Earthman Jack vs. The Secret Army (Earthman Jack Space Saga Book 2)

by Matthew Kadish

  I wish things were different, she thought to herself. Oh, how I wish…

  Memories of her time on the Earthship flooded back to her. It had been the best time of her life, looking back on it. No responsibilities. No worries. No rules. Just her and a silly Earthboy. She couldn’t help but smile.

  “Happy it’s over, too?” came a voice.

  The sound of someone speaking to her immediately alarmed Anna. She shot to her feet and turned, looking about in the low light of her room. She saw a figure in the shadows by the window and was about to call for help when the figure stepped forward, revealing himself.

  “Jack?” Anna said, her heart thumping from the shock.

  “S’up,” said Jack with a mischievous chin nod.

  “What are you doing here?” Anna asked. “How did you even get in?”

  “I have my own spaceship with teleportation technology, remember?”

  “But my tower is shielded,” Anna said. “Teleporters don’t work here.”

  Jack shrugged. “Mine seems to,” he said. “We didn’t get a chance to really talk since the State Dinner, so I figured I’d come up and say ‘hi.’ ”

  “You shouldn’t have,” Anna said. “Have you any idea what my security would do if they found you?”

  “Um… nothing?” replied Jack. “I’m a bonafied Hero, got the medal to prove it now, and they have to follow your orders, so…”

  Anna sighed. “You just can’t appear in my quarters out of nowhere, Jack. You have to be invited.”

  “Says who?”

  “It’s the rules.”

  “You’re the Princess. You can change the rules whenever you want.”

  “No,” said Anna. “I can’t.”

  “Well, if you can’t change them, you can certainly break them whenever you want,” said Jack approaching her. “What’s say you and I get out of here for a bit? Go check out the city? Dan told me there’s this crazy robot wrestling place down on stratum 152, wherever that is.”

  Anna blinked at Jack in shock. “I… I can’t go to that!”

  “Oh, come on!” exclaimed Jack. “It’s got robots! That WRESTLE! How could you resist?”

  “Jack, I am the Princess of the Regalus Empire,” argued Anna. “I can’t just go out in public like that, let alone to some underground robot wrestling match.”

  “You’re still just Anna Shepherd to me,” said Jack with a smile. “Besides, it’s for that exact reason no one would ever believe it’s really you. Your room is still on the ship, we can both change into casual clothes and no one will be the wiser.”

  “It’s too dangerous…”

  “Hey, I protected you from a Deathlord Supreme,” said Jack with more than a bit of swagger. “I think I could keep you safe for one night out on the town.” Jack held out his hand toward Anna. “What do you say?” he asked.

  Anna looked at Jack’s hand like it was a piece of forbidden fruit. She could feel her heart thumping in her chest, the buzz of excitement in her brain. She wanted to go with him. Badly. But she knew she shouldn’t.

  “Anna,” said Jack, looking at her as though he could read her mind. “Just this once, do what you want, not what’s expected of you.”

  Anna couldn’t help but smile. This silly Earthboy always seemed to know exactly what to say. “Just for tonight,” she warned him.

  Jack smiled. “Just for tonight.”

  “Never again.”

  “Nope,” he said. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “And no funny business.”

  “I don’t even know what that means.”

  Jack and Anna both laughed. Anna placed her hand atop Jack’s, and he stepped forward, getting close enough to make her heart flutter.

  “Teleport,” he said.

  And in a flash, they were gone.

  “RIP HIS HEAD OFF!!!!” screamed Jack above the roar of the rowdy crowd, looking at the two robots grapple with each other in the shielded ring below.

  “PUNCH HIM!” yelled Anna, throwing a fist in the air. “PUNCH HIM INTO THE GROUND!!!”

  One of the robots lifted the other into a suplex and fell backwards, bouncing its opponent off the floor. It quickly got to its feet and backflipped off the ring’s shielding, landing on top of the dazed robot on the ground and crushing it in a shower of electric sparks. The crowd booed as the winning robot strutted around the ring, showboating for the onlookers.

  “Nooooo!” cried Anna. “Why did The Iron Streak have to win? He’s such a jerk!”

  Jack laughed. “Hey, sometimes the bad guys win,” he said. “That just makes it all the more satisfying when the good guys come back for revenge!”

  “Thanks for comin’ out tonight, folks!” came the announcer’s voice over the speakers as the robots were taken out of the ring. “Come back next weekend for ROBOPOKALYPSE! We’ll have five – yes, count ‘em – FIVE robots in the ring at once! Come for the carnage, stay for drink specials! Be there!!!”

  As they were filing out with the crowd, Jack watched as two metal pods opened up near the ringside. An old man climbed out of one of them, and a little girl who was sporting an Iron Streak t-shirt climbed out the other.

  Jack looked at them curiously. “Whoa,” said Jack. “What’s up with that?”

  Anna glanced over and chuckled. “Oh, those are the wrestlers,” she said. “They control the robots from their immersion pods.”

  “Really?” said Jack. “I thought the robots were just programmed to fight?”

  “No. Use of Artificial Intelligence is strictly regulated in the Empire,” Anna said. “Ever since Edvard the Undying used an army of Automaton robots to conquer a third of Imperial territory, we’ve had a strict policy about limiting the use of A.I. So most robosports use real people to control the androids, and there are severe limitations on how far the control pod’s signal can range.”

  “You’re telling me that twelve-year-old girl just kicked a robot’s butt?” asked Jack.

  Anna giggled. “Why so surprised? Girls can kick butt, too, you know.”

  “Oh, I know,” said Jack. “Remember when you shot those Deathlords that were chasing us on our hoverbike? Good times.”

  “Yes, one of my finer moments, if I do say so myself.”

  “I mean, it’s not like you killed a Deathlord Supreme in a one-on-one face-off or anything, but it was still pretty impressive.”

  Anna gave Jack a playful punch on his arm. “Keep talking like that, and I might just have to kick your butt, mister!”

  “Hey, I thought you said no funny business! You’re such a tease,” joked Jack, making Anna laugh.

  “Fire peas!” cried a candy-striped vendor as he walked upstream of the crowd. “Get yer fire peas here! Molten lava! Burns so good! Fire peas!”

  “Whoa, what’s this?” asked Jack excitedly. “I’ll take some!”

  “Jack, don’t!” cried Anna as he swiped his digicredit card on the vendor’s tray and took a paper bag filled with small red peas. “Those are so spicy! You have no idea!”

  “Psh, please,” said Jack confidently. “I’ve had the Burger Shack’s Habanero Devil Burger before. A little heat don’t even faze me.” Jack popped a single fire pea into his mouth and smiled… until his face turned bright red and his eyes bulged. Jack dropped the bag of fire peas and gasped. “HOT!” he choked. “HA-HAAAAWT!”

  Anna couldn’t stop laughing as Jack croaked, panting, tears starting to roll down his cheeks. “I told you!” she shrieked, grabbing him by the arm and ushering him through the crowd. “C’mon, let’s get you something to drink.”

  Jack guzzled down his third butterbrew juice, chugging it desperately, Anna laughing all the while. The vendor at the small street booth looked at Jack quizzically as Jack slammed down the empty cup on the counter and croaked “Another.”

  “What’s wrong with your friend?” the vendor asked Anna as he served up another tall cup of the milky amber liquid.

  “First time trying fire peas,” she replied.

  Th
e vendor nodded in understanding. “Ah, yeah, that’ll do it.”

  Jack chugged the drink again, finally starting to feel better. He sighed, gratefully, as his mouth returned to normal. “Oh, wow,” he said. “Now I know what the surface of the sun tastes like.”

  “See?” said Anna, nudging his ribs with her elbow. “You should try listening to me sometime.”

  The vendor looked at Anna and Jack suspiciously. “Say,” he said. “Do I know you two? You both look kinda familiar.”

  Jack and Anna exchanged an “inside joke” smile and got up from the booth’s counter. “Nah,” said Jack, sliding his digicredit card through the receiver at the counter. “We just have those types of faces. Thanks for the drinks!”

  Jack took Anna by the hand and led her off as the vendor watched them go. The main street of stratum 152 was bustling and they quickly got lost among the crowds of people and aliens. Different food booths lined either side of the street with neon lights decorating the sides of the buildings. Electronic signs and billboards were everywhere, the steam from the exhaust vents in the ground catching their light and giving everything a hazy glow. Even the ceiling of the stratum was lined with small digital orbs which created a simulation of the night sky, almost making it feel as though they were out in the open instead of under 48 other sprawling platforms of the city.

  “That was a close one,” said Anna.

  “Don’t worry,” said Jack. “One word from me, and The Awesome will teleport us out of here. I got it hovering close by, just in case.”

  “One word, huh?” mused Anna. “Has the Earthship stopped obeying your mental commands?”

  “Hey, could you blame it, considering half the things that go on in my mind?” said Jack. “I don’t know. I feel like when I say it out loud, it’s easier to communicate what I want to the ship. As you may know, I’m not always the best at focusing my brain.”

  Anna giggled. “I’m not so sure. You seem to be able to do it when it counts.”

  As they walked, a large box the size of a phone booth caught Jack’s eye. It was tucked away in an alcove off the street, ornate designs decorating its frame. The top half was glass and inside it was the upper body of a mannequin. It had long hair, a beard, and seemed to wear simple robes. Its jaw was framed separately from its face, making it seem like it would actually open and close. “What the heck is this thing?” asked Jack.

  “Oh,” replied Anna, rolling her eyes. “That’s RNGsus.”

  Jack looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “It’s what?”

  “RNGsus,” said Anna once more. “The God of Random Number Generation.”

  Jack blinked at her. “Random number generation? What the heck is that?”

  “There’s a whole religion devoted to it,” explained Anna. “People who believe in fate and destiny think that random numbers can tell them how they’re supposed to lead their lives. They find RNGsus, ask him a question, and then get a random number which corresponds with an answer. It’s pretty hokey, but lots of people base their entire lives around it. I guess it’s easier than making decisions for yourself, just letting fate decide for you.”

  Jack glanced from the machine back to Anna, smiling mischievously. “You know we totally have to talk to it, don’t you?”

  “Jack, no,” whined Anna. “It’s a complete waste of time…”

  “Oh, come on!” said Jack, taking Anna by the hand and dragging her toward it. “You can’t deny destiny! It’s calling our name! Or… number! Whatever!”

  Anna giggled as Jack squared off with the booth. “How’s this thing work?” Jack asked.

  “You just slide your digicredit card, ask it a question, and then shoot a coin into its mouth,” explained Anna.

  “So it’s ‘Religion: the video game!’” said Jack as he took out his digicredit card from his pocket. “Seems simple enough.” Jack swiped his card and the display behind the mannequin lit up with the words “Ask Your Question” upon it. RNGsus’s mouth opened and a coin was loaded onto a small ramp aimed toward the opening. Jack grabbed the handle and gave the ramp a small adjustment. “Oh, great and mighty RNGsus,” said Jack, with the hammiest intonation he could muster. “Tell us the answer to the secret of life, the universe, and everything!”

  Jack aimed the ramp at the mannequin’s open mouth and pulled the trigger, letting the coin roll into it. RNGsus closed his mouth, his eyes glowing bright red briefly, before a ticket was printed from its base. Jack ripped off the ticket and looked at it.

  “What’s it say?” asked Anna.

  “42,” replied Jack, looking at the ticket strangely. “What the heck does that mean?”

  “Look at the back,” said Anna.

  Jack flipped over the ticket to find more writing. “ ‘Better not tell you now,’ ” muttered Jack as he read the writing out loud. “Not exactly the response I was looking for.”

  “See? I told you it was a waste of time,” said Anna.

  “No way. We’re going for round two,” said Jack as he swiped his card in the reader again. Another coin was loaded in the ramp as the “Ask Your Question” sign lit up once more. “Okay RNGsus, let’s go for something easier. Tell me straight up – what is my favorite color?”

  Jack shot a coin into the mannequin’s mouth and another ticket was produced. Jack ripped it off and looked at it. “209,” he said, before looking at the back. “’Concentrate and ask again.’ Hmmmm. I’m getting the feeling that RNGsus is little more than an expensive Magic Eight Ball.”

  “You’re not doing it right,” said Anna as she moved Jack aside and took control of the trigger. “You’re not supposed to ask it those types of questions. It’s meant to tell you what to do. Swipe it again.” Jack swiped his card and Anna aimed the coin ramp right at RNGsus’s mouth. “RNGsus, what should Jack and I do next?” she asked, before sending the coin to its ultimate destination. When the ticket was printed, Jack ripped it off and took a look at it.

  “66,” Jack said before turning it over. He was about to read it aloud but stopped.

  “What?” asked Anna. “What’s it say?”

  “Nothing,” replied Jack. “You were right, this was a waste of time.”

  Jack was about to shove the ticket in his pocket when Anna stopped him. “Uh-uh, you don’t get away that easily!” she said with a smile. “I wanna see…” She took the ticket from Jack and immediately blushed when she saw what was on it. It read:

  Do something romantic.

  She looked at Jack shyly as he smiled at her. “Hey,” he said, “as far as I’m concerned, you can’t get more romantic than robot wrestling! The evening has already peaked! It’s all downhill from here.”

  That made Anna laugh, alleviating the tension. “Good point,” she replied. “So, since RNGsus has failed us, what should we do?”

  “Something totally not romantic,” said Jack. “Like, think of the most unromantic thing you can dream of, and that’s the thing we are going to do!”

  Anna pondered Jack’s joke for a moment before smiling to herself. “I don’t know about how unromantic it would be,” she said, “but whatever we decide to do, I think it should involve chocolate.”

  Jack grinned brightly. “I think I can handle that.”

  Minutes later, Jack and Anna were sitting on an overpass, having teleported there with the aid of the Earthship after it manifested two chocolate milkshakes for them. They kicked their feet over the edge as they reminisced about some of the ‘totally sweet’ wrestling moves they’d seen on display that evening. Anna laughed at Jack’s overblown re-enactments.

  Anna stole some glances at the stratum level before them as she sipped her milkshake. Everything seemed so cramped, with the neon lights and the steam from the vents. So many people were bustling about, even that late at night, and, in a strange way, the digital sky on the ceiling above them looked almost prettier than the real thing. Anna couldn’t remember a time when she’d ventured to the different stratums of the capitol, let alone on her own. It was such a radi
cal departure from what she was used to, she almost felt like she was on a completely different planet.

  It suddenly occurred to her that for the first time since she’d returned home, she was actually enjoying herself. Since the minute they’d landed in Capitol City, she’d resumed her old life. But she’d never really known how oppressive it felt, until she’d tasted what life could be like when she was aboard the Earthship. She looked at Jack and smiled. “Thank you,” she said.

  Jack raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

  “For taking me out,” she said. “After all the memories the memorial ceremony brought up today… I needed this.”

  “Hey,” said Jack, placing his hand on top of hers. “What are friends for, right?”

  Jack’s hand felt soft and warm atop hers, and Anna felt her heart flutter slightly as he rubbed his thumb gently over the skin of her wrist. It skimmed the surface with its pad as it moved, as sensitive as any kiss could ever be. Anna looked up, and her gaze met Jack’s. He had a gentle smile, and his green eyes were looking right at her, absent of any fear or nervousness that she’d come to associate with him when he was around her. Oddly enough, this time, it was she who felt nervous.

  “You wanna hear something funny?” Jack asked.

  Please, please don’t say it… she thought.

  “I’ve been through a lot of scary stuff,” Jack said. “Stuff I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d ever go through. I’ve fought against unkillable alien soldiers. Been thrown into a pit filled with killer zombies. Almost been eaten by space bugs and angry tornadoes. Even had a one-on-one showdown with a Deathlord Supreme. But none of that ever scared me more than you did.”

  “Me?” asked Anna quietly.

  Jack nodded. “I guess… I don’t know. All that other stuff could kill me, and don’t get me wrong, that would totally suck. But… none of it could break my heart. And in some ways, that’s worse than death.”