by Ostrow, Lexi
“I’m an ass. I tried to come in a few moments after I panicked, but you didn’t answer.”
“Yup, ass, I got that part myself last night.” Her words were laced with an iron animosity she realized she absolutely meant. “I let you in, even after stating I wasn’t interested, and you bailed.”
“When we kissed that last time, after learning more about your life, it didn’t negatively overwhelm me. It showed me something about myself that I wasn’t ready to see.”
“Go on.” He’d intrigued her, both by coming over and by being about to open up to her since he’d been relatively closed off.
“I am battle-hardened. I live my life to complete missions. I do what I want, whenever I feel it’s necessary or desired. I saw a beautiful woman on the T that I wanted to get to know. I made it happen. I found out devastating news and didn’t care because in the short walk you’d made me want to get to know you better. Then you opened up to me when I’ve shared so little about myself, you trusted me in a way no one ever has. I know we’re extraordinarily new at this, but last night I realized how easily I could fall in love with you, and how quickly you could be taken from me.”
Despite his eloquent speech, she only heard the part that mattered. “So you ran because the thought of being entangled with someone who could die was not on your list of to-do’s.” It wasn’t a question.
He cupped her face in his hands and stared so profoundly into her eyes that she wondered if she wouldn’t get lost in his gaze.
“I ran because the idea of falling in love with any single person terrified me. It had nothing to do with your cancer. I came back because I want to see what we could be. I don’t care if it’s five minutes together or five years. I am all in Cassandra, and I’m going to do whatever the hell it takes to save your life.”
She froze. Her lips parted, but no sound came out. Finally, she heard and truly listened to his admission. Could he be serious? Looking at him, seeing the tight muscles in his jaw and the sheen of sweat on his brow she understood. Gabe’s words were truthful. Gabe had done everything right, she wasn’t going to make a decision based on one moment, not when he’d been so transparent.
“I think I’d better sit down.” Dropping to the couch, his hands fell away from her face as she did.
“And I think I’d better do this.” Sitting beside her, he pressed his lips to hers.
The kiss awoke a slow burn. One that started as a simple flicker of pleasure and began to grow as his hands went to the back of her head, tugging her against him. She was the one to part her lips and demand a deepening of their kiss. Their tongues danced together, stroking and twirling as her hands tangled in his silken hair. They’d kiss this way before, but never with such powerful words hanging over them. It fueled her. She was dominant as she kissed him, urging him on and wanting him to prove to her what he said. His hands moved from her hair to her back, and she felt them unclip her bra.
A kiss of cold touched her belly as he raised her shirt and she sighed into their kiss. Gabe’s hands were warm and gentle as they skimmed over her breasts. “Does this hurt?” He whispered against her lips.
“No.” Thankfully.
He continued a slow and subtle massage before taking control of their kiss. Changing it from her needy pace to a more languid one. His tongue caressed against hers gently, and she wondered if he were afraid he’d break her. No, this is not how this is going to happen. She slid over, swinging her legs over his lap and pulled back from their kiss, her body shuddering with need.
“This probably isn’t going to be the best time. I need more assurances than toe-curling kisses and pretty words.”
He looked as if she’s hit him, his eyes frowning as his mouth did as well. “I’m sorry. That was probably all too forward, but I needed you to understand, I was an ass, and I’m not going to be that guy again.”
She smiled, dropping a quick kiss. “Until last night I did not think you had flaws. It is rather nice to know you are not as perfect as I’ve made you out to be.”
“Some would say I’m a disaster.” His worlds held pain, and he looked away. “I’m not here to drag you down. I’m here to see if you’ll give me another chance.”
A shrieked yes nearly tumbled out of her mouth. She wasn’t certain how she had the good sense to compose herself first. Gabe was more than she could have ever hoped for in a man and if they didn’t see where things went, she’d be a fool.
“You can’t bail out on me again. I have big things going on and falling to pieces because some guy doesn’t like me was never on my list—but it happened. I’m not proud to admit it, but last night I fell asleep crying because I imagined cancer made me unlovable.”
Gabe jerked his attention back to her, opened his mouth to speak, paused, closed it and looked out the window. “Never give anyone that power. You control your destiny.”
She shifted, letting her legs fall off his lap. “That is not what I wanted to hear in this circumstance.”
“I’m sorry, Cassandra. I’m all in, and I mean that. Maybe I’m rushing things because I am afraid your life could end before I’ve had enough time with you, but I want to be everything you need to me be. I won’t be here to pity you or wait on you hand and foot, but if you need a driver, we’ll use my car. If you need someone to simply hold you when you’re scared, you damn straight better come to me. I want to be with every nuanced part of you, or I at least want to see if we’re what the other is missing.”
“You are the most charming man I’ve ever met, and that terrifies me.” She put her hands on either side of his face and forced him to look at her. “But I’d be a fool to not admit there is something about you that demands I be around you. When you touch me, my world seems to calm from the raging storm I’ve been in for a few weeks. Your kiss—well suffice it to say it undoes me in a way that when the time is right, I’m going to love seeing just how far you can reduce me to a pleasured mess.”
He chuckled and took her hands from his face, kissing both palms. “Do me a favor and don’t talk like that until the time. I’m not a man used to abstaining, and that’s our second near encounter that I gladly would have taken too far. I’m a man, not a god, let’s not put ourselves in another situation until you’re ready.”
Her bark of laughter was so loud she flushed. “Deal.”
“Good. Now, I’m taking you to the seaport. The sea always soothes me, and something tells me you would love the penguins and maybe the seals.”
She gasped playfully. “You’ve been spying on me! Though I do a lot of work inland, my heart belongs at the shore.”
“Up you go,” He stood and extended his hand down to her. When he saw her hesitate, he smiled and bent down, dropping a kiss on her nose. “I’m not leaving without you, so you’d best just accept you’re stuck with me and follow me to the seaport.”
“For the record, we call it the Waterfront . . . I’ve never asked, but where are you from?”
“Caught. I’m from up north. I’ve been here a few months. Job related. I’m here for good though, if you’re wondering.”
She smiled. “I was just curious why on earth you had such good manners.” She slipped her hand into his and pulled herself up. With his eyes following her hands she fastened her bra. “All right then, continue your apology tour.”
* * *
“So, you have lived here a really short time and knew what was inside.” Cassandra closed her eyes and sucked in the salty air as her feet stopped moving almost dangerously close to the concrete’s edge. “So you are either an animal lover, or you looked it up to impress me.” They’d barely spoken on the MBTA ride over, and she’d enjoyed the comfortable silence as they’d held hands, but now she wanted answers.
“Guilty.” He smirked as he gently tugged her back from the water’s edge. “I had a feeling you might like to go somewhere, and I figured I’d need to pull out something fun if I was going to convince you to come with it after my less than adorable antics.”
“And what if
I’m one of those people that hate putting animals in cages?”
He didn’t even flinch. “You are, but not when the conditions are humane.” He let go of her arm and walked toward the small ticket line.
“How can you possibly know that about me?” She hurried to catch up to him, ignoring the way even the smallest exertion seemed to take more energy than she liked from her. She hadn’t been often, but the looming glass building was an intriguing work of architecture that she often stared at from the outside.
“You work to find kids a home. Something told me you wouldn’t be against an aquarium or a zoo if the animals were predominately rescues and in safe habitats.”
“I’m not certain if I’m miffed you read me so well or incredibly turned on by the possibilities of what else you can infer about me.”
“Two please.” Gabe flashed two fingers at the person behind the glass. When he turned to look at her, his eyes sparkled. “Plenty. I promise you that much.”
The shiver that slipped through her had absolutely nothing to do with the cold. “So, tell me about yourself. I shared last night. Your turn to be under the spotlight, mister.”
If he was uncomfortable by her demand, it didn’t show. “My father is something of a legend where I’m from. It made me cocky, but it put a ton of expectations over my head too. I did a pretty good job of living up to them until about eight month’s ago. Hence my relocation.” He slipped his card under the small opening, and a second later, two tickets with penguins on them popped out.
“Football star or brilliant wiz kid?”
His face scrunched up in an adorable way when he looked at her. “Neither, but I see where you’d think that. Lawyer.”
“Oh yes, because of your athletic build, good looks and charming smarts?”
“Exactly.” He smirked quickly before passing the tickets to the young guy holding open the door.
“Welcome. You may check your coat just behind the front desk.”
She and Gabe both nodded as they stepped in. Cassandra took her fill as Gabe took off his coat. The muscles of his arms and chest were impossible to ignore even under the thick navy blue sweater. Her mouth practically watered and she was thankful. Before her diagnosis, she’d had a healthy sex life. After all the reading she’d done, she knew it would dissipate little-by-little as the treatments begin to wear her out, but for now, she was more than grateful she could appreciate all that Gabe had to offer.
“Coat?”
“I think I’ll keep mine on. At least for now.” What she didn’t share was she kept the jacket on because she was afraid to expose herself in any way now that chemo had begun. Cancer didn’t kill, not necessarily, and the idea of dealing with a compromised immune system during winter was not comforting.
“As you wish.” He leaned in next to her ear and whispered. “You can pass it to me, I won’t mind holding it if you change your mind.”
While a small gesture, it was sweet. She started to comment when they stepped past the gray wall, and the penguins came into view. Without so much as a thought to Gabe, she picked up her pace and walked right up to the edge of their semi-tank like habitat, careful not to look down at the sharks swimming in the water below. Penguins were her favorite animal. They're waddling and wiggling steps always made her smile. A Macaroni Penguin seemed to look at her before dropping to its butt and sliding to the next section of land.
“So, you like penguins then. I was correct.”
She could hear the confident musing in his tone and turned to smile at him. “Yes, pat yourself on the back. Another thing you’re perfect at apparently, knowing me.”
The words slipped out, and she was uncertain if she should be unnerved by what she’d said. She wasn’t. The idea of being with someone who could read her so well held a certain appeal. It was likely what helped them click so quickly.
“You read people.”
“Well, it has its advantages in my line of work.”
“Yes. Of course.” He screwed up his face as if he were confused. For a split second, she’d thought she’d caught him in a lie, that he wasn’t who he said he was.
“Social work is about reading people. Knowing their next move, your uncanny skill must come in handy.”
“’Scuse me, can you take our picture?” A man tapped Gabe on the shoulder and offered up his phone as he asked.
“Absolutely.” Gabe smiled and took the camera, pausing as the man and his son situated themselves next to the wall. “Say angel wings!”
“Angel wings.” Father and son said at the same time as the camera flash went off in an attempt to capture more of the slightly darkened room.
“Thank you. Would you like one?” The man asked as he took his camera back.
“Yes, yes we would.” She didn’t give Gabe a chance to change his mind. Digging in her pocket, she grabbed out the phone, turned on the camera and passed it to the nice man. “Come on then, this is my day after all, is it not?”
Chuckling, he walked to stand by her in front of the penguins. When he wrapped his arms around her, she melted against him. Somehow, despite their size differences, she swore they were made to stand like this. Her head perfectly rested on his chest, and his arms encircled her waist effortlessly. His jawline was more tempting than a man should be allowed to have, and when he looked over at her, she was trapped in the green and golden swirls in his eyes. They reached out and beckoned her to stay, just as she was.
The flash went off while she was still looking at him, not the camera.
“Here you go, thanks again.”
“Thank you.” Gabe took the camera and showed it to her. “That is not how a woman looks at a man when she’s furious with him.”
“No, it’s how a woman looks at a man who bared his soul to her two hours earlier.” She wanted to kiss him, but a young kid bumped into the back of her leg. Chuckling, Cassandra realized they blocked the way. “Come on, let’s start at the top and work our way back down.”
“As you wish.”
Entwining her fingers with his, she stepped onto the moving walkway to get to the next portion of the aquarium. “In case you were curious, I love penguins because of their antics. They’re like miniature toddlers with fluffy feathers.”
“I don’t think anyone I know has referred to toddlers and their antics as something to smile at. You are well suited for your job, too.” He grinned and playfully bumped her hip.
“Toddlers can be something, but I prefer to think of them as tiny humans still learning their place in the world.”
“I don’t even think most adults know that answer to where they belong.”
“Speaking from experience?” They passed the backside of the giant cylindrical tank, and she did her best not to gasp as a shark of some sort happened to swim toward them at the same time.
“Let’s just say my career change was frustrating. Now though,” he tugged her against him and kissed her, letting his hands roam over her back. “Now I think it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Her heart flip-flopped. She knew it was likely beginning of romance flutters, but she liked the way they made her feel. The way Gabe made her feel.
She stayed, curled against him, for a moment longer. A girl could get lost in this feeling of protection and comfort.
Letting go proved more difficult than it should be, and she watched him as he walked to look into the nearest tank. A child, no more than six, ran up to him and must have asked to be picked up. Gabe lifted the young boy into the air, laughing as the boy giggled. He didn’t make a move to let the boy go until his mother came up and apparently chided the child for bothering strangers.
“You’re good with kids.” She noted as she walked up beside him, amused at the way the Lion Fish swam up to the tank almost in greeting.
He shrugged. “I bet you’re better.”
Laughing, she ignored the pang it sent through her head. “You’re probably right.” Starting to head back to the stairs she paused when she noticed the sign. �
��Octopus first?”
“Your attention span, it’s sort of toddler-like.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that after implying you think toddlers are a pain in the ass.”
He grinned, and she stepped past him, but his hand reached out and snagged her hand before she got too far.
The gentle strain on her body felt more like a sack of potatoes being tied to her arm. Keep going. It wasn’t the first time barely any activity had caused a complete lack of energy since the first round of chemo. It had only been two days, and thankfully though the vomiting had stopped quickly, the tiredness hadn’t.
“Are you feeling okay?”
The concern in his eyes touched her deeply.
“You are too insightful.”
“What if I was just put here to watch over you?”
“I would tell you Guardian Angels aren’t real, but the thought would be comforting right about now. I think anyone going through this could do well from having someone looking out for them.”
He smiled. “I meant what I said back at your place. I know this is going to be a rough road and I don’t care. If you’re tired or need to rest, we’re stopping. We’ll just sit down right here on the floor.” As promised, Gabe plopped himself down on the ragged black carpet, dragging her down into his lap.
She leaned her head back onto his shoulder, not even minding the display of affection. Gabe had fucked up the night before, he really had. Today, this moment, didn’t feel like he was trying too hard. With another man, it might, but the person with her today was exactly who he’d been since they’d first met. Charming, attentive and caring. You’re going to fall in love with him.
Love hadn’t been in her cards while working to create her database. Having it mysteriously thrown before her now when she faced her darkest hour was not amusing. I don’t want to fall in love with him only to lose myself.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Let me get a little more comfortable and out of the way.” Scooting backward with her on his lap, he moved foolishly across the floor until she felt him connect with the tank.
