A Little Beyond Hope

by Tracie Puckett

  I knew as well as he did that a little culinary creativity in his life would do wonders for his attitude, but I also knew my cousin well enough to know that he wasn’t going to budge. Christmas was a fluke; he made one batch of cookies and then swore off all things culinary again for the next three months.

  And just like Matt had given up the life he’d once meticulously planned out for himself, I’d long since given up hope that he’d ever tell me why. He’d dropped out of culinary school, trashed his dreams, and returned home with little explanation. All along I’d prayed that he would come around. There was a teensy-tiny part of me that hoped that maybe someday he would just forget whatever it was that had thrown him off course, and then he would slowly fall back into his old habits.

  “Pizza’s fine,” he said, tossing the remote onto the coffee table.

  I watched as he settled back into the spot on the couch, and just like he’d watched me earlier that day on the sidewalk, I studied him right then.

  Matt got a great deal of pleasure watching me squirm when he caught me in a lie. He enjoyed it far too much. And the problem I’d had with him lately was that Mattie’s whole life had become one big lie. He pretended he wanted to be there in Oakland. He put on this show like he didn’t care, like he’d made the decision all on his own. But he’d told me the truth at Christmas—or part of it, anyway.

  He dropped out of school because of a girl—the girl. And back then, and for the first time since he’d returned from college, I’d finally gotten a tiny piece of the puzzle. The girl he’d once loved and planned a future for had done something to fizzle his spark. She’d ripped his heart right out of his chest and left him feeling as hopeless as a person could feel. But all of that was before he’d spent a year away. Something had happened well after that year of separation.

  “Are you sure?” I asked, letting my finger hover over the speed dial. I’d always kept Giovanni’s on speed dial for pizza emergencies, but this wasn’t one of those cases that I was happy to call and place an order. Just like he’d pretended with everything else lately, Matt was simply pretending that he was okay settling for another meal of junk food and empty calories. “Mattie?”

  “Hmm?” he looked away from the static on the TV, and I widened my stare.

  “Are you sure?” I asked again. “Charlie went grocery shopping yesterday. I’m sure we could whip something up together.”

  “You need to stay as far away from my kitchen as humanly possible,” he said, expecting me to pretend I hadn’t just heard him say my kitchen.

  I finally gave up hoping that Matt would cave; I called the order in to Giovanni’s, smiling widely when the man on the other line promised our order in the next thirty minutes.

  The first fifteen minutes of our wait was painful. Matt wasn’t saying anything, just staring at the TV. I kept to messing with my phone for the better part of the wait. When the silence finally became too unbearable to stand, I set my phone aside on the arm of the couch and turned to face my cousin.

  “I’m calling bull,” I said.

  “What?”

  “You’re always forcing me to talk and tell you things I don’t want to tell,” I said. “Like earlier, out in front of Lonnie’s. You didn’t believe me when I told you why we were postponing the wedding. You saw through my crap, and now I’m seeing through yours. This pouty, aloof Matthew Little isn’t you. And I’m sick of it, so I’m calling bull. You’re full of crap.”

  “What are you talking about?” Matt dropped his head back on the couch and looked up to the ceiling.

  “Your life,” I said, turning to face him. I tucked my legs up beneath me and looked at him. “Your entire existence right now—everything you’ve done since you’ve dropped out of school—it’s all a sham.”

  “I’ve told you a thousand times that this is one topic that isn’t up for discussion,” he said. “I’m not going to talk about this.”

  “Except I don’t believe that you don’t want to talk about it,” I said. “Deep down, I think you’re dying to tell someone what happened. You’re tired of holding it in, sick of keeping it all bottled up inside.”

  “That’s wishful thinking.”

  “Okay, maybe it is. But imagine how much better you’ll feel once you finally tell me…or tell someone. Anyone.”

  “What exactly do you want to know?” he said. “You know I dropped out of school. You know I’m home. I already told you it was—“

  “Kara,” I said, thinking of the letter I’d found sitting on his dresser at Christmastime. “I know. But—”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know,” he said. “Don’t pretend you haven’t snuck in my room, found her letter, and read every word. You already know. If you’re looking for me to cry on your shoulder, then you’re sadly mistaken, Julie. I’m not going to do that. I’m over it.”

  I stared at him, hurt by the accusation. Yes, I had found the letter in his room—but I hadn’t snuck in. I hadn’t even opened it when I found it, in spite of my insane curiosity. Had I wanted to? Absolutely. But I knew my cousin would never forgive me if I stooped that low. I’d always hoped that, in time, he would finally come to me.

  “I never opened your letter, Mattie,” I said quietly, turning back to stare at the same warped screen my cousin was looking at. “I wouldn’t do something like that.”

  The house fell silent, and I couldn’t even hear him breathing next to me. Whether he was trying to break me with silence, coerce a confession out of me for something I didn’t do, or he felt like a jerk for the accusation, I couldn’t know. He wasn’t saying a word. The only thing that finally broke the silence was the soft pitter-patter of rain on the window.

  I waited for him to make some stupid remark about the rain; he’d sensed its arrival all day, but it seemed that our recent conversation had scared him away from making any unnecessary remarks.

  We sat and listened to the patter against the windows, and it slowly grew steadier with the next passing minutes.

  “You really didn’t read the letter?” he asked, his voice softer now than it had been in weeks.

  “No, Mattie,” I promised. “I really didn’t.”

  The doorbell rang, interrupting what I was certain had been the beginning of a heart-to-heart discussion. Matt and I both breathed a collective sigh of relief. He knew he was off the hook for the moment. As far as he was concerned, this conversation would have to wait until the next time my curiosity ran wild.

  I didn’t know why I was relieved when the bell chimed … maybe just because I was afraid that his demeanor would change dramatically, and this softer version of him would grow angrier. I didn’t want him to snap at me, turn into the person he’d once turned into when Kara had originally dumped him—a heartbroken drama queen.

  I jumped from the couch and pulled the money out of my back pocket. I swung open the door, only to have the wind knocked out of me at the sight of the person standing on the other side.

  How?

  How could the simple thought or mention of someone suddenly leave them standing on your front doorstep?

  I swallowed hard and took a deep breath before casting another glance out on the porch. Pizza in hand, hat on her head, and dressed in a Giovanni’s delivery uniform, Kara Bennington stood a little taller and lifted the box higher.

  “Kara?”

  “Julie,” she said, passing me the box. Her tone cut through me, reminding me of our final confrontation.

  She was supposed to be my friend. Once upon a time, we smiled together. We laughed. I told her things, and she opened her heart to me. Back when Conan Milton was on the run, Kara was forced into hiding simply because Uncle Charlie and Luke wanted to protect everyone I loved. At one point in my life, Kara was someone I’d loved...she was someone I’d trusted. And then one day she snapped; she broke up with Matt, and with the end of their relationship came the end of hers and mine. Friendship effectively over—and there was nothing I could do about it. Not that I wanted to anymore.

 
I threw a look over my shoulder to make sure Matt hadn’t noticed her standing at the door, and then I turned back to her. I opened my mouth, but she didn’t give me a chance to say a word.

  “Can we just get this over with? It’s awkward enough as it is,” she said.

  “Uh, yeah,” I nodded. “What do we owe you?”

  “Fifteen even.”

  I passed her the cash, along with a tip, and took the pizza.

  “Thanks,” I said, still feeling dumbfounded by the sight of her.

  The wind picked up as she started to turn away, and her hair blew wildly beneath her hat. The rain fell harder, starting to pour and pelt the ground.

  “Next time you’ll believe me when I predict the rain,” Matt said behind me, stepping up to take the pizza. And then he saw her. And at the sound of his voice, she turned back, and she saw him. And I swear there wasn’t a reaction from either one of them—no happiness, no anger, no contempt. All I could see was two blank faces staring back at each other.

  “Matt,” she whispered under her breath, and it was almost impossible to hear her voice above the whistling wind.

  Without a second thought or a moment’s consideration of what she could’ve wanted by uttering his name, Matt reached forward with his one free hand and slammed the door in her face.

  ###

  “Satellite’s out.”

  Matt settled back on the couch and rested the pizza box on the coffee table. He flipped the lid open and pulled a slice from the box, never seeming for one second that Kara’s presence on our front doorstep had fazed him for even a second.

  Still watching my cousin, I waited for some kind of response, but Matt kept chewing away and staring at the blank television screen. I tore my eyes away from him long enough to look at the door, but my gaze slowly trailed right back to him.

  “Satellite’s out?” I asked, still reeling by how quickly and unemotionally he’d slammed the door in Kara’s face. It didn’t seem fair, even if he’d somehow rationalized that it was. I couldn’t know for sure, but by the way her voice had broken at the sight of him, it was almost as if she had something more she needed to say. Whether or not that was true, though, I’d never know, because Matt hadn’t given her chance to utter more than just one simple word in his direction. “You just saw your ex-girlfriend—the love of your life, or so you would’ve had us all believe, and after all this time and everything you’ve been through, the only thing you can say to me right now is satellite’s out?”

  “What do you want me to say?” he asked, his question suddenly interrupted by a loud crash right outside the house. Deafened by the sound of scratching metal that followed, both Matt and I jumped from our seat on the couch and ran to the door. He didn’t have to say what he was thinking—he was worried for Kara, who’d only had enough time to make it to her car.

  Had she backed out and hit someone? Had someone collided with her? Something awful had to have happened, there was no doubt of that.

  The power died the moment we reached the door, veiling the entire house in darkness. Matt whipped open the door without second thought, only to find a pole had fallen on top of Kara’s car. Only feet away from the crunched hunk of metal she’d driven to the house, Kara stood staring in shock at the fallen power lines.

  “Kara, get back!” I screamed, but Matt didn’t waste a second to run to her aid. He ran out into the torrential downpour and swept her up, whipping her feet off the ground. He threw her over his shoulder and started back for the house. He stamped past me, carrying her through the front door. I ran in behind them and fought against the wind to close the door.

  “What’s going on out there?” I asked, looking out the window at the fallen pole. The wind began to howl, and the house creaked with each large blow it took.

  The rain only fell harder, and the wind only grew stronger. I didn’t have a clue why the bad weather had progressed so quickly, nor did I know how the wind had gotten so strong in only a matter of minutes. No matter what, though, I did know one thing: there were power lines strung across the top of Kara’s crushed car, and that was a potential danger to anyone and everyone nearby.

  I dug my phone out of my pocket to call Charlie.

  “Pumpkin,” he said after one ring. “Where are you?”

  “I’m at the house.”

  “Which house?”

  “Yours,” I said. “Ours. I’m with Mattie. Charlie, listen—”

  “No, I need you to listen, okay? The National Weather Service has issued a severe thunderstorm warning—damaging winds and the whole shebang. The entire area is under a Tornado watch. I need you and Matt to take cover. Get in the basement.”

  “Charlie, listen, please,” I begged. “Kara’s here. Her car’s trapped in the driveway; the power lines came down on top of it. We’ve lost electricity.”

  “Is she okay?” he asked immediately, suddenly dropping the uncle act and shifting into chief mode. I didn’t answer right away. The phone still to my ear, I’d turned to watch Matt drape a blanket over Kara’s shoulders. “Dammit, Julie, answer me. Is she okay?”

  “She’s fine,” I said, throwing a worried glance back out the front window. “A little shook up, but she’s fine. There’s no physical danger. We’re all okay.”

  “Do as I told you. Get in the basement, all three of you.”

  “Charlie, when are you coming home?” I asked, hearing the desperation in my voice. I don’t know when it was that I started panicking, maybe when I’d opened the door to find Kara had nearly been killed just moments after leaving our doorstep. But now that Charlie was throwing around words like thunderstorm and tornado, I had a hard time staying calm. I never did well in high-stress situations. “Charlie?”

  “Get in the basement and take cover. I’ll be in touch.”

  And then the line went dead. I turned to my cousin.

  “Charlie says to get to the basement and take cover. We’re under a tornado watch.”

  “Tornado?” Kara said, barely able to get the words out. “But I have to get back to—”

  “You have to stay here. I’m sure your manager will understand.” Matt said.

  “I have some dry clothes upstairs,” I said, looking to her wet shirt. “You guys grab some flashlights and candles. I’ll head up and grab her a quick change of clothes, and then we need to heed Uncle Charlie’s warning. Given the sound of the wind and the damage to Kara’s car, this storm isn’t something to take lightly. A watch can turn into a warning quickly. We need to get to the basement.”

  My cousin and his ex-girlfriend shot off into the kitchen at once. I headed for the stairs, taking the steps two at a time, and made it back up to my old bedroom. With Luke in and out of town so much lately, I’d taken to staying with my uncle and cousin a lot. Thankfully and fortunately for Kara, that just meant that I happened to have a lot of spare clothing lying around for occasions such as this one.

  I took the back staircase down to the kitchen, watching as Matt loaded a cardboard box with a small supply of nonperishable foods and candles. Kara stood nearby, holding her cellphone up to light the way.

  “Where are the flashlights?” I asked, and Matt nodded for a drawer at the farthest end of the kitchen.

  “Grab extra batteries, too,” he said, opening another cabinet. Kara remained close behind his heels, making sure he had a clearly lit view of what he was doing.

  I slowly made my way around the kitchen, retrieving the emergency stock of flashlights and batteries. Tossing all but one into the box on the counter, I headed for the back staircase again.

  “Where are you going?”

  I turned the flashlight on, shining it up the stairs. “I’m gonna grab a few blankets and pillows. We could be down there for five minutes or five hours. Either way, we should try to stay as comfortable as possible.”

  “Good thinking,” Kara said, and I nodded in thanks.

  I moved quickly to the second floor and found everything I needed in the linen closet next to Charlie’s master bedroom. Do
wnstairs again for the final time, I moved past my cousin and to the basement door at the back of the kitchen.

  The howling wind only grew louder, and Matt, Kara, and I shared a nervous look. By the way the wind and rain sounded outside, I wouldn’t have been surprised to look out and see a tornado headed straight for us. I’d never heard anything like it in all my life.

  “That doesn’t sound good,” Matt said.

  “Not at all,” I agreed. “Make sure we remember all the important stuff, guys.” I handed the linens over to Kara and returned to the living room to grab the pizza. “Okay, I’m good.”

  Matt rolled his eyes and nodded to the basement. “Come on.”

  I opened the door as wide as I could for him to maneuver the essentials box through, and Kara followed him down with the blankets and pillows.

  As I started to turn into the door, still clutching my box of Giovanni’s pizza, there was a large crash at the front of the house. I jumped back, letting go of an inadvertent scream.

  “Julie?” Luke yelled from the foyer. “Jules?”

  “Luke?” I said, stepping away from the basement door. The wind hit the side of the house with a screech and a loud blow. I could barely hear myself think. I stepped away from the basement and walked closer to the living room, finding Luke pushing against the front door to latch it shut. “What are you doing here?”

  He finally managed to seal the door, and he turned to me.

  “Basement. Let’s go,” he said, taking my hand and pulling me back in the same direction I’d just come from.

  “Luke, what are you doing here?”

  “No time for questions, Julie.”

  We started down the stairs, following the dim glow of light coming from the bottom of the steps. When the floor leveled out to the unfinished basement, we found Kara on the concrete floor, lighting the candles Matt had packed away in the box.

  Luke started ravaging through our supplies. “Food, blankets, pillows, candles, matches—”

  “What are you looking for, exactly?” I asked.