Against the Odds

by Brenda Kennedy

  Leah

  I stand by the bed and watch as Gracie sleeps. I smile at all of her facial expressions. She is my dream come true. Mom and Margie come in and spend the morning with us. Mom and I have lunch together in the cafeteria while Margie stays with Gracie. I stocked the nursery with a few bottles of breastmilk for Gracie, so she is in good shape. I’m thankful my breast milk is plentiful and pumping isn’t a problem. I am still amazed at how much milk I can get from pumping. With Jamie, I always worried she was going hungry, but not with Gracie.

  During lunch Mom says, “When Robert goes out to Vegas in a couple weeks, you can stay at the house with me if you’d like.”

  “Thank you, I actually was thinking about doing that. But then I decided I would stay at the hospital with Gracie. You know, have like a slumber party the few days he’ll be gone.”

  “That sounds like fun. Are you assuming she’ll still be here?” Mom asks.

  “I was. I didn’t even consider that she may be home by then.”

  “Well, we’ll see what happens. If she is home and you want help, I can stay with you.”

  “Let’s just plan on you staying with us, if Gracie is home by then. It’ll be easier to not move everything I need to your house for a few days.” I know Robert said he would be home the same day, but there is always the chance that something will happen.

  “Okay, sounds good. Nothing like a slumber party with my granddaughter,” she smiles. “And if she’s still in the hospital, we’ll plan on me staying here with you.”

  “Mom, you don’t have to do that…”

  Mom interrupts and says, “I want to. I know I don’t have to.”

  “Thank you.”

  We finish lunch and when we get to the nursery, there is loud beeping and commotion. I frantically look for Margie and Gracie. Margie is standing in the corner of the room holding the baby. I search the room to see what the problem is. When I see the medical staff is across the room, I know the incident is with the newest and smallest child brought in last night.

  N.I.C.U. is a small area with maybe 10 newborns. And because the babies are usually here for a lengthy stay, you know who’s here and you get to know them and their parents. Not personally, but you do have a bond with them that others don’t. We are all here against our will, praying for the best possible outcome for our children.

  I watch in horror as they use a small Ambu bag to breathe life into a helpless infant. They quickly and efficiently transport the incubator out of the room. I cry as they exit the room while performing C.P.R. on the baby. I don’t see any family members leaving with them.

  I rush over to Gracie and hold her tightly but gently. I kiss her tiny head and move my head side to side so I can feel her hair on my lips. Inhaling deeply I smell her unique hospital scent. It’s not Baby Magic, which I love, but it’s a clean and sterile smell. Gracie’s smell.

  “I… I… I don’t know what happened,” Margie stutters. “One minute I was singing softly to the baby, and then all these alarms went off. The nurses and doctors came running from all direction.”

  Mom comforts Margie and Gracie comforts me. I say a silent prayer for the very sick infant and I also thank God for watching over Gracie. Is it wrong to be grateful that it wasn’t my child?

  Mom and Margie leave and I continue to hold Gracie. They didn’t bring the baby back in. I try not to think about what that means. The other mothers and fathers visiting their child also look fearful. Nurse Amy is out today. I’m not sure I would ask her about the baby. I’m not sure that I really want to know. I’m happier living in my own clueless little bubble. I text Robert because I feel the need to be close to him.

  Leah: How’s your workout, Ace?

  Robert: It’s good. Is everything all right?”

  Leah: It’s good. Gracie’s wonderful and she misses you.

  Robert: I miss her, more. I’m showering now. I’ll be there soon.

  Leah: See you, soon. Be careful. I love you.

  Robert: Always, and I love you, too.

  I want to say to hurry, but I don’t. While I am waiting for Robert, I decide something. He won’t be happy with me or my decision, but my mind is made up. While Gracie sleeps I read, I pace, and I pray. My mind races with thoughts of Jamie, Madison, Gracie, and the baby who may or may not survive to see another day. The dark cloud comes closer; it looms, wanting to get ahold of me. Why me?

  I’m feeding Gracie when Robert walks through the door. He nods in the direction of some of the other parents. Some parents are attending to their child’s needs while others wait, just wait, for their child to get well enough to be taken off the ventilator or to be moved from their incubator. Whoever said that time stands still must have had a very sick child.

  I smile when I see Robert. He looks around the room before he makes his way towards me. “That didn’t take long,” I say, returning his kiss.

  He kisses Grace next, then says, “I caught a ride with Gus. I wanted to spend some time with my girls.”

  “I’m glad you did. We missed you.”

  When Gracie is done eating, I hand her to Robert. He positions her on his lap, cups her cheeks with one hand and pats her gently on her back. “Why do you burp her like that? She looks so funny when you squeeze her cheeks like that.”

  He laughs as he watches her facial expressions. “I burp her like this so I can see her. I can’t look at her if she is on my shoulder. And stop calling our daughter funny looking,” he teases. “Gracie, did you hear Mommy say you look funny?”

  I laugh, too. Gracie crinkles up her nose and begins to scream. Not a little dainty cry, but a full out bawling-your-eyes-outcry. “See Leah, you hurt her feelings,” he says as he puts her up on his shoulder. She calms.

  I continue to laugh. “I see now. It’s a conspiracy against Mom. Tomorrow Gracie and I will plot against Dad.”

  “My Gracie won’t stand for that. Will you, Gracie?” Robert coos.

  I love watching the interaction he has with her. My warrior husband is nothing but mush when he is with our daughter.

  I remember when Jamie was a baby and even in her toddler years, Robert would always refer to her as his Jamie. One night she was in bed and he was tucking her in. I was eavesdropping in on their conversation. He asked Jamie. “Whose girl are you?”

  “I’m your girl, Daddy.”

  I smiled as I listened to their conversation.

  “Who loves you to the moon and to the stars and back?”

  “You do, Daddy.”

  “Whose little girl will you always be, no matter how old you are?”

  “I’ll always be your little girl. I love you bunches, Daddy.”

  “I love you to the…” he begins to say.

  “Moon and stars and back,” she giggles. “I know, Daddy.”

  He kisses her and turns off her lamp before leaving. I wait for him outside of her bedroom door and say, “Is this a new form of brainwashing?” I stand on my tiptoes so I can see him eye to eye.

  “Is that what that looked like?” he asks in between kisses.

  “That is exactly what that looked like,” I say, kissing him back.

  He scoops me up and carries me into our bedroom. “I’m just reassuring her that she will always be my little girl.”

  “I thought I was your girl,” I tease.

  He shuts the door and lays me down on the bed. The tee-shirt that I am wearing — one of his —rises high on my thighs exposing my red lace panties. He smiles as his eyes travel up my body. He rips off his shirt and removes my shirt and panties before saying, “You are definitely my girl.”

  “Leah? Leah?”

  I shake my head to clear my thoughts, “Yes?”

  “You seem to be a million miles away. Are you all right?”

  “I’m wonderful, now that you’re here.”

  We visit with Gracie and I tell him about the incident with the baby being rushed out of here. I tell him they never returned and I’m worried. He reads Gracie a bedtime story and falls asl
eep soon after. I have to admit, this is my favorite time of the day. Listening to Robert change his deep voice to something calm and soothing. There is just something about a man who reads. There is nothing sexier than that.

  “I wonder if Brooke will ever write children’s books?” I ask.

  “I highly doubt it. Her romance books have really taken off. Dove told me she is writing another cliffhanger trilogy.”

  “I know. I spoke to her a few days ago. It still might be nice if she would do a children’s illustrated book.”

  I stand and kiss Gracie and Robert asks, “Are you ready to go home, Sweets?”

  I carefully place Gracie in her bed careful to not wake her. Robert bends down to kiss her. “I would like to stay here tonight.”

  “Does this have anything to do with what happened with the baby earlier?” he asks.

  “It does. I’m worried that something will happen to Gracie and we won’t be here,” I sadly admit. I look up at Robert so he can see the worry in my eyes. “I don’t want to leave her alone anymore. That little baby was alone today,” I whisper.

  He searches my eyes, “Being here with her will relieve some of your anxiety?”

  “It will.” I look from Robert to Gracie, who is sleeping peacefully. “If something happens I want to be here.”

  Chapter Five: Against the Odds

  Robert

  I know that if something happened to Gracie and she was alone, Leah would never forgive herself. Hell, I wouldn’t forgive myself either. “Let me talk to the nurse first, okay?”

  I walk over and speak to the on-duty nurse about the policy on staying the night. I also ask about showers and sleeping arrangements. When I have the information I need, I join Leah. “She said one parent can stay and that they have showers for you to use whenever you want."

  “Perfect,” she says, smiling.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  “I am. She’s gaining weight and hopefully it’ll only be for another week or two.”

  “How about we take turn staying? I’ll go home tonight and bring you a bag of clothes and hygiene items in the morning and I’ll stay tomorrow night?”

  “Are you afraid I’ll brainwash her before you can?” Leah teases.

  “That is exactly my fear,” I smile. She is referring to me referring to Jamie as Daddy’s girl.

  “Thank you. You know I love you, don’t you?”

  “I never doubt it,” I say my goodbyes to Leah and to Gracie before going home. It’s always hard to leave Gracie, but now I’m leaving Leah, too.

  I get to the main lobby and I see Drake Sinclair walking in through the large double doors. He is dressed in a black designer suit, crisp white dress shirt, and a black tie. He looks fresh like he is just starting his day, although it is 9:00 p.m. I watch as he stops by the hospital information desk, never taking his eyes off mine. When I pass by him, he nods but says nothing.

  When I get to my Hummer, I see a note on the windshield. It says. I’m onto you. No name and no signature. A knife is also stuck on my driver-side back tire. I go back into the hospital as I think about Sinclair and wonder if it could have been him. As I walk up to the information desk I smile at the young volunteer working. “Hi, I’m here to see my friend but I can’t recall the room number,” I lie. “Can you please help me?”

  “Last name?”

  “Sinclair.”

  I watch as she types something into the hospital database. “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any patients by that name. Maybe they’re at another hospital, perhaps.”

  “Perhaps," I say walking away from the desk. I call Bruce and ask him if he can meet me at the hospital. I don’t use the elevator, I take the stairs to the 3rd floor two at a time. I search the hallway of the 3rd floor searching for Sinclair and hoping I don’t see him. So help me, if I find out he is watching my wife and daughter, I will kill him with my bare hands. The N.I.C.U. doors are closed tightly. I don’t go in, I don’t want to alarm Leah.

  Gracie’s nurse comes out and she see me and smiles. “Decide to stay after all?”

  “I did, but I don’t want my wife to know,” I lie, again. “She’ll just send me home.”

  “Well your secret is safe with me,” she says walking towards the elevator. Good, I was planning on that. I walk the halls, and when I don’t see any sign of Sinclair I go back outside and wait for Bruce to come as I change my tire.

  When Bruce still isn’t here I decide to wait for him in the waiting area on the 3rd floor. I want to be able to watch Leah while looking out for Bruce. He walks out of the elevator and he looks exhausted. I stand up and extend my hand. “Thank you, for meeting me here.”

  “Not a problem. Sorry, it took so long for me to come. I was in the middle of a conference call.”

  “I didn’t realize you kept such late hours,” I joke. I sit down and he follows suit. I watch as he loosens his tie and removes his jacket. He is also dressed in a suit, but he doesn’t look as crisp as Drake Sinclair did just an hour ago.

  “I didn’t either up until very recently.” He smiles and says, “This must be important.”

  I tell him about running into Drake on my way out earlier, about the knife in my tire, and about the note on my windshield. He reads the note and asks to keep it. He tells me about his visit with Drake earlier and about his threats to expose me as being a junkie. I reassure Bruce that I used after Jamie’s death and I have been clean for over a year. I hoped that part of my life wouldn’t resurface again.

  “I put my investigative team to work on Drake Sinclair tonight.”

  “That was your conference call that I interrupted?”

  “It was. I had to finish it before I came over; that’s what took me so long to come. If Drake is hiding something, and I know he is, they’ll find it.”

  “I’m worried about Leah and the baby. I don’t want him around them. He's snooping around here for a reason.”

  “How much longer will Grace be hospitalized?”

  “Another week, maybe.”

  “I know this is personal, but how are your finances?”

  “Good. House and cars are paid off. We have money in the bank. My boxing career has proven to be a very lucrative income for us. Why?”

  “Have you considered hiring a full-time neonatal nurse for a few weeks when she is released? They could release Gracie and you can have a nurse at the house. It’ll help with any anxiety you may have with her being preterm.”

  “No, that never crossed my mind.”

  “Well, it’s something for you to consider.”

  “That is a brilliant idea.”

  “You can call Mason in the morning for a recommendation for a nurse. You’ll need two or maybe even three.”

  “Bruce, that is a superb idea. Thank you.”

  “I also think we should file a continuance for custody of Madison. Drake is one step ahead of us. It will take my team some time, but if Drake is doing something he shouldn’t, they’ll find it.”

  “I really hate to postpone the court date. I know Leah and I are ready to meet and get to know our daughter, Madison.” I stop and think about Drake and his anger. “There is no telling what he is saying to Madison about us.”

  “I don’t want to, either, but we can’t go to court with allegations that you are still using or that you have unresolved anger issues. Hence, the assault charges that he was able to find.”

  “That bastard!”

  “Another few weeks won’t matter much,” he adds.

  “Try telling Leah that.”

  We agree to the postponement. We also agree on me hiring a home health nurse for the baby and I reluctantly agree to letting Bruce handle everything. He wants to file a police report and a restraining order against Drake, but I refuse. I’ll handle Drake the next time I see him. I won’t interfere with Bruce’s work, but if Drake harasses my family, he’ll have to deal with me.

  Bruce leaves and I spend the night on the couch outside of the double doors leading to th
e N.I.C.U. Department. I text Dad in the morning and ask him if he can come to the hospital earlier than usual. When he arrives, he brings three coffees and breakfast for everyone. I tell him what happened and explain that I need a couple of hours to get everything arranged. I don’t have to tell him not to say anything to Leah, he already knows.

  I leave and call Mason. He gives me the name of a personal friend of his who happens to be a neo-natal nurse, Christina Badder. He tells me she has a home health care business and this is her expertise. I hang up and call her immediately. She informs me all of the nurses she employs have had an extensive background check completed and they are all very competent at their job. She adds that she used to work at Lakewood Ranch Hospital but decided to open her own business to help people like me and Leah. She also adds that some of her nurses work for her part-time while still working at the local hospitals.

  I shower and change into jeans and a tee-shirt. I text Gus, Dad, and Tim and cancel my training session for this morning. I can work out at home later on today. I gather Leah a change of clothing and some personal items I think she’ll need.

  Before I leave, there is a knock at the front door. A delivery truck is outside. I open the door expecting to tell them they have the wrong house when they announce a delivery for Leah Grether from Coconis Furniture. Her chaise lounge is finally here. Not that she needs it, but I know she’ll be glad to have it. Luckily it takes only a few minutes for them to set it up. Remove some cardboard and plastic and viola, a chaise lounge. Easy enough.

  When I get to the hospital, I park closer to the front than I normally would. I love my Hummer and I don’t like it when people stab at her tires.

  When I get upstairs, Dad is holding Gracie, who is screaming, while Leah and Dad are laughing. I’m glad to know my crying baby brings so much joy to her family. I kiss Leah and pick up Gracie. Her eyes are red and her lips quiver as she tries to stop crying. “Are they picking on Daddy’s girl?” I ask softly.

  “Here we go again,” Dad says, laughing while looking at Leah.

  Leah laughs, too, and says, “I told you.”

  “What?” I ask unknowingly.