DESIRE

by Kailin Gow

  “I guess I could,” I said quietly, not yet willing to follow his lead.

  “An hour or two should be enough.” He stood a respectable distance from me, his attitude and stance all business.

  “Yeah, sure. I can give you a hand.”

  When a wave of students entered the school, Liam took a step closer.

  “I’m going nuts without you,” he said, his words now meant only for me. “I’ve talked to my father again. I’ve told him how much I need to be with you. He’s going to look into it again, see what he can do.”

  “This is so risky, Liam,” I whispered. “Are you sure you want to…?”

  “Your Life’s Plan was blank. It didn’t specifically say anything about us not being together.”

  “You know that’s not how it works.”

  “No, Kama, we don’t. Your Life’s Plan is vague and open to interpretation.”

  “Are you really prepared to risk the consequences of reading my Life’s Plan your way?”

  “Either way, my father doesn’t want to see me get banished. He’ll do all he can to protect me if it comes to that.” He reached out to take my hand, but stopped just short of touching me. “I need to see you, to touch you. I need to know you're still mine.”

  “I’ll wait for you after school.” I turned away before we could arouse suspicion.

  When the last class let out, he was there, waiting in the parking lot. His smile was barely contained and I feared everyone would know his true motives, but we drove away without anyone glancing our way.

  “Are you going as crazy as I am, Kama?” There was a note of desperation in his question. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel and he drove at a speed that was close to reckless. “Being apart from you is just so unnatural. I feel a part of me has been ripped away.”

  “I know. So much has changed in so short a time and so unexpectedly. All my hopes and dreams have been thrown away, discarded as though they’d never even mattered, and I’m the one left to reorganize my thoughts and future.”

  “You're not alone, Kama. Don’t forget that I love you, even if we can’t be together now, this isn’t over. I’m going to continue to fight this.”

  I gripped the door handle as he took a tight curve. The tires squealed, echoing my silent sentiment. He was going far too fast.

  “I dreamed of you every night,” he confessed. “I’m holding you, and kissing you and I wake up wanting you so badly, I can’t think of anything else. My grades have fallen and no one seems to care. Father is away all the time, and you know my mother died when I was a baby. You’re my only family, Kama, the only one who cares about me. The Committee doesn’t care how much I hurt. All they care about is their damned Life’s Plan the way they see it.”

  We arrived at his front gate and I released the door handle as a heavy breath seeped through my lips.

  “Sorry about that,” he said. “I’m just so anxious to get you alone. Come on.”

  Inside the mansion, he guided me straight to his room, avoiding contact with the employees who shuffled about.

  “What kind of math problems are you having trouble with?”

  “I don’t know,” he said as he threw his books on his desk. “I don’t care.”

  He ripped the school bag from my hands and let it fall to the floor. “I just want you, Kama.” His lips covered mine, hard, passionate and hungry while his fingers dug through my hair, gripping my head in a hold that left no room for negotiation.

  His mouth was hot and I was instantly thankful he’d come for me. Throughout the weeks, I’d tried to be so strong, to hold my head high despite my Life’s Plan. I’d missed him more than I cared to admit.

  Now in his arms after such a long time, I knew this was where I wanted to be. My childhood sweetheart, the man of my dreams, my very best friend whose Life’s Plan I should have shared. I wrapped my arms around his waist, eager for more, letting all my pent up love for him out. Despite my will about staying away from him, I knew I loved and still cared very much for Liam.

  After the initial rush, he slowed down, his tongue coming to play with mine in a languid dance that left my head spinning. My legs faltered beneath me and he quickly took the cue to lift me and bring me to his bed.

  I lay back, my eyes taking in the exquisite sight of him as he settled in beside me. Propped up on an elbow, he looked down at me, his gaze sweeping over me, reminding me how beautiful I felt every time I was with him, how irresistible he made me feel, and how loved.

  I’d forgotten how strong and beautiful he was, how much my eyes loved to devour him, take him in, and remember him. Or had I simply tried to put it all out of my mind, the memory of him too painful.

  “You’re all I ever want, Kama.” Liam’s eyes glimmered with unshed tears. “You’re the happiness I’ve known throughout all these years.”

  Looking at him, I saw my future. We should be planning our wedding, choosing a venue, a dress, flowers and invitations. In his eyes, I could see the children I would have had with Liam, smart and energetic kids who laughed and played and loved. I could see the father he would have been, fun and playful while I played the stern mom who kept everyone in line. It was all so beautiful and perfect.

  His fingers played through my hair. “I’ve always loved the feel of your hair through my fingers. So soft. So magically soft.”

  My heart skipped a beat. Magical. Did he know? Could he tell I was… something else, something different than what he was?

  He leaned closer, his eyes never leaving mine. When his lips brushed against my own, I felt his pain. His kiss was delicate and fearful. I wanted so desperately to sooth his fears, but mine were there, just as strong as his.

  His trembling hand cupped my cheek and his kiss grew heavy, engulfing me in his longing.

  “I love you so much, Kama,” he whispered through a soft kiss. “I’d do anything to spend my life with you. I’d escape with you and travel to the ends of the earth, if only to be with you.”

  “Kiss me, Liam, and stop talking nonsense.” I pulled him to me, eager to feel the crush of my breasts against his chest.

  He pressed his full weight over me, his legs intertwining with mine.

  I want this, I thought. I want him, all of him.

  “I’m ready, Liam.”

  He grunted his response, shifting over just enough to tackle the fastening of my pants.

  A resounding knock at the door pierced through my lusty haze, bringing me back to the reality of the danger we could face.

  “Son?” The sound of Pim Seer’s voice penetrated the door. “I’m home.”

  Chapter 12

  Liam shot off the bed, adjusted his pants and headed for the door. I had just enough time to shake the mess out of my hair, gather my books and sit studiously at his desk.

  “Hey, Dad,” Liam said on opening the door. “I just have a few more math problems to go through and I should be right down.”

  Pim nodded his greeting at me. If he suspected anything naughty going on between me and his son, he didn’t let on, but simply smiled, patted Liam on the shoulder and said, “I’ll see you then.”

  Liam grinned and leaned back against the door once his father had gone. “I can’t believe his timing. He’s never home at this hour.”

  “Actually, I’m kind of happy to see him. I was hoping to have a chance to talk to him about my situation.”

  “We will. I promise. We’ll study for an hour, make it look good, and then go down. He’s no good for any kind of discussion when he first gets home anyway.”

  For the next hour, we tried to study, but Liam’s hand constantly came to tickle, pet or brush against mine, causing us both to giggle, smile lustfully at one another and lose time in another stolen kiss. No work was accomplished, but I realized once again just how much I loved being with him.

  By the time we left his room, I was eager to confront Mr. Seer. Would he finally shed some light on my odd Life’s Plan?

  I followed Liam to the library, my eyes taki
ng in everything along the way. This was the home I’d planned to live in and my heart was once again filled with a heavy sense of loss. It was so pretty, in a very elegant and classical way. The crystal vases, the important art work, the priceless rugs, it all came together to create a luxurious and enticing sense of home.

  I would warm it up, I thought. Add a bit of whimsy and fun, after all, Liam and I were young and our home should reflect our exuberance and love of life.

  “Dad?” Liam said as he rapped lightly on the open door.

  “Liam.” Pim’s eyes widened with surprise as he looked up to see us. Sitting at the large and impressive oak desk, he straightened up and set his book on the desktop.

  Had he hoped I’d leave right after my study session with his son?

  “Kama, were you able to get my son out of his mathematical predicament?” He seemed jovial and pleasant enough, but the repeated flicking of the corner of the page of his book told me he was edgy about my presence.

  “I did the best I could, but I think I need a little more time with him.”

  “Well, I sure do appreciate the effort. If there’s anyone who knows how important math can be in this house it’s me. Can’t always rely on accountants to do everything right. The Governor needs to have a clear view of everything.”

  “I’m well aware of that, Dad,” Liam said with a playful smile. “That’s why I recruited the best. Kama is a wiz at math.”

  “I’m sure she is.” Pim closed his book and looked directly at me.

  I wanted to sink into the floor. He knew.

  “I’m sure she’s good at many things.” His gaze remained steady.

  “I am,” I said. I’d wanted so much for the affirmation to sound confident, but it was weak and unsure.

  “Dad, Kama and I…”

  Pim put up his hand as he rose and came around to lean on his desk. “I know you want to be together. I’m not that naïve. While I have no doubt she’s great at math and could be of great help to you, Liam, I strongly doubt that’s the true reason behind her presence here today.”

  “We really were studying,” Liam said, his voice taking on a defensive tone. “I could even show you the problems we worked on.”

  “I was once your age, and I know what it is to love a woman, Liam. I’m sure you're both well aware of my feelings for Janice.” He looked at me, his eyes twinkling with the adoration he had for my mother. “I’ve known your mother since we were kids. We grew up in the same little town and had fun, laughed and played together. As we grew older I came to hope I’d marry her one day. That day never came.”

  He turned to Liam, the pain and heartache of that long ago love still in his eyes. “So, yes, son, I know what it’s like to love and lose.”

  “Then if you know all this, why haven’t you done anything to help us?” I asked, unable to keep the anger out of the question. “Why can’t you get the Committee to see we belong together?”

  Pim’s expression softened. “It’s not as easy as you make it sound. I may be Governor, but the Committee is there to make these kinds of decisions.”

  “Decisions that have the perfect couple going their separate ways?” Liam said.

  “You two may simply be a little too young to understand the wisdom of that decision.”

  “That’s a load of crock and you know it.” Liam looked pensive, as though debating which angle to take with his father. He softened his tone as he took up the argument with his dad. “If her Life’s Plan was empty, it may mean that she’s free to be with who she chooses. My Life’s Plan has me marrying a girl I’ve always known. Everyone’s happy.”

  Pim chuckled, a pleasant and hearty sound I’d not heard too many times before. “You're smarter than that, son.”

  “Then help get her the Life’s Plan she deserves.”

  “Look, kids, I’d love to see you guys end up together. I’d long hoped you two would marry.” He turned his gaze at me. “I know you’d make Liam the perfect wife. I know how good you are for him and what a great asset you’d be to the future governor he’s set to be, but my hands are tied. There is literally nothing I can do to change the course you two have been set on.”

  “Dad.” Liam took a step closer to his dad, his determination clear in his eyes. “I’ve seen you pressure the Committee before. I know you’ve had your hand in persuading them to change Life’s Plans in the past and for whom? For strangers? For a fellow politician? I’m your son. Why won’t you do it now? Why won’t you use your clout and power now? Don’t you want me to be happy?”

  “Your Life’s Plan has your happiness in mind, Liam.” He sounded like the politician he was, his lines practiced and rehearsed. “Arcadia has the best, smartest and most diligent citizens on that Committee and their goal is to set youngsters on the path that will best suit everyone.”

  “Save the speeches for your cronies, Dad.”

  Pim smiled and reached out to put his hand on Liam’s shoulder. “You always were a very smart boy, Liam. And you’re smart enough to know that I cannot change this.”

  Charm oozed out of his every fiber as Pim smiled at his son. Anyone could easily trace Liam’s good looks and social mannerisms to his dad.

  “You say you grew up with my mother… outside Arcadia,” I interjected.

  “That’s right.”

  “I always thought my mother was born and raised here.”

  “I think we both wanted to believe that as well. Our childhoods, as pleasant as they were, were gravely marred by the extensive war that tore the city apart when we were teens.”

  “She’s never spoken of a town outside Arcadia. Actually, she’s never really spoken of her childhood much.”

  “I’m sure it must be just as painful for her as it is for me. Going back to that time is difficult. The war was harsh and cruel. People were cruel.”

  “Is that why you founded Arcadia?”

  Pim was silent a long moment. He sat more comfortably on the corner of his desk and gestured for Liam and me to take a seat. “War can sometimes bring out the good in some people, lead them to help one another, bring them to safety. But sometimes it can bring out the devil; greed, selfishness, cruelty. I wanted Arcadia to be all the goodness I remembered, all the cherished memories; the smell of spring flowers, the clear blue ravines and lakes, the prettiness that had been my hometown before war ravaged it. I wanted peace and harmony among the people.”

  “But why the Committee?”

  “Nineteen years ago the area was quite different from what it is now. It was an ugly time and starting a new town was complicated. During the war, it seemed the youth had lost all sense of direction. They were lost. So many of them turned to crime. Distinguishing good and bad was difficult for most. I wanted to set them back on a path that would lead them to a bright future, the best future they could have. When I recruited the Committee, I wanted men and women who saw Arcadia the way I saw it. I chose people who had foresight, vision and the ability to spot the talents and capabilities of youth.”

  “Nothing was left to chance,” Liam added with a cynical grin.

  Pim nodded. “We couldn’t afford it. The war was barely over and we feared the greed and savagery of that period would return if we didn’t keep everyone in place. Statisticians, behaviorists and analysts were in high demand.”

  “Then where did all those statisticians, behaviorists and analysts go wrong?” Liam reached across to me and took my hand. “How could they overlook the love we have for one another?”

  “Something unusual has happened with Kama’s Life’s Plan.”

  “I’ll say.” The bitterness in Liam’s comment was amplified by his tight squeeze of my hand.

  “I’ve only seen this sort of thing once or twice before, but the Committee had conflicting information.” Pim ignored his son’s harsh tone. “Things didn’t add up in your file, Kama. Perhaps it was just a flawed source or a mistakenly titled document that ended up in your file.”

  I looked at Liam, a ray of hope finally glowing over
our dismal situation. If this mistake could be found and rectified, perhaps we could be together after all.

  Chapter 13

  The sun never rose too early that spring as I anticipated every morning spent with Torrid. Sneaking out of the house became second nature and tracing the path that led to the meadow was like heading home.

  “Today I want to work on the subtleties of magic,” Torrid said.

  Sitting on a pretty swing for two he’d conjured up, we sat together for our morning lesson. I had so much catching up to do, learning at 18 what the young Magical Ones learned at eight. But Torrid insisted I was a fast learner and I was now near the level of education I should be.

  “Subtleties?” I asked as I ran my hand over the fine wood of the swing. The intricate work on the backrest could have adorned the finest home. Flowers, birds and bees were carved into the wood, down to the tiniest detail. “Like all the work and details you put into this swing?”

  “This degree of intricacy and precision takes a lot of practice. You’ll get there one day.” With one knee propped up between us, he sat facing me while his long leg anchored us to the ground, pushing us up and down in a light lull.

  I leaned back on the armrest, looking at him. He was so talented, I wondered if I would ever reach his level of precision. He was so good-looking, I wondered if I’d ever get past it. Concentrating on his lessons was at times impossible as my mind wandered off to intimate places. I blame my raging hormones and the fact I waited for so long for Liam and I to get together. Following the separation from Liam, I was feeling more and more attracted to Torrid.

  “But I’m sure you’ll notice a flaw.”

  I looked up. For all the intricacies of the swing, it was roped up to a thin and frail branch that couldn’t possibly hold our weight, yet it did.

  “There are times when you can do the most outrageous, outlandish magic and no one will bat an eye, notably other Magical Ones. However, there are times when you want the magic to simply go unnoticed. This swing, for example. The intricacy of the woodwork is plausible, but were a mere mortal to pass by and see us hanging on a branch barely strong enough to hold a raven, our trickery would be exposed.”