Caught by Love: A Lesbian Romance

by Jade Winters

  Chapter 40

  Maggie opened the door and shook her head sadly, her eyes glistening with tears. “Hello, Alisa.”

  “I take it that you know?”

  Maggie nodded.

  “And I suppose you think I did the wrong thing by not telling her,” Alisa queried.

  Maggie shook her head. “No. Believe it or not I totally understand why you didn’t tell her. I had a best friend once who had a cheating husband. I caught him in the act one day at a friend’s party. Stupidly I told her, thinking I was doing the right thing but she ended up hating me for it. She believed her smooth talking husband and ended our friendship. You can’t win in these types of situations.”

  Alisa grimaced. “Don’t I know it. Believe it or not my intentions were good. I didn’t want to shatter her illusions of Naomi. Then after she died, there was no reason to tell her. It wouldn’t have done any good.”

  Maggie reached and took her hand. “I’m sorry for all this time I thought you were the bad guy.”

  Alisa squeezed her hand before releasing it. “It’s okay, I would rather it be that way than be like this.” She looked past her into the house. “Can I come in?”

  Maggie’s face looked crestfallen. “She doesn’t want to see you.”

  This was Naomi’s and Leah’s mess. But Hannah and herself were the ones being punished for it. She took a step closer to Maggie, peering down at her with pleading eyes. “Please, Maggie, I need to speak to her.”

  “I know, Alisa, but she’s adamant. She has her head in the sand at the moment and she’s looking for someone to blame. You just happen to have the biggest target on your back.”

  “I don’t care. I need to have my say.”

  “Well, I couldn’t stop you if you were to push your way past me,” Maggie said stepping aside. “She’s in her room.”

  Alisa grabbed her and held her in a tight embrace before leaning back and kissing her cheek. “Thank you. Maggie”

  Slightly startled, Maggie looked up at her. “Don’t thank me, Alisa. You’ve only passed one hurdle the biggest one has yet to be overcome.”

  Alisa rushed down the hallway then took two steps at a time until she reached the landing, where she abruptly stopped. What should she say to her?

  Emotional scenes were fantastic on set. The words were already written for you, but now she had to find the words from her own heart. She didn’t want to lose Hannah as a friend or a lover but she thought given what had happened it was very likely she was going to lose both. Well, she’d know the answer in a few minutes.

  “Hannah,” she called as she gently tapped on the door.

  “Go away!”

  That was one thing she couldn’t do. She pressed down the handle and pushed open the door. Hannah stood by the window, her back to her.

  Hannah squared her shoulders and spun around. “Doesn’t anybody take any notice of what I say around here? I told Mum I didn’t want to see you.”

  “I’m not your enemy, Hannah,” Alisa said stepping into the room slowly.

  “Aren’t you? What are you, Alisa, my friend? I thought friends didn’t lie to one another. I know it would have been hard, but why did you carry on the deception? You’re just as bad as them.”

  “Look, I know you’re angry with me. I don’t blame you, I would be too. But don’t lump me in the same mould as them. I didn’t betray you. There was no malice intended by my actions. I was only trying to protect you.”

  Hannah glared at her, her tears choking in her throat. “Well, you didn’t, did you. Your silence has made me look like a fool. How the fuck am I ever going to show my face again.”

  “Hannah, regardless of the situation, you’ve done a fantastic job with the film. Naomi’s indiscretion doesn’t take anything away from that.”

  “Indiscretion? Are you kidding me? An indiscretion is a drunken kiss with a work colleague at a Christmas party, not a full blown affair with your partner’s personal assistant. I feel like such an idiot that it was going on right under my nose and I didn’t even see it.”

  “People in love are normally blind to what’s going on around them, Hannah. Don’t blame yourself, you didn’t do anything wrong. The blame lies solely with Naomi. Your only crime was to love her and trust her.”

  “How long had you known for?”

  “Not long, I swear. I begged her to end it. When she wouldn’t, that’s when I stopped coming round. I couldn’t bear to see you knowing what she was doing.”

  “So, you really didn’t make a pass at her? God, I was even stupid to believe that as well. Jesus, what kind of mug am I?”

  “Naomi was very convincing but I don’t think she ever lied about how she felt about you. She wasn’t that good an actress.”

  Alisa moved an inch, closing the gap, reaching out for Hannah.

  “Please, don’t touch me. I don’t think I can bear it at the moment. I just want to be left alone.”

  “Hannah, you can’t keep pushing me away. Okay, I fucked up big time and I’ve apologised. What more can I do?”

  “Nothing, Alisa.” Hannah let out a long sigh. “Please just give me some space.”

  “I’m leaving for L.A. in a couple of days. I don’t want to leave things like this, I need to know if there’s a future for us.”

  “No, I don’t think there is. There’s too much history, too much hurt. We could never build a strong enough foundation for us to stand a chance.”

  “So, it’s over before it’s even begun?”

  “Yes.”

  Alisa shook her head in resignation. “So be it then.”

  Maybe Hannah was right, there was too much history. Alisa would do as she asked and leave her alone and move on with her life. It would hurt, but not as much as constantly being rejected. She didn’t want Hannah remembering Naomi’s affair every time she looked at her. She loved her and for that reason and that reason alone, she was going to let her go.

  Chapter 41

  Two weeks had passed and Hannah was still no closer to understanding what could have been the catalyst to cause Naomi to have an affair. She had gone from self blame to anger then eventually sadness. Not only had Naomi broken the bond she believed they once shared but she had caused her to sever ties with Alisa for no reason other than to cover up her wrong doing. Logically, she was beginning to see things from Alisa’s point of view but in her stubbornness she felt Alisa should have known better. She hadn’t expected to hear from her again and she was right. Part of her was disappointed. Now everything was out in the open she secretly wished Alisa would put up more of a fight for her.

  Larry had been in touch and she had promised him that once filming was wrapped up she would go into the studio to edit the footage. She took her obligations seriously and she would not let him down. She didn’t know how she was going to feel watching everything knowing she was observing a real life affair.

  She had sorted Leah’s wages out and given her a month payment in lieu. She wasn’t going to solely put the blame at her feet. She would give her a good reference. She may have been a lousy friend but she was good at her job, saying that, she had no intention of crossing paths with her again.

  “You have had a busy week, haven’t you?” Dr Cross said, breaking the silence.

  Hannah nodded. “You could say that.” A wry smile spread across her face. “After Naomi’s death I didn’t think things could get any worse.”

  Dr Cross tapped her pen on her clip board. “So are you going to let Alisa leave without making up?”

  Hannah couldn’t believe she had asked her that with a straight face. Had she not been listening to her for the past half hour?. “Yes, what else can I do? I trusted her and she let me down and betrayed me.”

  “Who are we talking about, here?”

  “Alisa, of course.”

  “Sorry, but it doesn’t sound that way to me. It sounds like you’re talking about Naomi. Alisa seems like she was being a thoughtful friend who was caught in a tough situation and then when she was backed
into a corner she unselfishly sacrificed her own friendship with you to save you from heartbreak. That sounds like an honourable friend to me, not a dishonourable one.”

  Hannah held her face in her hands. Though that made sense it didn’t stop her betrayal from hurting. She eyed Dr Cross quizzically. “Surely she should have stopped me making the film. Can’t you see that it was wrong?”

  “Maybe, but think about it, Hannah. How could she have done that without destroying you? When you first came to see me, you were a broken woman. Do you think you could have dealt with the news of being told that the woman you absolutely adored had cheated on you and not just with anyone but with your rock? Wasn’t that the name you called your personal assistant? Your whole support system would have buckled under the weight of such news.”

  “So are you saying that you agree with what she did?”

  Dr Cross adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose. “I didn’t say that. I said I understand why she did it. There’s a difference.”

  Hannah narrowed her eyes. “Well, no disrespect but it’s your job as a therapist to look at situations from all sides.”

  Dr Cross smiled. “Can you imagine how much peace there would be in the world if we all took that stance? Nothing is ever how it seems, Hannah. I think you’re focusing your anger on Alisa because Naomi isn’t here to take the blame. And what of Leah?”

  “I can’t even bear to think of that woman. She came into my home pretending to be supporting me.”

  “That must have been hard for her.”

  Hannah’s eyes widened. “You are kidding me. You want me to actually feel sorry for her?” Who the hell was Dr Cross meant to be helping? All she seemed to be doing is finding excuses for Alisa’s and Leah’s bad behaviour.

  Dr Cross shook her head slowly. “Again you’re putting words into my mouth. I’m asking you to look at it from her perspective. When you understand her motivation you can try to stop seeing yourself as a victim in all of this. Rightly or wrongly, Leah lost someone she loved too. People who are grieving tend to gravitate to a place where they feel near to their loved one. So it would make sense that she would want to be with you as she would have access to your house and maybe in some sort of perverse way, you may have actually helped her with her grieving process.”

  Hannah mulled over her words of wisdom, taking her time to digest what she was saying. Could she actually be right? Could she find it in her heart to forgive those that had hurt her so badly? Dr Cross had emphasised the difference between forgiving and forgetting. She had to forgive if she was going to ever move on. To accept that people were not perfect and that everyone made mistakes. No one on earth was that perfect not even her.

  As Hannah left the therapist’s office, she was a woman with a plan. She had something she had to put right but would have to go home first.

  “Where’s the fire?” Maggie asked as Hannah burst through the door and ran up the stairs to her room.

  “There’s something I need to do.”

  Maggie followed Hannah to her room. “I thought you’d be pleased to know I’ve decided to accept Clive’s offer of marriage.”

  “Oh, Mum that’s fantastic, I’m so happy for you, I don’t have to call him Dad do I?” she asked embracing her.

  “You can if you want to.” Maggie released a small chuckle.

  “I think I’ll pass. I’m going to miss you when you go. I’m so glad you’ve been here.”

  “I don’t think I’ve been that much use to you.”

  “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t have got through all this drama if you hadn’t been here.” She would never have believed she would say that about her mother but it was true. For the first time she actually felt the mother daughter bond that had been missing all her life and she hoped it would only grow stronger over the coming months and years.

  “Is it okay if I call you later, I have to go out again,” Hannah said grabbing what she needed out of the drawer. She shot back down the stairs, through the door then into her car.

  ***

  “And that’s a wrap,” the assistant director called out. The room erupted into applause. “Thank you everybody.”

  Skye embraced Alisa, squeezing her until Alisa pulled back. “Well, we made it,” Skye said happily.

  “Yes we did.” What should have been a moment of elation was dampened by the fact that Hannah wasn’t there to celebrate.

  Skye bent over slightly to give Alisa a glimpse of her cleavage. “So, now we’re no longer officially working together is there any chance of us getting a little closer?”

  Alisa laughed, looking at her with fondness in her eyes. “You don’t give up do you?”

  Skye smiled brightly. “Nope. So what do you say?”

  Alisa reached over and touched her cheek. “If the circumstances were different who knows what could have happened, but you know there’s more to it than that.”

  “I know. I know,” she said feigning impatience. “Hannah’s the one you want. You can’t knock a girl for trying can you. Are you coming for drinks with everyone?”

  “You bet,” she said with false enthusiasm.

  In the local pub, Alisa tried to get into a jovial mood in an attempt to join in with the celebrations. She was actually relieved shooting was over. It was time for her to move on and try her hardest to forget about Hannah.

  “I’m going to make a move,” Alisa said to a very tipsy Skye as she grabbed her coat to leave.

  “Oh, don’t go yet, it’s still early,” Skye said tugging at Alisa’s coat.

  “I know, but I’ve got to pack—I’m flying to L.A.”

  Skye leaned slightly into her, tilting her face up towards hers. “Are we going to keep in touch?”

  Alisa moved her face to the side and kissed her cheek. “Of course we are. You’ve got my number. If you ever fancy a holiday come and see me in L.A.”

  Skye took a step back and looked at her with tears welling in her eyes. “So, you’re really moving there for good?”

  “Yes. There isn’t anything here for me anymore.” Or anyone, she thought as she slipped her coat on.

  Skye brushed away the tears that fell freely from her eyes and put on a forced smile. “You’ll be seeing me a lot sooner than you think. L.A. sounds kind of cool.”

  “I think you’ll love it there,” Alisa said as she pulled her into an embrace suddenly feeling choked up herself. “Please look after yourself, Skye,” she whispered into her ear, smothering a sob that rose out of nowhere.

  “I will,” she croaked.

  Alisa slowly pulled away and for a long moment looked at her. “And lay off the booze, I’ll be making sure Bobby keeps an eye on you.”

  Skye’s teary eyes looked back at her with amusement. “Oooh, my very own spy.”

  “No, he’s your friend. He’s a good man. Listen to what he says and you won’t go far wrong.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “I’m actually going to miss you.”

  Skye tilted her chin up and wiped her eyes. “Does that surprise you?”

  Alisa shook her head sadly. “No. Not in the slightest.”

  Outside the bar Alisa hailed a taxi. This time tomorrow she would be far away from London and the woman she loved.

  ***

  Leah sat with newspapers spread out over the table. Looking for a job in today’s climate was worse than she could have imagined. There was nothing that suited her. Thankfully Hannah had been more than generous with her final pay cheque, which gave her some leeway. She’d be fine for the next six months so she was in no rush.

  Thinking back over the whole episode with Naomi and Hannah she had been truthful when she said she had no remorse about having the affair, even though she had found out that Naomi had only been using her. She knew it would shock people, but it was how she felt and she was not going to lie about it. The only thing she did feel guilty about was deceiving Hannah. If she could have avoided that she would have, but the pull towards Naomi had been too strong. At no time did s
he ever deliberately set out to hurt Hannah. When Hannah had returned to London, she had gone into self preservation mode and though it was no excuse, she had heard that grief could make you behave in ways you wouldn’t normally. She felt as if she had taken leave of her senses. She should have done the decent thing and just moved on. But she had stayed partly for her own selfish reasons but also to help Hannah. She knew Hannah would find that hard to believe, but she did genuinely care about her. She only hoped that one day Hannah would be able to find it in her heart to forgive her and understand that her only mistake was to fall in love with the wrong woman and they had all suffered for it. She jumped up when she heard the door bell ring. Pizza. Just in time, she thought as she grabbed some cash out of her purse and trotted to the door.

  Leah’s eyes grew wide, as she took a quick intake of breath. “Hannah!”

  “Don’t worry, I’m not here for a cat fight. Here,” Hannah said, handing her the sleek velvet box. “I think this belongs to you.”

  Leah’s bottom lip trembled as she put her hand to her face. “I don’t understand.”

  “Neither do I, but I’m trying my hardest.”

  “Can you ever forgive me?”

  Frowning Hannah said, “Even if you told me the reason, I don’t think I will ever be able to understand why you did the cruel things you did. You must really have a lot of hate in your heart. What I will say is that I’m truly sorry you had to go through your grief alone. It must have been really tough.”

  Leah shuffled her feet unconsciously. “I am sorry, you know.”

  Hannah let out a sigh with a small shake of her head. “I want to believe that otherwise your betrayal will be too painful.” She shrugged her shoulders slightly, and had a ghost of a smile on her lips. “Like someone told me, you can’t help who you fall in love with, it was just unfortunate you fell in love with my partner.”

  Leah lowered her eyes. “I told you I didn’t deserve you,” she said looking down at the jewellery box.

  Hannah met her eyes straight on. “She bought it for you, Leah—I don’t know what was going on in her crazy mind but she must have had strong feelings for you if she wrote a whole script about the both of you.”