The Darkness Visible

by Tori de Clare

  ‘Don’t lecture me on stealing. My mum would have given me her ring. She’d do anything for me.’

  ‘Maybe she would, but the fact is you took it, and she’s now perverting the course of justice. You’re dragging your own mother into the mess you’ve made. Face up to what you’ve done. Know when to stop.’

  ‘I’ll never understand why women are so emotional.’ He leant further forward. ‘I’m not going to stop until I get what I want and what is mine. Ever.’ That smile again, never far away.

  ‘You have no conscience, do you?’

  ‘I’ve read about conscience. An interesting concept, people battling pointlessly with some peculiar inner voice which produces bad feelings, all of which attempt to dissuade people from doing what instinct dictates. No, I’m not troubled by it, thankfully. I have no conflict. Emotion has no bearing.’

  ‘You tried to take my life.’

  ‘And your revenge was to take my money, which was worse.’

  ‘Revenge? I bailed you out and saved your life so Solomon wouldn’t come after you.’

  ‘You stole all my money so that I couldn’t bail myself out. Parting with loose change for Vincent was the least that you could do. If anything had happened to me, you’d have been responsible, and you knew it. Hence the heroics in the cemetery. All a great show. Well congratulations, Vincent was impressed. He thinks you’ve got more balls than me and all his lads combined.’

  ‘I wasn’t looking for admiration from Vincent Solomon. I’m sorry I ever had to meet the guy.’

  ‘Well it’s too late now, and know this: he’ll never forget you.’ He sighed into the dimness and allowed the words to settle.’ He’ll never forget you. ‘Whereas I can forget you very easily,’ he went on, ‘and I’d like to. Give me my half of the money and I’ll disappear for good and leave you alone.’

  A flood of feelings kept her still; confusion, fury, an unsettling sense of dread.

  ‘You’re completely insane.’

  His voice lowered. ‘Your opinion of me means nothing. If I have to drag you through the courts to get that money, I’ll do it.’

  ‘I’m going to get the marriage annulled on grounds that it was never consummated.’

  ‘Good luck with that. It’s on record that you’re a raving nymphomaniac.’ He kept on smiling. Couldn’t stop. ‘You’re going to have to prove your innocence if you can.’

  ‘I won’t have to prove anything. You’re going to prison for attempted murder,’ she said. ‘It’s only a matter of time before some evidence comes to light.’

  Nathan laughed spontaneously now. ‘You don’t get it at all do you?’

  There was a distance of about a metre between them. Nathan was determined to close the gap. He nudged forward again. ‘All this tough-girl talk is a turn-on, Naomi, except that underneath you’re made of glass. You’re fragile and transparent and very breakable, my darling. Like the rest of us, you’re being played.’ He rolled onto his knees and shuffled forward. Naomi pulled away and flattened her back against the wooden wall.

  She gripped the knife and held it in front of her as a barrier. Nathan ignored it and looked her in the eye.

  ‘Even in this light, I can see your pulse throbbing in your neck,’ he said, touching her hands. ‘You’re colder than you should be. You’re much too pumped. You’re afraid.’ He paused to read her eyes. ‘You don’t want to die, but you try to convince yourself there’s nothing left for you here so it doesn’t matter either way. And, let me guess – Mummy isn’t her best self at the moment either, and your sense of worth has taken a beating since you got home.’ Naomi glared at him, wide-eyed. ‘Wouldn’t you think she’d just be glad to see you? Tut, tut.’

  He reached out and pressed his fingers to her neck and her pulse fought against them. She raised the knife to his throat, just off centre, and applied a little pressure. Nathan allowed it. She visualised slicing his jugular with one swift zip, and couldn’t even bring herself to pierce his skin. Nathan reached up and clasped the knife and squeezed her fingers until she dropped it. The oxygen was disappearing again, becoming very thin.

  ‘I gave you the chance to get even and you didn’t take it. There’ll be no second chance.’

  Nathan was so close, so imposing. She couldn’t distance herself from him. She had no strength to push him away. She hated herself for this – for allowing the control to slip, for exposing her fear, for crumbling right in front of him. She might as well have been a lump of ice under the dazzle of the midday sun. Get a hold of yourself. Slow your breathing. Speak!

  He was watching her with fascination while she clawed for air. Clutched by nausea, she closed her eyes to shut him out and dragged some calming music from her memory. If Nathan was going to hurt her, she was powerless to stop it. Why watch him make a move? A melody rose from the archives in her head, as haunting as it was beautiful. Rachmaninoff, Elegie. It pushed Nathan back a little, created some distance between them. She thought of Dan, just his name at first, three letters which sparked calmer feelings. Her airways opened and oxygen filled her lungs.

  She opened her eyes. ‘I’m not afraid of you.’

  ‘No?’ he smiled. ‘Well you should be, because I’m here with news for you. I’m not going to prison and neither is Lorie.’

  His words had a physical impact. She drew a deep breath. ‘You have no way of knowing that.’

  He chuckled. ‘You’re getting privileged inside info here, Naomi. I’ll tell you what will happen. Everyone barring Chambers will be cleared. Chambers will serve time for taking the Roller. Vincent has everything in hand.’

  ‘What happened to the documents that were on the car that night? I know what I saw, but the police said there was nothing to find when they got there.’

  ‘When you and Dan left, Vincent returned and took the documents.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘No one asks Vincent those kinds of questions.’

  ‘Not man enough, Nathan? I’ll ask him myself.’

  Nathan laughed. ‘You’re so stupid. But aren’t you the lucky one, that he likes you so much he’s keeping you out of prison?’

  ‘What are you talking about now?’

  Nathan shook his head and sighed a sigh which expressed more pleasure than frustration. ‘Oh to be young and naive,’ he said. ‘The quicker you realise that Vincent’s in control of everything, the quicker you’ll learn how to survive.’

  ‘The police are in control.’

  ‘Oh really? Well, when they tell you the case has been thrown out and you realise that I’m walking free every day and could be anywhere, just remember this little conversation. If you’re smart, you’ll learn to trust no one. Not the police, not the media and especially not Dan.’

  ‘As if I’d take advice from you.’

  ‘Learn the hard way then. But I’m telling you now, this is the first time I’ve been able to be honest, and it’s liberating. All those months of pretending I was some insipid, doting boyfriend. It was exhausting having to respond to you. So this is the real me and I’m warning you, Dan –’

  ‘Dan has the money.’ A long pause while she enjoyed Nathan’s expression change in a blink to a look of horror. ‘All of it.’

  Silence. She eyed him defiantly.

  ‘You’re lying,’ he said at last. His voice was weak with alarm.

  An advantage at last. Naomi turned the screw. ‘I’m no liar, you know that. Dan has the money and I trust him with it. I gave it as a gift.’

  ‘It wasn’t yours to give.’

  She moved closer to his face. ‘You’ll never see a penny of it.’

  Naomi tried to stand. Nathan took her arm and slammed her down again. His face came within an inch of hers. ‘You trust Dan do you?’

  She couldn’t create any distance. ‘He saved my life, of course I trust him.’

  ‘You’re more stupid than I thought. Did Dan ever tell you how I met Solomon?’

  Naomi breathed through her nose and couldn’t move. ‘Let go of me.’


  ‘Did he?’ He raised his voice.

  She said nothing.

  Nathan said, ‘I thought not. Now you listen to me, I want my money and you’re going to give it to me or I can’t guarantee your safety, Naomi. You’re just never going to know where I’m going to pop up.’

  They were breathing the same air. Naomi swallowed. An owl was calling somewhere close. ‘Empty threats.’

  ‘Oh yeah? You already know that I wanted you dead. That didn’t happen, which forces me to rework things. Here’s what you know for sure: even with the police sniffing around, I didn’t hesitate to come right into your house today and prove that I can reach you anytime I want. And I’ll do it again at a time when you least expect me. I’m not capable of fear, Naomi, I thrive on other peoples’. I live for risk and challenge and if you don’t give me what’s mine I may get very upset.’ He paused. ‘Being upset can cause people to behave . . . very unreasonably. You know, I think I could be quite destructive. Are we getting the picture?’

  She didn’t move.

  ‘You get that money back off Dan. I’m sure he’ll return it to serve a broader agenda.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ she whispered.

  ‘Solomon’s ditched me in favour of Dan, so I don’t know what the plan is, but there’ll be one. Dan’s working for Vincent –’

  ‘He isn’t working for anyone. He hates Solomon.’

  ‘He may well, but that’s not the point. Why do you think you’re in this mess, mm? Dan kept you hidden from the world didn’t he? If anyone had seen you, Lorie and I would be in prison now. But no one has an alibi. There literally aren’t any credible witnesses anywhere. They won’t find a single one.’

  ‘Dan was hiding me so that Solomon wouldn’t punish us.’

  Nathan laughed. ‘Why do you think Dan got involved in the first place?’

  ‘To save an innocent life.’

  ‘And why would he do that? Why do you think he didn’t just go to the police and tell them about the plan to have you murdered? Don’t you think that an upstanding citizen would do that?’

  ‘Dan was afraid of the consequences.’

  ‘Now we’re getting somewhere,’ Nathan said. ‘And why was he afraid of the consequences?’

  Naomi couldn’t answer.

  ‘I’ll tell you,’ Nathan said, still talking in her face. ‘Because he knows Solomon well and he understood the consequences. I came up with a plan to take your money. Solomon conjured a counter plan. I don’t know how he does it, but it’s typical of him. Dan implemented it, and look who has the money and the girl now.’

  Nathan withdrew and stood to his full height in front of her and slowly undid his belt.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she asked, tensing.

  Nathan unfastened the top button of his jeans, then pulled down his zip.

  Naomi looked past him to the door and considered lunging for it.

  ‘Don’t flatter yourself, darling. You do nothing for me. I just want to show you something you’ve never seen before.’

  ‘I don’t want to see it.’

  He laughed. ‘Hard luck.’

  Nathan picked up the torch and turned his body away from her and pulled down the top of his boxers and shone the beam on a tattoo. It was a small horse’s head at the top of his backside. It was identical to the tattoo Dan had on his arm. Naomi looked away.

  ‘Shy?’ he said.

  ‘Why are you showing me that?’

  There were footsteps down below outside. Nathan spun around and clamped her mouth, which told her all she needed to know. Nathan wasn’t expecting company. His stare was hard, right in her face.

  ‘Naomi?’ A harsh whisper from the ground. It was her dad’s voice.

  Nathan brought the point of the blade right up to her eyes. ‘Answer him,’ he whispered. ‘Tell him you needed air.’

  She nodded economically. There was nothing else she could do.

  Nathan released his hand from her mouth and the blade made contact with the corner of her right eye. With his free hand, he reached to the side and carefully opened the door.

  Naomi stayed still. Frozen. ‘I’m up here, Dad. I just needed to escape the house and get some air.’

  A pause. ‘Are you alright?’

  The blade dug a little deeper. ‘Fine.’

  ‘I thought I heard footsteps outside the study. With us having an intruder earlier on –’

  ‘Don’t worry, Dad.’

  ‘Then I thought I heard voices up there.’

  ‘I’m talking to myself. I didn’t think anyone would hear me out here.’

  Another wait. ‘Do you want to talk to me? I could come up.’

  ‘No, thanks. I’m about done. You go on in and I’ll follow you in a minute.’

  ‘You always did your thinking up there when you were younger.’

  Naomi wished he’d leave. Keeping the panic from her voice was a strain. ‘I remember.’

  A few tense moments passed before Henry’s voice floated up the ladder. ‘I’ll wait for you in the house.’

  ‘OK.’

  Silence. Henry seemed to hover before finally slipping away. Soft footsteps grew fainter. Nathan withdrew the knife. ‘Good girl,’ he whispered.

  ‘Go to hell.’

  He put his fingers to her lips. ‘There’s no such place,’ he said, showering her face with saliva. ‘I’ll meet you here one week from now. At midnight, for argument’s sake. You bring the money. Cash. Five hundred and fifty thousand pounds. Then I’ll give you your annulment. I’ll even cooperate. If not, I’ll pursue you until you beg me to take the money and leave you alone. Until I get that money, you’ll remain my wife. Do you understand me? I’ll never let you go until you give me what’s mine. You’ll never be free.’

  ‘You’ll be in custody soon.’

  ‘When I’m not, when everything plays out just like I said, you’ll do as I say. Don’t bother telling anyone I was here. If the police want to know why I was in your bed, I’ll tell them you invited me. If you want rid of me, you meet me here one week from now. And as a friendly warning, once you’ve taken the money from my brother, do yourself a favour and have nothing further to do with him.’

  ‘I don’t take instructions from you.’

  ‘It’s your funeral,’ he said. ‘Why not ask Dan who introduced me to Solomon. You’ll see a different side to him then. And ask him how he got his tattoo.’ Nathan finally shuffled backwards. He zipped his fly and buttoned his jeans.

  ‘Dan is nothing like you.’

  ‘Correct. He’s cursed with a conscience. He also values his life and would never risk upsetting Solomon, because he knows he daren’t.’

  ‘Your entire life is a charade, Nathan. You’re the biggest liar I know.’

  ‘And yet often, I prefer to tell the truth. And the entertaining thing is that people can’t tell the difference.’ A long pause while he searched her eyes. ‘Do what you want. I really don’t care.’

  ‘Tell me why Simon Wilde has vanished.’

  Nathan went quiet. His face was blank, unreadable.

  ‘Why not ask Dan about that?’ he said at last.

  ‘Because he knows nothing. But you know something, don’t you.’ Not a question.

  ‘Turn up with my money one week from now and we’ll see about some answers. Midnight.’

  Nathan disappeared backwards through the doorway and Naomi listened to the creaking of the ladder as he retreated. She followed him to ensure he left, watched him scurry up the drive and disappear beyond the gates, after which her strength deserted her. Her body wanted to collapse. She had to reach safety first.

  Somehow, she returned to the house and bolted the doors. She avoided Henry and staggered breathless up the stairs, stripping her clothes as she walked. Once inside her room, she dragged the curtains together and couldn’t stop herself from checking beneath the bed. Watching Nathan exit the gates wasn’t enough. She searched the wardrobes and investigated every dark corner. All clear. She tore off her under
wear and stumbled to the bathroom, half expecting Nathan to be tucked behind the door as she walked in naked. There was nothing but soggy strewn towels and used underwear.

  She locked the door and twisted the knob on the shower as far as it would go, inviting a torrent of steamy, gushing water. Shaking by now, Naomi ducked beneath it and washed away Nathan’s scent. She scoured her hair and scrubbed her skin until it was raw and angry. Then she slid down the tiled wall and slumped on the shower tray beneath an avalanche of hot water, tucking her knees in to her chest, cradling her body in her own arms until they ached with the effort. And still she was convinced that Nathan’s scent had seeped beneath her skin and that she’d never, ever be rid of it.

  PART THREE

  15

  Siobhan had been stuck at college all afternoon, fastened to a chair for hours of rehearsals with the orchestra. Pianists never had that problem. Siobhan had sent a three-word text to Naomi which had made her smile: bum’s gone numb. No kisses. Naomi replied: poet and you didn’t know it! Nothing came back. Greg and Jackson, the two lads who shared the house (yes, Jackson was his first name) had gone home. Home, home, wherever that was. They’d shrugged off their student identities for a season and dispersed to their former lives. So Naomi was in the student house alone, which was far from ideal. Quiet houses nudged fears; fears prompted thoughts; thoughts led to bad places, which always resulted in panic and darkness. So being home alone wasn’t great.

  Time heals. Cliché or well-documented fact? Naomi considered the question pointlessly as she wrapped herself in a scarf which half-covered her face, and loaded on a hat and gloves. She was keen to leave the house. She often chaired these kinds of debates within herself; often found opposing voices in the hollows of her mind. A discussion with self was her way of channelling her thoughts so they didn’t stray too far.

  Of course time heals, a part of her reasoned. Trauma happened every day and people survived. It was their instinct. They boarded the vessel of life and left the troubles on the shoreline and sailed away. Granted, it was a slow boat, not too resilient in a storm. Strong winds could soon push it backward, towards the place of escape. But then the winds would ease and sometimes change direction, and steadily over time, the shore would shrink again until the next storm came.