Out of This Orbit (Cosmic Soul Mates)

by Jeanette Lynn

  "Again?" Mol asked surprised, to the room at large.

  "This isn't what it looks like," I said desperately, but it came out a little muffled from my current awkward position. I wiggled around until his shirt was no longer completely over my head, but it was still just as awkward a position with my face presently squashed into his crotch.

  "Rrrriiiigghhhhht," said Mol, drawing it out disbelievingly, amusement threading her voice.

  "So, this isn't me walking in on you with your head in my 'bestie's' crotch?" she asked and I could just picture the smirk spreading across her face as she said it.

  "Her head is in my crotch, but she didn't do it, I put it there," Jaye said helpfully and then choked out after a moment, "That didn't sound right. Wait! I mean, she put it there, but I pressed it into my di... er, I mean..."

  "Jaye!" I shouted over his rambling.

  "Yeah, Mouse?"

  "Stop helping me! Just. Shut the HELL UP!"

  "Yes, Mam," he said, shutting up.

  If only he was always this compliant.

  And the award for best actor goes to.....

  Jaye

  This seems to be a running theme in my life lately I sighed.

  What to do in a situation like this... hhhmmm...

  Come on man, think! You've been in worse situations right? ...and then 'Eureka'!

  I put my hand on Dar's head, as if to shield her. I glared at the other occupants of the room, my head held high, looking down my nose at them.

  "What do you mean ME?! You people...” I said flapping my free hand around in their general direction.

  "...should have knocked! Huh. I mean, give a guy a warning, right! If you hadn't just walked in, we wouldn't be in this situation, now would we."

  Mama looked contrite and I fist pumped the air in my mind. She bought it! One down two to go...

  "Embarrassing my poor 'little mouse'," I continued, running my fingers lovingly through her straight, brown, baby soft hair.

  Man, it was super soft and silky smooth, I thought absently as I continued to sift my fingers through her golden brown tresses.

  Molilah looked sympathetic and blushed, probably remembering some embarrassing situation or another she had been in.

  "I'll, uh, go get more plates and stuff," she said and made her exit, Mama following behind her. Two down... now for the hard part...

  "Oh, save it," Nona chuckled, gesturing at us.

  "I don't buy any of that malarkey, not even for a minute boy!" Nona said, laughing heartily.

  "So, forget it! Totally wasted on me. Where do you think you get it from 'blue boy'?" she asked chuckling genially. She turned and went into the kitchen with everyone else.

  Darlah

  "Let go!" I said, but my face in Jaye's crotch made it come out muffled.

  "I dunno Mouse, I kinda like the idea of you at my mercy," he laughed, his fingers still threaded through my hair.

  That ass! I fumed. At his mercy huh? I'll show him mercy, the little manwhore.

  I opened my mouth and put it on one of his testicles, through his briefs. I clamped down a teeny tiny bit and he yelped, releasing my hair and jumping back from me.

  "Are you trying to unman me Woman!" he bellowed, grabbing his good bits and rubbing them in sympathy. I didn't bite them really, it was more of a nip. Heh. Heh.

  "I'm sensitive there! You evil temptress! Be careful," he hissed at me, then pulled his pants up and straightened his clothes. Still giving me the evil eye for my 'ball nipping'.

  "I tried to warn you, but you never listen, 'Manwhore'. This little mouse bites, remember?" I said saucily with a flash of teeth.

  He looked surprised for a minute, like he couldn't believe the plain, mousy, plump friend of Mol's would talk like that or nip at a man's 'parts'; but there's a lot the big blue oaf doesn't know about me.

  I smiled and left the room, taking off my glasses and wiping them off on my shirt as I went. The darn things were smudged so bad I could barely see out of them... I chuckled to myself, wonder how that happened?

  I entered the kitchen and Mol sidled up to me, looking me over worriedly.

  "Everything okay?" Mol whispered, glancing from me to the living room as I went to grab a plate from her.

  "Fine," I said serenely, taking the plate, acting like she hadn't just caught us in, what looked like, a 'knob slobbing' situation.

  "You're as bad as Jaye," Mol muttered under her breathe and I chose to ignore it.

  Hey man, if you can't make it, you fake it, right?

  Protein style please

  Jaye

  She bit me! The little mouse actually bit my nuts! This demands retribution! ...even if I was egging her on.

  I can't get too upset about the 'manwhore' thing, though, because 'hello'; and she seems so opposed to someone thinking her and I got a little funky, I contemplated as I recalled the angry glint in her eyes as she let me have it. She’s not much of a mouse on the inside after all is she? So sexy when she’s riled up too...

  That plain, bespectacled woman has a temper after all, I mused. All the ribbing and teasing I've been doing to her for months and she never cracked, not once. Her sharp tongue just kept giving it back to me full force, as good as I gave it.

  However, as I have discovered, act like we're doing the 'horizontal mambo' and she freaks.

  I've finally found her kryptonite, I thought and grinned wickedly.

  Why not take advantage of this rare opportunity to keep her flustered, I pondered, my grin getting wider, if that’s even possible.

  On the inside, I was rubbing my hands together gleefully and laughing maniacally, like the bad guys in the cartoons do.

  Hmm... I might as well let myself have a little fun, I'm already here, I decided and chuckled.

  “Let's let the show begin, shall we,” I murmured excitedly. I gave myself a moment to wipe the look off my face, and then walked into the kitchen, acting for all the world like I normally invite myself over to eat at her place.

  "Get me a plate Mouse, would you, I'm starving," I said regally and sat down in the chair opposite Darlah's.

  Dar's lips pursed, but she held her composure.

  She cleared her throat, raised her brows snootily, and in her best 'mother’s voice’ said, "This is a 'ladies night', Jayevellan, and unless you have the proper 'equipment', you can't come."

  Oooh, pulling the Jayevellan card huh?

  "Well fine then, Darlah Mae, no big deal," I said and sighed heavily.

  I got up from my chair and made my way to the door. I stopped and paused, giving her my best look of longing.

  "It's not like I really wanted to crash your shindig anyways, but what was I supposed to do when she practically begged me to come over. So, we could," and I emphasized this part with air quotes, "spend some time together. I'm starting to feel a little used here."

  I looked around sadly, putting my best pout on.

  "That's not the only way to get protein, you know...." I added for good measure.

  She screeched like a banshee and ran after me with a pasta fork as I ran out the door.

  "Call me Baby!" I yelled through the closed door as I walked towards the stairs to exit her apartment.

  I could hear her frustrated scream and what was probably the pasta fork hitting the door as I left.

  I laughed like a hyena down the whole flight of stairs.

  Three weeks later

  And the bride wore white

  Darlah

  It seemed like a very impromptu wedding, but who am I to judge. "You know, I didn't even know they were dating," I told Molilah as we sat next to each other at the reception table. It was a tasteful affair, at any rate. Good food, good music, nice atmosphere.

  I bopped along to the music a little in my seat. I love this song, I thought to myself as I hummed along quietly.

  I have to say though, the groom looked a little hunted, while the bride was beaming from ear to ear, latched onto her groom like a leech.

  "Oh, they weren't
dating, not really," Mol confided, giving Eilahna a toy to play with as she made another grab for Mol’s silverware.

  I made a 'do tell' motion with my hands and she continued, bouncing Eilahna along to the music gently on her knee.

  "Ponne caught Exinn and Vagineya in a 'compromising position' at my barbeque, and Ponne demanded they marry immediately. Perfect timing too, because I heard she's preggers."

  "They did a good job of putting this all together in such a short amount of time. Um, isn't it a little too early to tell if she's pregnant or not? I mean it hasn't even been that long right?" I asked, curious now.

  "Cardanian’s have a crazy sense of smell or something, I think they can tell really soon after conception. You would have to ask Marre, Perre, or Ponne about it," she shrugged. “They knew before I did that I had my baby girl in the oven, so who knows how soon after conception they can tell.”

  "Oh... And hey, I don't even remember seeing them at the barbeque," I thought out loud and frowned, trying to remember seeing them and coming up blank.

  "Uh huh..."Mol said, "and now you know why," she smirked.

  We looked at each other and then busted out laughing.

  "What's so funny?" Neyenn said as he set a plate in front of Mol, it was loaded with all the good stuff and then he set down another plate, this one piled high with Rellian cakes.

  "See 'Short Stuff', I can be accommodating," he boasted and winked as he took his seat next to Mol, then stole two of the cakes off of her plate.

  She laughed and grinned at her husband amusedly, reminding me of a Cheshire cat the way her smile widened even more and a knowing look crossed her face.

  I took little Ellie so they could both eat and started walking around with her when she got fussy.

  I danced a little and Eilahna started pumping her little arms and legs in excitement, squealing whenever I pretended to dip her.

  She's just so cute!

  I laughed as she gave me a big sloppy kiss on the cheek and started pumping her arms and legs again, smacking my face as if to say 'get moving again lady! Giddy up!'

  I laughed as she squealed happily and we made our way around the perimeter of the room again, dancing away to the sway of the music.

  Molilah

  "She does so good with Ellie, look 'Blue Balls'," I said to my husband and pointed to where Dar was gently dancing and bouncing an ecstatic Eilahna on her hip, the two giggling away happily.

  He looked up from his plate and grunted his agreement, not breaking his steady pace of 'scoop, shovel, chew'.

  I rolled my eyes at him and laughed lightly.

  There's something very methodical to everything he does, I thought as I watched him as he ate. It’s like he plans everything out before he does it.

  "You’re watching me again, Lily White, it's unnerving. I'm trying to eat here Baby," he complained, seeming exasperated with me, but I could hear the amusement in his voice.

  I shoved him playfully.

  "Get over it Neanderthal, you married me, quirks and all, so deal with it," I told him, batting my lashes at him and then asked him in my best demure tone, "Why sugar, do I make you nervous?"

  He barked out a laugh and shook his head at me.

  Right at that moment, Marre and Perre came over with plates laden with food.

  "May we sit here?" they asked in unison.

  "Sure, the more the merrier," I replied, smiling graciously at them and motioned for them to sit.

  Marre and Perre are Ponne's younger twin brothers. They're really nice fellas, even if they are a little odd.

  They have some type of deep twin connection. I'm not too sure how it works, exactly, but they are literally connected mentally or something.

  They finish each others sentences a lot and seem intuitive of one another's feelings or needs. I got used to it after a while and I don't even notice it anymore.

  I looked out over at the room the reception was being held in, taking it all in. It was a far cry from the madness that was Tawn’s wedding, so thank god for that.

  I glanced over at my fellow dinner companions now, to see what they were doing.

  Marre was staring at something across the room and I followed his gaze, out of curiosity, to see what had drawn his attention.

  He was watching Darlah and Eilahna, with a look of such intense longing on his face, and I really felt for the poor Cardanian.

  "She's not seeing anyone you know, erm... at least nobody that's serious," I said and inclined my head in Dar's direction, to let him know I had caught on to what he'd been doing.

  "She's not? But I thought...” Marre said.

  "She was seeing the younger Harvick, what's his name... Jaye?" Perre finished.

  Neyenn snorted and took a sip of his drink.

  "Jaye isn't looking for anything serious and he wouldn't settle for Darlah. She's not flashy enough and she's too... collected," he told the twins honestly.

  I scowled at Neyenn. "What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded, ready to defend Dar.

  He held up his hands in self defense. "Don't get mad 'Short Stuff', I like Dar. I think she's awesome, but she's too normal, got all her crap together, she's not for someone like Jaye. It's a compliment love, geesh," Neyenn said and grunted.

  "But would she be alright with us?" Perre asked.

  "We're kind of a package deal," Marre added.

  “I honestly don't know," I said thinking about it for a minute. "But she's not as close minded about things as you would think," I confided.

  They seemed to take in what I had just said and then excused themselves to refill their plates.

  Man those guys could put it away, must have hollow legs or something, I thought inwardly and snorted at my own joke.

  "Guy could get a chunk taken out of himself for having an opinion around here," Neyenn muttered sulkily.

  I reached down under the table and pinched his ass.

  He yelped and glared at me.

  I grinned at him and patted his cheek, "Damn straight ya big 'Blue Bastard'."

  Two for one

  Darlah

  "You're really good with her," Marre said from over my right shoulder.

  I blushed a little self consciously, remembering the state I was in the last time he had seen me.

  "Thanks, Marre," I said and smiled a little uncertainly at him.

  "She's really an easy baby and she's so much fun. Ha, ha, Makes me want one," I laughed.

  "Is that what you want ‘little one’, a baby?" Perre, Marre's twin, said from my left side.

  I turned to him in surprise and answered, "Oh, well, I didn't mean... that is to say...what I meant was... erm," I spluttered, flustered by the sudden attention of both twins.

  I stopped and took a deep, calming breath. There was no reason to be flustered just because two gorgeous Cardanians had deigned to notice lil' ol' me.

  "Someday, yes," I finally answered and smiled at Perre.

  "When ever 'prince charming' comes along and sweeps me off my feet, I guess," I said jokingly, but even I could hear the wistfulness in my voice and I chuckled ruefully at my childish fairy tale sentiment.

  They both grinned at me and stepped a little closer, the warmth from their bodies pressing against my sides.

  Perre smiled sexily, his eyes twinkling at me as he leaned in really close to my ear, his hot breath fanning over my neck.

  "And what if 'prince charming' has an equally charming brother and you could have them both, all to yourself?" he asked and I noticed his voice had taken on a husky quality that had goose flesh breaking out all over my skin.

  The idea had never, honestly, crossed my mind, but I have to say it has... potential...was he referring to himself and Marre?

  Did it mean for one night? ...or was he talking about possibly for forever?

  Before I could respond, though, Eilahna let out a wail and I excused myself to walk her back to her parents.

  By the time I walked her back to Mol and Neyenn, she was passed out, the poor baby. I
stopped and chatted with a few people as I made my way to the dance floor again, but I didn't see Marre or Perre when I headed back towards where we had been talking a little bit ago.

  The main room was a little over crowded now, so I scooted outside to the garden and decided to get a bit of fresh air.

  It was beautiful out here. The moons hung high and bright colored in the dark night sky. I just stood there for a moment, taking it all in, relaxing a bit, letting all the tension go out of me, like air escaping from a balloon.

  Would you like fries with that?

  Jaye

  She's not mine, I know that, but why do I suddenly feel like ridding Marre and Perre of some of their extra limbs, just for talking to Darlah?

  Because you know they're flirting, I answered myself and grimaced.

  The little mouse was blushing at something they’d said and I scooted a little closer, trying to be inconspicuous in my snooping.

  I couldn't help it!

  I have to know what they're saying!

  Damn my chest is hurting again. I rubbed absently at it and grimaced, I need to get that checked out or something.

  "What are you doing Jaye, snooping?" Nona asked, her eyes sparkling with equal parts laughter and curiosity.

  Argh!

  That woman has terrible timing, quick Jaye think! Get rid of the meddling old bat... but how?

  Oh, I know! I thought suddenly.

  "You like to dance don't you Nona," I said snickering.

  I know I’m about to be an asshole... but, sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides I still owe her for spiking my drink with Rellian fire liquor a few years back. I haven’t lived that one down yet.

  "Go dry hump Uncle Horven again or something huh?"

  I was referring to her getting soused up on Rellian fire liquor and dry humping Uncle Horven, her husband, all over the dance floor. I shuddered in remembrance. She didn't like being reminded of it either.