A Dead Disappointment

by Birch, S. C.

  “So how we doing this then?” he asked.

  “I think we should leave this stuff here,” said Emily, pointing at the suitcases, “and then just go a stabbing and a swinging. Sound good?”

  “Or you could wait for us!” Lucy shouted from behind them.

  Emily and Jack spun round and watched the rest of their group walking towards them.

  Owen looked at the two full suitcases, “Did you guys even get food?”

  Jack shrugged, “Nah, mate, we figured you had it sorted so got some essentials.”

  “Uuuuuunnggghhaaaaahhhhhhhaa.”

  Owen groaned louder than any zombies had managed to that day. “Whatever then. Let’s just get back and kill the rest of them.”

  The boys each took a suitcase and so did Grace, then they left the shop and headed back towards their cars. The horde still hadn’t realised that food was approaching. They continued to fondle the cars as the music held their attention.

  Emily felt the tempo speed up (her music was the loudest and drowned out the Impala’s little amps) and so did she. She ran forwards in time to the beat and started stabbing. She was having a great time so far. Emily bounced and danced throughout the horde while the others caught up to her and aided her killing, just not quite as rhythmically. They smashed up the zombies, dumped their suitcases in the boots and back seats, then they drove away.

  Owen and his passengers drove behind Emily, Jack and a distressed Cameron. The over-weighted, rusty, little old car dragged and scraped along the road at full speed.

  “That one! That one!” Jack shouted as he pointed with one hand. His other one sat just outside the open window with a lit cigarette.

  Emily spun the car but missed the zombie crawling on the ground.

  Jack groaned, took a long draw of his cigarette, and threw it out the window. “My turn! Swap!” he shouted over the loud music.

  Cameron slid further into his seat, “Oh God, no.”

  While still at full speed, Emily let go of the wheel, pulled herself up, and climbed over to the passenger seat whilst Jack pushed forwards, grabbed the wheel, and pulled the rest of his body along. The car took a sharp left while they switched seats, but Jack managed to take back control and sped along.

  The inhabitants of the Impala watched as two shapes shifted in the car and as it spun on the road.

  Lucy stared at them in disgust, “Did they really just swap seats?”

  Owen just groaned.

  Back in The Car of Death, Emily started dancing in her seat and sparked up her own cigarette before craning herself round, “Want one?”

  Cameron looked at her and felt a bubbling in his stomach. He turned a handsome shade of yellow before shaking his head.

  Emily shrugged. “Fair enough.” and back she went to dancing.

  Jack joined in the dancing. Then one of their favourite ever songs came on. The twins looked at each other and gasped before breaking into a screech of a duet. The whole car jolted and threw the three of them around. Jack charged through the deserted streets, surrounded by trees and fields. Then his next target wandered into the road ahead. The roundest zombie imaginable wearing nothing but a dressing gown. Jack slammed his foot down and smacked the half-naked zombie. The target exploded on impact and smeared the car with puss and black ooze.

  Emily laughed. “Oh. My. God. That was amazing!”

  Jack grinned in agreement and flicked on his window wipers.

  Everyone in the car behind sighed and shook their heads.

  Back at the house, the sprinklers were still squirting streams of water on the grass. But no zombies had broken through. And again Jack, Emily, and Cameron reached the house first.

  “You took your time! Hurry up!” shouted Emily when Owen and the Impala finally pulled up and opened the gates.

  “You are just wrong. Both of you. How do you even function?” Owen asked, shouting out the window.

  Jack sniggered. “What is your major malfunction?”

  Emily sniggered too.

  Owen groaned. It was at times when they both acted like this that Owen really had to question their friendship.

  Everyone (except the Brookers) dragged their stuff into the house. They put away their masses of food and the second they were done, Owen flung four pizzas in the oven while Lucy and Grace made the biggest pot of pasta possible. And Daniel, as he often did, hovered around just happy to be with his friends. Jack and Emily, however, bolted straight upstairs with their haul and started ripping open the packaging and plugging chargers into sockets. And when everyone else appeared in the Fort Room, the Brookers were screaming at each other.

  “Christ, what now?” asked Owen as he sat down near them, but not near enough to be caught in the middle of the two.

  The Brookers both looked furious as they swung their hand-held games consoles in the air.

  “She’s a fucking cheater is what!” Jack screamed.

  Emily’s whole body shook in rage, “Go fuck yourself! I didn’t cheat! You’re just a pissy looser!”

  “Bullshit you didn’t cheat!” Jack raged, “There’s no way you got a critical fucking hit with that move!”

  Emily rammed her hands into Jack’s arm and shoved him with all her might, “I swear to all the fucking Gods, Jack, I will critical your fucking face!”

  Grace, who was stood at the back carrying a hot pot of pasta shouted, “That’s enough. Stop acting like children and be quiet and eat this. Or have you both forgotten why we just risked our lives leaving this house?”

  Emily glared at Grace.

  Owen slid himself out of the way of the verbal onslaught he knew was coming.

  “Fuck you, Grace! We didn’t risk our lives so don’t be all high and mighty and overly fucking dramatic!” Emily said, “I mean, that was actually easier than a normal fucking shopping trip. In fact, so far the worst thing of all this is this idiot not playing fair and you thinking you’re better than the rest of us!”

  “Fucking hell!” wailed Jack as he turned bright red, “Why do you have to be such a bitch to everyone around you? Lay the fuck off her, Emily! I’m fucking warning you, you piece of shit!”

  “Just fucking make me! Come on!” Emily thrust her arms out to her side, “I fucking dare you! Give me an excuse to prove just how big a bitch you are. Come on!”

  Jack roared out before saying: “How in the fuck did I end up trapped in the apocalypse with you? I’d rather take my fucking chances with them out there!”

  “On you go then!” screeched Emily as she turned equally as red, “Run away, like usual!”

  Oh, that one got to him. “In fact, no!” he snarled, “I’m not giving you the fucking satisfaction! You really want to be free of me that much, then off you fuck!”

  “Fuck you!”

  “Fuck you!”

  “Fuck! YOU!”

  But then Cameron started giggling. Owen looked over at him. He was hunched forwards laughing into his hand.

  “Sorry.” Cameron managed to say as his whole body jerked with each laugh.

  Emily swapped her face of murder to one of delight and also let out a little chuckle.

  From the corner of the fort room, Lucy made a noise that sounded like a pig snorting and covered her mouth with her hand.

  Then everyone joined in the giggles. It was an infectious laugh and spread through all of them. Assaulting them till their sides pulsed in pain and tears streamed from their eyes. They laughed and once they had some control of their bodies, crammed food down their throats.

  Owen, Cameron, and the Brookers all shouted at each other as they played on a console each. They screamed death and maiming threats and while the Brookers glared and meant every threat they made, the other two smiled and laughed. Thick cigarette smoke swelled in the room and stung Daniels eyes so he left and went for a swim. He did lap after lap while the only responsible people in the house tidied up. Once Lucy and Grace had finished cleaning, they joined Daniel. Not for a swim, but they sat down and dangled their feet in the water
and watched the bright sun outside as it started to slip behind the thick trees in the garden. Luckily for them, the bookcase and chest of drawers blocked their view of rotting corpses sizzling away under the garden sprinklers. And even from there, they could hear the four upstairs screaming and shouting at each other.

  Lucy rolled her head and ran her hand along her scalp and through her hair. “See as annoying as they are, I’m so glad we have them. They just know what to do and don’t seem scared or anything. You know?”

  “Bastard! I will END you!” came the voice of Emily.

  Grace nodded, “I know. It’s just like a normal day for them.”

  “Err, maybe not a normal day, Grace.” said Lucy.

  Daniel swam towards the two girls and placed his arms on the cold floor beside them, “Can I ask? Is it just me or does it kind of feel like them and us?”

  Grace sat forwards, “What do you mean?”

  “Well,” said Daniel, “it just feels a bit like they’re on one side, and we’re on the other.”

  Grace tugged at her scarf.

  “No.” said Lucy.

  “The fuck? Just twat off!” came the voice of Jack.

  Lucy smiled a little and splashed her feet in the water gently.

  “How come?” Daniel asked.

  “That’s just who they are. They read comics and play video games and fight over the plots to movies. I think that’s why they all get on so well. I mean, Emily and Jack have known Owen for twenty years. So maybe it is a bit us and them, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. We just aren’t as nerdy as them, that’s all.”

  “You really think so?” Grace asked.

  “No! Just NO!” came the voice of a livid Owen.

  Lucy nodded, “I do. I mean, if we walked up there now and asked to join in, they would get that stupid excited way they get and start telling us the rules. Most of which will be rules of their own creation. And then they will no doubt get in a fight with each other but that’s not the point.”

  “Ha-ha! Fail!” came the voice of a smug Cameron.

  Daniel laughed a little. “I guess so. I mean, back home that’s all Cam does. He just reads and plays games and stuff. It’s a bit weird, I think.”

  “That’s all they do.” said Grace.

  Lucy placed her hands on the cold stone behind her and shifted her weight through her arms. She flopped her head back and looked up at nothing in particular. But she thought about what she had just done. She, the failed dentist had just broken into a shop, stole food, and killed things that cannot exist!

  “God. Can you believe we’ve only been here for a week? Feels like months.” she said.

  “No! How are you doing this?” came the voice Emily.

  “I’m actually really proud of us for that.” said Daniel, “We don’t have a clue about any of this zombie stuff, but look at us. We totally raided a shop and killed things and stuff. We’re doing really well at this.”

  “Ha! Bitch slapped!” came the voice of Owen.

  “That we are, Daniel.” said Lucy.

  “Because I’m just a better person than you.” came the voice of a still smug Cameron.

  Day Eight

  This had started as a brilliant day. The survivors hiding in the Fort Room had masses to eat and were safe. Which is not a lot those caught in any form of disease orientated outbreak are ever able to say. That morning, the four playing games the night before, played games again. They hacked and stabbed at each other with their virtual avatars and had a wonderful time of it. Daniel even attempted to join in, but it was all a little too complicated for him, so instead he just hovered over Emily’s shoulder and shouted eager words of excitement. Lucy and Grace chatted inside the three-walled book fort about the things they missed and the things they would never miss again. They spent the morning grinning, giggling, and enjoying listening to their friends spout venom at each other. There was, however, a short break from their enjoyment so the gang could drag the almost gelatinous corpses from the garden and onto the street. And the human remains just fell apart as soon as they were handled. But after three hours of dragging bodies and then cleaning slime of themselves, they got back to their fun.

  It was around the middle of the afternoon now. Jack wandered away for a toilet break and while at it decided to steal Owen’s chocolate bar. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. The little bulb illuminated all the food inside. There was so much green, red, and yellow. Lucy had slyly taken a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables for them. She figured that the world would soon run out of real food so decided to take them while they were still edible. Jack twisted his face in disgust at the sight of food with nutrients, pushed them aside, and rooted around for the chocolate. He nabbed it and started to close the door. But something caught his eye. Pink and lime, eclectic and jagged shapes on a round metal surface. Jack leaned forwards and picked up the can of Moonshine.

  “Huh, forgot about this.”

  As he walked up the stairs, Jack ripped open the wrapper of the chocolate with his teeth and crammed it into his throat before stuffing the evidence into his back pocket. Then he sat down with his friends and picked up where he left off.

  Owen looked at the garish can in disgust, “I can’t believe you like those things.”

  “What?” Jack asked.

  “Energy drinks. They’re just liquid sugar.” said Owen, still looking in disgust.

  “Mate,” Jack cracked open the can lid, “you like those shitty instant noodles. Don’t have a go at me.”

  “Yeah but still, that stuff’s just rancid.” said Owen.

  Then Jack took a sip, “Oh that’s nice. And no, you don’t get any!” he barked at his sister who had been creeping towards him. “Besides everyone was talking about it and it was only fifty pence. Fancied trying some.” Jack took another drink, but a long one this time. “Seriously, this is great! I’m totally stealing some of this next raid we do. Might even try to use them as a sponsor or something.”

  “Really, Jack?” said Cameron, “You’re thinking about making money now?”

  “Yeah.” said Jack, “Need to make sure I’m prepared for when the world goes back to normal.”

  Emily placed a cigarette in between her lips and started feeling herself for a lighter, “If you want to be, like, prepared or whatever then we really should’ve started collecting bottle caps.”

  Owen chucked a lighter at Emily and laughed along with Cameron and Jack.

  “I know!” said Jack, “Wait. Don’t you have a stash at home?” then he took another drink.

  “Do you?” Cameron asked with the most condescending look he had ever given Emily.

  “No…” Emily said without looking away from the pixels in her hands.

  Jack laughed into his can before taking another drink.

  Owen shook his head. “It’s a mystery to me how you haven’t ended up with a heart attack by now with all the shit you put in your system.”

  “Meh.” said Jack with a shoulder shrug.

  Cameron stuck out his hand, “Let’s try some?”

  Jack looked down on the disrespectful person who dare ask for a drink, “No!”

  “Don’t be a dick!” Cameron said.

  Jack swung up his hand and downed the rest of the can in one go, “Oh no. It’s all done. Sorry, dude.”

  “Why are you actually such a fucking dick bag like, all the time?” Emily asked and punched Jack on the arm.

  “Oww! You’re such a crazy bitch! And I’m like this because I need to put up with you!” Jack shouted as he rubbed his sore spot.

  “Eurgh! Whatever. We good to get back to it?” Emily asked.

  Nobody said anything but they continued to play. They all did their thing for about three hours when Lucy started shouting at everyone.

  “Guys! We need to go downstairs! Says here they found the cause of all this and they’re announcing it on the news in ten minutes!”

  “Why wouldn’t they just put what the cause is on the internet if they kno
w?” Cameron asked.

  “Says here,” said Lucy as she ran her fingers down her phone, “that they aren’t sure who still has internet access so want to reach as many people as possible.”

  “That makes sense.” said Daniel and he stood up and left.

  Everyone followed him to the living room and while Jack sat perched on the coffee table everyone else sat on the floor. Owen scooped up the remote from the floor and flicked on the television. Mortimer ran in and curled up in a ball inside Owen’s outstretched legs and started getting petted.

  The round, moustachioed man had been replaced with a middle-aged, broad man in a suit with sleeked black hair and an orange hue. Clearly, thought Owen, that was a fake-tan attack that had gone horribly wrong. The orange, oily man shuffled around pieces of paper in his hands for no purpose other than to look busy while he waited for people off screen to tell him to go.

  “You think he knows that this is on already?” Lucy asked.

  Cameron shook his head, “I’m pretty sure if he did, he would be talking right about now.”

  Lucy scowled and threw a pillow at Cameron.

  “Thanks.” said Cameron with a smile as he shoved it under himself and defeated her anger.

  The man onscreen looked offscreen, nodded a few times, pointed at himself, shuffled around those papers again, nodded, and finally started talking.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen of Great Britain; it has been eight days since the outbreak and in that time millions across the globe have suffered. We have received word that the cause of this is something widely known, and we will have that information in a few minutes time. But for now, the military have asked me to say a few words. They greatly apologise that they have not rescued all of you yet. They have taken many to safety but the infected now far outweigh the living and this has been difficult for them. They also need to screen each and every survivor they find to ensure that the outbreak does not spread -”

  “He looks a bit greasy, doesn’t he? Like, if we do get rescued I don’t want to share a cabin or whatever with him.” interrupted Emily.

  The boys shushed her, but the girls nodded with a face of dire agreement.