To Build a Vow

by Chencia C. Higgins

  My eyes kept straying over to the notes while I completed my morning routine. I was caught off guard by their appearance, but it was a pleasant surprise. Lisa had been back home for about three weeks now and made a point to tell me every day how much she loved me. Before everything happened, that would have had me begging her to marry me again, but now, although it was good to hear, I didn’t know what to do with her declarations. It was as I’d told Ja’mya, love wasn’t enough.

  I felt like shit for thinking it, but I couldn’t help it. Lisa had saved my life; there was no way around that, but getting over how she’d hurt me was easier said than done. I was trying; I swear I was trying, but it was hard as fuck. Where did we go from here? Was I supposed to fall back into that same routine from before and be the doting father and boyfriend for the rest of my life, despite all of the shit she’d said to me? Crazily enough, the positive of this whole ordeal was that Lisa had now become more attentive, in and out of the bedroom, but even that was bittersweet. Would she have started doing this if I hadn’t skated past death? I doubted it.

  I was tired of over thinking this shit. I knew I loved Lisa and that I didn’t want to be without her, but something was holding me back. With the music switched off, I drove to work in silent contemplation. When I arrived at Hawkins Realty, I headed straight for my office. I crossed the room and immediately stopped short. Instead of pulling out my laptop and setting up, I stared at the postcard-sized envelope that sat in the center of the glass and steel desk. My name was scrawled across the front in that same flowing cursive that I’d read on my bathroom mirror not even an hour earlier. Moving slowly, I sat my bag on the floor by my feet and reached for the envelope, pulling it toward me, unsure of what I would find inside. It was a plain 3x5 notecard with a single sentence in the middle.

  I know you didn’t eat breakfast, so I prepared you something special.

  I looked around. There was nothing else out of place in my office, and I didn’t smell any food. It only took me a second to figure out that I needed to go to the kitchen. There were a couple of agents sitting at the table and talking over coffee and plates of donuts. I called out a greeting as I headed straight toward the microwave. Confusion overtook me at the empty appliance.

  “Check the oven.”

  I turned around to see Mary, one of the agents who’d been with my parents since the beginning of Hawkins Realty give me a knowing smile. She nodded toward the oven and returned her attention to her conversation. I opened the oven and the anticipatory grin on my face disappeared as my mouth dropped open in shock at what I’d found. I pulled out the plate and set it on the stove top, shaking my head in disbelief as I stared down at the broiled strip steak, poached eggs, and scalloped potatoes and onions. It was the exact meal Lisa had cooked for our first breakfast in the house. She’d said we needed to christen the kitchen with something fancy so that we’d always eat good in the house. At the time, I’d laughed and questioned her logic, but she just shrugged and equated it to kissing a loved one at midnight on New Year’s Day. Thinking back on it and all of the meals we’d shared in the house since moving in thirteen years ago, she hadn’t been wrong.

  Seeing this spread brought me right back to that feeling of hope for our future. I’d been so optimistic about what was up ahead for us. We had a baby on the way and had become homeowners in our mid-twenties. In a way, we were once again in that place. There was another baby on the horizon, this time a boy. Of course, I was ecstatic to finally hold the son I’d been longing for, but was it possible to be excited about the baby and simultaneously confused about the woman bringing the baby into the world?

  I carried the warm plate to the table and sat down, digging in with an intense focus. My brows lifted in delight at the temperature of the food. It wasn’t just warm—it was hot and tasted fresh, as if it had just been cooked. The kitchen didn’t have a heavy aroma of food so I wondered how Lisa had pulled this off since I hadn’t smelled food at home either. By the time I finished eating, Mary and John, the other agent, had left the kitchen. I washed the plate in the sink and, after drying it with paper towels, put it in the cabinet, and then returned to my office.

  I spent the next two hours planning and routing the order in which I’d be showing houses to my clients for the day. I was taking the pair of roommates to see five houses in the Watson Chapel area and hoped they’d decide on one they wanted to make an offer on. As I locked up house number three, it was obvious to me that the two of them needed to have an in-depth discussion on their wants and needs before looking at houses, but they insisted on seeing the last two, so I continued on. After coming out of the fifth and final house, I sent up a silent plea for patience as the two “best friends” stood in the driveway and argued. They were going at it so intensely, that neither of them noticed the mail delivery truck pull to a stop in front of the house, blocking the driveway.

  The house had been sitting empty for at least six months so I was confused why the mailperson was exiting the truck and coming toward the house with a large media envelope in his hands.

  “Hawkins?”

  The last thing I had expected was for my name to be called. I raised a hand in the air.

  “That’s me.”

  He handed me the envelope and turned to head back to the truck. I looked down and sure enough, my name was printed on the front sticker, along with the address of the house. What in the world?

  “Wait!” I called out. “How did you know I’d be here?”

  He shot me a grin through the window of the truck as he pulled his seatbelt across his chest. “Ms. Sutton is my son’s favorite teacher.” Then he sped off down the road.

  I hadn’t even realized that he hadn’t stopped at the other houses on the road before this one. I glanced behind me at the still arguing pair, then refocused on the envelope. In seconds I had ripped open the top and reached in to pull out its contents. My heart squeezed in my chest at the picture I held.

  I sat in a chair staring down at a newly born Ja’mya who was tightly swaddled in a hospital issued blue and pink striped blanket. The photo was taken from above, and although I still had hair at the time, it was clear from the thin spot at the top of my dome that I had already started to lose my hair. She had just been placed in my arms and I collapsed into the chair from the realization that I was a father. The moment I’d laid eyes on my daughter, I fell in love with her. And the love I had for Lisa quadrupled. I rubbed at my slightly misting eyes and chuckled. Lisa was beating me at my own game, but I wasn’t mad at all. In fact, I was humbled. She was pulling a “me” on me and it was working. As I was shifting the photo to the fingers on one hand so that I could fold the empty envelope in half, I noticed that there was something on the back. I turned it over.

  Meet me where your twin decided to start her arrival.

  My grin widened. That was an easy one. I turned to the pair and was surprised to see them staring at me.

  “Hey, I hate that you guys didn’t like any of the houses we saw today, but I can compile another round of listings for you by the weekend and we can get back out there as early as Sunday.” It was only Tuesday, but I hoped five days was enough time for them to come to a common ground. Luckily, they agreed and, after promising to call them by Saturday with a confirmation, we parted ways.

  I jumped in my truck and headed toward the hospital. I was halfway there when it hit me.

  Meet me where your twin decided to start her arrival.

  Decided to start her arrival.

  Lisa might have had Ja’mya at the hospital, but she went into labor while we were at my parent’s house for a barbecue. Hastily, I cut the wheel to the right and stomped the peddle to the floor. I was at my parents’ house in less than fifteen minutes. For a Tuesday afternoon, their street was oddly full of cars, but I thought nothing of it as I pulled my truck into the driveway behind Lisa’s sedan. As I stepped down and started up the path, my heart was beating frantically with anticipation. If I were being honest, I was nervous as hell. Th
is mini scavenger hunt more than peaked my curiosity. What could possibly be at the end of this thing? What was she planning?

  I was so deep in thought that I walked right past Lisa, who sat in an Adirondack chair under the shade of the tall pine tree in the front yard.

  “Jeremiah.”

  The way she sang my name caught my attention before I realized she’d even said my name. It was the easy lilt of her voice that called to me. Her honeyed tone spoke directly to the love I had for her in my heart and told my brain to stop moving and find her. The moment our eyes connected, I stilled. The look in her eyes seared me; there was a determination in their depths that held me captive, with one foot in the grass and the other on the pavement. I watched as she scooted to the edge of the chair and stood, crossing the yard to where I stood. Recently, I noticed that she’d started to waddle as she walked. More and more evidence of my son’s impending arrival became visible and my joy increased with each new piece.

  Finally, she was in front of me, so close, the tips of our shoes were touching but she didn’t say a word. I held up the picture she’d sent me.

  “I’m here.”

  The corners of her lips curved up. “I see. I’m glad.”

  “What’s this all about, Lee?”

  She grabbed my hand and took a deep breath. “This was me, reminding you of my love for you. I, um… well, I think that I had gotten so comfortable in our relationship that I started to take your love for granted. I took advantage of how easy you made things and I forgot that it took real work to build what we had. After I moved back home, I expected things to immediately go back to the way they were. I was expecting you to make it easy again.” She chuckled lightly and shook her head but I stood there silently. I didn’t know what to say, wasn’t sure I was even supposed to say anything.

  “I was forced to see that not only was I being selfish, but I didn’t deserve you. Not once did you treat me like the scum of the earth, which is how I was acting. I acted that way on purpose, and I promise, it was all an act, but still. You never bad mouthed me, not even to Sabrina, and even tried to protect the image that Ja’mya had of me. Then, to top it off, the moment you found out I was pregnant, you brought me home. Things between us hadn’t been resolved, and I didn’t even tell you about the baby myself, but you still made sure that I was taken care of. And you did all of this with disregard to your own feelings. You’ve been a saint, and honestly, I don’t know how you did it. What I do know, is that both Sabrina and—I hate to say this but—Candice were right. I don’t deserve you, I haven’t done anything to warrant the amount of loyalty you’ve given me, and I surely don’t know if I’d have handled things the same way that you did if the roles had been reversed.”

  My forehead was wrinkled in confusion. This speech of hers seemed counterproductive to the surprises she’d had for me all morning. It sounded more like she was trying to convince me to give her up. Still, I said nothing while she continued.

  “But. I love you with everything inside of me and even beyond that. Mama Sari had warned me that the person I loved more than myself was the one in danger, and if that isn’t a testament to my feelings, I don’t know what is. You said you forgive me, but I want you to know that I have every intention of showing you how much I appreciate and love you, for a very long time. In fact, to guarantee that I have an unlimited amount of time to both love on you and ensure that you never question the depth of what I feel for you ever again, I think we should get married.”

  I blinked rapidly at that last part. She what? I couldn’t have heard her correctly, but her expression was hesitant and hopeful, and I was even more confused.

  “Run that by me one more time?”

  She chewed her bottom lip momentarily, then, “Meet me at the altar in your white tux.”

  Any other time I would have laughed at her uncanny ability to perfectly insert song lyrics into a conversation, but this was no laughing matter.

  “Why now?” A voice in the back of my head was screaming that I should shut up and agree, but I was tired of doing that shit. I needed answers to my many questions.

  “Well, like I was saying, Baby, I love you so much and I want you to know that, without a doubt.” She looked confused. More than likely, she expected me to jump at her offer with a resounding yes.

  I heard what she was saying, but I still couldn’t make it connect in my mind. As far as I knew, Lisa was vehemently opposed to marriage. She may not have ever put it to me like that, but I was smart enough to pick up the obvious puzzle pieces she left for me. Multiple proposal rejections were huge pieces. So why now? What had changed?

  “Is this because of Candice?”

  She jerked her head back from me. “What? Why would you even ask that?”

  I rubbed my jaw, yeah, that had to be it. “Mya told me that you know about Candice kissing me. I’m just wondering if this sudden desire to marry me has something to do with that. Are you just trying to keep her from trying to come for me again? Ya know since you said we’re single if we ain’t married?”

  With something that sounded like a half gasp, half sob coming out of her mouth, Lisa dropped my hand and fisted my polo shirt above my pecs in her hands.

  “J, please! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I didn’t mean that! I love you! I’m in love with you! I know that I’ve said no in the past, but these past few months were a revelation for me. I can’t live without, J! I was miserable when we were apart, but when I thought I’d lost you permanently, a part of me died too. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life, and I don’t want to waste it by saying ‘No’ to something I want, just because I’ve been calling myself a feminist since I was sixteen!”

  I searched her eyes and found nothing but sincerity. “You’re serious.” She nodded, face wet with tears. I hated to see her cry, especially since she was pregnant.

  “Okay.”

  “Really?” She probably didn’t even realize how tightly she was pulling my shirt.

  “Yes, really. I’ll marry you.”

  A heavy, relieved exhalation sounded. “Oh my god. I’m so glad you said yes.” She pushed up on her toes and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. When she flattened her feet, she grinned at me. “I would have been really embarrassed if I’d had to tell everyone you turned me down.”

  I quirked a brow. “You told people that you were proposing to me?” It wasn’t wholly crazy but it was definitely unexpected. I guess she wanted me to know that she didn’t plan to back out of our engagement. It’s harder to quit something when you have people expecting to meet you at the finish line.

  “Only the people who agreed to come to our wedding.”

  I smiled. “You’re already planning? I just said yes.”

  Lisa smirked. “Jeremiah, not only did I plan our wedding, I made it so all you had to do was show up and say ‘I do’.”

  I looked at her, disbelief and amusement causing me to shake my head. I felt like I was in an alternate universe. “Oh yeah? Well, since you have this whole thing under control, just tell me where and when.”

  She looked up at me. “How about here and now?”

  I started to chuckle, but something in her eyes, in her voice gave me pause. “What are you saying, Lisa?”

  “We ain’t gettin’ no younger, we might as well do this.”

  I stepped back and looked around. Jagged Edge aside, she had to be shittin’ me. Before I could think of something to say, Lisa cupped my cheek and guided my attention back to her.

  “In layman’s terms, what are we waiting for? If you’ll have me, we can do this thing right now.”

  Damn, she was dead serious. The determination she was exhibiting was so damn sexy. I thought about what she’d said. What was the point in waiting? I’d already agreed, and to be honest, I’d waited enough for two lifetimes. Something a lot like giddiness filled me and I wrapped my arms around her waist and turned my head to press a kiss to the inside of her wrist.

  “Okay.”

&
nbsp; “Okay?” Her eyes glinted with excitement.

  I nodded. “Yes. Let’s do it.”

  “Yeah?”

  I laughed. “Yes, woman!”

  Then she was moving faster than I expected, dragging me by the hand toward the front door and into the house. I was struck silent by the amount of activity taking place inside. There were so many people running back and forth, some with arms full of fabric, some carrying bouquets of flowers. When I realized what I was seeing, I looked down at Lisa in awe.

  Her smile was soft and a little nervous. “Go up to your room; they’re waiting on you.”

  I had no response. I made my way upstairs in a daze and opened the door to my childhood bedroom.

  “You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me!” I laughed to keep from crying at the sight. My father and brothers stood in my room, each wearing in a sharp black tux. Pops held a garment bag. Jer held a slim rectangular box, and Hawk held a shoe box. My chest tightened and I shook my head.

  Jer was the first to speak, stepping forward and clapping my hand, using it to pull me further into the room. “Get your sensitive ass in here, nigga!”

  I laughed but did as I was told, hugging each of them tightly. “I can’t believe you two are here right now.” It had been quite a while since all four Hawkins men were in the same place at the same time.

  Hawk grinned. “You know I couldn’t miss my bro finally tying the knot.”

  “Yeah, Lisa summoned our ass. She wasn’t hearing anything but a ‘Yes, ma’am, right away, ma’am’.”

  I laughed as Jereth pretended to stand at attention and salute. Yep, that sounded like Lisa. She liked to complain about how spoiled Ja’mya was, but she didn’t like to hear the word ‘no’ either.

  “That woman knew what she wanted and made sure that she got it.” I met Pops’ gaze and nodded, our last conversation on the matter immediately coming to mind. “Now, we were instructed to help you get dressed and get you to the backyard in exactly one and a half hours.” He lifted the garment bag. “Let’s get to work.”