To Build a Vow

by Chencia C. Higgins

  “Hold up.” I know this topic was a sensitive one, but I wasn’t going to let her paint Lisa in a bad light. “Lisa doesn’t just take without giving in return. She gave me the greatest gift I could have asked for. Did you forget about your favorite grandchild?”

  “Ja’mya is my only grandchild and, of course, I didn’t forget about her. I love my cocoa baby.” She folded her arms across her chest and sat back against her plush office chair. “But tell me this; besides making you a father, what else does she do for you? What does she give to you? I know what you do for her; hell, everyone in the city sees what you do for her. I can’t tell you how many women come to me and tell me that they have a daughter who would make an excellent wife for my unappreciated son.”

  My jaw hung open as I stared at her. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Wait a minute. Why would they assume I am unappreciated?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “You haven’t been telling people that Lisa wouldn’t marry me, have you?”

  She lifted her chin in the air, similar to how my daughter had half an hour earlier. “I may have mentioned it to a few of my girlfriends. I don’t know if Sandra told anyone, however. Or if your father told DB.”

  I rubbed my hands over my bald head and dragged them down my face. By “a few of her girlfriends”, I could only assume she meant all of the ladies in the entire church she and Pops where faithful parishioners of. And if my aunt Sandra, my mama’s twin sister, knew, then her husband, my uncle Charles, had surely told all of his Mason buddies.

  My head began to throb as an ache formed in my left temple. The whole damn city probably knew that my marriage proposal had been rejected. The only comfort I could take was that surely DB was the only one whose lips were sealed tighter than Fort Knox. He wasn’t one to gossip. In fact, if my father had told him about all of this, he would have undoubtedly come to me with a speech about how women weren’t shit and how I could save myself the heartache by keeping them at arms’ length.

  “You’re telling me that all of these years, your friends and who knows who else have regarded me as the poor boy who got rejected?”

  “No…not all of these years. I only decided to mention it after the last time.”

  I sat up in my seat and stared at her. “What do you mean ‘the last time’?”

  Her eyes widened slightly, and I realized that she hadn’t meant to let that last part slip out. “Oh, um—”

  “Ma…”

  “Shit!” She sighed. “Back in 2015.”

  The throb in my head turned into a full-blown pound. “Ma, how do you even know about that time? I didn’t tell you about it.” There was only one way she could know, and I was praying that she didn’t say what I thought she was going to say.

  “Jereth told me.”

  I shot out of my seat, curses spewing from my lips.

  “Jeremiah.”

  Her voice held a note of censure but at this moment, I would not be rebuked. I can’t believe my own brother would do this to me. Jereth and I were what folks called Irish twins because we were born less than a year apart and because of that, we were as close as brothers could be. He was the only one who knew how many times that I had unsuccessfully proposed to Lisa. For him to tell my mama about even one of those times felt like the ultimate betrayal. Especially when I had never breathed even a hint of his secret to a single soul. Hell, I can’t believe my mama sat on this information for nearly three years without spilling one word of it.

  Oh, right.

  She did spill it. To everyone but me. And now I was the gotdamn laughingstock of the city. No wonder everyone was so fucking nice to me; they probably felt nothing but pity for the poor Hawkins boy who couldn’t even get one woman to marry him, even after getting her pregnant. Fuck!

  “Ma, why would you tell anyone about that? That wasn’t the type of news that needed to be shared.”

  She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “I was simply looking for some advice on what to do. I was hoping to get an idea on how to light a fire under your ass and guide you in the right direction. One which your happiness was the destination.”

  I lifted my head and peered at her. “Are you telling me to break up with Lisa?”

  She shook her head adamantly and waved her hands in the air as she spoke. “No, boy! I’m telling you to stop being passive! You’re too nice, but because you’re head-over-heels in love with that girl, you don’t see it.”

  “I…”

  “You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to think about what I’m saying.”

  “Ma—”

  “You heard me, Jeremiah. Now gon’ out and send my cocoa baby in here so I can love on her.” She shooed me with her hands and picked up a sheaf of papers from her desk, effectively dismissing me.

  I stood, feeling a little disoriented from her barrage of questions that I hadn’t had a chance to answer. I left her office and passed my own to do as she said, ensuring that Ja’mya turned off the television and put the remote back in its caddy before abandoning the living room for the comfort of her grandmother’s arms. Once she was gone, I shuffled into my office and dropped down into my chair, cradling my head in my hands.

  Was I too nice?

  Was it my fault that Lisa didn’t want to get married?

  Was I my own worst enemy?

  I cursed. I’d gone to my mama for advice about a work issue and she’d launched an attack. Not even a well-thought-out one at that. What kind of man would I be to make a woman marry me? The same kind Sabrina Hawkins would condemn and disown in a heartbeat. That didn’t even sound like something worthwhile or rewarding. If you had to force someone to marry you, not only were you lame as hell, but you were a piece of shit. Straight up.

  No, that wasn’t me at all. Lisa was against getting married, and I had to live with that. If I couldn’t live with it, I could leave.

  But the truth of the matter was that I would never leave, and try as she might to deny it, my mama knew that. I would be Lisa’s boyfriend for the rest of my life before I left her—the woman who held my heart in the palm of her hands—and our daughter behind. It just wasn’t something worth risking my family for.

  I love Lisa, and a ring didn’t—wouldn’t—change that.

  Chapter Three

  Lisa

  The welcome party that greeted me when I exited the baggage claim warmed my heart. Jeremiah and Ja’mya stood together, holding up a sign that read “Welcome Home Ms. Sutton!” in bright pink letters with pictures of airplanes and masquerade-style masks glued onto it. You would think I had been gone for three months instead of three days. As soon as my baby girl saw me, she dropped her end of the sign and ran toward me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.

  “Hey, Mommy! Welcome home.”

  I pressed a kiss to the cheek of my preteen, whose brown eyes I could stare into forever. “Thanks, baby. Did you miss me?”

  She nodded and shifted to my side with one arm around my waist so we could continue moving forward and out of the way of the rest of the passengers coming out of the baggage claim.

  “Yes, ma’am. Did you bring me anything?”

  I laughed and pursed my lips briefly. “How can you say you missed me when the first thing out of your mouth is ‘Did I bring you anything’? How does that work Ja’mya?”

  She smiled sheepishly and shrugged those slender shoulders of hers. “I was just asking, Mommy.”

  Shaking my head, I squeezed her to me. “Mmhmm.” Of course, I’d brought her something. I was incapable of going anywhere without finding a gift that I thought she would love. This time, it was a collection of colorful bangles that caught my eye. They were a great way to add some variety to the navy-blue and white school uniform she wore daily. Although the bangles were in my carry-on bag instead of my suitcase, I would wait until we got home to present them to her.

  We reached Jeremiah, and I smiled up at the man whose genes were so strong, my own family had questioned whether or not I had a hand in Ja’mya’s cr
eation. His full lips were curved into a smirk as he watched me rake seductively over his body. Unless he was working, Jeremiah always dressed casually. He wore a black t-shirt with the Hawkins Realty logo printed across the front in red letters, dark gray cargo shorts and black and red canvas tennis shoes. The shirt stretched across his broad chest and hugged his biceps, revealing muscles that received regular attention, thanks to his thrice-weekly gym visits. The shorts stopped just above his knees, and I eyed his defined calves and smooth ankles. His feet were shoulder-width apart, and his arms hung at his sides with his hands hiding in his pockets. He just stood there, relaxed, as my greedy eyes drank him in. Good God, this man was so fine. When I finally lifted my gaze to his face, my eyes met his, and I bit my lip at the heat I saw in them. It was a powerful feeling, knowing I put that look there, that I could still put that look on his face, even after all of these years.

  He removed his hands from his pockets, and I released the handle of my rolling suitcase and removed my arm from Ja’mya’s waist. He spread his arms wide, and I stepped forward into his warm, welcoming embrace. Jeremiah bent down and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling my body flush against his. Without saying a word, he pressed his lips to mine and showed me just how happy he was to see me. His mouth and tongue moved against mine, slowly and intentionally, devouring my exhaustion and filling me with renewed energy.

  The sound of someone clearing their throat behind me popped the bubble that had formed around Jeremiah and me. After one last kiss, I leaned back slowly, a satisfied grin on my face. This man was absolutely going to get the business when we got home.

  “Hey.”

  He dropped a hand from my waist and squeezed one of my rear cheeks. “Hey.”

  “Okay, you two. We’re in public. Y’all can save all of that kissy face shit until you get home.”

  I turned my head and glared at Trisha, who stood to my left with one arm wrapped around Ja’mya’s shoulders. She winked at me teasingly before acknowledging Jeremiah.

  “Hey, J.”

  Jeremiah smirked and lowered me back to the ground. He walked over and hugged my best friend to his side. “What’s good, T? Y’all have a good time down in the H?”

  Trisha nodded. “Just barely. We managed to enjoy ourselves despite Candice’s raggedy cousin trying to ruin our trip.”

  “Wait a minute.” Jeremiah frowned and glanced my way. “Tried to ruin your trip? What’d she do?”

  Trisha exhaled loudly. “She just complained the whole time and was generally being an asshole.”

  I slapped my hands on my hips. “So you’re just going to keep on cussing like my baby is not right there, huh?!”

  Trisha looked down at my daughter and smiled. Ja’mya’s eyes were bouncing back and forth between the three of us as if she were watching a tennis match.

  “My bad lil’ J. Unlike ya mama, I know you’ve heard these words before, but you better not let us catch you using them. Ya hear?”

  Ja’mya nodded. “Yes, ma’am.

  Trisha looked over at me with a smug expression on her face, and I curled my lip, mugging her in return. Jeremiah laughed and walked over, wrapping me in a bear hug and placing a kiss on the side of my neck.

  “Don’t act like that,” he whispered in my ear.

  I shivered at his proximity and the feel of his warm breath dancing against my skin. I couldn’t do anything but nod. That was the effect he had on me. He stepped back and grabbed my suitcase.

  “Are we good to go?”

  I looked around. “Trisha, where are Candice and Fallon?”

  Trisha rolled her eyes. “Girl, you ran off the plane so fast that you missed it. Fallon got into an argument with one of the stewardesses. She was hollering and raising hell.”

  My eyes bucked. “About what?”

  With a shrug, Trisha shook her head. “I have no idea. One minute, I’m a person behind you; the next, I hear screaming and I turn around to see Fallon going off about only God knows what. Candice looked so embarrassed. She told me to just go ahead and let you know that she would see you tomorrow.”

  My mouth hung open. “WOW. That’s crazy.”

  “She’s crazy,” Trisha amended.

  I nodded in agreement and the four of us exited the airport. While Jeremiah had dropped both me and Trisha off, Candice and Fallon had ridden to the airport together, so if Candice said she’d see me tomorrow, that meant I didn’t have to wait for her to come out of the terminal. Jeremiah opened my door and assisted me with stepping up into the raised cab of his truck.

  Once we were all settled into Jeremiah’s pickup truck and on the road back to Pine Bluff, Mama Sari’s words flitted to the forefront of my mind. Jeremiah had switched on some music, and Ja’mya was chattering away about the sleepover she’d had with my cousin’s daughter, but I couldn’t focus on either because my mind had drifted to the backroom of that candy shop in Houston.

  There is a tragedy on your horizon.

  I lifted my hand to my neck and tugged on the collar of my t-shirt. I’d be a fool to listen to that woman. Everyone else’s reading had something to do with love except mine. Well, mine and Fallon’s, but I didn’t count her because she got on my last nerve. She’d even found something to complain about at the restaurant we went to after the palm reading. I told Candice that if she ever again tried to invite her cousin to go with us on another trip, that she (Candice) would be banned for life. Honestly, even Fallon’s read seemed to deal with love, wanting something that belonged to someone else automatically brought to mind a man. My reading was the only one that was scary.

  Death looms near.

  I shuddered.

  “You’re cold?” Jeremiah reached over and switched the temperature controls from cold to hot and aimed the vents at me.

  I couldn’t tell him the real reason that caused my shiver, so I murmured a “Thank you” and wrapped my arms around myself. Thinking about this mess was going to drive me crazy. I needed to just put it out of my head and pretend that it never happened. That stuff wasn’t real and even if it was, it was probably demonic. Nope. There was no room in my life for the confusion that reading had brought me. Like Trisha had said that night, Jesus was my homeboy and we don’t get down like that. It didn’t matter if my church visits were usually limited to Easter and Christmas and I kept my prayers to a simple thanks before eating.

  “Did you have a good time?”

  Jeremiah’s question thankfully pulled me out of my dark thoughts.

  “Of course, babe. There was so much going on this weekend that we hardly spent any time at the hotel. Oh! And thank you for putting us in a suite for the game. I can’t believe you did that.”

  He reached across the center console and grabbed my hand, threading our fingers and lifting it to his mouth to place a kiss on my knuckles.

  “You’re more than welcome. I know you don’t really watch professional basketball, so I figured you would have a more enjoyable experience in private with all of the amenities.” He winked at me. “And I’m sure the food and wine didn’t hurt.”

  I laughed. “No, that didn’t hurt at all.”

  We fell into a comfortable silence, and I realized that Ja’mya hadn’t spoken for at least five miles. I glanced into the back of the cab and smiled when I saw her slumped over, her head in Trisha’s lap as she snored lightly. Trisha was leaning against the window and she seemed to had fallen asleep as well.

  A half an hour later, we pulled up in front of the three-bedroom house that Trisha rented. I reached back and tapped her knee to wake her up. Her eyes flew open, and she stretched in her seat before gently sliding Ja’mya’s head off of her lap and onto the seat. She climbed out of the truck and took the suitcase from Jeremiah that he had pulled from the bed of the truck. I jumped out and rounded the front of the truck to meet her at her front door.

  “See you later, T.”

  Trisha waved at Jeremiah and allowed me to pull her into a hug.

  “Despite the nonsense, I had fun thi
s weekend.”

  Trisha nodded and stepped back. There was a contemplative look on her face as her gaze drifted behind me then back to my face.

  “Are we going to talk about the palm reading at all?”

  My chest rose as I sucked in a breath through my nose. “I didn’t plan on it. Pretending it never happened seems like way more fun.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “So, when she said ‘the path of inaction leads to despair’, that shit didn’t mean anything to you?”

  I exhaled sharply. “Not tonight, Trisha. We’ll talk about it later, but please, not tonight. I just want to enjoy my family and get some rest.”

  “How the hell can you rest knowing that one of the people in that truck right now might die soon?! Are you serious right now?”

  I glanced behind me to see if Jeremiah had noticed Trisha’s tone elevating. “Can you please shut up? Yelling isn’t going to fix anything right now, and honestly, what I really need to do is think this through. I have no idea what my plan is.”

  Trisha huffed and turned her back to me, shoving her key in the lock and throwing the door open. I followed her into the house and as soon as I closed the door behind me, she whirled around and poked me in the chest.

  “Let me tell you something. I’m not going to sit by and watch you do nothing except tell yourself that the reading wasn’t real. Those two people out there are my family too, and if one of them dies because you needed to ‘think it through’, I will never forgive you.”

  “Trisha—”

  “No! I will give you tonight, but tomorrow your ass had better give me the plan asaptually!”

  I wiped the few tears that had fallen during her tirade from my eyes.

  “That’s not even a word, Trisha.”

  “Lisa, I swear to chocolate Jewish Jesus in the manger on a balmy September night, I will fight you!”

  “Oh, really? And what are your plans concerning your read, huh? How convenient for you to focus all of your energy on me when you were given some very real news as well.”