Earthman Jack vs. The Secret Army (Earthman Jack Space Saga Book 2)

by Matthew Kadish

  Text copyright © 2015 by Twelve Oaks Media

  All Rights Reserved

  Earthman Jack and all related characters and elements are trademarks of Matthew Kadish.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without permission of the publisher.

  Printed in the U.S.A.

  First American digital edition, September 2015

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  Previous books in the Earthman Jack Space Saga:

  Earthman Jack vs. The Ghost Planet

  To Ms. Bruns, Mrs. Hemmert,

  & All My English Teachers,

  Who Taught Me I’m Not Nearly

  As Smart As I Think I Am…

  Previously, On Earthman Jack…

  As is no doubt obvious from the extensive historical recordings housed in the grand repository of the Hive Mind of Valghana VII, the origin story of Earthman Jack Finnegan is quite the exciting tale. Indeed, the entire saga of the last Earthman has captured the hearts and minds of so many sentient beings across this great universe, that it should come as no surprise yet another holo-cinema adaptation of the saga is now in the works.

  Legions of Earthman Jack’s fans (known more commonly as “Earthmaniacs”) have recently taken to the ultraweb with news about the announcement Diznessey Studios will be making the twelfth version of one of the universe’s most popular adventure tales. In fact, one can already see teaser advertisements meant to generate buzz all over the Corrino, Ordos, and Ginaz sections of space, toting the holo-cinema release for the first in the series, dubbed “Earthman Jack vs. The Ghost Planet.” It even sports the rather witty tagline “The Adventure Begins After The World Ends,” and is now set to be released on universal-timedate 51346.23.09-55, just in time for the holidays, giving everyone ample opportunity to gossip and theorize about how director Sodhurg Silverhill plans to interpret the tale.

  Already, a great deal of controversy has been ginned up with the casting of synthpop star and teen heartthrob Casper Dreamboat in the lead role of Jack, which some hard-core Earthmaniacs claim is simply miscasting for the sake of attracting the throngs of young females who are fans of his incredibly popular series of Deathlord Romance holos – Deathlight, Darklight, & Brightlight Parts 1 & 2. Though this humble narrator does agree that Casper tends to be a better singer than he is an actor, his increasingly bold choices to try and break out of his “sexy Deathlord” mold are commendable. (He’s also not hard on the eyes either! Am I right, ladies?)

  But regardless of who may or may not be cast in the holo, the fact remains that the story is largely unchanged from the actual events. Jack Finnegan, an average 15 year old from the planet Earth, discovers a powerful spacecraft built by a mysterious race known as the Ancients at the center of his planet the day a fleet of Deathlord Planetkillers arrives searching for Princess Glorianna – the heir to the Galactic Regalus Empire and the only being capable of fully controlling Ancient technology.

  Jack, along with the Princess, her protector Paragon Shepherd, and Professor Thaddius Green, escape in the Earthship just before the Deathlords destroy the planet – leaving Jack quite understandably upset. After attempting to flee the Deathlords, Jack and his companions are captured, and Jack is thrown into the Deathlord prison known as The Pit – a mysterious cavern made of black rock at the core of every Deathlord Mothership that breaks down organic life for the purpose of stealing its lifeforce to power the Deathlords’ superweapons.

  There, he meets up with beings who are to become his life-long compatriots and famous heroes in their own right – the Visini pirate Scallywag the Red, the Rognok warrior Grohm, and the robotic evil genius Heckubus Moriarty. Through a confluence of daring events (and more than a bit of luck), the group is able to escape The Pit and meet up with Professor Green, after learning that the Deathlords are being commanded by a shadowy group called the Lords of the Void, who apparently are responsible for a great deal of nasty things - not the least of which is the genocidal elimination of the Ancients over 50,000 years prior, whom modern-day Regals are descended from.

  During their escape, Paragon Shepherd breaks Princess Glorianna out of her prison, but before the group can get to the safety of the Earthship, the evil Deathlord Supreme Zarrod intercepts them. In the battle that ensues, Paragon Shepherd falls, and the Princess is recaptured. Luckily, Jack and the others escape using the Earthship’s Entanglement Engine, which allows the ship to choose to exist at any point in space its crew wishes, giving it the ability to “teleport” pretty much anywhere in the universe.

  Alone and afraid, without guidance or support, Jack makes the heroic decision to pursue the Deathlords and to rescue Princess Glorianna in an attempt to foil the Deathlords’ evil plans to use her to free a fleet of indestructible spaceships from the Ghost Planet of Terrahades – a planet created by the Ancients which is in a constant state of dimensional flux. After convincing his compatriots to help him in such a risky endeavor, Jack and his friends lure a swarm of omnivorous space bugs to Terrahades. After quite a few close calls, the group manages to land on the planet while the ravenous insects consume the Deathlord fleet.

  As Scallywag and Professor Green infiltrate Zarrod’s mothership to engage its superweapon to hit the core of the Ghost Planet, Jack and Grohm track down the Princess at the planet’s Ancient Temple, which contains a Great Seal. A Great Seal houses the collective knowledge of the Ancients. It then manifests that knowledge into existence, thus helping to create incredible feats of technological wonder (such as a multi-dimensional prison-planet with a breathable atmosphere, a planet-wide shield, and a phantasmagoric tornado guardian that will eat anyone who sets foot on the ground).

  Before Jack can whisk Princess Glorianna away from danger, the Princess cracks the Great Seal while under the influence of a mysterious Deathlord mind-control method, granting Zarrod the ability to make her act as he wishes against her will. Zarrod defeats Grohm in battle and intercepts Jack before he can escape. In a climactic showdown, Jack destroys the Great Seal, releasing the energy trapped behind it, which is absorbed by both himself and the Deathlord Supreme.

  As Jack absorbs this energy, he has a vision of his long-lost father who tells him that it is not only possible to save Earth but also all the planets and beings the Deathlords have destroyed. According to Jack’s father, the secret lies in finding a place known as Khoruhar. Before Jack can inquire further, his vision ends and he finds himself once again locked in mortal combat with Zarrod. However, this time, Jack suddenly has an understanding of how the Deathlord’s powers work and is able to wield them himself to triumphantly defeat his terrible enemy.

  After the fall of the Deathlord Supreme, the gang fires off the Deathlord mothership’s superweapon and makes a dramatic escape in the Earthship just before the Ghost Planet explodes, taking an entire system of space with it. With the danger now over, Jack realizes he has a new mission – to find this mysterious Khoruhar and rescue Earth and every other victim of the Deathlords!

  As is plain to see, if Jack’s tale were to end there, it would be more than enough to warrant a great deal of fanfare by the universe at large.

  But as everyone kn
ows, Jack’s tale does not end there.

  In fact, it is only the beginning of his rather amazing adventure. For now, Jack is travelling to the heart of the Galactic Regalus Empire – the largest and most powerful Empire in the known universe. And this alien boy from a small town on a distant planet is in for quite the culture shock. As most children learn in their remedial history classes, at the time of Jack’s adventure, the Regalus Empire is a little over 10,000 years old and consists of roughly 100 member planets, 300 colonies, and 500 outposts and space stations, spanning close to 30,000 light-years of galactic territory. Member worlds differ in population size, ranging from a few million to roughly ten billion citizens. And, of course, the citizenry is made up of a multitude of different species and races, creating quite the melting pot of alien culture, all of which are represented on the gang’s destination – the capitol planet of Omnicron Prime.

  And though one would think Jack would be safe now that he’s entering into Princess Glorianna’s realm, nothing could be further from the truth. For new threats are lurking, just waiting to strike, and some of the threats cannot be fought as easily as a Deathlord Dark Soldier. (And let’s face it, those aren’t the easiest adversaries to begin with.)

  Jack will now have to deal with one of the most frustrating and insurmountable villains in the universe: bureaucrats. Our hero will suddenly be thrust into the viper’s nest of intergalactic politics, where power-players aggressively maneuver to take control of the Ancient Earthship and the secrets it contains – with or without him.

  As Jack struggles to come to terms with the reality of his new life in the Empire, an even more terrifying threat lurks in the shadows – one whose goal is to destroy the Empire from within, and to wipe out any organized resistance to the Deathlords as they continue their quest to eradicate all life in the universe. It is a threat that has wormed its way into the very halls of power, making it impossible to tell friend from foe, and leaving Jack with no one he can trust to help him fight it – not even those closest to him.

  After all, how does one defeat an enemy he cannot see? Who can one depend on when there’s no one left to trust? And how can Jack hope to save the day when everyone he’s trying to save turns against him?

  This will be Earthman Jack’s greatest challenge yet and it will set the stage for the epic adversity he will eventually face. Our tale begins on the Ancient Earthship as it is travelling at 99% the speed of light, headed right for the capitol planet of Omnicron Prime, one month after the events of the Ghost Planet. This is the story of Jack’s first steps toward being the greatest hero the universe has ever known. This is the story of the corruption that nearly brings the most powerful Empire in history to its knees.

  This, is the story of the Secret Army.

  Chapter 1

  Clouds swirl high overhead, crackling with the lightning of evil energy. High atop a skyscraper in New York City, a malicious robed figure sits on a throne, raised high upon a platform, as panic grips the citizens in the streets below. Scallywag, Professor Green, Heckubus, and Grohm are all on the roof of the skyscraper, gazing up at the figure. All wear khaki jumpsuits and grasp their bulky hand-held proton accelerator neutrino wands tensely.

  “Choose and perish!” growled the robed figure, its menacing voice echoing far and wide.

  “What do you mean ‘choose’?” Green yelled back. “We don't understand!”

  “Choose!” the robed figure replied. “Choose the form of the destructor!”

  “Oh, I get it!” shouted Scallywag, turning to his compatriots. “Very cute! If we think o’ J.C. Rowdey, J.C. Rowdey will come and destroy us, okay? So empty yer heads! Don't think o’ anything! We only got one shot at this!”

  “The choice is made!” announced the robbed figure as lightning flashed around him. “The traveler has come!”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” shouted Scallywag emphatically. “Nobody chose anything!” He turned to Heckubus. “Did you choose anything?”

  “Of course not!” sneered the robot.

  Scallywag turned to Grohm. “Did you?”

  “Grohm's mind totally blank,” the Rognok replied.

  “Well, I didn't choose anything!” Scallywag shouted at the robed figure. The group was quiet for a brief moment before they all turned accusingly toward Professor Green.

  “I… I couldn't help it,” Green said meekly. “It just popped in there.”

  “What?” snarled Scallywag. “What just popped in there?”

  “I... I tried to think—” Green stammered before Heckubus interrupted.

  “LOOK!” shouted the robot, pointing off to the side of the skyscraper.

  “No!” cried Green in horror. “It can't be! It can't be!”

  “What is it?” growled Scallywag as the group ran to the side of the building. “What did ya do, Green?”

  In the distance, screams of the populous could be heard as the ground shook with the thuds of a gigantic figure making its way through the city streets. The group all turned to Green, wide-eyed, as the Professor bit his lip apologetically.

  “It’s Professional Wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage,” he said simply.

  With a mighty roar, 8-story tall Macho Man Randy Savage flexed his gleaming, oversized muscles, showing off his bright pink muscle shirt, wrap-around sunglasses, and glittery cowboy hat in style. “Oooooooh, YEAH!” he rumbled. “Macho Madness is comin’ atcha! Get ready for the atomic elbow, brutha!”

  “Sonofa—” muttered Scallywag as he charged up his proton pack. “Blast it!”

  The group all shot streams of proton energy at the giant wrestler, who giggled at their touch. “Stop! Stop!” Macho Man Randy Savage squealed. “It tickles!”

  “Our proton accelerators are obviously not having any effect,” Heckubus stated. “We are, as you say… kittened.”

  Suddenly, with a loud ROAR, a motorcycle leapt over the group, landing gracefully on the street 20 stories below and skidding to a stop in front of the giant wrestler. The group above gasped as the figure on the bike climbed off of it. “It’s ROBOJACK!” exclaimed Heckubus.

  “Half man, half machine…” said Green.

  “Allllllllll awesome,” finished Scallywag.

  Jack’s robotic armor gleamed with the might of awesomeness as he pulled out his gun and aimed it with cyborg-like precision at the giant wrestler, completely unafraid. “Your move, creep!” said Jack.

  With a violent roar, Macho Man Randy Savage leapt up, his elbow dropping directly toward Jack. The elbow hit the ground, causing a nuclear explosion with a mushroom cloud that could be seen from miles away. But when the smoke cleared, ROBOJACK was still standing, and the gigantic wrestler lay nearby, unconscious and defeated.

  The robotic exoskeleton suit opened up and Jack hopped out, showing off his totally sweet muscles, which sparkled in the light of victory. The crowd cheered. Anna rushed up to him and threw herself into his arms. “My hero!” she exclaimed.

  Jack flashed her a cocky grin. “No need to thank me,” he said before looking directly at his audience with an overabundance of confidence. “It’s what I do.” Music swelled as Jack turned back toward Anna. He leaned in for a kiss, but before their lips could touch, a weak voice cried out…

  “Jack…” it said.

  Jack turned and saw a man lying on the ground. He was in a cage, blood seeping from his head. Jack took a closer look and gasped. “D… dad?” Jack asked.

  Jack’s father looked up at him, weakly grasping at the bars of his cage. “Jack…” he whispered.

  As Jack started to approach his father, he heard a scream. He turned and saw Anna on her knees. Her hands were in shackles, and a black skeletal figure was behind her trying to dig its hands into her back as she struggled against it.

  “Anna!” exclaimed Jack.

  Suddenly, the crowd all became shadowy figures with serpents emerging from their necks, hissing at Jack and slowly closing in around him. Thunder crashed and Jack looked up at a gigantic, all-seeing eye hovering over the
massive skyscraper, lightning dancing in its red, green, and purple-veined iris.

  A clawed hand painfully clamped down on Jack’s shoulder. Jack turned, and the air caught in his lungs as he saw Zarrod standing before him, the Deathlord’s fiery red eyes blazing. “Eldil Meldilorn,” growled the Deathlord, right before laying his other hand on Jack’s forehead.

  Pain shot through Jack’s brain, causing him to scream…

  And that’s when he woke up.

  Jack sleepily blinked his eyes. His head throbbed and he raised his hands to cradle it. It felt like the headaches were starting to come more frequently, and they were especially bad after he’d been asleep. He looked up at the small window in his tiny bedroom to see the beautiful blue kaleidoscope of lightspeed whizzing by. He glanced at the digital clock duct-taped to his wall, the big red numbers reading 8:30 am. Jack untangled himself from the blankets decorated with faded superheroes and swung his legs over the side of his bed, his head protesting with every movement. He rubbed his eyes to clear the sleep from them and then shuffled out of his room.

  In contrast to his tiny quarters, the hallway of his starship was wide, bright, and friendly. Jack yawned and scratched his thigh under his boxer shorts as he walked to the small bathroom he’d created across the hall. The Ancient Earthship had the incredible talent of being able to manifest anything its crew desired – including the very rooms within it. Though Jack had tried imagining lots of different and crazy things for his ship to create, he always ended up coming back to the familiar rooms he’d grown up with – not the least of which was the bathroom, with the faded floral shower curtain, cracked mirror, and toilet which required a jiggling of the handle after every flush to keep it from running.

  Jack had hoped a quick shower would alleviate his headache, but it didn’t seem to help at all. As he dressed, he considered briefly heading to the Medical Bay to see if he could try his hand at fixing the headache himself instead of asking Heckubus or Professor Green to take yet another look at him. But despite the fact that he was savvy enough to pilot a spaceship, he was pretty much clueless as to how to work any of the medical equipment. Not that it would probably do much good anyway, since the two smartest guys on the ship had failed to find anything wrong with him.