Always the Bridesmaid

by Whitney Lyles

  At the minimart she also bought a book from the minimal selection. It was a legal thriller written by an author she had never heard of.

  After she returned to the hotel, she applied the cream to all of her bites and tried to ignore the itching that plagued her entire body. Out of boredom, she counted the bites: twenty-five in total.

  She wished she had brought some beads with her to the island, so she could at least make a necklace. She decided to give the book a try but found that she couldn’t stay focused and that her mind wandered off the pages and onto Paul.

  She had hoped this trip would bring them closer, but she had never felt more distant from him. His lack of consideration when he’d left her waiting two nights in a row bothered her, and she was beginning to wonder if they were even compatible. The hike in Hana had been a real eye-opener. She’d known Paul had always been a little anal. The travel candles and his impeccable cleanliness had been indications of this, but now she wondered if his uptight tendencies clashed with her personality.

  However, everyone had his or her flaws, and she didn’t know any couples who were perfectly compatible. Example: Leslie and Russ. She was the most precise person that Cate had ever known, and her fiancé, Russ, was so easygoing he had actually forgotten his own birthday one year. From the outside Beth and Ike appeared perfect, but Cate knew that Ike’s failure to express his feelings and Beth’s constant need to be open with hers created friction in their relationship. Even her parents had their differences, and they had been married for thirty-two years. Her poor dad had been nodding his head and keeping his opinions on politics and religion to himself for over three decades, just to avoid lengthy debates with his wife. But he still took her to nice dinners once a week and they did their crossword puzzles together every night. Every now and then, Cate would catch her father looking at her mother when she told a story. She could see a little glow in his eyes, the corners of his mouth turned up in one of the most satisfied smiles Cate had ever seen.

  She was wise enough to know by now that perfection didn’t exist. Perfect relationships only existed in fairy tales. She wondered if the things that bothered her about Paul could be overlooked. Could she live with their differences?

  Around two o’clock she was dying to leave the room. She couldn’t sit there, dwelling on Paul all day. It wasn’t healthy, and it was driving her nuts. She decided to locate the business center in the hotel so she could check her E-mail. All of the occupants of the Sheraton must have had the same idea, because she had to wait twenty minutes to use a computer.

  She had twelve new messages. For the first time in days she realized how isolated she had felt. There were people out there whom she missed and wanted to talk to.

  Disappointment hit when she realized nine of her messages were advertisements. Of the other three, one was from her supervisor at Tierra Bonita Elementary School.

  FROM: Marcia Strauss

  SUBJECT: Home visits

  Hi Cate,

  Attached is your class list for the fall. All of your students’ phone numbers are enclosed. Home visits should probably begin no later than next month. Hope you are having a great summer. If you have any questions please leave a message on my voice mail. I check my messages regularly.

  Marcia Strauss

  Home visits were her least favorite part of being a kindergarten teacher. Most of her students had never been to school before. Although home visits made the first day of kindergarten much easier for everyone, the meetings were time-consuming and nerve-racking. Driving around from house to house, introducing herself over and over again, and talking to children clinging to their mother’s legs was draining. At least she got paid.

  Next message:

  FROM: Leslie Lyons

  SUBJECT: Nail polish

  Hi Bridesmaids!

  Just wanted to let you know that I’ve picked out the nail polish that I’d like all of you to wear for the wedding. I’m going to send it to all of you, Priority Male. I’d like it on both your toes and fingernails. It would probably be best to make appointments for a manicure and pedicure. I think a professional job just looks better. Also, please do this no earlier than the day before the wedding. I’d like it to look fresh. Make sure your manicurist applies two coats so we all have the same amount of color. I’ll remind you all again when it gets closer. I am so glad to have all you be a part of this special day with me. Each one of you is such an important part of my life.

  Love,

  Leslie

  A manicure: at least fifteen dollars. A pedicure: at least eighteen. Another thirty-three dollars she could tack on to the cost of being Leslie Lyons’s bridesmaid.

  She wrote back.

  FROM: Cate Padgett

  SUBJECT: Nail polish

  Dear Leslie,

  Thanks for buying us nail polish!

  And learn how to spell, she wanted to add.

  Love,

  Cate

  She couldn’t resist. Besides, Leslie would never notice the sarcasm. Next message:

  FROM: Connie Padgett

  Empty subject box

  Her mother had E-mail access?

  Cate-

  Emily and Bradley just taught me how to use E-mail. Isn’t it neat? Anyway, I hope you are not having an early honeymoon with Paul. I know all of your friends are engaged or married but you’re not. I still think it is inappropriate for you to be visiting him on business trips and staying in the same hotel room with him. However, I’ve decided that is between you and God. Be safe and good. I said a novena for you today. Talk to you when you return.

  Love,

  Mother

  Cate sent a brief reply to her mother, saying that she hoped the new E-mail account was useful and that she would be back tomorrow.

  Rain still poured when she left the business center. It was a warm rain, and she didn’t mind if her hair got a little wet. When she returned to her room, she decided to check her voice mail. She used her calling card so the phone calls wouldn’t be billed to the room.

  “Hi. It’s me.” Jill. “I know you’re in Hawaii, but I felt like calling you anyway. I’ve been taking good care of Grease. We miss you! See you soon.”

  “Hey, Cate. It’s Ethan. I was just wondering if you were back from Hawaii yet. I wanted to see what you were up to this evening. No worries about the pictures. I told you I wouldn’t need them for a couple of weeks anyway. Give me a call whenever you get a chance. Take care.”

  She called Jill first. “Aloha!”

  “Cate! Are you calling from Hawaii?”

  “I am. It’s pouring, and Paul’s at work, and I’m bored. How is everything there?”

  “Oh fine. Grease is great. Nothing really exciting has happened. How’s Paul?”

  She sighed. “He’s fine. He’s just been working a lot, so I feel like we haven’t seen much of each other.” Cate wanted to tell Jill that she was having a mediocre time, that there was something missing with Paul, that she felt empty, but she had called for company and to cheer herself up, so she didn’t go into it. “Anyway, it’s probably costing me ten dollars a minute to talk on this phone so I should go, but you’re picking me up tomorrow, right?”

  “You bet.”

  After she said good-bye to Jill, she called Ethan.

  “Hey! What’s up, Cate?”

  “I’m actually still in Hawaii, with Paul.”

  “That must be nice. I’m jealous. What have you been doing?”

  She told him about Hana and the bamboo forest and waterfall.

  “That is the best hike ever. I did that a few years ago with a couple of my buddies.”

  “I took tons of pictures,” she said.

  “I bet they’re great. I took a bunch with a disposable camera, and they were terrible. I’d like to see yours.”

  “Well, I’ll bring them when we meet to look at the catering pictures.”

  They made plans to meet the day after Cate returned from Hawaii. After she hung up, she’d never felt so lonely.

&
nbsp; At six A.M., Paul’s cell phone cracked the silence. He had one of those custom rings that played a classical music fugue.

  She pulled a pillow over her head while he took the call. After he hung up, he slipped in next to her. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” he said as he pulled her into spoon position.

  “You do?” She sat up.

  “Yeah. It’s been great having you here.”

  They had spent no more than fifteen waking hours together since she had arrived four days ago. What had been great? Knowing that she was waiting for him at the hotel?

  “Did you have a good time?” he asked.

  Good question. She looked at his swollen face, still puffy and red from the mosquito bites. If she hadn’t known any better, she would’ve thought he had gained five pounds and had a bad sunburn. But she answered, “Yeah. I like Maui.”

  “I wish we could’ve spent more time together.” He kissed her on the lips. “I’m sorry I was so busy.”

  “It’s okay. I’m glad I got to come to Maui.”

  He pulled her closer, and his boner stabbed her leg. Morning sex. It meant breathing through the nose to avoid any exchange of dragon breath, no foreplay, and praying that Paul didn’t notice the crust in her eyes.

  The romp lasted about one minute. She wasn’t surprised. He was usually a champion in bed, but morning sex was another story. He couldn’t control himself.

  “I’m sorry,” Paul said as he pulled out. “I have to pee really bad, and I just couldn’t last.”

  He always used peeing as an excuse for his morning quickies. She felt edgy from unsatisfied arousal as she packed her suitcase. Luckily, he made up for it an hour later in the shower. She left the hotel with a wet head.

  At the airport Paul pulled up next to the curb. “I wish I could go inside with you,” he said. “But I have to get to work.”

  “I know. It’s okay.”

  He pulled her suitcase from the trunk of the Ford Focus. Then he hugged her. “I’ll talk to you later,” he said.

  She nodded. “All right.” She watched the Focus pull away from the curb. Mud was still caked in streaks along the red paint. It looked like a neglected jalopy with its missing hubcap. As she walked away, she wondered what Paul had meant by “later.” Would she hear from him tonight? Tomorrow? Next week? Part of her didn’t care.

  16 • Details

  Cate weaseled her way through the horde of people who filled the front of World Famous restaurant. It was one of the most popular restaurants in the Pacific Beach area. This was in part because of its prime location, mere walking distance from the ocean and only a step away from the boardwalk. Furthermore, the food was outstanding. She was thankful that she didn’t have to wait in line and hoped that Ethan had managed to snag them a table. It was always jam-packed on Mondays for half-off appetizers.

  “Cate!” He was already seated, motioning for her from a table with a view. Long rays of sunlight filtered over the crown of his head. Just in time for sunset, she thought. This was her favorite time to come to the beachside restaurant.

  He stood up and hugged her. “It’s good to see ya. You’re pretty tan. I can’t wait to hear about Maui.”

  She didn’t want to talk about Maui. “How on earth did you ever manage to get this table?” she asked as she took a seat. Gold and red bursts of light settled on the ocean behind them. Two surfers, emerging from the waves, headed toward the boardwalk. They were soaking wet and held their boards beneath their arms.

  “I left work early,” he said. “I was gonna grab my board and surf for a little bit, but I’ve never managed to get a good table at this restaurant, so I thought I’d try.” He motioned for the waitress. “Do you want something to drink? I’m having a Corona.”

  “I’ll have a Corona, too,” Cate told the waitress.

  “Are you hungry?” Ethan asked.

  “Starving.”

  At World Famous, Cate could never just order one appetizer. Especially on Mondays. She had to order all of her favorites. They ordered the nut-crusted Brie (of course), seared ahi (a must), and the firepot Tai grilled jumbo shrimp.

  “So how was your trip?” he asked after they ordered.

  “It was nice. Maui’s beautiful.”

  “Besides Hana, what did you do?”

  “Well, Paul was busy most of the time with his work, so we really only got to spend a couple of days together.”

  He must’ve sensed her disappointment. “How is everything going with him?”

  Part of her wanted to pull the catering pictures from her purse and drop the subject of Paul. However, she felt tempted to discuss him with Ethan. A male perspective might be what she needed. And who better than Ethan? He was sharp and insightful and had always been the best listener. He was the only male she knew who would spend more than five minutes on the phone with her. It was hard for her to talk to her girlfriends about Paul because most of them either loved him or hated him. Jill and Beth resented him because he was a flake. Sarah and Leslie liked Paul because he was a good friend to both of their significant others. They were all biased. Cate needed a fresh opinion.

  She shrugged and looked toward the sunset. “He’s all right, I guess.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I guess I’m just a little confused. I don’t know what to think sometimes.”

  Ethan waited for her to explain.

  “I’m just starting to feel like there are two Pauls. There is the flaky Paul who doesn’t call when he says he’s going to or goes days without calling for no good reason. He acts aloof and elusive and inconsiderate. Then there is the prompt, sweet Paul who is enthusiastic and excited to see me and calls on time and acts the way a boyfriend should act.” She shook her head. “He wasn’t like this in the beginning. But now he just throws me for a loop all the time. I don’t know what to think of him anymore. He’s hot and cold and enthusiastic and indifferent all at once. I don’t know what he wants.”

  She also wanted to mention that she didn’t even know if they were compatible anymore. But that was a whole other can of worms.

  Ethan took a swig of Corona before replying. “It sounds like he doesn’t know what to think either. He might be just as confused.”

  “But I don’t treat him that way. How can he be confused? I’m always consistent.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know the guy, so I don’t know what he’s thinking. I will tell you though that a lot of guys are pretty big idiots when it comes to relationships. I don’t think most of them know how to act half the time. In fact, I think most guys figure it out when it’s too late.”

  For a moment she remembered Claude, living with the regret of losing Sarah. Regretting acting like a fourteen-year-old when he’d been twenty-two. But that wasn’t Paul.

  “Well, he’s had other girlfriends,” she said. “I feel like he should know by now.”

  “Girlfriends? Everybody has had a girlfriend. I’m talking about a relationship.”

  “I guess there is a difference between a relationship and a girlfriend or boyfriend.”

  Had she ever really been in a relationship? She’d had other boyfriends before Paul. There had been Keith in college. He’d also been a roller coaster of love and indifference. After college she’d been selective, cautious about whom she became involved with. There was a brief tryst with Devin, who seemed perfect with his high-paying job and good solid family background. He’d shocked the hell out of her when he confessed that he actually had a girlfriend who’d been studying abroad in France and was due to return in a week.

  Then there had been Joe. Without any explanation he’d simply stopped calling after four months of courtship. She’d driven herself crazy trying to figure out what she had done to make him disappear. Had she been mean, needy, too distant, too clingy? Had she farted in her sleep? As soon as she stopped caring, he started turning up sporadically on her answering machine at three in the morning. She wasn’t interested in his explanations or suggestions of a late-night booty
call and never answered.

  Had she ever been in a situation where she felt entirely comfortable with a guy?

  “Look,” Ethan said. “Like I said, I don’t know the guy. But this is something you might want to consider. Most dating situations don’t work because the people are in different places.”

  “You think I’m way ahead of Paul?”

  “I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that he might just be in a different place. Maybe he’s immature. Maybe he’s afraid. Maybe he isn’t ready. Or maybe he is madly in love with you and doesn’t know what the hell to do, which could very well be the case. That’s why you gotta talk to him. You have to ask him. Do you like the guy a lot?”

  “I do. But I’m getting fed up. When I left Maui I didn’t even care if he called or not.”

  “Then you gotta just say, ‘Look, Paul, I like you a lot. I really want to be more involved in your life, and I want to know if you want the same thing.’ Wait ’til he comes back from his trip though. It’s never good to deal with this shit over the phone.”

  “You’re right. Thanks for all the advice.” She felt the subject was getting stale and reached for her purse. “So, I brought the pictures with me,” she said as she pulled the catering proofs from her bag. She handed him an envelope full of three-by-five photographs. She’d had them developed at her favorite photo lab in Hillcrest.

  “Wow. These are good,” he said as she studied each picture.

  Their food arrived, and they feasted on the assortment of appetizers. Ethan ordered them each another beer.

  Cate remembered that she had to meet with two kindergartners tomorrow and probably should keep her drinking to a minimum. But the drinks just kept coming.

  When the tab came, Ethan insisted on paying. “Please,” he said as Cate vigorously attempted to shove a twenty into his hand. “I’m buying.” His voice was firm.