what my role will be on this town council. I guess it won’t hurt to get an inside look at these people and their idea of a governing body. Never know what might fall out of their mouths. Plus, I want to see if there is any knowledge about the group that departed early this morning.”
With that, the doctor turned and headed up the stairs, leaving me alone in the living room. I wondered where Katrina had disappeared to and after everybody else had gone on their way, leaving me to a relatively empty house, I went upstairs to see if I could find her.
It was like a scene from a cheesy horror movie. There I am creeping down the hallway, made darker because all of the doors were shut and so there was next to no sunlight. I called out Katrina’s name a few times, but there was no response.
Finally, I arrived at the door to where we slept. I couldn’t really call it “our” room since we shared it with at least a half dozen other people. Turning the knob, I wondered if maybe she had gone back to sleep. I’d been a little surprised when she hadn’t stuck around after my little announcement. That was when the thought hit me; maybe she didn’t want to leave this place.
I peeked into the room and saw a body-sized lump in our bed. Since I knew that the place was pretty much empty with the exception of the two of us, it had to be her. I padded over and reached down to touch her shoulder gently to see if she was asleep.
“BOO!” she shouted as she flipped over suddenly, sending me falling backwards on my butt with a heavy thud. I might have screamed, and it may or may not have been in a girlish register.
The sounds of laughter came from the covers that were now shaking rather violently. Regaining myself as much as I could, I stood up and stomped over to the bed, yanking the covers back to reveal her very naked body.
“You can be the big tough leader all you want, Billy Haynes,” Katrina purred as she reached out her arms to me, “but I will always have this moment.”
I didn’t really care. I was already peeling out of my clothes. She could have this moment and all of the rest. I was sort of hoping that the next few minutes would make her at least forget my rather girlish scream for a little while.
“I think you have something that belongs to me,” Katrina whispered in my ear as she nibbled gently on the lobe before starting down the tender part of the side of my neck.
“Everything I am belongs to you,” I replied through a shudder that made my stomach tingle and my toes curl just a little.
With a sudden move, she had flipped me onto my back and was now on top, staring down into my eyes with that smile that I knew I would do anything for.
Her hands moved to my shoulders and I felt something tickle the skin on my chest. With a smile, she held up the little heart necklace that she’d given me before I’d left on that mission. I brought my hands up and motioned for her to give it to m
e. She did, and I put it back around her neck and fastened the clasp.
“I think that almost counts as foreplay,” she giggled.
In a sudden move, I flipped her back down onto the bed so that I was now looking down on her. I was once again struck by how beautiful she was to me. Her eyes sparkled, and when she smiled like she was at this very moment, there was this little crinkle on the bridge of her nose and a curve to her lips that was perhaps the sexiest thing in the world.
I started kissing my way down her body and paused long enough to murmur against her belly, “If you thought that was foreplay, then you are gonna love this.”
***
The two of us lay curled into each other. My body still felt like every single nerve ending was exposed and just the feeling of her hand tracing lazy circles on my chest was giving me shivers. I’d actually found the magic cure for a rib injury. For the past however long we’d been engaged in each other’s body, I’d forgotten all about the ribs. Unfortunately, now that all of the fun stuff was over, the ache was coming back and seemed to be a bit worse from all the activity.
My mind went back to Jamie and Teresa as I tried to push the pain aside. I remembered seeing them together and wondering what the hell they could be thinking. A zombie apocalypse was no place for a love story. Yet, here I was. I knew my feelings for Katrina. I knew her feelings for me.
“Something really bad happened on that mission, didn’t it?” Katrina whispered. It was like a sudden splash of ice water being tossed in my face. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I just wanted you to know that I could tell something was bothering you really bad when you came home. And since you didn’t know anything about Jake’s journal or the stuff that Paul told you, I knew it had to do with whatever happened out there.”
I didn’t say a word. I was afraid that just trying to open my mouth would turn me into a blubbering ball of mush. I could not say how I saw the faces of those children every time I closed my eyes. I could not express what I felt having taken the lives of so many men and women for no other reason than I’d been told to do so.