Ali's Journey Home

by Beverly Kovatch

  Charlie had fixed about everything that needed to be fixed at Mona’s farm. It took quite a while and he continued to tell Mona that once they left she really needed to hire someone to help her. Mona didn’t want to hear what he was saying though. She had been alone for years and that is how it would be again once they left. Charlie was concerned because Mona wasn’t young anymore even though she did quite well for her age. She was strong but he knew that some of the things the farm needed to thrive required the help of a strong man.

  Mona had grown on the two of them and she quickly became grandma to Faith. Thoughts of leaving her alone again weighed heavy on his mind, yet he knew that they had to leave soon. The Wentworth’s were known to be relentless, and even though Mary said there debt was forgiven he was sure that her father would not agree with her decision. He knew that their debt to him would not be forgotten.

  One thing was evident to Lizzie and that was that Faith loved Charlie. When he walked in the door her beautiful blue eyes would light up the room. She would fidget and whine until he took her in his arms.

  He loved the fact that after working all day that small chubby little face wanted him more than anything. She had captured his heart, and he would never let her go. He would keep Faith and Lizzie hidden from Masterson if it was that last thing he ever did.

  As much as he wanted to keep them safe and all to himself he knew he couldn’t keep them locked up in this place forever eventually someone would find them. The only way to keep them safe would be to travel on, to keep moving.

  Lizzie was just as stubborn as he was, so he wasn’t surprised when she went to Mona with her desperate plea. She knew that two women going against him would prove to be a winning combination.

  “Mona, next time you go into town I would like to go with you. Faith is growing so fast I need some material to make her a couple new outfits.”

  “That is no problem.” Mona replied with a smile. “I would love the company. I will be going next week to pick up a few supplies; you and Faith can certainly come along with me.”

  “I don’t think that is a good idea.” Charlie piped in as he walked in the door hearing their conversation.

  He reached down taking Faith into his arms as if by holding her in his arms he would win this fight.

  “What if you’re recognized in town? What if the Wentworth’s have put out some reward for us? We can’t take that chance Lizzie.” He stated firmly.

  “Charlie, I can’t live like this in constant terror of who will see me. I need more to my life than sitting in a house wondering if someone is going to find me, and I am going to town no matter what you say.”

  “Then leave Faith with me. I don’t want to risk her...” he stopped he could not tell her he feared Masterson would find them, and take Faith away. He had every right to do that, but he was never going to allow it. He was determined he would not lose Lizzie or Faith.

  “You have too much fear inside of you Charlie Donahue” she exclaimed.

  “I have to take her; she would need a feeding, or two on the long trip. So unless you grew a breast with milk I think you have no say in this matter.” She said firmly. Her Irish stubbornness would win this battle.

  “Then I am going too.” He spouted off. “There is too much risk in you going alone with our child.”

  “Now, now you two settle down. There will be no child taking, or woman snatching on my watch. So stop with this silly argument.”

  There was more to it than his fear that they would be snatched. Suddenly she realized what it really was. The thing he feared most. He was afraid that she would take Faith and leave him behind.

  She didn’t know how to prove to him that she was married to him, and that Faith belonged to him, and not Masterson. She wondered if she could ever make him believe that. Her life with Masterson was in her past and not her future.

  Her future was with him. She made a vow and she was not going to break it.

  He had recently expressed to her his desire to return to Ireland. She thought at first he missed Ireland just wanted to return for a visit. His grandmother was there, and she was quite elderly and needed his help so he said. Now she was thinking maybe there was something else behind his request. She argued that Faith was still too young for a trip like that. It would be too great a risk to take her on a ship for months. Surely he had to realize that.

  Faith was sound asleep in the crib that Charlie had made for her. Lizzie touched her small face as she slept. She had Masterson’s hair color and eyes. Deep blue penetrating eyes. Charlie watched as Lizzie looked so closely at Faith while she slept. He walked up behind her.

  “You wish you were with him don’t you?” he asked as his hand brushed Faith’s hair back from her face. He had seen Lizzie go off into that silent world of her own before.

  It always made him wonder just what she was thinking. Was she thinking of Masterson and the life he would give her?

  “Why do you think that? You are my husband and I love you.” She said knowing that he didn’t believe her for one moment. It was probably because she wasn’t sure of what she was feeling at the moment. She didn’t like that he knew her so well.

  “I am not looking for something that was in my past. I have moved on why don’t you?” she said arrogantly trying to make her point, but questioning it in her own mind at the same time. Had she really moved on or was this just something she was trying to convince herself of?

  “I want to, but it seems that Masterson is always in the way.” He spoke it out honestly for the first time. “When I want to hold you, he is there. When I want to kiss you, you back off, and I know that he is there, always in your mind. I can’t live like this Lizzie, constantly in his shadow, waiting for him to arrive and take you and Faith from me.”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about.” She said angrily. It was as if he was penetrating her thoughts, and she didn’t like the invasion.

  “Really, you don’t think it is strange that you have not slept with me since we got married? I understood at first it was because you had hoped he would return. Then it was because of the pregnancy, but it has been a long time since Faith’s birth. We both lie in that bed together and stare at the ceiling. As much as I wish for that intimacy a simple touch from you it never happens. I would never force you to be with me Lizzie, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want it. Every single night is torture for me. I think maybe it is best if I sleep in the barn until you decide what it is you really want. If you decide that it is Masterson that you want, I will walk away. I will leave you both here with Mona and you can look for him.”

  He touched her shoulders and turned her to face him. Tears were flowing down her face. She realized just what she had done to him.

  How could she have not realized that somewhere along the way he had actually fallen in love with her? She knew it was time to put the past behind her and move on, but was she ready to rid her heart of Masterson. He leaned down and placed his hands on her face. He wanted to kiss her passionately and carry her off to their bed, but instead he gently kissed her forehead then turned and headed out to the barn.

  There was no way he could share a bed with her the way he was feeling. He needed to be as far from her as he could. He needed the fresh spring air to clear his head. He had to realize that as much as he wished for it to happen she may never love him, and that one day Masterson would show up, and she and Faith would be gone from his life. Maybe it was better to break this connection now than allow it to go too far and be totally crushed later.

  She stood not knowing what to do. Mona had heard the conversation. It wasn’t hard being cooped up in such a small cabin.

  “He loves you very much you know?” Mona said to her.

  “You need to make a decision or you will lose him. I lost my love because I was too stubborn to tell him how I felt, or what I felt. Don’t make the same mistake Lizzie. He is a good man and good men are hard to find. Are you going to live your dream that this Masterson person will return, or live you
r life with a man who truly loves you for who you are? ”

  “I don’t know what to do Mona.” She cried.

  “Oh I think you do.”

  Mona was right. Masterson was her past, and Charlie was her future. It was up to her to cut the ties and move on. She stood over the cradle that held her baby. Faith was sleeping peacefully unaware of the turmoil her mother was going through.

  “Someday Faith I will tell you the whole story, but right now your father is in the barn wondering what to do, and I think that he deserves his wife to be loving and faithful to him.

  Please understand that this was not how it was supposed to be, but we belong to Charlie. He is your father and very soon I need to let him know that.”

  The next morning Mona had hitched the horses to the wagon and yelled inside for Lizzie.

  “Aren’t you ready yet?” she yelled.

  “You know that taking Faith requires taking a suitcase full of things” she laughed trying to blame her tardiness on Faith.

  “We need to get moving if we plan to be there before nightfall.”

  Charlie held the baby while Lizzie climbed up next to Mona.

  He handed her Faith, but not before he planted a kiss on her forehead.

  “Are we ready Mr. Donahue” Mona said as Charlie placed himself into the saddle.

  “We are all ready” he said moving his horse up next to the wagon.

  “Let’s go then.” Mona said as she slapped the reins and the wagon moved forward.

  Chapter 11

  Mona was right the terrain from her cabin to the town was rough and uneven. The wagon ride was bumpy and sometimes Lizzie felt as if she was going to fall out of the wagon. Lizzie kept thinking maybe Charlie had been right. Maybe it had been a mistake to take Faith on an outing like this. The spring air was cool and she was chilled. She was glad she had wrapped Faith up tightly in blankets with a knitted cap on her head that Mona had made for her.

  “Are you alright?” Charlie asked watching Lizzie carefully along the trip.

  “Yes,” she replied trying to hold Faith, and hold onto the wagon at the same time.

  He nodded and said nothing more. He rode up ahead hoping to see the town a short ways off. Lizzie had not been ready for this long trip even though she stated she was. He was hoping it would end soon.

  He would make sure that she was as comfortable as possible even if it meant that he had to stop Mona from moving on.

  “It’s just a short ways ahead” Mona said seeing the concern on Charlie's face. It was obvious that Lizzie hadn’t taken her advice the night before. Lizzie had been silent since they left that morning. Mona slowed the team down once they got closer to the town. She could see the fear in both of their eyes as they reached the edge of town

  “These people who are after you? Are they that so clever that they might actually look for you in this little town?” she asked Lizzie.

  “Well, let’s just say they are all very influential people and if there is anyone here who recognizes us it will be bad. Maybe I made a mistake.” She said nervously.

  “I see, well then maybe if anyone asks we should say that you are my niece and nephew from New York.

  This is a small town, and I don’t think they will suspect a thing. They have all known me for years and if I tell them you are my family they will believe it.”

  “Did you hear that Charlie?” Lizzie asked wanting to be sure that they told the same thing to anyone who might ask.

  “I heard” he replied “I am going to check out the local inn. I want to get Faith out of this chilly air.” Charlie said.

  “It’s at the end of the town. We will stop by the mercantile store first and meet you there later.”

  Charlie rode to the end of the town. He got off of his horse when he reached the front of the wayside inn. It was comfortable but he wasn’t sure how safe or warm it was. He was thankful that it sat back more secluded from the town and all of its noise. It was run by Katrina Caldwell and as he would find out later it was more of a place where men brought wanton women seemingly to hide their discreet affairs from their wives.

  Mona had failed to tell him that. All she said was it was the safest place to stay in town. No one would notice them there. He walked in. It was surprisingly quiet and very homey looking. He walked up and rang the little bell on the counter. I would like three rooms for the night he told the innkeeper.

  “For the entire night?” she asked “Most are booked by the hour. If you want rooms for the entire night I am afraid that we only have two rooms for that kind of availability. Are you just traveling through, or planning on spending a few days in town?”

  “We are just staying overnight.” Charlie said aggravated. “Two will be fine.”

  Lizzie was going to have to accept the fact that they would have to share a room; he would just sleep on the floor or in a chair if one was provided.

  He took the keys and put them in his pocket.

  He headed back to the women and told them the rooms were taken care of. Lizzie smiled at him and excitedly wanted to show him some material she had found. “Won’t this make a cute little dress for Faith?”

  He nodded. “Yes, it is very pretty.”

  He then walked over to the counter and asked about ammunition for his gun. The old storekeeper took him over to show him just what they had in stock while his wife showed Mona and Lizzie the newest fashions and materials.

  “Whatever my wife wants please put on my tab” he said to the storekeeper’s wife. “No problem sir.” She answered. He turned back to the old man and started discussing some details about his gun and the ammo that he used for it.

  Mona and Lizzie were finally done and all their packages tied up in brown paper with string. Mona carried all the packages while Lizzie carried Faith.

  “Did you get everything you needed?” Charlie asked.

  “Yes I did Charlie, where did you get the money for all of this. I know we don’t have much.”

  “I can provide for my family” he said almost coldly as if she had insulted him.

  This was not her Charlie. There was far too much anger in his voice and his replies were almost mechanical. She turned and looked back at the old storekeeper as he smiled holding up the old watch that had been Charlie's grandfathers.

  “Why did you do that Charlie? That was your grandfathers?”

  “Just a material item I did not need.” He stated and walked on ahead of her, Faith, and Mona.

  “Charlie” she called out.

  “Get Faith out of the cold air Lizzie. I am going to the saloon to get a drink.” he replied as he crossed the road. It had been a long time since he had a drink and he surely needed one right now.

  He had managed to procure just enough money to pay for the items Lizzie had picked out, the cost of the Inn for the night, and purchase the travel tickets for them to return to Ireland with a few dollars left over. The ship was set to leave in a couple weeks. He would have to tell Lizzie of course, but right now was not the time. He needed to cool off before he told her the real plan that he had, the one where they would be on a ship heading home to Ireland whether she liked it or not.

  He would tell her once they returned to Mona’s. If she refused then he would leave without her and that would be the end. Mona would take care of her until she could find Masterson.

  Chapter 12

  It was late when Charlie returned from the saloon. He had been drinking far too much as he bragged to the men in the saloon that “No one could ever out drink a Donahue.” He had won quite a bit of money from the poker game, but that was never his real objective. His real objective was how could he possibly get Lizzie to fall in love with him? Would he ever be able to compete with the illustrious Masterson? He had no wealth or fame. He was just a poor Irish farmer who had a flare for raising horses.

  When he arrived back at the hotel he found Faith asleep on the makeshift bed that Lizzie had made her. She was so perfect in his eyes. He brushed his hand across her cheek and she w
iggled as if it tickled her. She was his child, he cared for her, and he loved her. Masterson wasn’t anywhere around when Lizzie or Faith needed him. He was one that stood by her side, why couldn’t Lizzie see that?

  “Come to bed” she said from the darkness of the room.

  “I will sleep on the floor” he replied. His mood did not lesson his desire to take her. She was his wife for god’s sake. How could she not see that he loved her, wanted her? It made him angry, but he would never force himself on her.

  “I said come to bed.” She said more firmly. She knew he had been drinking but it was no reason for him to sleep on the floor she thought. He was her husband. He had seen her through some of the hardest moments of her life, and he deserved more than what she had given him. She knew that Masterson was gone and he was not returning. It was time she moved on.

  Charlie got undressed in the darkness and prepared to fix his makeshift bed on the floor when suddenly her hand reached out and touched his. She had gotten out of bed in the dark and she was standing in front of him. She slowly as he felt her body pressing firmly against his. The touch of her hands was setting him on fire. What was she doing? He didn’t understand.

  She had been cold as ice to him all this time, and now here she was naked standing on her tiptoes trying to kiss him. He was drunk, but not that drunk. Who was this woman he thought? It surely wasn’t Lizzie.

  This woman was not the Lizzie who had avoided any kind of physical contact with him after Faith was born. She was not the woman who constantly made sure to keep her distance, and yet suddenly this woman was caressing him, teasing him, making his body ached to take her.

  He had managed to control his emotions always believing that in time just maybe this moment would happen. That eventually she would come to want him. Something in his head didn’t feel right about this. Why was she doing this? He had kept his body in check, always in control but, it was evident at this moment he was not the one in control.

  He followed her as she led him to the bed hoping that this was not some intoxicated dream he was having where he would wake up in a cold sweat on a strange barroom floor.