Lizzie's War

by Rosie Clarke

  Beth sat up cautiously, keeping the sheets up to her breasts as Bernie came back into the bedroom. He hardly glanced at her as he said, ‘You can use the bathroom now. You were sleeping so I went first. You need to be quick, because breakfast will be over in half an hour – and we want our money’s worth, because they know how to charge here.’

  ‘It’s a nice place,’ she said, pulling her dressing gown round her as she got out of bed. ‘It was kind of you to bring me here, Bernie.’

  ‘I’d do anything for you, love,’ he said, but his eyes gleamed. ‘I expect value for my money though – always have, always will.’

  Beth wasn’t sure he was talking just about the hotel. Had he noticed that she wasn’t very responsive to him the previous night? Beth hadn’t refused him, but she hadn’t exactly welcomed him with any degree of warmth. She wasn’t sure now why she’d been so nervous, but she would try to do better in future. After all, Bernie had given her a lovely wedding, as well as presents for herself and the children. He would expect something in return and it probably wasn’t enough to keep his house nice and cook a decent meal in the evenings.

  Her practical side had reasserted itself. She’d chosen this path and there was no going back. It was only right to show him a bit of affection now and then. Walking over to where he stood before the mirror, Beth put her arms about him and kissed his neck.

  ‘You’re a lovely man, Bernie, and I’m lucky to have you.’

  To her surprise he shrugged her off, moving away from her sharply. ‘That’s enough of that, Beth. I don’t hold with silly stuff at this hour of the day. You just be ready for me at night and we shall suit all right.’

  Beth felt as if he’d thrown cold water over her, but something switched off inside her. If that was what he wanted it was all right with her. She’d lie there and let him have his own way and she would never try to show affection again. She should have cancelled the wedding. She’d been afraid of her father’s disappointment and hadn’t had the courage to cancel things at the last minute – but she’d thought Bernie really loved her and she didn’t want to hurt him. If he called a quick fumble in bed loving, he wasn’t the man Beth had expected, but if it was what he wanted she couldn’t object because she’d married him for what he could give her and this was the price she must pay.

  She turned away and went into the bedroom, wishing that she’d thought things out for longer and then told him no – but he’d always been there when she needed help and the children seemed to get on with him; he could make them stop screaming with a touch of his fingers and Matt needed a firm hand or he would get out of control. Her parents had seemed to want to see her settled – and Beth had felt awkward when Sebastian came back and married Lizzie, and it had scared her thinking that she might have to manage alone. She’d known she couldn’t go on living in Lizzie’s home forever and it’d seemed that her best option was to marry Bernie. Now she’d realized she’d made a terrible mistake…

  *

  The next day, Beth got up and went to the bathroom as Bernie lay snoring beside her. She stood looking at her white face in the mirror and then ran the taps in the bath, needing to scrub the touch of her husband’s body from her flesh. Bernie hadn’t been drunk that evening and he’d certainly had his money’s worth from her, suggesting things she found disgusting and forcing her to take him in her mouth when she said she didn’t want to. He’d come in her mouth and then, when she’d spat out his semen, he’d slapped her face.

  ‘Don’t treat me as if I’m scum,’ he threatened. ‘You’re my wife now and you’ll do whatever I tell you.’

  And then he’d turned her over and taken her in a way that made Beth want to vomit. Why couldn’t he be tender and loving as Mark had been she’d wondered bitterly as she felt the pain of his entry and had to bite her lip to stop herself screaming.

  ‘You’re no good to me the other way,’ he muttered as he drew away afterwards. ‘It’s those bloody kids. I’ll have you this way when I want you, but don’t think you’re getting out of havin’ my kids, because I’ll have you the other way when I want an’ all.’

  Beth could only lie there like a log and let him satisfy himself. If her wedding night had been disappointing, the second night was hell. She wished that she could just disappear into the floor and for a moment contemplated cutting her wrists in the bath and letting all the blood seep from her body, but the mother in her wouldn’t let her do that – she had her twins to look after. They were her reason to live and she’d brought this on herself; they didn’t deserve to be punished just because she’d done something stupid.

  After she’d rinsed her mouth and cleaned her teeth she felt a bit better. She’d cleansed all trace of him from her body but she would never get this night out of her mind, and it made her wonder how much of this she could take. Wild thoughts of running away went through her head, but all the fear of telling her parents came rushing back and she knew she wouldn’t do it. Somehow she would have to bear whatever Bernie did.

  Besides, where could she go? If she went to Lizzie or her parents, he would fetch her back – and her father would tell her she should stay with her husband. Rebellion flared in Beth and she planned what she would do if he attacked her like that again – because she was not going to let him treat her like a slut again, even if he hit her.

  However, when he woke, Bernie seemed subdued, even regretful, and after she’d dressed, he touched her hand, looking at her oddly.

  ‘I’m sorry about last night,’ he apologized. ‘It made me angry because I knew you didn’t want me – and I was jealous of the children’s father. If you’ll stay with me, Beth, I promise I shan’t behave like that again. I knew you didn’t love me when you agreed to marry me – but I thought you might like me a bit.’

  ‘I did…’ Beth said and saw the glint in his eyes. ‘I still do, Bernie – but I shan’t if you hurt and humiliate me like that again.’

  ‘I know. It was bad – I shouldn’t have treated you like a whore,’ he said. ‘You’re my wife and I love you – even if it didn’t seem like it last night. Please say you’ll forgive me.’

  ‘I will try,’ Beth replied but didn’t smile. ‘I didn’t deserve what you did to me last night, Bernie, and I shan’t put up with it.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Lizzie told me I can go back there if I want – and if you ever do things like that again I shall.’

  ‘Just try going there…’ For a moment there was such anger in his eyes that she didn’t recognize him, but then in another moment, he had it under control. ‘You won’t have the need to leave me, Beth – and if you do, you and that bitch will be sorry. I’ll be good to you and I shan’t hurt or humiliate you again, but you have to be a good wife to me.’

  ‘I’ll do all the things a wife should,’ Beth replied coldly. ‘But if you want affection you must remember your promise to me.’

  ‘I’ll remember,’ he said. ‘Just remember you are mine, Beth. You belong to me and I would make anyone who stood in my way very sorry…’

  Beth managed to keep her inner shudders from showing. She was such a fool to have been taken in by his meek, kind and generous manner. Bernie wasn’t really like that at all – underneath the charm and caring manner there was a different kind of man altogether: a man who frightened her.

  *

  Beth looked at the suitcases waiting to be unpacked, and turned away. After that awful night when he’d done those unspeakable things to her, Bernie had been kind to her, taking her to all the best shops, buying her whatever she saw that took her fancy. There wasn’t really much to buy, but he’d bought her an antique silver bangle and some Victorian diamond earrings. She hadn’t really wanted them, but it would be stupid to refuse and make him angry again. After his buying spree, he took her to the theatre and on another occasion to the flicks, and then back to the hotel both times. She’d waited in trepidation but he hadn’t come to bed until the early hours and he’d fallen asleep without touching her.

  He’d made love to her once more b
ut he’d been drinking and it was rather like the first time. Beth felt nothing, but it was better than the humiliation that she’d felt the night he’d abused her.

  Now they were back home and Bernie had gone to work. Beth knew she should unpack her things and then go shopping for food. Her husband would expect a decent meal when he got home, and she’d decided that she would try to give him value for money, at least through his stomach and by keeping his house clean and his clothes nicely washed and pressed.

  She longed to visit Lizzie; it would in any other circumstances be the first thing she did on getting home, but something held her back. She’d managed to convince her mother everything was all right when they’d collected the twins the previous night, but Lizzie would know how bad things were immediately and Beth couldn’t tell her the truth. It was just too humiliating, too horrible to confide to anyone – even her best friend.

  Chapter 13

  Lizzie consulted her order book. She’d never been this busy and she knew she had several people to thank for her new success. Aunt Miriam had stopped her husband telling slanderous lies, and he had done so, because now that she was married no one would believe them anyway. She sighed as she thought how good it would have been to talk to Beth about the way things were going now, but her friend had been back from her honeymoon for three weeks and she hadn’t been in touch.

  Lizzie thought it strange, but perhaps Beth was caught up in the excitement of being married and having a husband and a home to care for, as well as looking after her children She hadn’t seen Mrs Court either, even though she’d called round one Sunday with a gift for the twins’ birthday. She’d gone there after trying Beth’s home unsuccessfully on two occasions. No one had been in there either and Lizzie had left the present with a neighbour. Perhaps she ought to try and visit Beth again, but she had a feeling that Bernie wouldn’t welcome her in his house, and she’d been expecting Beth to bring the twins to see her, even if just to say thank you for their presents.

  It was almost as if she’d been cast adrift by the family and Lizzie felt a bit hurt, but scolded herself for being silly as she worked on her orders. Having Tilly work for her was wonderful, because she could trust her to trim the best hats, which gave her more time to design, and some of her customers were keen to buy her special creations; it seemed that Sebastian wasn’t the only one to recognize Lizzie’s talents. Ralph Stevens was becoming a frequent visitor and his order was never less than twelve of her best hats. It meant that she had very little time for anything but work these days.

  Thankfully, Lizzie had found her housekeeper two days after Beth’s wedding. She’d offered interviews to the four women who rang in answer to her advertisement and three of them were hopeless; two were such sour-faced creatures that Lizzie couldn’t have left her darling daughter with them to save her life; the third was a pleasant enough woman but older than Lizzie had envisaged and although she felt sympathy for her because she was a widow and lonely, she didn’t seem right. The fourth candidate told her that her name was Hatty Simpson; she was a widow with three sons, all of whom were serving either in the Army or the RAF.

  ‘I’ve been privileged to know happiness, Mrs Winters,’ she said when Lizzie asked her how she felt about living in. ‘I’ve had my own home and enjoyed it, but my sons have wives and homes of their own – and while I’m fit enough I would prefer the kind of job where I live in as part of the family. I don’t like living alone, though I’m not averse to my own company sometimes.’

  ‘You would have two rooms of your own,’ Lizzie said, ‘but I would prefer it if we had our meals together – what I’m really looking for is a friend, Mrs Simpson. Betty needs a family and I don’t have any of my own – Aunt Miriam is her great-aunt by marriage but that’s all we have. My second husband doesn’t have much family either as far as I’m aware.’ They certainly hadn’t come to the wedding, though Sebastian had invited several friends. ‘I want someone who is happy to look after my daughter and keep the house tidy, wash a few delicate bits and send the sheets to the laundry, perhaps some shopping – though I can do that on my way home. I have a window cleaner and we can have someone in to do heavy work. Oh, and I like to work at the serviceman’s social club one or two nights a week – Aunt Miriam comes round to sit with Betty then.’

  ‘That’s fine for me, but I shall be here if I’m needed,’ Hatty said and smiled. ‘I kept house, cleaned for my husband and three sons and nursed him until he died of lung cancer…’ Lizzie caught her breath. ‘Oh, don’t be sorry for me, I know people don’t talk about that awful disease, but it’s been with us for centuries, a dark shadow lurking that people fear and don’t mention…’

  ‘Yes, we don’t talk about these things enough, do we?’

  ‘I’ve learned to live with my memories and – I shall be happy to do all you need, Mrs Winters, and pleased to live as one of the family.’

  ‘Then all I have to say is when can you start?’

  ‘Tomorrow, if that is all right with you. I’ll be here at seven in the morning and bring some of my things. The rest can come later. I’ve given a month’s notice on my house and I’ll have anything I can’t bring either stored or sold down the market.’

  ‘That sounds wonderful, Hatty,’ Lizzie said and smiled in relief. She’d taken to the friendly woman instantly and knew she would fit in with her ways. ‘But if there are any bits of furniture you’d like to bring, I’m sure we can make room for them. I didn’t over furnish the spare rooms when I moved in – so bring whatever you want with you.’

  ‘In that case I’ll bring my bedroom stuff and some comfortable chairs for my sitting room,’ Hatty looked pleased. ‘I haven’t got much I want, because I was bombed out last year and only a few bits survived the blast – so I shall be quite content to sell most of it, because it was second-hand and all I could get.’

  Lizzie offered her a cup of tea, but Hatty said she had things to do and went off, promising to be on time in the morning.

  She’d been as good as her word and was nicely settled in. Betty had taken to her and now that she was not disturbed by Matt’s screaming she’d become the peaceable child she’d been at the start. Hatty had not had to get up to her once in the weeks since and nor had Lizzie, and even better, her bad dreams had gone.

  Lizzie walked to her bus alone now, because no one had followed or threatened her since before Beth’s wedding. She’d begun to relax and enjoy her life again – but she did miss Beth, despite having Tilly and Hatty, as well as Ed, Jean, Janet and Aunt Miriam. Beth had been special to her and she couldn’t understand why she hadn’t wheeled the twins round to the showroom to see her. Lizzie made up her mind that she would make time to call on her friend on her way home later.

  *

  It was two o’clock that afternoon when someone came into the showroom as Lizzie was rearranging the window with some fresh stock. She smiled as she saw it was Mrs Court, pleased that she’d come to see her.

  ‘How lovely to see you! I’ve been thinking I would come round soon, but I’ve been busy… and you weren’t in when I called with a present for the twins’ birthdays.’

  ‘Yes, I should’ve thanked you but…Lizzie, have you seen Beth recently?’ Mrs Court’s anxiety made her almost abrupt.

  ‘No, I haven’t; I went round there a couple of times but she must have been out, because she didn’t answer the door,’ Lizzie felt coldness at her nape as she saw Mrs Court’s worried look. ‘Is something the matter?’

  ‘I was hoping you would know,’ Beth’s mother said and sighed. ‘She never comes to see me. I went round this morning; she let me in and she’s got that place like a new pin, but something wasn’t right, Lizzie – I could see it in her face, though she kept saying she was fine. I’m sure she isn’t happy, but she won’t talk to me about it. I thought she might have said something to you?’

  ‘I haven’t seen Beth once since the wedding,’ Lizzie said. ‘I waited for a while, because I didn’t want to intrude… I don’t think her husba
nd likes me.’

  ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘I don’t know – just the way he looked at me once. I had the feeling that he resented my friendship with Beth…’

  ‘Her father and I thought he would be good to her – but if we were wrong… we pushed Beth into getting married, Lizzie. I kept telling her he was a good man and her father said she would be respectable if she got married, but if he’s making her unhappy…’

  ‘You don’t know that,’ Lizzie said. ‘We can’t be sure he isn’t everything he seemed – kind and generous…’

  ‘Beth had a bruise on her cheek this morning,’ Mrs Court said and looked grim. ‘She said she caught herself when she was running after Matt, but I’m sure she was lying…’ A sob caught in her throat. ‘I couldn’t bear it if I thought he was hitting her, Lizzie…’

  ‘Oh God, no,’ Lizzie said, feeling sick at the thought. ‘I know Beth wasn’t sure she was doing the right thing. I think she would’ve liked to change her mind right at the last minute but she was afraid of upsetting everyone. If he knows that she doesn’t love him….’

  Mrs Court looked pale and worried. ‘If my husband knew he was hurting her, he’d kill him. He thinks the world of Beth, even though you might not think it after the way he behaved when she got pregnant – he was just so disappointed that his precious girl had let him down…’

  ‘I know. He came to the hospital the night she gave birth and I saw his face when the doctor said she was all right. You mustn’t tell him – not yet anyway. I’ll pop round there on my way home this evening, before Bernie gets back…’

  ‘Oh, Lizzie, you think he’s a bad person, don’t you?’

  ‘I don’t know for sure,’ Lizzie said. ‘Yet there was something at the wedding – and a couple of times before, if I think about it. I don’t know what we can do if Beth is being ill-treated, but I won’t let it go on if I can help it.’