I Am Satan (Hellbound Trilogy Book 2)

by Tim Hawken

******

  There was darkness where there should have been light. Terrified breaths rasped in my ears. I was trapped. Encased in a wooden prison. I could not move my body an inch, yet I could feel the suffocating heat of Hell all around me. More repressing than the searing temperature was the knowledge that I had betrayed my best friend and in turn had been betrayed. This was not the Kingdom of Heaven I had been promised.

  A chilling voice whispered in my ear. It was the unmistakable tone of Satan.

  “Hello, Judas,” he said, with sinister mirth. “Welcome to your reward. You have forsaken your life on earth and therefore you have forsaken your divine soul to me for eternity.”

  No! I thought. This could not be. I had sacrificed my honor for God. I sacrificed my name. I was the true follower, doing the Lord’s bidding. There has to be a mistake.

  “There is no mistake,” Satan whispered again, wriggling inside my head. “You took your own life. It is something that God cannot ever forgive you for, you traitor. Jesus is bleeding on his cross right now. It’s most wonderful to watch.”

  I thought I was releasing my soul. I was supposed to meet Jesus in the Kingdom of Heaven.

  “You cannot willingly release your soul, and expect to go to Heaven. If you could, then there would be nobody left on earth. Everyone would commit suicide to join with God. It could never be what he wants. He wants people to suffer through life unhappy. Only then does he reward with never ending bliss.

  But his martyrdom was a willing one. Isn’t that a kind of suicide? Will Jesus not end up in Hell, with me? I’ve made a terrible mistake.

  “Yes you have made a mistake.” The Devil laughed horribly. “But your error was trusting in God to do the right thing. Jesus will go to Heaven, to reunite his soul with his Kingdom of Grace. But he has forsaken you, Judas. He has betrayed you, his greatest ally, to an eternity of suffering. It brings me untold joy to know I can torment his closest Apostle. He must have known you would end up here, yet he did nothing to stop it. He said nothing to save you from your fate.”

  You are wrong, I thought. He will come and save me, and I will be delivered from sin.

  THREE

  I SAT UP, GASPING FOR BREATH. We were back in the war room. The wood of the chair dug hard into my back and I knew that we’d been out for some time. I sat up panting, letting my eyes focus. I looked over at Judas who was lying unconscious across the table, his hand extended toward me. The bruise around his neck had reappeared. Dark purple blotched from where the rope had cut into him, staying there as a physical reminder of his death while he was imprisoned inside his wooden body.

  There could be no deceit in what I had just witnessed. The vivid final days leading up to the Last Supper and the arrest of Jesus by the authorities spun in my head. Everything I had learned during my life about Jesus and Judas had been turned upside down. I sat contemplating what this meant for us.

  With a groan, Judas began to stir. He tried to sit up, but slumped back down onto the table. Blood was seeping from out of his ears, mixing with the already crimson tinge of his long hair. The power of the memory had produced an intense physical effect on him.

  “Good God, what happened to him?” asked Smithy, rattling into the room with a tray of cups. “Is he alright?”

  Smithy placed the tray roughly onto the table and went to Judas’ side, real concern in his eyes. I stood up and went around to help Judas sit up in his chair.

  Judas groaned again as we pulled him upright. His eyes opened briefly before closing again, his head lolling backward.

  “Judas!” I said, holding the back of his head gently. “Judas, can you hear me?”

  “Jesus never came for me,” he answered weakly, through cracked lips. “He left me. After three days the Devil returned, to bring news of Jesus’ resurrection and ascension to Heaven. It was a knife in my heart. My spirit was broken. What kind of a loving God would abandon his companion to cover himself in glory?”

  Judas coughed, and a bloody splinter of wood came out of his mouth. Smithy wiped it away, looking at me in fright. Judas continued.

  “Periodically, through the darkness, Satan would visit to whisper in my ear. He tormented me with visions of the revolution of Christianity. All over the world, people whispered my name in hatred: Judas, the accursed Apostle, the betrayer, the traitor.

  The Devil delighted when the crusades came, thousands upon thousands of deaths in the name of God, because of what I had done. My sacrifice had meant more souls had been sent wailing into Hell.”

  He straightened a little in his chair. Pushing our hands away softly, he opened his eyes to look at the two of us weakly. I stood, holding my hand on his shoulder in case he slumped again. Judas put his hands on the table to steady himself before looking up at me again.

  “The worst moments where when other suicides came burning down to the forest beside me. Their roots were lodged into me. I felt their suffering on top of my own. Over two thousand years, uncountable souls penetrated my consciousness with their own sorrows. Soon, even Satan forgot about me. He no longer came to whisper in my ear, but seemed content to leave me frozen in agony forever. Forsaken by all and loved by none.

  “Until one day, through the darkness, a bright spirit wandered into the forest. He touched my tree and I was able to peer into his soul, using the power Jesus had bestowed upon me. I saw his painful past and his bitter thoughts of revenge, but deep within I saw something else, the white spark of hope: Love. Truth. He had come to free me from my prison, and for that I will be his follower forever. That man is you, Michael. I am your true apostle.”

  Judas took my hand and kissed it. The green fire in his eyes had returned.

  “Do you trust me now?” Judas asked with passion. “Do you see why I should want to continue the fight for the truth I believe in? Do you understand why I may feel wronged to have been cast into Hell, despite my sacrifice?”

  “What happened?” Smithy asked beside me. “What did you see?”

  “I saw that Judas was betrayed by Jesus,” I said to him, “not the other way around as you might think. I saw that he is a true fighter for the ideals of love and freedom, and that he is now with us in this fight.”

  “You’ve earned this, then,” Smithy said cheerily, handing Judas a hot cup of tea.

  Judas held the cup in both hands. Shakily he brought the tea up to his mouth and slurped the hot liquid inside. By the time he had drained the cup he seemed revitalized. The faint white aura of power had returned to surround him.

  “Where do we go from here, Michael?” he asked.

  “I was hoping you’d provide some guidance,” I answered. “In your time with Jesus, did he mention anything about the walls that separated the worlds of the afterlife? Do you know how we can dismantle the barricades between Hell, Limbo and Heaven?”

  “No,” Judas replied, running his fingers through his hair with a steely look in his eyes. “But I know someone who may be able to help us.”

  “Who?” I asked expectantly.

  “Mary Magdalene,” he paused, before adding softly, “my sister.”

  “What?” I said, standing up in shock. “Mary Magdalene is your sister?”

  “Yes,” Judas answered, studying the back of his hands. “It was a secret we kept from everyone except Jesus. I’m not sure how the others never saw the family resemblance; red hair wasn’t common in Judea. She fled our family when she was just a girl, to escape our abusive father. I finally tracked her down in Magdala once I’d joined Jesus. She was working as a whore, but we saved her from that life.”

  I studied his face closely. He did indeed have similar features to the Mary who sat at Jesus’ side during the last supper. It wasn’t just in the hair, it was the eyes.

  “Jesus fell in love with her,” Judas continued. “She became his wife in secret. I was the one who wed them. Jesus wanted to keep their union secret, because he thought the others might judge his love for her as greater than his love for God. He couldn’t be seen to be favoring anyone
more than the Lord. We were quite a holy trinity, the three of us. I’m not sure what happened to her, even now. I’m sure the bride of Christ would be in the Kingdom of God with him, but she may still have an allegiance to me if I can get word to her somehow.”

  “Mary is not in Heaven,” I cut in. “She is here in Hell. She has returned to the life you rescued her from. She runs a brothel in the city, Magdalene’s Mansion.”

  Judas looked up to me, his penetrating glare boring into me to see if I was telling the truth.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, rising to his feet.

  “I’m fairly sure,” I said slowly. “I’ve been there myself, but I never actually saw her with my own eyes. Asmodeus went to meet her, while I was having guilty visions,” I said, avoiding his gaze.

  “How could this be?” he gasped. “Why had she not come to me in the forest? I don’t understand.”

  “I don’t either,” I said cautiously. “Maybe we should visit her to find out.”

  “Oh bugger,” Smithy said next to us. “It’s going to be one thing after another with you isn’t it, Michael? I’ll go and get the helicopter ready.”

  FOUR

  WE LANDED ON THE ROOF of the towering glass brothel. Smithy kept the rotor spinning. We had agreed that he would go to check on Clytemnestra while Judas and I met with Mary. I wanted to keep their family reunion as private as possible. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I was sure some uncomfortable truths would have to be faced.

  I stepped down from the helicopter, ducking my head as I walked out from underneath the blades. Judas followed not far behind.

  As Smithy took off, two large demons came out from a door ahead of us and waited as we approached. One was a blue lust demon covered in pus-filled sores. He wore a loose pair of denim shorts, to thankfully cover his nether-parts. The other demon was a deep orange color, his belly swollen with the gluttony of his sins. His bulbous head was even larger than his stomach, giving him a top-heavy sway as he stood beside the door.

  “Hello,” I said, holding up my hand in salutation. “I am…”

  “Lord Michael,” the lust demon said. “My name is Forneus. I was at your sermon, and so was Wharton here.” The orange monster nodded slightly and he wobbled off balance. “We support your cause. We hope that someday soon we can be free of Hell as you’ve promised. How can we be of service to you?”

  “We’ve come to see Mary,” I said, happy inside at our good fortune. “Can you take us to her?”

  “Of course. Follow me.”

  We passed through the door into a cool, well-lit corridor. Descending a small flight of metal stairs we continued down the passageway, trailing behind Wharton’s swaying gait. We were led to an elevator, which opened as we approached. All four of us fit inside easily and Forneus tapped a button with a golden ‘M’ inscribed on it.

  “I admire what you’re trying to do,” Forneus said, to me as we descended. “We’re all trapped within our own desires. It is time we started to think more of each other and help find a way out of this hellhole of guilt. Truly, in my heart of hearts I believe that.”

  As he said the words, I noticed a few of the weeping sores on his chest closed up. He didn’t seem to perceive the change, but to me it was incredible how a body could transform so rapidly as the philosophy of will shifted. I nodded my agreement and smiled.

  The elevator stopped and the doors slid open silently. What appeared to be a bathhouse stretched out before us. White tiles paved the ground. A red-carpeted pathway led us forward. Either side of it were rippling pools of water. On the left side, the pools gave off hints of steam from their heat. The ones to the right had small ice blocks floating in them. Around the pools there were green plants, sprouting directly from the floor. Some of the plants bloomed with strange, multicolored flowers which wafted a beautiful potpourri scent. The end of the room was curtained off with white flowing drapes. Wharton and Forneus walked ahead, along the red carpet between the pools, toward the white curtains. We pushed through into a wide room. It also had white tiles with two marble fountains bursting with water on each side. In between the two fountains there was a staggering emerald desk which sparkled green light. Sitting at the desk, talking on the phone, was Mary Magdalene.

  “Yes,” she said through the receiver, flicking her red curls out of her eyes with an air of dignity. “Business continues as planned. We perform a valuable service.”

  She placed the phone down and looked up at us as we walked into the room. She looked from the demons in front of us to me and then to Judas. As her eyes locked with his, her mouth dropped. The dignified aura around her disappeared and she looked almost like a little girl. Her emerald eyes brimmed with tears as she got to her feet. She ran out from behind the desk, pushed the demons out of the way and launched herself at Judas. She clung to him in a teary embrace.

  “You have no idea what I’ve been through,” she sobbed. “Oh, Judas! Finally, you’re free, you’re free,” she blubbered over and over again.

  Judas hugged her back tightly. I could see his eyes were also glassy with tears, although they didn’t fall as freely as Mary’s. I let them hold each other and bask in their reunion. Finally, Mary pulled her face away from Judas’ chest, which was now wet with tears. She looked over to me and parted from her brother. She then embraced me in a fierce hug and kissed me full on the lips.

  “Thank you, thank you, Michael. For doing what I could not achieve in all these hundreds of years of trying. You have freed the only soul in existence that I care more about than my own. I wasn’t at the sermon, but I have heard the rumors. I was just preparing to come and find you!” She stepped back and wiped her eyes. Mascara ran black down her cheeks, but it did nothing to dim her beauty.

  “I don’t know where to start; what to say,” she said, looking from Judas to me and back again.

  “Start with why you are here and why this is the first time I’ve known of your presence in Hell.” Judas said. His face turned stony with barely contained anger. “You seem to be doing very well for yourself.”

  She nodded, looking down at her feet.

  “Yes” she said, “you deserve an explanation, and you will have it.” She turned to the demons who stood back behind us silently. “Wharton, Forneus, thank you for bringing me my brother and master. Please go and help Oba. She is at the front desk and has been inundated calls about Lord Michael’s sermon. I have briefed her that we continue to run as normal; all services must be completely consensual. What we do here helps stem the desire of Hell’s souls. What they would have to take by force, we can deliver through transaction. Oba needs help to answer phones, so she can continue to welcome guests.”

  “Very good.” Wharton said and both demons turned to leave.

  “Oh and,” Mary said to the departing pair, “if you tell a single soul that you just saw me crying, I’ll have you both on clean up duty for a decade.”

  “Yes ma’am.” Forneus nodded.

  “You shift from emotion to business with the ease of The Devil.” Judas commented sharply as soon as the demons left the room. “Have you gone back to your old ways so easily?”

  She stared at Judas with a hard face, before it softened again.

  “I deserve that.” She nodded. “I deserve a lot of things. You will have your explanation Judas. There is something downstairs I need you both to see. Why don’t we walk and talk?”

  “You always were efficient.” Judas said harshly.

  “And patience was never your strong suit!” She snapped back.

  They stared at each other, two flame haired, green-eyed visions of power. The tension between them was a mangled knot of unanswered questions.

  Mary shook her head and looked up to me.

  “Only a brother can talk to his sister like that and get away with it,” she observed. “We’ll take my private stairs down. It’s time both of you understood the work I’ve been doing here. We’re going to bring down Asmodeus and his Kingdom of Lies once and for all.”

/>   FIVE

  MARY WALKED OVER AND PRESSED A BUTTON under her desk. It split in the middle and the ends rose up to form two emerald walls. Between the walls, the floor slid away to reveal a black staircase.

  “Follow me,” she requested. “I’ll speak as we descend. I must ask you to promise that you won’t interrupt me at all while I tell my tale. I’ll try not to get lost in the details, but some are very important. Do you promise?”

  We both agreed and so she began to step down into the stairwell. At first we trailed behind, down a square cut set of stairs then caught up to her and were able to walk comfortably side by side as we went down. Mary began her story.

  “On the night of the Last Supper, Jesus came to me,” she began. “He came to me with a startling revelation, that the person who was to betray him was you, Judas. He explained that he had asked you to do it and that you had agreed. He went on to reveal my part in his plan. Once he had been crucified he would resurrect himself from the dead before ascending to Heaven. I was to witness this and ensure the word was spread: that Jesus was the true Son of God and had died on the cross to save man from his sins. In the shedding of his blood he would give mankind a chance at redemption, and enflame the passion for God in humanity as never before. He said that I would have to let you go into exile, away from the accusers of your betrayal, but before you left I should help assuage your guilt. I was to let you know that I too knew the truth; that although you’d be hated by your once close friends for the rest of your life, you would still have my and God’s love. He said that you would be rewarded in Heaven even more than the rest of the Apostles. I was devastated the next day when your body was found. The others rejoiced shamefully at your suicide, for Jesus had been arrested and sentenced to death. They did not know the truth. I looked on as the Romans tortured the love of my life and my dear brother’s name was desecrated. It was unspeakable to behold, even though I had been forewarned of what was to come.