Cecelia Ahern 2-book Bundle

by Cecelia Ahern

  ‘All I need to know is if her father is Irish or was in Ireland during the past month. I’ll make the rest up as I go along.’

  Al and Doris look at each other worriedly while he leaves the kitchen to make the call.

  ‘Did you do this?’ Doris asks Al quietly.

  ‘No way.’ Al shakes his head, his chins wobbling.

  Five minutes later Justin returns.

  ‘She remembered me from last night and, no, it’s not her or her father. So either Bea told somebody else or … it must be Peter fooling around. I’m gonna get that little kid and—’

  ‘Grow up, Justin. It’s not him,’ Doris says sternly. ‘Start looking elsewhere. Call the dry cleaners, call the guy who delivered the muffins.’

  ‘I have already. They were charged to a credit card and they can’t release the owner’s details.’

  ‘Your life is just one big mystery. Between the Joyce woman and these mysterious deliveries, you should hire a private investigator,’ Doris responds. ‘Oh! I just remembered.’ She reaches into her pocket and hands him a piece of paper. ‘Speaking of private investigators. I got this for you. I’ve had it for a few days but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you going on a wild-goose chase and making a fool of yourself. But seeing as you’re choosing to do that anyway, here.’

  She hands him the piece of paper with Joyce’s details.

  ‘I called International Directory Enquiries and gave them the number of the Joyce person that showed up on Bea’s phone last week. They gave me the address that goes with it. I think it’d be a better idea to find this woman, Justin. Forget this other person. It seems very odd behaviour to me. Who knows who’s sending you these notes? Concentrate on the woman; a nice healthy relationship is what you need.’

  He barely reads the page before putting it in his jacket pocket, totally uninterested, his mind elsewhere.

  ‘You just jump from one woman to another, don’t you?’ Doris studies him.

  ‘Hey, it could be the Joyce woman that’s sending the messages,’ Al pipes up.

  Doris and Justin both look at him and roll their eyes.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Al,’ Justin dismisses him. ‘I met her in a hair salon. Anyway, who says it’s a woman that’s doing this?’

  ‘Well, it’s obvious,’ Al replies. ‘Because you were given a muffin basket.’ He scrunches up his nose. ‘Only a woman would think of sending a muffin basket. Or a gay guy. And whoever it is, he or she – or maybe it’s a heshe – they know how to do calligraphy, which further backs up my theory. Woman, gay guy or tranny,’ he sums up.

  ‘I was the one who thought of the muffin basket!’ Justin puffs. ‘And I do calligraphy.’

  ‘Yeah, like I said. Woman, gay guy or tranny,’ he grins.

  Justin throws his hands up in exasperation and falls back in his chair. ‘You two are no help.’

  ‘Hey, I know who could help you.’ Al sits up.

  ‘Who?’ Justin rests his chin on his fist, bored.

  ‘Vampira,’ he says spookily.

  ‘I’ve already asked her for help. All I could see were my blood details in the database. Nothing about who received my donation. She won’t tell me where my blood went and she won’t ever speak to me again either.’

  ‘On account of you running away from her after a Viking bus?’

  ‘That had something to do with it.’

  ‘Gee, Justin, you really have a beautiful way with women.’

  ‘Well, at least somebody thinks I’m doing something right.’ He stares at the two cards he’s placed in the centre of the table.

  Who are you?

  ‘You don’t have to ask Sarah straight out. Maybe you could snoop around a bit in her office,’ Al gets excited.

  ‘No, that would be wrong,’ Justin says unconvincingly. ‘I could get into trouble. I could get her into trouble and, besides, I’ve treated her so badly.’

  ‘So a really lovely thing to do,’ Doris says slyly, ‘would be to drop by her office, and tell her you’re sorry. As a friend.’

  A smile slowly creeps onto each of their faces.

  ‘But can you take a day off work next week, to go to Dublin?’ Doris asks, breaking their evil moment.

  ‘I’ve already accepted an invitation from the National Gallery in Dublin to give a talk on Terborch’s Woman Writing a Letter,’ Justin says excitedly.

  ‘What’s the painting of?’ Al asks.

  ‘A woman writing a letter, Sherlock,’ Doris snorts.

  ‘What a boring story.’ Al scrunches up his nose. Then he and Doris settle down and watch as Justin reads the notes over and over, hoping to decipher a hidden code.

  ‘Man Reading a Note,’ Al says rather grandly, ‘Discuss.’

  He and Doris crack up again as Justin exits the room.

  ‘Hey, where are you going?’

  ‘Man booking a flight,’ he winks.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  At seven fifteen the next morning, just before Justin leaves his flat for work, he stands poised at the front door, hand on the door handle.

  ‘Justin, where’s Al? He wasn’t in bed when I woke up.’ Doris shuffles out of her bedroom in her slippers and robe. ‘What on earth are you doing now, you funny little man?’

  Justin holds a finger to his lips, hushing her, and jerks his head in the direction of the door.

  ‘Is the blood person out there?’ she whispers excitedly, kicking off her slippers and tiptoeing like a cartoon character, to join him at the door.

  He nods excitedly.

  They press their ears up against the door and Doris’s eyes widen. ‘I can hear!’ she mouths.

  ‘OK, on three,’ he whispers and they mouth together, One, two—He pulls the door open with full force. ‘HA! Gotcha!’ he shouts, striking an attacker’s pose and pointing his finger with more aggression than intended.

  ‘Aaaah!’ the postman screams with fright, dropping envelopes by Justin’s feet. He fires a package at Justin and holds another parcel by his head in defence.

  ‘Aaaah!’ Doris shouts.

  Justin doubles over as the package hits between his legs. He falls to his knees, his face turning red as he gasps for air.

  They all hold their chests, panting.

  The postman remains cowered, his knees bent, his head covered by a package.

  ‘Justin,’ Doris picks up an envelope and hits Justin across the arm, ‘you idiot! It’s the postman.’

  ‘Yes,’ he rasps, and makes choking sounds. ‘I can see that now.’ He takes a moment to compose himself. ‘It’s OK, sir, you can lower your package now. I’m sorry to have frightened you.’

  The postman slowly lowers the parcel, fear and confusion in his eyes. ‘What was that about?’

  ‘I thought you were someone else. I’m sorry, I was expecting … something else.’ He looks to the envelopes on the floor. Bills. ‘Is there nothing else for me?’

  His left arm starts to niggle at him again. Tingling as though a mosquito has bitten him. He starts to scratch. Lightly at first and then he pats his inner elbow, smacking the itch away. The tingling becomes more intense and he digs his nail into his skin, scratching over and over. Beads of sweat break out on his forehead.

  The postman shakes his head and starts to back away.

  ‘Did nobody give you anything to deliver to me?’ He climbs back to his feet and moves closer, unintentionally appearing threatening.

  ‘No, I said no.’ The postman rushes up the steps.

  Justin looks after him, confused.

  ‘Leave the man alone. You almost gave him a heart attack.’ Doris continues picking up the envelopes. ‘If you have that reaction to the real person, then you’ll scare them off too. If you ever do meet this person, I advise you rethink the “Ha! Gotcha!” routine.’

  Justin pulls up the sleeve of his shirt and examines his arm, expecting to find red lumps or a rash, but there are no marks on his skin apart from the scratch marks he has made himself.

  ‘Are you
on something?’ Doris narrows her eyes.

  ‘No!’

  She shuffles back into the kitchen with a harrumphing sound. ‘Al?’ her voice echoes around the kitchen. ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Help! Help me! Someone!’

  In the distance they hear Al’s voice, muffled as though his mouth is stuffed with socks.

  Doris gasps, ‘Baby?’ Justin hears the fridge door opening. ‘Al?’ She sticks her head in the fridge. She returns to the living room, shaking her head, alterting Justin to the fact that her husband was not in the fridge after all.

  Justin rolls his eyes. ‘He’s outside, Doris.’

  ‘Then for goodness’ sake stop just standing there looking at me and help him!’

  He opens the door and Al sits slumped on the ground at the base of the steps. Wrapped around his sweaty head, Rambo style, is one of Doris’s tangerine headbands, his T-shirt is soaked with sweat, beads of perspiration run down his face, his legs are spandex-clad and crumpled underneath him, still in the same position as when he’d fallen.

  Doris pushes by Justin aggressively, and charges towards Al. She falls to her knees. ‘Baby? Are you OK? Did you fall down the stairs?’

  ‘No,’ he says weakly, his chins resting on his chest.

  ‘No, you’re not OK or no, you didn’t fall down the stairs?’ she asks.

  ‘The first one,’ he says with exhaustion. ‘No, the second. Hold on, what was the first?’

  She shouts at him now as though he is deaf. ‘The first was, are you OK? And the second was, did you fall down the stairs?’

  ‘No,’ he responds, rolling his head back to rest it against the wall.

  ‘To which one? Will I call an ambulance? Do you need a doctor?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No what, baby? Come on, don’t go to sleep on me, don’t you dare go anywhere.’ She slaps his face. ‘You have to stay conscious.’

  Justin leans against the door frame and folds his arms, watching the two. He knows his brother is fine, lack of fitness being his only problem. He goes to the kitchen for some water for Al.

  ‘My heart …’ Al is panicking when Justin returns. His hands are scraping at his chest and he’s gasping for air, stretching his head upwards and taking in gulps, like a goldfish reaching to the surface of the fish bowl for food.

  ‘Are you having a heart attack?’ Doris shrieks.

  Justin sighs, ‘He’s not having a—’

  ‘Stop it, Al!’ Justin is interrupted by a screeching Doris. ‘Don’t you dare have a heart attack, do you hear me?’ She picks up a newspaper from the ground, starts hitting Al across the arm with each word. ‘Don’t. You. Dare. Even. Think. Of. Dying. Before. Me. Al. Hitchcock.’

  ‘Ow,’ he rubs his arm, ‘that hurts.’

  ‘Hey, hey, hey!’ Justin breaks it up. ‘Give me that paper, Doris.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Where did you get it?’ He tries to grab it out of her hands but she dodges him each time.

  ‘It was just there, beside Al,’ she shrugs. ‘Paperboy delivered it.’

  ‘They don’t have paperboys around here,’ he explains.

  ‘Then I guess it’s Al’s.’

  ‘There’s a coffee to-go too,’ Al, finally getting his breath back, manages to say.

  ‘A coffee-to-WHAT?’ Doris screeches so loudly, a window from the neighbour’s flat upstairs is banged closed loudly. This does not deter Doris. ‘You bought a coffee?’ She begins spanking him again with the newspaper. ‘No wonder you’re dying!’

  ‘Hey,’ he crosses his arms over his body protectively, ‘it’s not mine. It was outside the door with the newspaper when I got here.’

  ‘It’s mine.’ Justin snatches the paper from Doris’s hands and the coffee to-go that is on the ground beside Al.

  ‘There’s no note attached.’ She narrows her eyes and looks from one brother to the other and back. ‘Trying to defend your brother is only going to kill him in the long run, you know.’

  ‘I might do it more often, then,’ he grumbles, shaking the newspaper and hoping for a note to fall out. He checks the coffee cup for a message. Nothing. Yet he’s sure it’s for him and whoever left it there can’t be long gone. He focuses then on the front page. Above the headline, in the corner of the page he notices the instruction, ‘P. 42.’

  He can’t open it quick enough and battles with the oversized pages to get to the correct point. Finally he opens it up on the classified pages. He scans the advertisements and birthday greetings and is about to close the paper altogether and join Doris in blaming Al for feeding his caffeine habit, when he spots it.

  ‘Eternally grateful recipient wishes to thank Justin Hitchcock, donor and hero, for saving life. Thank you.’

  He holds his head back and howls with laughter. Doris and Al look at him with surprise.

  ‘Al,’ Justin lowers himself to his knees before his brother, ‘I need you to help me now.’ His voice is urgent, the pitch going up and down with excitement. ‘Did you see anybody when you were jogging back to the house?’

  ‘No.’ Al’s head rolls tiredly from one side to the other. ‘I can’t think.’

  ‘Think.’ Doris slaps his face lightly.

  ‘That’s not entirely necessary, Doris.’

  ‘They do it in the movies when they’re looking for information. Go on, tell him, baby.’ She nudges him a little more lightly.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Al whinges.

  ‘You make me sick,’ she growls in his ear.

  ‘Honestly, Doris, that’s really not helping.’

  ‘Fine,’ she folds her arms, ‘but it works for Horatio.’

  ‘By the time I got to the house, I couldn’t breathe, let alone see. I don’t remember anyone. Sorry, bro. Man, I was so scared. All of these black dots were in front of my eyes and I just couldn’t see any more, I was getting so dizzy and—’

  ‘OK,’ Justin leaps to his feet and runs up the stairs to the front yard. He runs to the drive entrance and looks up and down the street. It’s busier now; at seven thirty there is more life as people leave their homes to head for work and the traffic noise level has picked up.

  ‘THANK YOU!’ Justin shouts at the top of his lungs, his voice breaking through the quiet. A few people turn around to look at him but most keep their heads down as a light drizzle of October London rain begins to fall while another man loses his mind on a Monday morning in the city.

  ‘I CAN’T WAIT TO READ THIS!’ He waves the newspaper around in the air, shouting up the road and down so that he can be heard from all angles.

  What do you say to someone whose life you saved? Say something deep. Say something funny. Say something philosophical.

  ‘I’M GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE!’ he shouts.

  ‘Eh, thanks.’ A woman scurries past him with her head down.

  ‘EM, I WON’T BE HERE TOMORROW!’ Pause. ‘IN CASE YOU’RE PLANNING ON DOING THIS AGAIN.’ He lifts the coffee into the air and waves it around, sending droplets to jump from the small drinking hole and burn his hand. Still hot. Whoever it was, they weren’t here that long ago.

  ‘EM. GETTING THE FIRST FLIGHT TO DUBLIN TOMORROW MORNING. ARE YOU FROM THERE?’ he shouts to the wind. The breeze sends more crispy autumn leaves parachuting from their branches to the ground, where they land running, make a tapping sound, and scrape along the ground until it’s safe to stop.

  ‘ANYWAY, THANKS AGAIN.’ He waves the paper in the air and turns to face the house.

  Doris and Al are standing at the top of the stairs, their arms folded, their faces a picture of concern. Al has caught his breath and composed himself but is leaning against the iron railings for support.

  Justin tucks the newspaper under his arm, straightens himself up and tries to appear as respectable as possible. He puts his hand in his pocket and strolls back towards the house. Feeling a piece of paper in his hand, he retrieves it and reads it quickly before crumpling it in his hand and tossing it into the skip. He has saved a person’s life just as he thought;
he must focus on the most important matter at hand. He makes his way to the flat, trying to appear as dignified as possible.

  From the bottom of the skip, beneath rolls of old tired smelly carpets, crushed tiles, paint tubs and plaster board, I lie in the discarded bath tub and listen as the voices recede and the door to the flat finally closes.

  A crumpled ball of paper has landed nearby and as I reach for it, my shoulder knocks over a two-legged stool, which toppled onto me in my rush to leap into the skip. I locate the paper and open it up, smoothing out the edges. My heart starts its rumba beat again as I see my first name, Dad’s address and his phone number scrawled upon it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  ‘Where on earth have you been? What happened to you, Gracie?’

  ‘Joyce,’ is my response as I burst into the hotel room, breathless and covered in paint and dust. ‘Don’t have time to explain.’ I rush around the room, throwing my clothes into my bag, taking a change of clothes and hurrying by Dad, who’s sitting on the bed, in order to get to the bathroom.

  ‘I tried calling you on your hand phone,’ Dad calls to me.

  ‘Yeah? I didn’t hear it ring.’ I struggle to squeeze into my jeans, hopping around on one foot while I pull them up and brush my teeth at the same time.

  I hear his voice saying something. Mumbles but no words.

  ‘Can’t hear you, brushing my teeth!’

  Silence while I finish and then back to the room and he continues as though we didn’t have five minutes of silence.

  ‘That’s because when I called it, I heard it ringing here in the bedroom. It was on top of your pillow. Just like one of those chocolates the nice ladies here leave behind.’

  ‘Oh. OK.’ I jump over his legs to get to the dressing table and reapply my make-up.

  ‘I was worried about you,’ he says quietly.

  ‘You needn’t have been.’ I hop around with one shoe on, while searching everywhere for the other.

  ‘So I called downstairs to reception to see if they knew where you were.’